Becoming the best version of yourself

Divorce and Vanishing Healthcare

I had my annual physical today.  When I arrived, they asked for my driver’s license and my health insurance card.  This year I had an insurance card to give them, last year I did not.  One of the things you will find as you go through the process of divorce is how many things you “took for granted” when you were married.  If you were a stay at home Mom/Wife, you most likely had health coverage through your spouse’s place of employment.  If you are currently working and have benefits, then this doesn’t apply to you.  If you are not working, and divorced – this can get really bad.

I’m a healthy person.  I take good care of myself, and beside the typical roller coaster of weight up and down, I don’t really have any health issues that would (or should) keep me from being able to get health insurance.  WRONG!  Think again.  I live in the state of Texas, most of the time, I’m glad I do.  When I started trying to apply for health insurance after my COBRA ran out – – – not so sure.  For some reason, in this state, you cannot convert the health insurance you had with your spouse and his company, into a private policy.  These people carried me for 30 years, but now suddenly I’m a risk??  WHAT??

I tried three different health care insurance companies to no avail.  United Healthcare / Golden “something”, Aetna and Humana.  The runaround I got was comical.  They look for anything and everything they can do not approve you.  And when they can’t find anything, they can accidentally enter something incorrectly and then never go back and fix it.  For example, I have never smoked a day in my life, but because the person doing the phone interview checked the “yes” box for smoking, I was denied.  Should be an easy fix right??  NOPE!!  I got the rejection letter and immediately called.  They said they tape their phone interviews and would go back and check, then get back with me.  SURE!!  Never happened.  I’m still fighting that one . . . .

Another thing that tripped me up, my Gynecologist has prescribed for me a drug called Effexor that helped reduce the symptoms of hot flashes.  Yep, I’m at that age where it can be 40 degrees outside and I’m in short sleeves, LOL!! So little did I know that it would cause me such trouble with insurance apps.  You see, Effexor is an anti-depressant, and I guess health insurance companies don’t want to insure someone that could be fighting depression.  When you try to talk to them about the WHY it was prescribed, it falls on deaf ears.  They have their guidelines, and if  you fall outside those guidelines just one millionth of an inch – forget it.  So I gutted it up and went off the Effexor.  Now their excuse?  They want to see me off of it for a multiple of years.  REALLY???

So I am left with only one way to be covered, and that’s through the State’s High Risk Pool.  I pay twice what I should be just to get this coverage.  My advice to you???  When you’re dealing with your divorce settlement, lobby for your costs for healthcare to be covered by your soon to be “ex” until you hit Medicare.  After all – I was married for 30 years, my COBRA ran out when I was less than 10 years away from Medicare.  I should have forced him to pay until Medicare.  Those vows that say “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health . . . . .” should include “and when I dump you for my younger girlfriend and leave you holding the bag for expenses you thought I would take care of in my roll as your spouse . . .”

When it comes to your settlement, remember those vows, remember those promises of “till death do us part” and remember that you’re not going to be able to live life like you were – ever again.


It’s the Weekend! Yay!! Or Boo??

I used to look forward to the weekends, it meant that there was something fun and exciting that we would be doing.  Notice I said “we” – because when I was married, we did a lot of really fun things.  We were with our friends for dinner, or an event.  We hosted parties, we attended parties.   We went to our sons’ games, had their friends over, had our friends over, went over to our friends.  We saw movies, tried new restaurants, made short trips over long weekends.  We tackled home projects, curled up on the sofa with a new book, watched videos.  We did “something”.  Granted, most Saturdays and Sundays started with him going to the “office” for work, but we tried to do fun things at night.  After the kid’s were older and in college, we tried new restaurants  – we were active.

Once you’re divorced, you learn a very powerful yet sad lesson.  This world is a world of “couples”.  You were invited to things all the time as a “couple”.  When you are no longer a “couple” – those invitations disappear.  You become the “11th” person at a table for ten.  You become inconvenient.  You become a “threat” to all married women when you are single and available.  The thought of going after another woman’s husband would NEVER hit my mind, especially after what happened to me, but as sad as that thought is, I get it.  I don’t like it, but I get it.

