suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

I love love love this!! And since today is my birthday, I promise to try this all day long!!

I love

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Commitment?

It’s been a long time since I committed “rant” to “paper”, LOL!! Have really tried to be positive, upbeat, uplifting – you get the drift. Want to be a point of light, want to make all my followers feel good. Heck, I want to feel good. : -)

But every once in a while, the evil takes over, and a good old fashioned rant can clear the air – maybe?

So let’s talk about commitment, and not the kind between a “couple”. My past has already shown that to be a losing effort for me.

I’m referring to friends, associates, groups, meetings, plans, etc.

If you say you’re going to do something, DUH, then do it . . .

If you say you’re going to show up for something, then show up . . .

If you say you’re going to attend, and then don’t (PLEASE) let the person who invited you know? I don’t understand. Sorry, just don’t. What happened to manners?

I know you think one person (you) backing out won’t make a difference, because you’re only considering yourself and how that might not mess up the “plan”. But if every person in the group only thinks that their one “cancellation” won’t impact, and 90% of the group decide not to come – well then YES, it does have an impact.

So, before you skewer me – yes I know life happens and sometimes your plan has to be altered through no fault of your own – but maybe it’s just my karma? Maybe I’m trying too hard to create events and opportunities to be together and I just need to give it a rest? Because if I look back at the last few weeks and the few events that were affected by cancellations and no shows, it could be a telling sign that people just don’t wanna hang with me?

But as soon as I quit inviting certain people to certain gatherings I’ll be accused of being a “mean girl” and leaving them out? Total “no win” situation. So the solution? Just quit trying? I don’t know, therefore: The Rant.

We’ve forgotten how to be polite. We’ve forgotten the manners we were brought up with. We’ve forgotten that our decisions do have an effect on others who made the plans and have to decide do we just start pulling chairs away from the table or cancel all together?

As I sit here and type this, I wonder whether or not I should really hit “publish” – and if I don’t you will have never seen this. And if I do, I’ve rolled the dice and decided to take a chance that just maybe you’ve experienced the same dilemma and I’m not alone in this? Because it’s beginning to feel a bit personal.

Or maybe it’s a bit like Sally Fields and her Oscar win, when from the podium she was saying, “You like me, you really like me!” and I just need a bit of empathy . . . (and kudos BTW to the people who DID show up, thank you!)

OK – Rant over. Next couple of weeks I’ll be back to the positive, upbeat and uplifting gal!!

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When It Bare’s Repeating:

Never be a prisoner of your past, it was just a lesson not a life sentence.

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A Funny Facebook Test?

I don’t usually do those little tests or activities on Facebook. I know they track everything, I know big brother is watching and keeping score (give it up – I’m BORING!!!).

But when you’re bored, and waiting around, and filling time, at loose ends . . . well??

So I did this one. Struck me as funny. And yes, I AM smarter than most people realize.

No, I DON’T get angry easy or have much of a temper (except maybe for the occasional outburst when my football team is playing poorly).

Yes, I AM quick to forgive.

I used to say I don’t hold a grudge, but I do get even. Joking. Not joking.

But when the trust bubble is popped, yup, that little FB test hit the nail on the head. You abuse it? You lose it!

The circle of those I truly know I can trust grows smaller everyday but you know what else? I’m OK with that.

The others? Bye Bye!

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Life Is Like A Book, . . .

Such true words. I feel like that is what’s happening in my life right now. I’m peaking over a precipice to see “what the next chapter holds.”

Have you been through this lately? A life change? It could be a relationship change, it could be a job status change, it could be a zip code/area code change.

Change is difficult, it’s challenging and it can bring you to your knees if you don’t try to have the right attitude about it. And even if you do have the right attitude about it, you still might need to hear those words of encouragement that you are making the right change.

Encouragement isn’t just for the scared or the weak – it needs to be for even the strongest and bravest because no one ever truly knows what’s going on “inside” your mind. That brave front you put “out there” for all to see? Later at night all alone is when those doubts start to plague you.

So, as you turn that chapter today, tomorrow or some time in the near future, find those people who “have your back”. Surround yourself with those people who offer encouragement and will be there for you, not just during a chapter change, but through life.

Find your “real deal” friends! You will know the ones. Like for me this past week when my BF from High School, and coincidently Maid of Honor in my wedding, reached out to have lunch. After almost four hours, I think the restaurant purposely quit refilling our iced tea glasses thinking we’d taken up the prime real estate on their patio for long enough, LOL! But what a wonderful way to spend an afternoon catching up with a “real deal” friend.

And what wonderful knowledge to carry with me into my next chapter, that I have friends like that in my life – not always seen, but always there when needed. So hey, next chapter? Bring it on, I got this . . .

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Plato – After All These Years

Some wisdom is ageless. But this is REALLY far back.

“The greatest wealth is to live content with little.”

  • Plato

After 13 1/2 years in this house that I built “during and post” divorce, I’m putting it on the market.

Scary.

The last time I had to list a house, pack up and organize a move – I was in the throes of divorce. Not the best of times. What to take? What to sell? What to donate? What will fit? Never thought I’d be doing it again, yet . . .

