suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Happy Memorial Day Weekend – But Look Out . . .

Those of us who had/have parents, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters or any relations in the armed services understand better than anyone what today is all about.  We offer thanks and gratitude to those who kept/keep our country safe and prayers for those who gave their lives doing it.

The retailers understand holidays, time off, the beginning of summer and shoppers looking for sales.  To them Memorial Day is also about getting you into their stores either in person or through cyber space.  It’s tempting.  My email’s inbox has been inundated all day and over the past week with hundreds of “Memorial Day Sales”.  I peruse to see if anything strikes my fancy and then stop myself to wonder – Am I buying this simply because it is a good deal?  Do I truly  need it, would I be buying it anyway?

Chances are very good that after a divorce, your shopping power has diminished.  Even if you have a great paying job, you now have to make plans for the future to know that YOU will be able to take care of YOU!  No one else is standing in line to do it for you.

Before you shell out your hard-earned cash, there are a few things you should do. Namely? Ask yourself the below 10 questions before buying anything expensive.  Getting something new may give you a temporary high, but when it gets right down to it, did you really need it or are you just getting caught up in the hype?  Use the below link to ask yourselves these questions.  I leave it to you to decide about that next tempting “sale item”, but being thoughtful about your finances just shows everyone around you that you are truly a smart lady capable of taking care of her financial well-being.

https://shopping.yahoo.com/news/10-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-buying-anything-expensive-184127221.html

I’m tossing the catalogs and deleting the emails, think I’ll be happy with what I have for the time being!  : -)

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A Losing Battle – – –

1385406_10151708747556439_1612600911_n . . . Good words to live by,

But is it reality?

Arguing and fighting with your past is a losing battle, you cannot go back and alter what’s happened.  The ol’ saying, “What’s done is done”  is accurate.  No one ever said however, that it would be easy to accept.

I’m now entering my seventh year of divorce and I truly do find myself getting stronger every day and feeling happier about where my life is heading.  It’s not been an easy road to walk down, and many times I’ve felt that I have been walking done that recovery road alone.

I know and appreciate the support I’ve received from family and friends along the way but for the most part your journey is accomplished alone.  How you travel that road is entirely up to you.  Along the way I’ve made some good decisions and some bad ones.   Mostly they have been good.

The further down that road I walk, the greater the distance I put between myself and some of the people I used to think were so important in my life.  Today, when I stumble and fall backwards there are fewer people there to watch my back.  Is that normal?  Would that have happened anyway even if I had not been left by my husband?

I’ll never know the answer to that question since “What’s done is done”, but I will say that where I thought my life was headed ten years ago has certainly changed to where I feel it’s headed in the present day.  Some days your head isn’t held high, it just sinks down in a hole of despair that you will ever know what it feels like to be held and loved again.  Other days it peaks out from the hole and strains to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes counting your blessings and moving on with your held held high isn’t enough . . . but it’s a start.

 

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What Happens When You DON’T “Auto Renew” – – –

Recently I told you I’d “had it” with the online dating world.  They’ll throw statistics at you about their success rates but really??  How do we actually know they’re THAT successful?  Have you ever met anyone that’s had success with “Happily Ever After” from an online dating service?

 

Me neither!

 

It seems I’ve gotten their attention by turning “Auto Renew” OFF,  and I’m receiving dating advice now from eHarmony!  What I don’t need is dating advice from eHarmony, OurTime.com, OKCupid or Match.  What I needed was a better pool of “candidates”!

 

That said, I’ve looked over their blog posts and some of their ideas are good and certainly relevant on an even playing field – I just never found that playing field.  After all, you really can’t cross things off your shopping list if you just drive by the store and don’t even get out of the car to look around.

 

So for whatever it’s worth, I’ll share with you some of the things that they are sharing with me but I make no promises it’ll make your life any different, or dating any better.  Myself??  I have a hot date tonight with my DVR and “Jack Bauer”!  “24” is back – life is good!!

 

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2014/04/17/dating-rules-selling-yourself-vs-being-yourself/#.U3EpkDZa7Lo.email

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Match Continued – –

When last we left the dating scene I was awaiting one potential dinner date, and another lunch date.  So to catch you up on the chills and thrills of online dating, here we go:

 

That Sunday night dinner did occur, the “Food Critic” finally agreed on a place that I also wanted to try.  It had recently opened on my side of town after having many years of success on the other side of town.  I was game, he was game so we set it up.   Game on.

 

I got there early, remember I don’t like being the one that’s entering and scanning.  He was already there.  I didn’t notice at first because he was elbow deep in reading something, sitting at the bar having a drink.  Once he looked around toward the entrance and I got the side view I recognized his face from his online profile.  I wandered over to see if this was “Jim” and indeed, it was.  He offered me a drink, I deferred to being seated first.

