suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

When Your “Friend” Foundation Shifts – – –

on July 1, 2012

During the divorce process, heck – even way before when things were so tense in my marriage due to the adulteries and the lies and deceptions, there were friends I knew would always be there for me.  They were the “real deal”.  They were my “Friend Foundation” – my rocks.  So when the divorce was done, and I was trying to put the pieces of my life back together, it was to those friends that I turned.  Natural, right?

Not so fast.  Several weeks ago I received an email from one of those “real deal” friends who DID stick around.  She had seen this on a blog site and thought it sounded like my personal circumstance.   I’ve copied it below.  Read it and see if it strikes a chord in you like it did in me:

     It was only weeks into my divorce when an IM popped up from a friend on my computer screen. I’d finally written        as openly as I could on my blog about what was happening—why I’d moved into my parents’house with my child, removed my husband’s name from Facebook, why I was no longer wearing a wedding ring. My friend’s words popped up on my screen.

“I’m not sure what happened,” she wrote. “But I want you to know I am on your ninja squad.”

Ninja squad? I hadn’t even realized I needed that. But I needed that. What I found was my circle of support was shifting quickly. People I believed were my rocks were questioning me, slipping away. Others surprised me by stepping in closer. Seeing the circle around me as ninjas—stealthy, smart, skilled, in sync—helped me to decide who I wanted to be at the ready when I was sparring or when I was silent.

I love the way she puts it, her Ninja Squad!  I thought I had a large Ninja Squad.  Turns out I didn’t.  For whatever reason, there are going to be many people who disappoint you when you go through a divorce.  Friends and family members who you thought would always be your “go to” people, will drift away and will no longer be a part of your inner circle.  You become inconvenient and their easiest way to handle it is just walk away.

I now have a small Ninja Squad, CS who sent this to me is one of them.  They’ve surrounded me in my times of need and enveloped me with unconditional love and hugs.  Be prepared for the loss of those you thought were real friends, but get ready to revel in the knowledge that there are some “real deal” friends out there and they will surprise you!   Embrace them, tell them thank you and when you get the chance someday, return the favor – because now you know what it means to have a foundation friend!

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4 responses to “When Your “Friend” Foundation Shifts – – –

  1. Jinx Chiles says:

    It certainly happened to me. I had more “real and close” friends than I could ever count. Divorce over, memberships over, prominent husband & name…over…………those best friends of 25 years……OVER!!!!! Actually, the more I see of people, the more …I love animals. Jinx

  2. Farris says:

    This is so true! It was tremendously hurtful just to go through the divorce. Then to see your friends change was another layer of pain and an element I wasn’t expecting. Some of the ones I worried would abandon me were solid and the ones I knew I could count on went MIA. Some distanced themselves as if I would hit on their husbands. Any REAL friend knows and authentic woman would never do that. I especially resent friends who are so busy with tennis, travel and socializing, they don’t have time to call. Seriously?!? Try working full time, trying to be the same mom you were before, with no help, no money for travel and being exhausted all the time. Funny…divorced men don’t have these problems.

  3. Kathy Jensen says:

    Divas are always Ninjas to the highest degree!!

  4. I am extreeeemly thankful for the friends that stuck by me. This experience has taught me the true meaning of family – it isn’t blood – it is those willing to hold your hand through thick and thin.

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