suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Always Surprised – – –

on January 10, 2019

Yup, it’s true.  Even today I’m always surprised when someone refers to me as “strong” – and it’s usually not a compliment.  Growing up I would’ve never considered myself strong.  I would’ve considered myself obedient and pliable.  What my Dad said was the gospel.  What my Dad told us to do, we did.

As I get older, I can now reflect back on how he also made me a confident individual.  I don’t want to use “self assured” because many times that’s seen as a bad thing, but I learned to trust myself and trust my instincts.

Then I hit college . . .  then I fell in love.  All that trust just flew out the window.  “Smitten does not equal Smart”!

I embodied the term “Pleaser”.  For thirty years I tried to trust, I tried to please.  I kept re-inventing myself to make those around me happy and proud of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, because if I hadn’t had that experience, I would not have been able to come back to my roots and be the person I was meant to be.

Strong.

Several months ago, I accepted a dinner out with a couple who I adore, they are so cute and fun and “into” each other.  They had a single man friend that they wanted to introduce me to.  I was skeptical, I pretty much threw in the towel on “dating” in 2015, but hey – it was a Friday and it was Tex Mex.  Like . . . I’m gonna say no??

So I went.  Had fun with the friends, he showed up late.  Never a good beginning.  From the get-go, I could tell he was doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really interested.  That’s fine, I was there for the Tex Mex and my friends.  We talked sports, he and I went to the same University.  He knew I had season football tickets.  When a month later my friend asks me if it’s OK if she gives him my contact info, because he’s asked, I think . . . he didn’t appear to be really into the evening???

Then I remember . . . football tickets.  I tell her sure, go ahead and share the contact info, it’s probably about football tickets.  So he texts me soon after, wondering if I would be interested in . . . . . helping him get football tickets for a particular game.  No problem I say.  And I do.  I’m a pleaser.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, that friend had a birthday party and she seated the “single man” between me and another of our single GF’s.   That was fine, I think he’s a nice guy, just not interested in me.  You know what?  That’s OK with me too.  When you throw in the towel as I have done, on finding someone special, it really does take all the pressure off.  So my single gal pal and I passed the evening together, having a pleasant dinner with him in between us.  At one point in the conversation, he mentions the dinner of Tex Mex where we had met, and how he knew at that point that I was a “strong” female.  Believe me, if he thought that was going to upset me, he would be wrong.

He said it as if it was a bad thing, not to be insulting, but to be enlightening just in case I might be wondering why he’d never asked me out.  NAW!!  Just reconfirmed that some men think being strong and female is threatening, and reconfirmed that I’m really VERY OK with that.

So when I saw this today, I had to share,  Pretty sure my Dad would be proud!

 

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2 responses to “Always Surprised – – –

  1. Erica Zack says:

    I love that quote — even though I am still a recovering Casper Milk Toast. ________________________________

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