So when I saw this today in a book I’d been pouring over, about downsizing (thanks Marla!) it just seemed appropriate. I’m doing my best to re-purpose things. I’m donating things, I’m selling things. I’ve gotten prolific on eBay. I’ve entered the worlds of Poshmark and The RealReal.

I’m learning that what’s valuable in my eyes is not necessarily valuable at all. And I’m learning that the “it” thing is a white kitchen. Mine, of course, is stained wood in the shade of walnut.

Lucky for me I have neutral walls already but seriously? How much to change to make it the house that sells vs. the house that doesn’t? It’s a hot market in our city right now. Total epic fail last week on the power grid and water supply aside, Houston is a popular place to move to right now. And those interest rates? SCORE!

Letting go is hard. Combing through 40 years of photo albums, family memories, baby books that your kids do NOT want? Wow. Talk about a walk down memory lane. But I did it. Took a week, pulling out 10-15 photos only from each album that holds hundreds? Tough. Walking them out to the trash can? Even tougher.

My sons tell me that cleaning out is freeing. I’ll feel a lighter load. What I really felt was “Why? Why was my marriage and happily ever after the one that ended?” Why am I once again listing a house, and packing up ALL BY MYSELF?

Take a breath . . . because “The greatest wealth is to live content with little.” Guess Plato knew a thing or two . . .

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One Of Life’s Reflections:

“We leave behind a bit of ourselves wherever we have been.”

  • Edmond Haraucourt

Though I’m sure this was intended for 2-legged humans, I think it also applies to our four legged friends.

My eldest son had to put his dog down last week. He grew up in a family that had a dog/s, but they were the “family” dogs, never one that was just his. A very hard decision and one he sought counsel on. He’s never been through that before.

She had been one of my fosters, through my work with rescue, and he’d met her when she’d been returned to me after a failed adoption.

To be honest, when I first took her to the “approved” adopter’s home for a visit, I didn’t feel comfortable about it. They just didn’t seem a fit? But I had not done the background reference check, I had not done the “pre approval” home visit – I was just the foster.

After a week, they called me to come get her, “wasn’t working out” they said.

It was Christmas time, my family was all descending upon me for the holidays. My Mom was on a walker, I already had one large German Shepherd female of my own, another failed adoption had just come back to me several days earlier and now this one? Three large GSDs and a house full of family?

Boy was I gonna be in trouble . . .

Then quite the opposite happened. My son arrives, the next morning as he comes out of his bedroom, the foster is sitting there patiently outside the door waiting for him. It was love at first “pet”. He hadn’t come home planning to adopt a dog, especially one as large as this one, or that sheds quite so much.

But love is love.

He wrote the most amazing tribute to her on Facebook. He lost her 9 years to the day of her arrival at his home when I flew with her out there. She left paw prints on all our hearts. She was a beloved pet. She has left a little bit of herself behind (and undoubtedly they’ll be finding dog hair for a while) and we’re all the better for it.

“We leave behind a bit of ourselves wherever we have been.”

Run free sweet girl . . .

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Sage Wisdom From A Friend Who “Gets It”

People in our lives come and go. The whole “friends for a reason, friends for a season” thing IS a thing.

And sometimes when you’re feeling at your most vulnerable, whether it’s through a chance re-encounter, or a social media connection, or as in this case – a blog post, people will reach out just when you need it most.

People will show you that you don’t have to be around them, or connect to them daily, to find out that they care. Some are more sensitive than others; some are dealing with enough in their own lives that they can’t take the time to reach out to you/others.

And then this happens. Then this is sent to me from a super sweet, super great human being who I’ve known for 20+ years through non-profit work because?? She gets it. Many of you through the years have reached out on this blog with such positive comments, or have sent them to me privately (or in person) and I hope you know that it’s exactly what I needed at the time. I hope you know that in that instant – you saved me.

You are all my super heroes, but today I wanted to share what Cynthia shared with me, so that maybe today, you’ll reach out to someone just to check on them, prop them up, and let them know you care.

With a 100 followers here, if each of you reached out to just one person today – not your normal family/friend unit, just check in with someone you haven’t seen or spoken to in a while? Today can you please be someone’s super hero? Let them you know . . . you get it.

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Wise Words . . .

A friend sent this out via FB and it hit at the perfect time for me.

As I begin the long and arduous process of downsizing, cleaning out, then donating or repurposing, listing for resale and consigning, deciding what to keep – this hit the mark.

Believe me, the “Within you . . . all you need!” I pray is true because this is hard. My son says this will be “freeing”. Of course he has a great job with a bright future, a beautiful wife who adores him and three happy and healthy children. I’ll tell him to check back with me in 30 years, LOL!

So just incase you needed a boost today – – – here you go.

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“Never” – A Word To Erase . . .

This was a share to me from Facebook and it is:

A great reminder:

At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA.

At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.

At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.

At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.

At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.

At age 28, Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook.

At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.

At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.

At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs.

Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51.

Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40.

Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40.

Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.

Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.

Morgan Freeman landed his first MAJOR movie role at age 52.

Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57.

Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76.

Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78.

Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21.

Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow.

Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it.

Never tell yourself you missed your chance.

Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.

You can do it.

Whatever it is that sets your soul on fire.

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