 

He paid for his drink and stood – yup, another man who thinks he’s actually taller than he really is.  My five foot, seven inch frame in heels lets me know right away that this is NO six footer.  I’d be surprised if he’s even five foot ten.  Strike one.  We get to our table and he orders another drink, I have a margarita and he immediately tells the waiter what appetizer we’re having without any input from me.  Guess he fancies himself as a foodie.  When it comes time to order the main meal, he questions my choice.  Really?  Strike Two.

 

He orders Pabil, a Mexican dish made of pork and intended to be served with tortillas.  The tortillas come wrapped in paper – having been steamed – and they stick to the paper, he complains.  There’s only two, he complains.  Waiter brings more.  Talk is mundane at best but we do have similar interests in the arts so I’m thinking the dinner might be salvaged.  He gets a doggy bag and we head toward the exit.  I’ve valet parked, he has not.  He says that if I ever need someone to take me to any of the performances I have tickets for that he’s available then he wanders off leaving me standing and waiting for my car alone . . . strike three.

 

Next comes the lunch with the friend of a friend.  Actually, turn outs that MY friend’s “friend” is this gentleman’s daughter n’law.  My friend’s never actually met him.  I call him “The Gentleman”.  He’s polite to a fault, he’s old school.  We have many mutual friends – problem is, these mutual friends are like my second sets of parents.  As in, they’re in their mid to late 70’s – I just turned 60 and act 40!!  It’s like having lunch with your Dad.  His career was taking off right about the time I entered High School.  The Gentleman clearly realized the same thing I believe because I have not heard back from him.  He did walk me to my door after that lunch, was terribly polite and said that he’d really enjoyed himself.

 

Had another “offer” from the website; this to go to a baseball game.  The “Sports Enthusiast” and I had been emailing within the dating website all during the NCAA Basketball playoffs.  It was fun.  We went to the same University so we also talked about our team losing in the second round, how messed up everyone’s brackets were, etc.  After the end of the “March Madness”, I jokingly say I guess we’d now have to move on to conversations about baseball.  I’m beginning to think Sports Enthusiast is just looking for a pen pal.  Low and behold he says:  “I have season tickets, let’s go”!

 

OK – now I ask you, doesn’t that sound like a “meeting” offer???  I reply back – “You’re on.  When’s the next home stand?”  He replies that he’ll look at the schedule and let me know.  And then . . . wait for it . . . you guessed it . . . POOF!!  It’s been a couple of weeks and nothing from him.  Just like the Tennis Dude and the Sailor – they vanish into thin air.

 

Then I hear from “Horse Racer”.  He’s liked my profile before, I thanked him for “stopping by” and reading it.   I never hear back.  Then last week he started writing again and said he’d been off the site for a while.  He says he really doesn’t do the “email thing” and would like to meet in person for lunch or dinner.  Wow, could this mean an ACTUAL meeting for an ACTUAL meal?  I agree and we set up a lunch time meeting last Thursday.

 

He gets there early and as I’m pulling in and parking I see a big, shiny new truck, engine idling, and bet that that is him.  Sure enough, when I enter the restaurant and go up to the counter to get an iced tea, I get a text that I should let him know when I arrive as he’s going to be early.  I say I’m “there” and ask if he was in the truck.  Kinda crazy to wait in the truck but hey, dating at this age is crazy.  He says that is him and he’ll come on in.

 

Let’s discuss what my interpretation on his profile of “athletic and toned” is and what HIS is.   (To be fair his profile photo is only from mid chest up so I didn’t get to see much)   After we order at the counter and sit to wait for our lunch, he starts in on how he needs to lose 50 pounds, and that he’s already lost 20.  He USED to own horses, and raced most of them in Louisiana, but no longer.  If he referred to himself as a country bumpkin once, he did it at least a dozen times.  Is he looking for agreement or denial?  I got his life story synopsis in an hour.  He rarely looked me in the eyes, he would turn his head while talking like there was someone sitting next to him.  We were at a table for four, and he sat across from me so it was really weird that he kept turning his head like there was a third person there.

 

The other unusual thing he did was talk about his “relationships” he’d had since his divorce and he’s only been divorced for five years.  He told me he was a romantic and an excellent kisser, one that you wouldn’t forget, then seemed embarrassed and said he “Probably shouldn’t be telling you this”.  Ya’ think?

 

After handicapping for me the Kentucky Derby entries for Saturday’s race (he was correct by the way), we parted.   The next day he sent me a note thanking me for joining him for lunch and wishing me “Good luck”.  I think I just got blown off, LOL!!  But hey, that’s OK by me.  I’ve gone into the two dating websites that I belong to and turned OFF the “auto renew”.  I think I’m done.  It’s been a wacky few months of trying to spread my wings and meet new men but it’s just not any fun any more.  What do I mean “anymore?”  It was never any fun.

 

I think I can say that my dating career tournament is over – that’s Game, Set and Match!

 

 

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