suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

6) Overthinking Will Lead To Sadness

To me, this is similar to always “looking back” – and the first thought of “the past cannot be changed.”

I overthink things alot – yes, . . . guilty!

And the conclusion I usually come to?  A supreme waste of time.  It doesn’t change anything, and it’s keeping me held back.  Imagine a giant rubber band around your waistline and every step you try to take forward, just yanks you back – sometimes further back than you started.

There will always be things that will make you sad.  Don’t add to that list and bring it on yourself.  It’s spring, the flowers are blooming and it’s all about new beginnings.  Instead of overthinking, when you find yourself doing it, get outside and take a walk and clear your mind of that habit.

And smile!

Advertisements
2 Comments »

5) Judgements Are A Confession of Character

Have you ever heard of the Meyers Briggs Personality Assessment?

If you are ever curious about the reasons behind why you make certain decisions, how you might handle a certain situation or are contemplating a relationship – go do this test!  It’s an eye opener.

I did one years ago, as part of a leadership group I was participating in.  Boy did it open my eyes to some of my personality traits.  What was even MORE eye opening several years later, was after my “then” husband did one for work.  We compared our scores.  It should have been a warning.

I scored very highly on the “judger” judgmental part of the test.  I’d never had that trait identified like that before.   I really had to focus on being more understanding of other’s opinions and personalities and seeing that I could not put how “I” would handle something on them, as an expectation.

I think I have a pretty good character – and most of the time I’m a really good person, but it is still a daily struggle at times to let those judgements go.  What can I say but that I’m a constant work in progress!

Leave a comment »

4) Things Always Get Better With Time

This is a bit like “It’s always darkest just before dawn!”

Or, “Time, it’s the great healer!”

Eventually . . .

Boy, when I first found out about my husband “living outside the bonds of marriage”, I was devastated.  The reactions from friends were as different as night and day.  The common thread seemed to be, if I elected to stay – things would get better with time.

It sure didn’t seem like it.  And just how much time does it take anyway?

Everyone’s situation is different (just like yesterday’s everyone’s journey is different) and no one can tell you just when your “thing” will get better, but it will.

The passage of time dims the hurt; your life gets back on track with patience.

I’m ten years post divorce now, that’s alot of time for things to get better.  The good news?  They have, and continue to do so.  It may not be the path I thought I’d be on when I got married at 23, but for me at this time in my life – it is the best path.

And things just keep getting better!

Leave a comment »

3) Everyone’s Journey Is Different

So true!

While I was gathering information for my book, and talking to other women about things that had happened in their lives over the years of marriage, successful or not – one thing became very clear.

Everyone’s journey is different.

Things that I initially thought were obvious and universal, became different and unsuspected.  You put 100 people in a room and hand them a set of circumstance and they will all handle it differently.  They are neither right or wrong, just different.

Just like yesterday’s post on opinions, our journeys and forks in the road happen at different times and for different reasons – there is not always a clear right and/or wrong.

Yes, looking back there might be things I would’ve done differently, and my path might have then been different at this point.  There is still no time travel going back to change things.  Having regrets, making amends, moving forward – it is your journey and hopefully you embrace it fully.

Those bumps in the road, the potholes you fall into – they make you who you are.  Special.

Embrace “different” – you only go ’round once!

 

Leave a comment »

2) Opinions Don’t Define Your Reality

Opinions, we all have them.  We don’t always share them, people don’t always share them, but they’re there.

Do we all want only positive opinions?  Do negative opinions really hurt us or do they inspire us to make change?

I’ve always thought it’s the “way” the opinion is expressed that matters more than the actual opinion itself.  We’re all entitled to our own opinions aren’t we?  Uh Oh – here’s the free speech rhetoric.  Sorry!!

Or how about, “I didn’t ask for your opinion”.  Or, “Hey, you’re entitled to your own opinion, just don’t try to change mine”?

Seriously, your reality really isn’t always defined by other’s opinions unless it actually causes you to stop, think and alter your course.

Your reality is just that – yours, and I really should just respect that it might be different than mine.  Doesn’t make me right and you wrong, or you right and me wrong – it is after all, JUST an opinion.

Leave a comment »

1) The Past Cannot Be Changed

Nope, no matter how hard we try, it’s there.  It happened.

Are you like me and sometimes think in your active imaginative brain what “coulda been” . . . if only?

I replay things over and over and formulate different endings.  Yes, I do the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” dance in my head.  But to what end?

That would be the end that drives you crazy because unless you find a time machine, the past cannot be changed.  Nor probably should the past BE changed because it’s how we learn.  It’s the old, “If this . . . then that”!!  For every action there is a reaction (high school physics, not my favorite – just sayin’!)

As I grow older, I understand that the past cannot be changed and I must keep trying to do what’s right, what’s best for me in my own personal situation.  Other’s may not always agree with my actions, my thoughts, my behavior – but it is mine and I own it.

I alone am responsible for how I take the past in to account to decide my future.  I am much happier now, than I was in most of my past.  I thought I had a loving marriage – I was wrong, but what I take from that is invaluable to how I move forward.  That hurt has made me strong, those lessons have been learned and stored for future reference.

I am a better person because of the past, changing it would alter the course of my life as it is now – so no thanks.  I’m a better person because of it.

2 Comments »

A Few Days of Thoughts (Because It’s A Good Day To Share!)

Thanks FR for sending these gems to me!  They’re all wonderful, and it’s quick to peruse, and then forget.  But you know me, so instead – I post it today, and will then take each point one by one to “think on”!

Yes, you guessed it – I’ll be sharing those thoughts to tickle yours over the next few days!  Hope to hear from you.

Leave a comment »

No Wonder I’m Tired At Times, LOL!

In my book I encourage people to get up, get out and get active.  I suggest using a step tracker of some sort to actually see how active (or inactive) you are on a daily basis.

I use the FitBit.  There are many trackers out there, but I love that it tracks my heart rate, my steps and my sleep (which certainly lacks) among other things.

This year my totals were emailed to me and after seeing them – I was exhausted.  My goal is 10,000 steps per day.  Let’s just say I’m more apt to reach and/or surpass those goals in the summer (i.e. nice weather) vs. rainy wintry days.  Still, when you see the grand total, it kinda takes your breath away.

Amongst my goal oriented friends who are in my “group”, I’m usually right in the middle in the number of steps per day.  Not really a competition . . . but then again.

The (constant) leader is a “runner” and since she normally runs five miles a day I am NEVER going to beat her.  (on the few weeks where I have surpassed her, I’ve emailed her to find out if she broke both feet – she is THAT dedicated).

Why I ever accepted her “friend” request via FitBit is beyond me.  WTH was I thinking??

So, here’s how I did in 2017:

2,832,537 steps or,

1,236 miles

435,203 calories burned

So why are my jeans so tight, SIGH????

Leave a comment »

Some Things Never Change – – –

Musician John Mayer posted this list of Principles of Adult Behavior on Instagram honoring the passing of John Perry Barrow.  The “Principles of Adult Behavior” itself was written by Barrow, then a lyricist for the Grateful Dead, in 1977 on his 30th birthday.

This post by another “blogger”, was shared with me by a friend who shares my same “thoughts” on behavior.   Really, when you read it, don’t you flash back to things that your parents taught you “back in the day”?

Sometimes the simplest credo’s are the easiest to follow.  My mother always called it “common sense”.  I call it my hope for humanity.  Thanks Carol!!

 

1 Comment »

Shared By My Pal LB – – –

“Secrets to Inner Peace”

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, . . . . . . .

 

Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ….


Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.

If you can’t eat it or play with it,

Pee on it and walk away!

4 Comments »