Becoming the best version of yourself

When I Need a Bit of Humor – Thank Goodness For My GF’s!

Just a little bit of levity today!!  Some days are just like that, ya know?

It’s summer and it’s hot, crazy traffic makes you crazier, and we all need something to make us smile!

Hope this helps!  Stay cool!!

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Can you grow after divorce?

Seeing divorce as an opportunity for growth?  Surely that must come on the “post” side of divorce because living through divorce is always about the opposite.  It’s like a destruction derby.  The life as you knew it is destroyed.  There is no growth there – if anything the whole thing makes you want to shrivel up inside like a wilting plant that’s had no water, no rays of sun, no fertilizer, no care.

The divorce process for me was long and drawn out and extremely painful both emotionally and physically.  You come out the other side and growth is the last thing on your mind.  You’ve been run over by a freight train and you’re trying to pick up the pieces.  How can you grow?  There were so many steps backwards that involved great frustration and self-doubt.

There is no easy answer for you, wish there was.  Every day is an opportunity for growth so perhaps taking baby steps is the way to achieve it.  Set some achievable goals that can be measured.  I’m not talking about the kind of things you think about for New Year’s Resolutions, but actual tangible, measurable goals that can be achieved.  Be honest with yourself.  Let’s try a little exercise – and this can be for post divorce recovery or any kind of growth you want to achieve.

Pick five areas in your life that you’d like to grow in, or change, or focus on to become happier.  These need to be tangible goals that you can measure.  Write them down, then put them in a safe place (that you’ll remember) or give them to a friend or family member to give to you in 12 months, one year!  You might be surprised.

I did this once as an exercise for an organization that was promoting leadership skills.  They kept them for us and mailed them to us after that 12 month period.  I admit I had forgotten.  When I received the envelope, I knew immediately what it was (after all, I recognized my own handwriting on the self-addressed envelope!).  There is this moment of doubt of thinking, “Did I do it?”  What a pleasant surprise to open it up and go over the five goals I had laid out for myself.  I had achieved them.  I had made a plan, challenged myself and achieved my growth.

Yes, you and I can both grow after our divorce, but only if we start somewhere.  Are you ready to start growing?


When Plans Run Amok – – –

I’m a planner, I admit it.  I like to plan and have everything carefully arranged so life can be a bit more simple, a tad easier day to day.  When plans run amok – GRRRRR!!!  We’re alone, so planning helps us prepare.  When life throws you curve balls – like a divorce – it’s good to have plans to fall back on.  Planning keeps you sane.  So today – – – –

I have a wonderful nephew who is supposed to be staying with me this summer, help out when I’m traveling, keeping the house safe and troubles at bay.  Till today when we found out his summer internship may fall through – darn, now who’s going to gather my mail for me while I’m on vacay??  And deal with locking gates and . . . nope, can’t worry about that now because I need to get the dogs to the vet for 7:30 a.m. drop off then on to deal with my vehicle.

Took the truck in for service, getting ready for a road trip, BAM – one tire has a nail, can’t be repaired, put on the spare and need to buy new tire.  NOPE!  Talk to #2 son who says it’s time for new tires anyway so let’s get four new tires.  OK – fine.  Make appointment online, order four new tires from Discount Tire, show up this morning at my 8:30 appointment time, BAM!

They don’t HAVE those tires – I’m thinking, then why do I have a piece of paper that says you do???  So of course, they have me, I’m there, so four different tires that they just happen to have in stock that are – of course – you guessed it, more $$$.  Fine, 45 minutes??  No problem, I’ve brought a book!!  More than an hour later, BAM!!

Sorry, they say.  Don’t know what happened, they say.  Two of the lug nuts won’t tighten, they’re stripped but we’ll send you over to another shop to get them replaced and pay for it.  No problem, I’ve now eaten into my day of getting things done but FINE – off I go.  And oh by the way, did I mention that I now have to get the new tires aligned, something I’d just paid for at the service checkup at the dealer??  BAM!!

Show up at the repair tire dealer, Discount Tire has called ahead and this man is shaking his head saying that they get a lot of Discount Tire customers with damage – GRRRRR!!!  He goes online and can’t fine anyone who has the parts that I need but yes he can certainly preform the alignment for me – an hour.  More perseverance, and he finds two lug nuts that fit my car and can be delivered – this morning.  But now maybe more than an hour?  BAM!!

Luckily I like to walk, so off I go to head home and be productive.  It’s exercise, right??  And it’s only 10:00 a.m. and my plans just aren’t working for me today.  And as I’m strolling home in 95 degree heat, I happen to walk behind a group of boutique shops that bring back a memory of the ex, BAM!!

Yep, that used to be a lingerie shop and one day, near Valentine’s Day that particular year, he had received a “thank you” postcard in the mail from that shop for becoming a new “customer”.  HA!!  Only problem was, the purchases were not for me, they were for adulterous liaison #2.  Yup, that whole marriage plan just didn’t quite work out the way I had intended it to either.  Instead of a plan running amok, it was a husband running amok.

So maybe the plan for today should just be to NOT make a plan – SIGH!!

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