suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Part Two – – –

Continuing on from the Book:

“Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late”

OK – tell the truth, have you been thinking of the things you’re grateful/thankful for?  Hope so!

Here’s the second installment!

Replace a Covetous Attitude with an Attitude of Contentment!

Covet, kind of an old fashioned word.  Synonymous with envy?  I googled it and found this:

“Covetous, greedy, acquisitive, grasping, avaricious mean having or showing a strong desire for especially material possessions.  Covetous implies inordinate desire often for another’s possessions.”

Strong words – makes me picture a snarling and drooling wild hound.  You get the drift though.  It’s never being happy with what you have.  It’s a “have not’s” kind of jealousy of the “have’s”.  I admit that I sometimes used to covet the loving relationships that some of my friends have with their husbands or significant others.  Does that make me a bad person?  No, probably just makes me a “real” person.  It also doesn’t get me anywhere toward the goal of being a happy person.

Contentment with what you have is something I think you acquire the older and wiser you get.  You learn that “things” don’t make you happy.  You learn that “people” don’t have the responsibility to make you happy.  YOU make you happy.

Sure, who doesn’t want to get that new pair of shoes you saw in the magazine, but when you have plenty of shoes already – shouldn’t you be content?  Looking around the world today, I’m often reminded of just how content I should be with the freedoms of this country, the friends and family who care for me, the pantry and fridge that are full of nutrition for my body, the resources that allow me to pay my bills and have a roof over my head, the nature that is food for my soul.

It’s not quite as fun as High School graduation was, but I can say that I have graduated.  I can feel the contentment settle over me every day now.  I may not have chosen the status of divorced single woman of a “certain” age approaching the age medicare – but it gave me the opportunity to learn how to be a content woman – and that’s worth all the tea in China!

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Living Around Unhealthy People?

We’ve all heard the term:  narcissist.   I never really knew what it meant exactly until I looked it up after I heard it used in a conversation one day.  Boy did it strike a chord.  Read this article below and if you have one of these people around you?  Beware.  Do not let them suck the air out of your life.

Whether you think it’s just a behavior or something diagnosable matters not.  It’s not healthy to act this way, or be around someone who does.  From the childhood playground bully, to the adult trying to manipulate you at work, in your social circle or even your own family.

You cannot be expected to change another person’s behavior, but you can change yours and how you deal with theirs.  Thanks to my GF for sharing this with me, and helping me understand the definition.

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3842/deal-narcissist-method-guaranteed-work/?c=SA

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As The Holidays Approach – Some Good Thoughts!

Whether you’re ready for them or not, the retail establishment has gotten ready for them!  What’s that you say?  “The Holidaze”!!  When I read my friend’s blog about being “prepared”, it made so much sense that I had to share.

This will be a leaner Christmas for me this year – by choice.  And no – I wish I meant my waistline, LOL!!  It’s time for me to remember the “reason for the season” and make some cut backs.  Well .  .  . OK, maybe not for the Grandkids, but for years I’ve gone a bit overboard just because I love giving.

Maybe it’s time to give more of “myself”, than purchased products to wrap and deliver.  It won’t be an easy transition, because I love coming up with surprise gifts that aren’t on the “wish list”. I love wrapping, and tagging, and arranging under the tree till there are so many boxes you have a hard time walking around them to get to the back door.

Whatever the holidaze bring to you and yours, please enjoy the shared link below with some really great ideas!  And may this festive time of the year bring you closer to those you love and cherish.

http://us12.forward-to-friend.com/forward/show?u=2faa118cd9fe72d8634827528&id=5bd1ba53b7

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Have a Plan?

Jeff, the writer of this blog post, is an old friend.  We met years ago working on a large fundraising event for one of my fav non-profits.  He produced the event.  It covered an entire weekend so was one mammoth undertaking.

He’s branched out from those days, and a mutual friend (thanks C.S. – funny, it just occurred to me that I have three friend’s with the initials “CS” following me – you’ll know who you are!) suggested I follow his blog and possibly share some of his thoughts on one of my posts, when appropriate.

I’ve spoken before about the importance, if you’re a newly single woman, of having a financial plan and a realistic budget – especially with the life altering changes a divorce, or loss of a spouse, can bring on.

