Surviving the unwanted divorce

Part Four – – –

Replace a doubting attitude, with an attitude of faith!

Faith – sometimes you feel like it leaves you.  You begin to doubt everything that you learned growing up, because most likely few of us have the lives today we thought we were going to.

Am I right?

My Father and I had a special relationship.  He was my hero, I miss him every day.  If he said he was going to do something, and the creek didn’t rise, he did it.  You could count on him and I did.  I never had any doubt in him.

Doubt was something that entered my life in college.  Was I good enough?  Was I smart enough?  Would I get a job?  Could I support myself?  He had always been my rock and my foundation making sure to bolster my self confidence and make me believe in myself.

As an adult, doubt enters your life many times – and suddenly your hero isn’t there for you any more.  Others that you depend on let you down, you fell abandoned.  You lose faith in all you were taught to believe in.

I’ve had the chance over the past ten years to face my doubts, and to re-establish my faith, both in people and in my own spirituality.  Don’t get me wrong, people will still let me down.  The difference is now I have the faith to move past those disappointments.  I have the faith that I am going to be alright!

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Approaching the Weekend – – –

I recently had lunch with a new friend, whom I met at my book signing party last year!  We connected through “social media”, and have subsequently found that we have much in common.  It doesn’t hurt that she feeds my ego by telling me how important my book is, and can be, to women.


She gives it to her clients as a post divorce tool; she specializes in women being financially savvy when they find themselves “suddenly single” after divorce, or even in the case of the death of a spouse.

While she still explores the “hope” of “happily ever after” through dating, I expressed my willingness to “throw in the towel”.  I applaud her for sticking with it, and admit that the occasional hand-holding, hug, and dinner conversation are things that I still long for.  But how do your find that?

Not sure, but in the mean time, when this pic turned up on my FB feed, I took it as a sign . . . that for the mean time . . . it’s OK learning to be alone.  After all, what man is going to let me obsess over The Voice and it’s Finale?

Go Team Lauren!!   : -)




Being Authentic To Yourself . . .

Life is hard, we’re challenged every day.  Making the right decision when faced with a dilemma can be tough.  You weigh all your options but at the end of the day, you are best served being true to yourself.

This author calls it being authentic, I call it stressful – but I plan to do more of it in 2017.

Doesn’t really matter if you’re single and alone, or in a relationship and dealing with a partner.  At the end of every day, you are accountable for your decisions and your actions.  Perhaps choosing to be more authentic will shine a light on your future path.

Shut out all the crowd “noise” and listen to that inner voice.

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Today Is The Beginning . . . . .


We’ve all heard it before.  Today is the beginning of the rest of your life!   I also added a new one I saw on Facebook this weekend.  Today is page one of 365!

Then when I saw this one above, I took it as a sign that I should remind myself that we’ve crossed into a New Year and it’s our chance to begin . . . again!

As with the days past when I was a teacher and told my students at the beginning of every six weeks period – they all had straight A’s.

Whatever your past is, you have a spotless future.  For me, 2017 will be a new year of reflection, learning and cleaning house – both literally and figuratively.  I have nothing but freshly paved open road ahead of me.  I am up for the adventure.

Bring it on!

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Living Around Unhealthy People?

We’ve all heard the term:  narcissist.   I never really knew what it meant exactly until I looked it up after I heard it used in a conversation one day.  Boy did it strike a chord.  Read this article below and if you have one of these people around you?  Beware.  Do not let them suck the air out of your life.

Whether you think it’s just a behavior or something diagnosable matters not.  It’s not healthy to act this way, or be around someone who does.  From the childhood playground bully, to the adult trying to manipulate you at work, in your social circle or even your own family.

You cannot be expected to change another person’s behavior, but you can change yours and how you deal with theirs.  Thanks to my GF for sharing this with me, and helping me understand the definition.

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Self Confidence with a Boost!

“Owning a German shepherd taught me more about self-awareness and safety than any class ever did.”

I work with German Shepherd Rescue, I foster, and have adopted two GSD’s.  They are an amazing breed.  When I divorced and moved into my new place “alone”, it gave me pause.  Suddenly being “alone” really screamed – – –  “ALONE”!

I’d always had smallish dogs.  Welsh Corgis and Cocker Spaniels mostly, 20-25 pounds, give or take.  Now, I wanted something that would make a statement, with a lot of clear glass in my new front door, I wanted a pair of pointed, alert ears to be visible!

I loved this article shared on our rescue email, not only because it’s about GSD’s specifically, but in general, a good reminder for those of you alone, or by yourself a lot if your significant other travels.  I know I walk taller and more aware when I take my two out.  They are 175 pounds combined, and now that I have 2 pairs of pointed ears looking out the front door – I feel safer, and not so alone.

Hope you enjoy the quick read!

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When Someone Says It Better – – –

Then I plan to just “share”.   After all, why reinvent the wheel, as they say??  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and gather wisdom from her very wise words!  Thoughts for a Monday morning!


Better Not Younger: In The Moment

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Building From The Top Down?

Won’t work.  You don’t build anything from the top “down”.  Picture if you will, a house being built.  If you tried to start with the roof, what would hold it up?  Where’s the strong foundation to support it?

One brick at a time, brick by brick – sounds like the lyrics to a country western song, although that certainly dates me as now they just refer to it as “country”!

When people tell you that after your divorce you just try to take it one day at a tie, putting one foot in front of the other.  You’re rebuilding your life, whether you are divorced or widowed, it’s the same.  What you had – is gone.  Poof!

The life you had, even if you felt you had worked your way up to the “top”, is non existent.  You cannot rebuild it from the top down.  You’re going to have to start over whether you want to or not.  Finances may not be the same, certainly family and friends are not going to be the same.  Your purpose in life has suddenly altered and you are starting over.  You’re foundation has shifted as it does in an earthquake – a good synonym for life after divorce, an earthquake hit you and everything has crumbled and fallen down.

So you get yourself up, dust yourself off and as Frank Sinatra once said, “Get back in the race”.

One brick at a time . . . brick by brick . . . one foot in front of the other . . . one day at a time.


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Happy Summer – Enjoy!

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Je Ne Sais Quoi –

“Je ne sais quoi”

Je ne sais quoi is French for “I know not what.” In English, we use it to refer to an intangible, distinctive quality, especially of a person, that can’t be put in words—e.g., “I don’t know what makes him so charming. He just has a certain je ne sais quoi.” The phrase is often italicized and occasionally put in quotation marks.

The phrase has been in use in English for at least three centuries. In some old books, it is treated as a broader term representing various philosophical and aesthetic concepts not easily put in words, but by the 19th century je ne sais quoi was widely used the way it is today.

My Father used to use that phrase all the time.  I never quite knew what he meant, but it sounded so cool.  If it were today, and my Father was still alive and using the phrase I could simply go to Google and figure out what the heck he was trying to tell me.  After all these years, I finally did!  (look it up that is)  Therefore, I copied it above and have to admit, it still kinda throws me off.

If I’m going to go with “I know not what”, then I could agree that when it comes to looking into the future and trying to see where I’m headed (or is it heading?), nothing could be more perfect as a description of my feelings.  “I know not what”!

Years ago I would have thought that by my age, life as I had planned it, imagined it, would be so simple.  Loving husband, retirement adventures, mortgages paid off, kids safely launched, grandkids to baby sit, sunsets to enjoy – you get the drift.  This would be the year of my 40th wedding anniversary.

Didn’t quite work out that way.  Now when I look into the future, I somehow keep hearing my Father say, “Je ne sais quoi” and I’m starting to get the picture.


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