suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Emotions – Your Own Personal Roller Coaster!

Saw a great post on Facebook the other day and had to run write it down so I wouldn’t forget to share it with you all!  It goes like this:

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”

It sounds so easy right?

Every day we are bombarded with so many choices, so many decisions, ups and downs and roundabouts.  How can you NOT be on an emotional roller coaster ride especially when you’re “alone” – a single who has to deal with most of what life throws at you all by yourself?

I have friends and family members who stand at the ready to help me when needed, but even they don’t want to be on call 24/7.    All the choices you have to make can be so overwhelming that you want to scream – or break something.  Yes, you get emotional and it feels like your world is spinning out of your control.  I admit it, I sometimes long for those days when I had a partner who I could share life’s challenges with.  It would be nice to know that someone was there to at least offer guidance when you have to make those really big decisions and value another’s input.

Do you ever feel more alone?

And you want me to “control” those emotions?  Seriously?

But I also understand that for my own “inner peace”, a healthy/happy mind and body, that I need to rein in those emotions at times and strive to find some way of finding some sort of release.  It’s not easy.  All our lives we’ve let people and events sway our thinking and influence the decisions we make and actions we take.

Some people get there with meditation, some find yoga or other calming activities helpful.  I haven’t really found mine yet but I’ve come close when I can escape away to the mountains, watch an amazing sunset or hold my new grand baby when it’s just she and I alone.

I’m a work in progress, but at least there IS progress . . .

Advertisements
3 Comments »

Validation – – – We All Need It!

Validation – I hadn’t thought about it much until this past week.  I remembered the lines from the movie, “The Help” where the maid/housekeeper/nanny is telling her charge, a young little girl to always remember:  “You is pretty, you is smart . . .”     The maid knew that facing the world as a young woman this little girl would need to always remember that she is special.  She was teaching her how to validate herself and her worth.

How often are we given validation?  Not nearly enough, especially if you are in, or have been in a troubled relationship.

This past week I had the great fun of having a GF visit me while on vacation.  We’ve known each other for years, but haven’t always lived in the same city, or shared very many times together just she and I.  Our “ex” husbands worked for the same firm at first, that’s how we met.  In her husband’s career they moved around, we did not.  There were always Christmas cards, graduation announcements, wedding invitations to help keep in touch.  Only recently though did we actually start spending real time together.

I got divorced first, she a couple of years after me.  Same reason – adultery.  I can remember calling her when I heard the news to offer my help and support having already been through it, and knowing what she was getting ready to face.  In the past few years we’ve started seeing each other more often, even though we still reside in different cities.

So back to the validation part of this message.  She and I have a shared past, a history and she more than just about anyone understands what I feel, and the reason why.   We have so many things in common that explanations of how we feel are not necessary.  She GETS IT!!  She validates me.

Do you have someone in your life that can offer that to you?  I hope so.  I can’t tell you how great I feel after this week of spending time together and sharing stories about our kids, our futures, our pasts . . .  There was no pressure to be someone I’m not, no guilt placed on me for my past hurt feelings or heartbreaks.  She helps me to know “I am pretty, I am smart . . .”   Thank you CW, I’m going to be OK!

Leave a comment »

At What Price Freedom ?

Happy July 4th to everyone!  I’ve seen many emails and Facebook postings today regarding this special holiday and what it stands for.  The common word across all messages is “Freedom”.  Freedom to lead our lives the way we feel is best, freedom from tyranny and abuse of power.  Freedom from those that would oppress us, and not have our best interests at heart, but only their own.

Freedom hard fought for and hopefully never taken for granted.  What, I wonder, would the Colonials think of us now?  They fled to this country to seek a better life, one full of rich promises of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I love this holiday and everything it stands for.  It always makes me think of family “together” time.  Probably only second to the Christmas / Hanukkah season in making plans to be together for family, food and festivities.   So as a single woman, how easy is it to find a way to celebrate a “family” based holiday?

And how similar is the quest for freedoms that the Pilgrims sought, and that we’ve been fighting for ever since, in our life as a divorced single woman (or even some married women who have lost their identity with the need to be ever supportive of the man in their lives and his aspirations)?  Did we leave oppression?  Do we seek the freedom to live our own life the best way we see fit without the abuse of the power over us that some husbands wielded?  Don’t we have the right for the pursuit of happiness?

Absolutely.

So today let Freedom ring for your life as a single woman in control of your own destiny.  It’s maybe not the life you planned for, but you can make the best of it with the way you value your freedom and choose to live a life of liberty.  When  you watch the fireworks tonight, or any other night, let those bursts of lights guide you to be the best person you can be with your new freedom.  Let your Freedom RING!

1 Comment »