suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

When People Get You Down?

Be the opposite.   Be that person in someone’s life that puts a smile on their face and in their heart.

The older I get, the more I notice there are some really grumpy people out there.  Yes, maybe life has dealt them alot of sh*t, but they are never going to feel better about their life by making someone else’s miserable.  Neither will you.

I read once that Jacquelyn Kennedy was a person who would look you in the eye while listening to you, and never scan the room for the “better deal”.  She was known to make you feel like the ONLY person in that room.

Every body is a somebody!  Don’t ever be that person that makes them feel “less than”.

There’s a wonderful company out of Colorado that produces a great line of tees and hoodies (as well as other products).  Great fabrics but greater message.   If you get a chance, head on over to:  “Be Good To People” and check out their products.  I met them one summer in Colorado and have been following their story (as well as purchasing their product line).

What a simple message.  I love this message and the family owned business that promotes it.

So this week?  Be good to people and make everybody feel like somebody!!

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Truth! Believe It!

We all have them in our lives, but are we ignoring them?  Are we walking away from them?  If we ignore them long enough will they just move on?  Maybe.

But do yourself a favor and remove them from your sphere of the universe.  No one needs another downer in their life.  Too many things go wrong on a daily basis, do you really need to add to your stress level?  Not me!

I can spot them so much more easily now.  I was brought up to believe in the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you – but guess what?  They’re so wrapped up in themselves, that they really don’t care about you and your needs or feelings.

Just finished the book, “The Narcissist Next Door”.  A neighbor had recommend I read it, so because I’m in the car alot, I downloaded the Audible version and listened to it.  Wow!  Can I recognize some of those behavior traits that before I would just ignore, or think there was something wrong with me?  You betcha’!  That’s their specialty, making YOU think there is something wrong with YOU.

Remove them from your universe.  It’s not easy, some of these people I’ve known a very long time, but it’s just not a healthy relationship.

There are so many wonderful people out there, kind hearted and caring.  Embrace them, cherish them, and let them know how much you appreciate them.  Seriously, today, after you read this, reach out to one special person and tell them how much you appreciate their positiveness.  You’ll make their day, and you’ll feel so much better too.  : -)

 

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10.  Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.

10.  Don’t be afraid of other people’s empty judgments.

“The greatest and most gratifying experiences in life cannot be seen or touched.  They must be felt with the heart from the inside out.  There’s nothing more inspiring than the complexity and beauty of human, heartfelt feelings.  Sadly though, many people let the fear of judgment numb and silence them.  Their deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.

Do NOT let people invalidate or minimize how you feel.  If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you.  Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever.  No one else occupies your body, or sees life through your eyes.  No one else has lived through your exact experiences.  And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel.  Your feelings are important.  Never let anyone or any circumstance lead you to believe otherwise.

Remind yourself that there is a great freedom in leaving others to their opinions, and there is a huge weight lifted when you take nothing personally.”

 

This is a great last part of this series of posts I’ve been sharing.  It is so validating to me to read this and I’ll tell you why.

When I published my book on divorce recovery and “survival” as a newly single woman, one of the first points I tried to get across to my readers was “your feelings are YOUR feelings”.  Don’t ever let people judge you or tell you HOW to feel, and WHEN to feel and WHAT to feel.

People are always going to try to tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how THEY would do it, and so on.

Friends and family (one hopes) want what’s best for you – that’s great.  However, you have to walk the path of your life yourself, in the way that you feel is best for you.  You’re going to make some people mad; you’re going to receive  some criticism both behind your back and to your face.  You may have to live with knowing you’ve disappointed those who are closest to you . . .

Let it roll off like water on a duck’s back.

If we’re trying to be the best version of ourselves this year, then we need to listen to our hearts.

Can you hear it?

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Some Days You Hear Sad Songs . . .

That moment when you realize that a 20+ year tradition, of one of your most favorite activities, has gone and left you behind?

That moment when all those fun memories haunt you because you have to come to realize, you’ll never have the opportunity to add to them?

That moment when you begin to come to grips with parts of your “old life” passing you by and there’s nothing you can do about it?  And people don’t really understand why it bothers you?

That moment when you try so hard not to let your heart hurt for another one of life’s disappointments?

There are going to be days like this.  You are going to have times where all you hear are the sad songs.  It’s OK.

But I promise that tomorrow you’ll feel better, I know I will.

I don’t normally “interrupt” when I’m sharing a “series” with you all, but I knew you’d understand my need to connect today, on a sad day.  Because just like that old fashioned bobber on the end of a cane pole fishing line, the weight of sadness will not keep me under water.  I’m a bobber, and I will pop right back up to that surface – because life’s sad days happen, but will never define me.

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7.  Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.

7.  Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.

“Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.  You have to figure out who’s worth your attention and who’s just taking advantage of you.  If your time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships, or on too many activities that force you to neglect your good relationships, you can end up in a tedious cycle of fleeting friendships, superficial romances that are as thrilling as they are meaningless, and a general sense of wondering why you always seem to be chasing affection.

Choose yourself rather than settle for those who treat you as ordinary.  YOU certainly aren’t.  Never settle for being someone’s option when you have the potential to be someone’s priority.  You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with.  If you hang with the wrong people too often, they will bring you down.  But if you hang with the right people, they will help you grow into your best self.  These people will love all the things about you that others are intimidated by.”

 

Flashback – it’s like my Mother is sitting here as I write this and I’m typing quickly to get all her words in.