So what are you doing this weekend??  After a week full of DVR’d TV programs, I”m trying to find something to go out and do tonight, to be around people.  Because being at home alone again just sux!!  What do you do??

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When Everyone Says “Move On”?

Such simple advice, great if you are in a position to listen to it. For some people it just takes time, no one can push you thru it as it states. Move at your own speed, take care of yourself – for if you were married as long as I was, and now you’re not – take time to just be “you”, and take care of “you” – you deserve it!!

Speaking Girl 2.0

Today might not be the day you are ready to start fresh. No one can force or push a person to start fresh if they are not ready. If you are ready today, then GREAT!! If you need more time then take that time! Here are FIVE types to help starting fresh a little easier…


F   orgive yourself for being angry. Forgive those around you that have hurt you. – Think of this forgiveness as a key to healing and finding peace within. Holding grudges or being angry with someone will only cause you more hurt. TRY to find that forgiveness. I know you can.

R emember that good things in life. Repeat to yourself what you are thankful for. Remember that life is too precious to waste on being sad and angry. REMEMBER you are worthy of a happy life.

E nergize your life. Keep active. Get…

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Men And Their Vows . . .

Divorce does seem to be happening in epidemic proportions. Do they really think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? Do the marriage vows take a hike when you think there’s something better out there for you? A vow is a promise, like honoring a contract – but these days people just rip up the contract like yesterday’s hamburger wrapper, and toss it in the trash can. Sad . . . . .

Divorce is War

Studies show that divorce is contagious. You’re more likely to divorce if your friends do.  A study done by the Daily Mail found that the break-up of a friend of a friend’s marriage boosts your chances of divorce by a third, calling the effect “divorce clustering.”

Break-ups within friendship groups “force couples to start questioning their own relationships” and “reduce the social stigma of splitting up, even when children are involved.”

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Valentine’s Day – UGH!!

Valentine’s Day – what’s it like for a single woman???  SUX!!  My college boyfriend proposed to me on Valentine’s Day.  Nine months later, he decided he’d rather go to Law School with his best friend than graduate and marry me.  Hmmmm???  Then came the next BF, our first date was on Valentine’s Day, I married him and 30 years later he leaves me after our 30 year marriage.  Over the years, Valentine’s Day was something I tried to celebrate as the anniversary of something wonderful – but now I know that it was just a sham.  Last year, after a horse accident, I was on crutches and the man I was dating (or thought I was) brought me lunch and roses.  I was so taken aback, and so “falling in love” that I allowed myself to think “this one is a good one, this one won’t break my heart”.  Nope – what I shoulda been thinking was “this one is just like all the rest”!!  He had only been divorced a couple of years and was not any where NEAR done playing the “I’m free – woo hoo” game.  So this year’s Valentine’s Day was spent alone with the dogs.  You know, the four legged critters that love YOU unconditionally.  Maybe I’m on to something . . . . . . .Image

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Life “after” divorce!

Welcome to my new blog.  This has been a project in the making for the past couple of years.  I started out wanting to design and provide a support group for “suddenly single women” – of any age, who find themselves getting a divorce because their husband no longer wants to be married to them.  I could not find a support group that wasn’t too “faith based”.  I wanted to find a group of women who “got it”, similar to the scene in the movie of “Jerry Maquire” when all the ladies who were “left” get together in a friend’s home to talk about their experience with others who have “been there”!  In the process of conceptualizing this group, many people started suggesting I write a book as well.

Along this path has come many learning opportunities, I’m still working on the support group, hoping to get it off the ground within the year.  I’m a Houstonian, but I know the needs are universal.  I’ve written the book, but it’s in editing so I’m getting my feet wet by “blogging”.  Welcome to the 21st century.  I hope suddenly single women find me, and together we can survive our unwanted divorce, and come out the other side whole, healed and better for it.

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