suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

The Rear View Mirror –

on April 9, 2012

In cars and trucks?  A purposeful thing!  You have to see all around yourself when you’re driving.  You’re looking for a clear lane ahead, you’re making sure the vehicle beside you isn’t changing lanes into you.  Looking in the rear view mirror also helps you anticipate when you can make a lane change, or move out of the way of the car racing up behind you or the emergency vehicle that needs to get by you.

In life after divorce?  Only up to a certain point.

Another line in a great song (I’ll refer a lot to song since it’s such an important thing in my life) refers to a rearview mirror and the singer says “I ain’t never looking’ back, and that’s a fact!”  I believe all of us spend a great deal of time looking back when first separated and / or getting a divorce.  We beat ourselves up with the “what if’s”.  We wonder what we could have done differently to have not landed ourselves in this situation.  We blame ourselves for not being smart enough, attractive enough, thin enough, funny enough, sexy enough – the list goes on.  What did you think you’d done wrong?  What did you think you should have done differently to make your marriage last?

In the Divorce Recovery Series that I’m currently attending (www.trinitycounselingandconsulting.com and http://www.gayegjones.wordpress.com), we’re learning how to live meaningfully and wholly in the moment.  At no time is that more important than when you start doubting yourself for the things you think you did wrong in the past.  Sometimes things just happen and nothing you did, or might have done differently could have changed or prevented what happened.  Don’t get me wrong, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.  However, constantly looking in the rear view mirror will certainly have you crashing head first before too long.

I wish I had answers for all of us on how to make this easier, more palatable with a speedy recovery – but I don’t.  What I can tell you is that looking forward, looking ahead, making a plan and smart choices about your life NOW is going to get you through this.  There is no set recovery date, but you are moving toward it.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  You can’t change the past in that rear view mirror, but you certainly can choose how to move forward.  Let this be the day.  As they say in the NIKE commercials – just do it!

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2 responses to “The Rear View Mirror –

  1. Indeed – I agree with Jane – great advice. Thank you!

  2. Jane Brennan-Martin says:

    Great advice! Love all your blogs! Keep ’em coming! J

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