suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #3 – – –

“it’s not my job to take responsibility for others”

What “others” are we talking about here?   Guess it depends on your age, and the time of your life.

As a younger Mom, sure, I took responsibility for the actions of my two sons.  That’s a natural.  Luckily they didn’t get into too much trouble . . . that I found out about?  But now, they’re grown men, with families of their own – and certainly I feel no need to be responsible for their lives (unless of course you want to tell me how brilliant they are, or what great fathers they are – then, well maybe?)

As a young wife, I did many times feel responsible for the things we did “as a couple”, commitments made, events attended, lives impacted.    His actions were a reflection on me, and vice versa – that’s alot of pressure to take on.  As time went by, I realized, I was NOT responsible for his actions and toward the end of the marriage it was a relief to have validation from friends, family and peers that the actions he chose were not a reflection on me.

The older I get, the older we all get, we understand that we are responsible for one person here on earth – ourselves.  Want to see who you should think about when you’re making decisions?  Grab a mirror and start there.  Of course there are ancillary “re-actions” to the actions you take that will trickle down.  And when that happens?  Step up and be accountable.

Wha’dya think?

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Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

Enjoy your day!  I can’t believe it’s been 8 years for the blog but you all keep me inspired Every. Single. Day!

Embrace those you love, and those who love you and just leave all the rest in the dust!

Sending you all much love and appreciation today, my happiness is a direct reflection of your support!

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Thoughts For A New Decade #2

“It’s OK to say no”

It really really is.   When I was younger and starting out in that “time of life” where I had retired from teaching and was a “stay at home” Mom, I became a volunteer.  My husband was with an accounting firm and the wives (yes, sexist but at that time there weren’t THAT many women in accounting) were encouraged, strongly, to become a force in the volunteer, charitable, non-profit world.

It’s all about client development and networking.  What better way for a member of a firm, to meet potential clients, than through the relationships the spouse has on a social level?  Throw in the “do good” work and it was a win-win.

I had a mentor (thanks CS) help me, and began to get involved.   REALLY involved.  I found that I had a certain proclivity for being able to organize events and raise money.  With a successful event, came the opportunities (and “asks”) to  become involved with even more events.  Over my really active years, I was chairing a major fundraiser event, one  per year.  My first volunteer “job” started in earnest in 1984/85.  I was ripe for the pickin’.

That soon evolved into sitting on Board of Directors, Executive Committees and Capital Campaigns of some of those same non-profits.  I enjoyed it.  I felt appreciated and needed.  During that period, my sons were growing up and seeing that it was good to give back.   They became involved in some of my activities as well, and saw the value of “giving back”.   They also learned that time management is a skill.

I had a good run, but have now really cut back to only a few groups that I am most passionate about.   I’ve passed the torch, and I’ve learned “It’s OK to say no”!  It really really is.

This even drifts down into your personal life.   If a family member asks you if you’re available and you are not, then just say no.  There’ll be other opportunities.   If a friend asks you to do something that you really don’t have to time to commit to, and you’ll really regret saying yes to, then be brave, it’s OK to say no.

It’s your life, it’s your time, and you’ve earned the right to think of your time as valuable.  35 years later, I’ve made the most amazing friendships through my volunteerism, and I’d like to think I’ve done some good.  But now I also know it’s OK to say no.

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Thoughts For A New Decade – – –

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It’s been a while since I offered thoughts in a “series”, so when I found this above, it seemed like it just spoke to me about taking good care of myself.   Hope you feel the same as we tackle this one by one over the next fews posts.

Starting with the first thought:

“Its Not My Job To Fix Others”

When did we start to think it was?  Was it when we began to be entitled enough to think that we knew it all?  I’ve witnessed some amazing changes over the newer generations thinking that it had to be “my way or the highway”.  There’s a reason it was labeled the “ME” generation.

We didn’t want to “hurt their feelings”.

For me, I plan to really focus on working to make myself, and only myself, the best version of “myself”.   It is NOT my job to fix others, or expect them to fall inline with how I chose to live my life.  Neither is it their job to fix me.

“Can’t we all just get along”?  Clearly if you listen to the news media, we cannot.  I think if we focus on making ourselves the best version of ourselves, we could take huge steps toward the possibility of a kinder and gentler mankind.

I plan to be WAY more accepting in this next decade, and hope that you will indulge me in my efforts to live and let live.

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TRUTH!

Even The Strongest Person Gets Tired Of Being Strong And Needs A Break

(if you cannot open this, cut and paste into your web browser and that should do the trick!  Some new “Google” changes are really messing with my ability to share things!)

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May Your 2020 Be The Best Year Ever

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And the best way to make that happen?  Follow the advice above, and start the new year with a clean slate.

2019, that I had predicted to be my year, decided to be full of challenges and loss for me.  The hardest being the loss of my Mom at the age of just “one month shy” of turning 101.

Looking back and reflecting on her life?  She was kind to everyone.  She never spoke ill of anyone unless they purposely hurt one of her family.  But most of all?  She forgave.

So in 2020 I vow to forgive more, and look for that elusive peace so that I can make her proud.  Wishing you all the best 2020 has to offer.

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Happy December All!

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To my loyal followers, I’d like to wish everyone a very happy December holiday season!  I saw this and it made me giggle.  I hope for everyone out there, that you and yours have a loving and joyful holiday month.

I just lost my Mom at one month shy of 101 years young.   Listening to the tributes paid to her, I knew that she left mightily big shoes to fill.   I can only hope that I can be half the woman she was, and that I will make her proud.

Love those around you, and love yourself.  Happy Holidaze to all.  See you in 2020!!

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The Holidaze! They’re Here!

May you be with family, friends and those who love you!  Give thanks for all those wonderful things in life that you sometimes take for granted.  Be grateful for the little things.

I am grateful for you all!  Happiest of Thanksgivings from my house to yours.  If you’re traveling, be safe.

See you in (gasp!) December!

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As The Year Begins To Draw To A Close – – –

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It’s been one of those Summers.   Clearly the universe is not done with me and now it’s becoming one of those Falls.

I reflect back to the beginning of the year when I announced here, that 2019 was going to be my year.  The universe has other ideas.  The universe read what I wrote and decided to show me who’s boss.  Not me.

Burning bridges?  Sometimes it feels like scorched earth.  There are days when you first enter the world of wakefulness, and you think – NO!!! – just a few minutes more so that I don’t have to face what’s going to go wrong today!  BECAUSE SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG!

Something always breaks.  Something has to be replaced.  Something is so old that they don’t make replacement parts anymore.  (Really Dyson?)  And a 20% discount on the new model is supposed to make me feel better?  The pool man says pumps are only made to last 2 years ma’am!  The City water department tells me the leak is on MY side of the meter (of course it is, has it ever been on their side?).  The new car battery is dead because hey, it wasn’t the battery that was bad, it was the alternator.  The garbage disposal?  You’re only supposed to put soft things in there?  Didn’t your Mom tell you to put ice in it to sharpen the blades?  Guess what, they’re AREN’T any blades.  What?

I’m not going to burn any bridges, I’m going to fire bomb them.  Hey universe, this is me telling you what bridge you can drive OFF OF!

OK – I’ve vented, but I am searching for a new bridge to cross, because what’s left of the old one is toast!

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Honoring our veterans today.  Thank you for our freedoms and your sacrifices.   Without your willingness to sacrifice it all, we would have nothing.   Thank you.

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