Perhaps you’ll want to sign up for his blog, regardless, this quick read just reinforces our need to be smart with our assets and our future.   All the best!!

 

http://us12.forward-to-friend.com/forward/show?u=2faa118cd9fe72d8634827528&id=9768539029

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When Someone Says It Better – – –

Then I plan to just “share”.   After all, why reinvent the wheel, as they say??  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and gather wisdom from her very wise words!  Thoughts for a Monday morning!

 

Better Not Younger: In The Moment

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Finances – You Gotta Have A Plan!

The other day, I was perusing articles of similar content to my blog, and subsequent book.  I love being able to share and pass along information to you all when I find something of value!

These two sites seem to hold valuable information when searching for financial planners, etc.  Whether your divorce is impending, current or past and “over” – this will always be good information for you to have.  Even for those of you still married, someday you may be alone and/or widowed – you still have to know how to make smart decisions.  Therefore, I share:

“Dear Liz: Every so often your column mentions an organization that lists financial planners that are fee-only. I cannot find this information on your site. Please keep mentioning this in your column.

Answer: You can get referrals to fee-only planners who charge by the hour at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com. If you’re looking for fee-only planners who charge a retainer or a percentage of assets, you’ll find those at http://www.napfa.org.”

Always looking out for you!!

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Building From The Top Down?

Won’t work.  You don’t build anything from the top “down”.  Picture if you will, a house being built.  If you tried to start with the roof, what would hold it up?  Where’s the strong foundation to support it?

One brick at a time, brick by brick – sounds like the lyrics to a country western song, although that certainly dates me as now they just refer to it as “country”!

When people tell you that after your divorce you just try to take it one day at a tie, putting one foot in front of the other.  You’re rebuilding your life, whether you are divorced or widowed, it’s the same.  What you had – is gone.  Poof!

The life you had, even if you felt you had worked your way up to the “top”, is non existent.  You cannot rebuild it from the top down.  You’re going to have to start over whether you want to or not.  Finances may not be the same, certainly family and friends are not going to be the same.  Your purpose in life has suddenly altered and you are starting over.  You’re foundation has shifted as it does in an earthquake – a good synonym for life after divorce, an earthquake hit you and everything has crumbled and fallen down.

So you get yourself up, dust yourself off and as Frank Sinatra once said, “Get back in the race”.

One brick at a time . . . brick by brick . . . one foot in front of the other . . . one day at a time.

 

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Lesson #43

“If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”

Well, strictly speaking, I suppose that’s true.  Although I note it’s not saying that if you do ask you WILL get, right?

This is kind of like the lottery officials telling you that if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win.

A simple truth but on a broader scale, I don’t really know how this works.

I’ve been out of the workplace a long time; I hear it said all the time that you should ask for promotions and salary boosts.  That would be hard for me, I’m one of those that always hopes to be recognized and rewarded because of merit – I’ve earned it.  I shouldn’t have to ask for it.

The world is a busy place though, and sometimes you are not going to get noticed, or helped if you don’t call attention to your needs, your wants, your desires.

Next time I feel really strongly about something I want, maybe I’ll take this approach?  It will need to be reasonable however, because I’m thinking that asking for something like a winning football season next Fall might be too much to hope for.

Baby steps . . .

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Lesson #40

“The best is yet to come.”

It is what keeps me going!  I’m just curious enough to believe it, and want to see it!  : -)

 

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Lesson #39

“Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.”

I’ve been there, and sometimes I’m still there.  I believe it’s human nature that sometimes we look around and are envious of other’s possessions and/or achievements.

To have what they have, would I be willing to trade my life for their’s though?  No.

I’m blessed beyond compare, I have more than I ever thought I would.  It may not be the path I thought I would take, but I have satisfaction and gratitude for my life.

I like who I am, I’m a darned nice person.  Sometimes I fall prey to the “If only I had  the same _____  that so-and-so has . . . ”   Occasionally I feel sad for some of the things I’m most passionate about that I’ve had to walk away from for budgetary reasons.  Watching others still get to do it because they are married and can afford it.  Honestly, it stings.

But to make a list of my “haves” and my “have nots” – clearly I “have” and need to learn today’s lesson is part of the process of making myself whole again.  I promise to try to be more grateful and less envious, and know it’s part of a bigger plan.

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