suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

For Today, And Every Day . . .

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10.  Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.

10.  Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.

“The greatest and most gratifying experiences in life cannot be seen or touched.  They must be felt with the heart from the inside out.  There’s nothing more inspiring than the complexity and beauty of human, heartfelt feelings.  Sadly though, many people let the fear of judgment numb and silence them.  Their deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.

Do NOT let people invalidate or minimize how you feel.  If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you.  Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever.  No one else occupies your body, or sees life through your eyes.  No one else has lived through your exact experiences.  And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel.  Your feelings are important.  Never let anyone or any circumstance lead you to believe otherwise.

Remind yourself that there is a great freedom in leaving others to their opinions, and there is a huge weight lifted when you take nothing personally.”

 

This is a great last part of this series of posts I’ve been sharing.  It is so validating to me to read this and I’ll tell you why.

When I published my book on divorce recovery and “survival” as a newly single woman, one of the first points I tried to get across to my readers was “your feelings are YOUR feelings”.  Don’t ever let people judge you or tell you HOW to feel, and WHEN to feel and WHAT to feel.

People are always going to try to tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how THEY would do it, and so on.

Friends and family (one hopes) want what’s best for you – that’s great.  However, you have to walk the path of your life yourself, in the way that you feel is best for you.  You’re going to make some people mad; you’re going to receive  some criticism both behind your back and to your face.  You may have to live with knowing you’ve disappointed those who are closest to you . . .

Let it roll off like water on a duck’s back.

If we’re trying to be the best version of ourselves this year, then we need to listen to our hearts.

Can you hear it?

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Some Days You Hear Sad Songs . . .

That moment when you realize that a 20+ year tradition, of one of your most favorite activities, has gone and left you behind?

That moment when all those fun memories haunt you because you have to come to realize, you’ll never have the opportunity to add to them?

That moment when you begin to come to grips with parts of your “old life” passing you by and there’s nothing you can do about it?  And people don’t really understand why it bothers you?

That moment when you try so hard not to let your heart hurt for another one of life’s disappointments?

There are going to be days like this.  You are going to have times where all you hear are the sad songs.  It’s OK.

But I promise that tomorrow you’ll feel better, I know I will.

I don’t normally “interrupt” when I’m sharing a “series” with you all, but I knew you’d understand my need to connect today, on a sad day.  Because just like that old fashioned bobber on the end of a cane pole fishing line, the weight of sadness will not keep me under water.  I’m a bobber, and I will pop right back up to that surface – because life’s sad days happen, but will never define me.

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7.  Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.

7.  Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.

“Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.  You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you.  If your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships, or on too many activities that force you to neglect your good relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be chasing affection.

Choose yourself rather than settle for those who treat you as ordinary.  YOU certainly aren’t.  Never settle for being someone’s option when you have the potential to be someone’s priority.  You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with.  If you hang with the wrong people too often, they will bring you down.  But if you hang with the right people, they will help you grow into your best self.  These people will love all the things about you that others are intimidated by.”

 

Flashback – it’s like my Mother is sitting here as I write this and I’m typing quickly to get all her words in.

Doesn’t this sound like a lecture/piece of advice we all received in Middle School (OK, it was called Junior High when I was there!) from our parents??

If we’d listened, would we be happier today?  Well, it’s never too late because re-reading that which I’ve shared above is something you cannot do too few times.

I’ve joked that in the past years, I’ve whittled down my Christmas card list to the real people, the true friends.  But that’s just a simple way of saying I know who the best people in my life are now.  And this means either gender in my life, friends and/or family.

Do not accept bad treatment from anyone, do not sink to their level and allow them to bring you down.

You’re worth so much more.

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3.  Don’t be afraid to live your truth.

3.  Don’t be afraid to live your truth.

“Tell yourself, “I am ENOUGH” anytime you begin to feel otherwise.  Accept your flaws.  Admit your mistakes.  Don’t hide and don’t lie.

Deal with the truth—your truth—every step of the way.  Learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move forward.  Your truth won’t penalize you.  Your mistakes won’t hurt you.  Only your denial and cover-up will.  Flawed and vulnerable people are powerful and strong.  Liars and phonies are not.  Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with trials and errors.

So keep reminding yourself that you are YOU for a reason, and that the journey is worth it.  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest desires close to your heart, and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone sometimes, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  And don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama or negativity derail you.”

 

This is really good for me.  For years I let other’s negativity and their need for drama trauma get in the way of being true to myself.  There was nothing wrong with me; I was a valuable person with a big heart and a willingness to always help others.

These days I appreciate and value those qualities in myself.  Sure I have many flaws and have made many silly mistakes.  I’m OK with that, I’m human!

But the important thing I’ve learned?

I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!  Say that to yourself, mean it, embrace it, live it and be thankful everyday for being you!

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Happy 7th Birthday?

Or is it 7th Anniversary?  Either way, I remembered today that 7 years ago on February 12, I wrote and posted my first “blog”.

Alot has happened in the past 7 years, some good, some bad – but all has made me the person who writes this to you all today.  I have grown.

Without you, my followers, I might not have made the progress that I’ve made, nor realized how happy I could become.  You are the wind beneath my wings, and I’m grateful for you all.

Thank you!

 

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10 Days – 10 Thoughts On Living Your Best Life

Don’t Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

 

Over the next 10 “posts”, I’ll be sharing with you a 10 part post that was shared with me, (thanks Char!), except I’ll break it up into 10 parts. Easier for me to think clearly about what each point is talking about, or suggesting as a guide.  This way, you too can stop and think on them one at a time.

