suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Loving Being Single??

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.  The truth is – I AM SINGLE!!!  OK, got that out there.  Sometimes I just have to come to grips with the fact that I am “single” through little fault of my own.  I have to adjust – EVERYTHING!

I don’t adjust well.  I like routine, I like pattern, I like boundaries.  I am a better person when I have a plan and no what tomorrow is “supposed” to bring.  When life throws me a loop, I get knocked over.  I don’t like it, I don’t appreciate it and I’m certainly not enjoying it.

Having no one to fight over the remote with can be a positive.  It’s nice to know if I get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom that the lid to the toilet will be down – just the way I left it the last time I used it.  I enjoy squeezing my toothpaste from the bottom and not having to push out the dents in the “middle of the tube” from the former spouse’s thumb!

When I come downstairs in the morning, the house is just the same as the way I left it when I went to bed – NICE!  So OK, I know there are some positives.  But if truth be told – I hate being single.  I hate going to events alone.  When I walk in I feel as if I have a big sign around my neck that says:  CAN’T GET A DATE!!!!!  And that would be true.

I really don’t enjoy being the only one responsible for helping myself through a crisis.  Car breaks down??  Yup – I have to figure out what to do and how to do it without any help.  How do I know if the mechanic is being honest or not?  I don’t.  I sometimes think I could have a heart attack and fall down the stairs and not have anyone miss me, or wonder why they hadn’t heard from me for at least several days.  I’m pretty sure by then I’d be d-e-a-d dead.

The link below will give you some thoughts to ponder in your own personal situation.  For myself?  I’m giving myself permission to hate being single, to not like being alone most nights.  I wish I shared my life with someone special, and maybe someday I will.  Till then the truth is – I AM SINGLE and I’m going to need to learn to trust the auto mechanic . . .

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2014/06/03/absolutely-okay-say-hate-single/?lcid=95156&laid=Links#.U5chOBYQ5Qo

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It Ain’t Rocket Science – – –

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You’ve heard the ol’ saying that goes something along the lines of:  “Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk”.

I thought of that when I saw this photo and it’s accompanying sentiment.

How many times have you been frustrated by friends, family or even new acquaintances who just “don’t get it”?

Women going through, or coming out the other side of divorce have a hard time when it comes to having people understand what it’s like.  If you haven’t been there, you really can’t understand.  You may think you can imagine the horror of it all, but please don’t try to act like you get it.  You don’t.

I know you can perceive the pain and the injustice, and we really do appreciate you caring and wanting to help in any way you can.  I know when I’ve learned of a tragedy that someone close to me has experienced, I want to be there for them and ease that pain any way that I can.  I will never, however, claim to know what they’re going through or how they feel unless I’ve shared that same tragedy.

This harkens back to one of my earliest blogs when I went off about well intentioned people who tell you that you’ve just got to “Move On”!  Really?  Move on how?  Even the GPS in my car knows there’s more than one way to get between point A and point B and the time needed and miles driven are different in every scenario.   There are never ending roadblocks on your trip toward recovery that even the GPS can’t get you around.

During your journey when you encounter these people who are trying to help but haven’t seen your path, or walked a mile in your shoes try to be kind back and just thank them.  They’ll feel better, surprisingly you’ll feel better for understanding they’re really trying to help.  But know deep down that there’s really only one person who understands your path – and that’s you.

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Pay Attention to “The Girls!”

Such important things to remember in taking care of ourselves!!

Monaresa smiles

In 1995, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I remember this clearly. It was shortly after the birth of my first son.

It was a fluke the way she was diagnosed, really. Some unexpected bleeding in the middle of the night led to a trip to the emergency room, where the cancer was discovered. One of her tumors had ruptured, which led to the bleeding.

When you hear the word “cancer” in relation to a family member or yourself, it prompts a whole array of emotions that you may have never experienced before. But the one emotion I remember my whole family clearly feeling during that time was fear. No matter what doctors say the prognosis may be, with cancer, you never know.

After months of chemo and months of uncertainty; and another scare a few years later with a secondary uterine cancer, my mother was declared to be…

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