Doesn’t this sound like a lecture/piece of advice we all received in Middle School (OK, it was called Junior High when I was there!) from our parents??

If we’d listened, would we be happier today?  Well, it’s never too late because re-reading that which I’ve shared above is something you cannot do too few times.

I’ve joked that in the past years, I’ve whittled down my Christmas card list to the real people, the true friends.  But that’s just a simple way of saying I know who the best people in my life are now.  And this means either gender in my life, friends and/or family.

Do not accept bad treatment from anyone, do not sink to their level and allow them to bring you down.

You’re worth so much more.

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2.  Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.

2.  Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.

“You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’ve also come a long way from where you once were.  Appreciate how far you’ve come.  You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too.  Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience.  You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown from the bad ones.

Good things take time, and you’re getting there.  So don’t allow yourself to be crippled by stress and self-loathing.  Everything is only as it is.  There’s no reason to let it cripple you.  Remind yourself to breathe—to let every moment be what it’s going to be.  What’s meant to be will come your way, and what’s not will fall away.  And remember that life’s best gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect.”

 

Boy is this a good one for me.  For years I didn’t trust myself, not that you could tell that from the outside looking in.  My friends would have told you that I showed confidence, inside I was the total opposite.  When you live with a narcissist, and that person makes sure you know how much you “disappoint”, you start to believe.

When that person is no longer in your life, you begin to learn to trust yourself.  You begin to realize that all along, you were just fine.  People may not always agree with my decisions, but I trust myself to make the best ones FOR ME!

I am a work in progress, aren’t we all?  I spend more time now with the “go with the flow” instead of the “swimming upstream”.  You do learn to breathe, you do learn to be more relaxed.  And yes, I appreciate how far I’ve come because I remember well where I started.  I trust myself and have grown so much in the past post-divorce 11+ years.

I like “me”.

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Opportunities!

Advice columnist Ann Landers said:  “Opportunities are often disguised as hard work.  Most people fail to recognize them.”

Suffice to say not all people are on board with “hard work”.  There are those that expect things to be handed over to them without so much as lifting a finger to deserve it.  Irritating? Yup!  Universal?  Double Yup!

Author James MacDonald said:  “Those who study human experience agree almost universally that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you choose to respond.”

It gives me pause, and it should, because how I choose to respond to something could change my life and those around me for a very long time.  We’re not always dealt the hand that we want to play with – but unlike golf, there aren’t many “mulligans” in that life.

Your decisions and your attitudes play a huge part in taking advantage of opportunities.  And yes, it does indeed require hard work.  I leave you with a quote from another author, Charles Swindoll, on the power of being positive with your possibilities!

“Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude . . . I believe the single most important decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my attitude choice.  It’s more important than my past.  It’s more important than my education or my bankroll or my success or my failures.  My attitude choice is more important than my fame or my pain or what others think or say about me or my position or my circumstances.  Attitudes keep me going or cripple my progress.  Attitude alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope.  When my attitude is right, there is no barrier too high nor valley too deep nor dream too extreme nor challenge too great for me.”

What are your opportunities today?

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The Two “B’s” . . .

Do I have you thinking??  What do you think the two “B’s” are?

Breakfast or Brunch?

Bats and Balls?

Bend or Break?

Biggio and Bagwell?  (OK, that’s only for real baseball fans!)

OK, I’ll stop now!  : -)  For the purposes of this post, my two “B’s” are “better” and “bitter“.

I’ve covered this before, but a recent incident brought it back in memory and it’s OK to sometimes rehash a thought.  With the exception on one little letter, which one are you?  How can changing that one little letter make you a happier person?

No matter if you started following this post because of your own divorce, or you just signed up to make me feel better (and hopefully yourself!), this covers everyone.

Sometimes in those critical moments of making a decision on how to react to a situation, you come to a crossroads, a fork in the path.  You make a choice and it can either make you a happier person, or doubt can lead you to falter, or down a darker pathway.

“The circumstances of life either shrink or stretch your faith.  Either you get better or you get bitter.  The choice is yours.”

I hope that in life, I have made the “better” choices, because choosing to be bitter only hurts you!  In closing, take heart in the positiveness of this old gospel banner:

Doubt see the obstacles.

Faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night.

Faith sees the way.

Doubt dreads to take a step.

Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions, “Who believes?”

Faith answers, “I”

 

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Get Rid Of That Critic In Your Brain!

A while back, when I used to attend a “Divorce Recovery Group”, one of the ladies there said she tried hard NOT to give her ex husband “free rent” in her brain.  But isn’t that true of anyone who hurts us or criticizes us?  Why do we let them inside?  Because it’s hard to kick them out sometimes.  Guilty!

Does this make you more critical of others?  Guilty!

Is it easy to replace a critical attitude?  Don’t I wish.

Author James MacDonald writes:

A continuously critical attitude toward those around me will consume all that is healthy and joy-producing in my life.”

Let’s dump that critical attitude.  There is WAY too much hate in our world today, and it’s not an overnight fix!  But – can you be one of the changes today?

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12) What Goes Around Come Around

Today is our last “thought” and if anything should strike terror into the hearts of the Mean Girls, this is it, LOL!!

Admittedly, when someone “does me wrong”, I do think this thought – alot!  How can you not?

Who knows if it actually happens; who knows if we’ll be around to see it or if we should WANT to see it?

But we’re human . . .

 

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