Since I’ve determined 2019 is my year to really be the very best version of myself, and continuing to move ever forward, these seemed some good points to share with you as well.  As always, I love to hear from you so share your thoughts with me and with others!  If you have a friend that you think would benefit from our sharing, please share my “suddenlysinglewomen.me” with them and encourage them to “follow” me.

See you very soon!!

 

                                        “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”  Mae West

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New Year’s Resolve?

So how are those New Year’s Resolutions coming along???  I tried a new approach this year.  I was away from home for New Year’s and I had a blast.

Normally I sit home and wonder why none of my gal pals, or married couple’s friends wanna go out and do anything to celebrate new beginnings.  They’re in bed by 9:00 . . .

Maybe I didn’t get enough of the Party Life done when I was young?

So this year an opportunity presented itself.  My college team was playing in the New Year’s Day Sugar Bowl in New Orleans.  I reached out to some fellow crazy football friends to see if they wanted to take a trip to NOLA for the game and, oh by the way, New Year’s Eve?

Bam!  They said yes.  We had a blast.  We brought in the New Year together, well . . . OK, a couple of them did retire early but some of us saw the “ball drop” in NYC and toasted the entry of 2019.  Win or lose for the football game, we were gonna bring in 2019 and look “forward” to new beginnings and a happy New Year.

As luck would have it, a miracle occurred and we did win the football game, but that was just the icing on the cake.  The best part was being together, and agreeing that the past is in the rear view, and the future is bright.

So my new approach that I alluded to above?  No New Year’s Resolutions, just a promise to myself that life is only as good as I make it myself.  Look forward, always.  The past is not your life sentence, the future is what you make it no matter the hand you were dealt!

This is going to be my year.

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Always Surprised – – –

Yup, it’s true.  Even today I’m always surprised when someone refers to me as “strong” – and it’s usually not a compliment.  Growing up I would’ve never considered myself strong.  I would’ve considered myself obedient and pliable.  What my Dad said was the gospel.  What my Dad told us to do, we did.

As I get older, I can now reflect back on how he also made me a confident individual.  I don’t want to use “self assured” because many times that’s seen as a bad thing, but I learned to trust myself and trust my instincts.

Then I hit college . . .  then I fell in love.  All that trust just flew out the window.  “Smitten does not equal Smart”!

I embodied the term “Pleaser”.  For thirty years I tried to trust, I tried to please.  I kept re-inventing myself to make those around me happy and proud of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, because if I hadn’t had that experience, I would not have been able to come back to my roots and be the person I was meant to be.

Strong.

Several months ago, I accepted a dinner out with a couple who I adore, they are so cute and fun and “into” each other.  They had a single man friend that they wanted to introduce me to.  I was skeptical, I pretty much threw in the towel on “dating” in 2015, but hey – it was a Friday and it was Tex Mex.  Like . . . I’m gonna say no??

So I went.  Had fun with the friends, he showed up late.  Never a good beginning.  From the get-go, I could tell he was doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really interested.  That’s fine, I was there for the Tex Mex and my friends.  We talked sports, he and I went to the same University.  He knew I had season football tickets.  When a month later my friend asks me if it’s OK if she gives him my contact info, because he’s asked, I think . . . he didn’t appear to be really into the evening???

Then I remember . . . football tickets.  I tell her sure, go ahead and share the contact info, it’s probably about football tickets.  So he texts me soon after, wondering if I would be interested in . . . . . helping him get football tickets for a particular game.  No problem I say.  And I do.  I’m a pleaser.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, that friend had a birthday party and she seated the “single man” between me and another of our single GF’s.   That was fine, I think he’s a nice guy, just not interested in me.  You know what?  That’s OK with me too.  When you throw in the towel as I have done, on finding someone special, it really does take all the pressure off.  So my single gal pal and I passed the evening together, having a pleasant dinner with him in between us.  At one point in the conversation, he mentions the dinner of Tex Mex where we had met, and how he knew at that point that I was a “strong” female.  Believe me, if he thought that was going to upset me, he would be wrong.

He said it as if it was a bad thing, not to be insulting, but to be enlightening just in case I might be wondering why he’d never asked me out.  NAW!!  Just reconfirmed that some men think being strong and female is threatening, and reconfirmed that I’m really VERY OK with that.

So when I saw this today, I had to share,  Pretty sure my Dad would be proud!

 

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A Great TV Quote – – –

As we begin the New Year, I share with you this statement that was part of a regular TV show series that I watch.  The character was trying hard to find her “identity” and her “purpose”.  Of course, she found it, it is imaginary and TV after all, but still . . . I loved it.  I had to replay several times to get it all, I changed the verb tense a bit but – I wanted to share with you all!!

“We are born with innocence, and as we grow, we are cursed with a question.  Why, why are we here?  Is it all just chaos, or do we have a purpose?  If you are one of the lucky ones to find an answer to that question, the curse can be lifted and replaced with the grace of certainty.”

At this age, I’m pretty sure there is no innocence left in my life.  No naivety, and sometimes a very little trust is left within me.   I do feel like I have found, and acknowledge my purpose on this earth.  So in this new year, I live with certainty of purpose.  I promise to smile more, than I don’t.  I promise to be happy more, than I’m not.  I promise to give more, than I receive.  And I promise to be thankful for every single day of 2019!

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