The will to survive – do you have it? I’ve always felt that I do. Post divorce I’ll admit, I was scared. I’d been a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife – and always “under the control” of a male. They might have meant it in the “best way” – just wanting to take care of me, guide me or make the best decisions FOR me, right?
After the divorce, this would be my first time truly on my own. Would I survive? Could I learn to make the decisions best for my future and learn to take care of myself? Was I smart enough? Was I strong enough? After all, when someone else has taken care of all those “decisions” for so many years, is it because you weren’t bright enough to do it yourself, or was it because it was a generational thing, or were they just THAT controlling?
Maybe, just maybe it could have been fueled by my lack of asserting myself? Did I add to the problem? Of course I did, but unwittingly. It’s all I’d ever known. It’s how I grew up and what I saw in my own family. I allowed myself to be a pawn in life’s game of chess. Then suddenly one day, all those pieces had been wiped off the board and I was alone.
I’m currently spending a few days in Colorado, a beautiful place to come to “chill” (pun intended) and regroup. I’m always able to see life more clearly when I’m here. Could be the air, could be the view, could be my subconscious telling me this is where I’m meant to be? Regardless, this is one of my happy places. It’s also unbelievably cold today. I saw on the weather app on my phone that it’s currently “zero” degrees outside. WOW!
I bundled myself up to take a short stroll just to see what “zero” really feels like. HA! It feels really cold, yet in the bright sunshine, some of the snow is melting. Along the flowerbed in front of the house I couldn’t help but notice the above pansy, struggling to peak through the melting snow to catch a few rays of warmth and sunshine.
That is one stubborn purple pansy with a will to survive. All the other plants have shut down for the winter, but not this little one. I’ve discovered that just like that pansy I am strong, I may have been covered up and temporarily buried, but you will see me again. I will seek the light and I will survive. . . and I hope you will find your strength to do the same.
suddenlysinglewomen 