Yes, I admit it, I love to watch the chick flicks. The ones where they fall IN love and live happily ever after. I used to believe that actually existed for me and the majority of our friends. Now I wonder if our parent’s generation is the last to stay together?
You remember that rush you felt when you had that supreme crush on the new guy? It could be middle school, high school, college – even now. Your adrenaline pumps, your heart goes piddy pat, your palms get sweaty, you fumble your words . . . . you remember?? You wonder if he’ll feel the same way? You wonder if he even notices you?
Once your relationship/marriage starts to fall apart, the feelings you get are more closely related to a kick in the gut. You’re breathless, but only because your life if falling into this tailspin and you have no idea how to stop it. You’re falling OUT of love. Do you remember when you first realized it was happening to you?
I do. It’s oh so clear in my memory bank. My son was home from college on spring break, my ex had just returned from another one of his over seas trips (for business) and I was working in his office filing papers. I had the fun job of organizing receipts and matching them to credit cards, separating business from personal – etc. When he had been getting ready to leave on this particular trip, I did what I did a lot – I hid a card in his briefcase. I was trying oh so hard to get the “rush” back into our love.
As I was sorting things, I saw the card. I flushed with excitement. He generally tossed out anything that wasn’t “important”, but he had kept it this time. I thought this was a great sign! Right? Well . . . .
It would have been great if it had been MY card. Instead it was a card from a young woman who we knew from a restaurant that we frequented. She had it mailed to his hotel over seas. He had kept it, not mine. Mine had been sweet, gushy and loving. Her’s was, shall we say, provocative? The awful gut wrenching feelings that had hit me two years earlier when I found out about the first affair came back with twice as much power because this time I knew what I would have to face down the road.
It was starting over, and I began to fall into a very large black abyss. Falling out of love – it’s a downer and there are no parachutes.
suddenlysinglewomen 