suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Words Of Wisdom – – From a TV Show?

I’m pretty active during the day.  The days I have nothing scheduled to do are few and far between, and I like it that way.  Keeping busy keeps my mind active, my body moving and sad thoughts from catching up to me.  But oh those nights . . .

It’s a couple’s world – yup – we’ve hit on this before.  And even more so when you’re around a holiday weekend, you notice that people have plans whether it be a party, trip to the lake or the beach or the farm or the ranch, or even a movie date.  If you happen to see someone you know out with their spouse or significant other, they’ll almost always look at you in surprise and say, “Gee, I shoulda called you to join us!”  Ya’ think??

So on those nights where I have nothing planned (and the light is too dim for me to be able to see to needlepoint anymore) – I watch TV.  I DVR alot of shows, movies, and sporting events.  Now that the regular season shows are coming to a close my DVR is getting dangerously low.  What then??  EEEEKKK!

When catching up with one of those shows the other night – “Castle”, one of my favs – there is a particularly poignant scene where Rick Castle is talking to his daughter and offers these words of wisdom:

There comes a point in our lives when we have to stop fooling ourselves into thinking life’s going to be the way we want it to be, and start seeing things for how they really are.”

Lucky thing about DVR is you can stop, pause, fast forward and reverse.  Here I hit the reverse so I could listen again to what he said, then write it down.  It really struck a chord.  Such a simple thought, and still so very hard to do.  Sometimes the way things “really are” are far from what “we want it to be”.  Heck, who am I kidding, they’re rarely what we want them to be.

So is the answer to adjust our expectations?  Do we just accept the way things “really are” and deal with it as best we can?  When do you give up the “what we want it to be” dream?  My daily challenge seems to be making those adjustments to fall more in line with my reality and to stop fooling myself.

Of course, who wouldn’t like to be part of Rick Castle’s “reality” – – – just sayin’ . . .

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Life After Love – – – According to Cher

It’s that time of the year when I seem to be spending a lot more time in my SUV, and getting really REALLY irritated with the way people drive.  Maybe it’s the onset of summer heat, maybe it’s the proximity of summer and vacations earned and deserved, maybe there are just that many more awful drivers out there these days?  What that does is have me listening to my Sirius / XM radio more than usual.  Yep, that’s me next to you at the red light or train crossing bopping to the music and singing all the words!

So, back to Cher!  One of her songs came on and I believe the title is something along the lines of:  “Do You Believe In Life After Love?”  Hmmmmm??

Suffice to say I’m not currently in love, and it’s been many years since I loved the man I was once married to  –  infidelity will do that to you.  But what is my “life” after love?  Sure, I get up every morning; I go through the motions of being busy.  I have hobbies, lunch with girl friends, occasional non-profit or volunteer activities, babysitting the new grand baby, walks with the dogs, workouts – all things to keep me busy.  That is day to day living, but would I call it a life?

You remember when people used to tell you to “get a life”, if you were complaining or had irritated them?  “Get a life” – is that something I can find at the store, or buy online?  Where do I go to get a life?  How do I go about finding the right “life” after love?  After five and a half years of being divorced (and being alone much longer than that) I’m not really sure what kind of a life I have.

At DRG the other night we were asked what the vision of our life would be in the next five, or ten years.  I had to admit that when I got divorced I had a vision of what I’d be doing five years down the road.  Boy was I wrong.  Nothing that I thought I would be doing has happened, most especially in the category of “relationships”.  Knowing that I missed the mark on the last vision, how am I supposed to answer that for the next vision?

Do you believe in life after love?  I think I do, and even though some have accused me of having a pity party, it’s hard to know where you’re going and where you’re going to find that life.  Would be so easy if I could sit here on my laptop, “google” how to “get a life”, buy it and have it shipped over night.  Don’t think that’s going to happen though so for now I’ll try to conjure up my “vision” for the next five years, focus on how to “get a life” and refrain from ramming some idiot driver who changed lanes into me because he was texting . . .

 

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Life as Mountain Biking – – –

Was in church the other day listening to a guest pastor.  His home church is in Sun Valley, Idaho where it had been 16 degrees on the day he’d left for Houston.  We were enjoying a wonderful spring day of temps in the lowers 70’s.  Didn’t take rocket science to see why he’d pick this time of year for his visit.

He was relaying stories about activities enjoyed by those who live in the mountains and one that I really enjoyed was about his son and mountain biking.  There was something so “DUH” about mountain biking and it’s similarities to divorce that when he said it I quickly grabbed an offering envelope to write it down so I could share it with you.

The statement was so perfect for divorce recovery!  You see, when you’re mountain biking, moving “forward” is essential.  When you’re bumping your way downhill over rough terrain, you simply MUST be moving forward.  Imagine if you’re not moving forward what would happen?  You’ll simply fall over, best case scenario, or tumble off the side of the mountain, definitely worst case.

Isn’t divorce recovery just like negotiating the rocky and slippery terrain of a mountain bike path?  If you’ve never mountain biked, I can tell you it’s one of the most bone jarring activities I’ve ever tried.  You’re perched on a bike that is NOT comfortable, you cannot sit on it, you’re pointing down going (at least if you’re with my sons) at what feels like breakneck speed!  To throw on brakes could cause you to tumble straight up and over the handlebars – not a pretty picture.

There’s a reason mountain bikers where helmets and elbow guards and knee guards, etc.  To fall is messy.  You do not stay still on the path down.  You would either fall over or be run over!  To get down safely you must keep moving forward and then see a chiropractor!  Seriously . . .

So grab your helmet, your shin guards and your Advil and whatever you do – don’t try to just perch on that mountain bike of recovery.  Release the hand brakes holding you in neutral and even though it’a a bumpy ride, the finish line is ahead.

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