suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Web Dating – You’re Not In Kansas Anymore Dorothy!

I know I have some married friends out there following my blog – I have two words for you . . . “stay married”, LOL!
Ok, Ok, I know – if you’re seriously unhappy or were married to an adulterer like I was then yes, it’s not worth it BUT – egad, this dating world is not for the faint of heart.
So to catch you up on my journey back into the dating via the web world:
1)  First “M&G” (meet and greet – because you and I don’t seem to rate a meal anymore?) was with “Berkley” – because that’s where he attended college and loves the “radical” persona.  We sat at a bar and ordered ice tea (note to self, follow their lead OR get there first an order tea just to be safe).  We chatted for two hours, he had to leave for a pre-arranged meeting with a manager of his business but said he really would’ve loved to have continued this over dinner.  He said we would meet again soon, he drives off.  I never hear from him again, but he just sent a “like” via the dating website that I seemed like a person he’d like to meet.    Uh . . . . we already have met dingbat!
2)  Second M&G – an older gentleman “Retired” who meets me for lunch after church.  He shows me photos of all the guest bedrooms in his country home.  You’ve heard of young people with an “old soul”?  This was an “old soul” in an “old person”.  Every move he made screamed “tired”.  Very polite but I think he knew that I was a bit too active for him, we never even exchanged contact info.
3)  Third M&G – this one offers to meet for dinner then allows me to pick the place.  We have a phone conversation before hand so a bit more “personal” then the internet.  I pick my favorite TexMex place, not expensive and very casual.  He arrives on time, we sit at the bar first (I arrive first and order a margarita AND pay for it – learning to make no assumptions here!!)  He doesn’t drink but has no problem with people who do.  He gave it up after a partying college career, likes to keep in top form for tennis.  Waitress offers to seat us for dinner, he agrees (whew!) and 3 1/2 hours later we’ve closed down the restaurant.  He asks if I like to dance, I eagerly say yes but that it’s been a while and I’m rusty.  He walks me to my car, smiles and says he’s great at knocking the rust off.  Sounding promising right??  Other than a couple of emails through the dating website talking about how busy he is, there’s been nothing more – no offers for dancing.  I must’ve double faulted somehow?
4)  Fourth M&G – We talk on the phone, we set up a meeting.  He suggests a restaurant near to both of us for a Tuesday evening at 7:00.  Kinda implies dinner to me . . . but I would be wrong.  I arrive, he’s already there.  He’s sitting in a booth with nothing.  This is a casual place where you go up to the counter to order.  He stands up, we introduce ourselves.  He’s still standing, I slide into the other side of the booth finally and say, “should we get something?”  He continues to stand and says he’s getting some ice water . . . warning bells go off in my head.  I smile and say that they have great lemonade here (as I gaze longingly at the bar full of wine bottles).  He continues to stand, I continue to sit, seriously is he waiting for me to get up and pay for my own lemonade??  He finally wanders off to the counter and asks for his FREE water and gets a glass for my lemonade.  He fills it up and comes back.  No offers of refills and zilch of a spark but hey, I was raised to be polite so I was.  After an hour I say I need to get home so he walks me to my car.  I mumble something about getting something to eat and letting out the dogs.  Next day I decide to be proactive and send a message thanking him for my lemonade, said I thought we were sharing a meal and was sorry I’d misunderstood.  Told him I didn’t feel any connection but wished him well in his search and to have fun on his upcoming family vacay!!  I immediately get a reply back that says, “Wow, reading your email and wondering what happened to the woman I met last night?  No connection?  That’s not what your body language was saying!”
SIGH!!!!  So much for being polite for a glass of lemonade . . .
5)  Fifth M&G – The “Sailor”.  We talk on the phone first, he seems really nice.  He picks a restaurant, we meet.  He arrives right on time.  I’m perched in the bar waiting – I’ve decided I want to be the one “on the look out” instead of vice versa.  Nothing screams “blind date” more than walking into a bar or restaurant alone and having to scan for someone who looks like a photo on a dating website that is 10-20 years old (the photo, not the date)!!  He arrives in a new Suburban – Love it!!  He had told me the night before what he would be dressed in – this is a man with a plan – Love it!!  We gab and gab.  He orders wine (whew!).  A woman passes out while walking by, he jumps up to help.  Later find out he’s a trained EMT and he stays with her till paramedics arrive – gallant – Love it!!  We leave and we’re the last two cars in Valet Parking.  He’s leaving the next day for Miami and sail boat racing but texts me while he’s gone.  This is looking good, right?  Enter radio silence.  Nothing from him since Saturday night and it’s now Wednesday.  No text, no call, no email through the website.  Has he sailed off into the sunset?
6)  Sixth potential M&G.  This one likes my profile, I like his profile.  He emails and gives me his name and cell number.  Says he’ll call on Sunday.  I wait, no call.  There is a late night text but by the time I get it, it’s too late to return.  Monday morning I find an email.  Says he’s re-read my profile and has found a serious bone of contention and feels he will not be able to meet me after all.  Horses!  Horses?  I’ve been dropped already and you haven’t even met me??  This is the all time new low.  That was until . . .
7)  This one was so tacky I had to cut and paste it here just so you could enjoy it.  The subject line cuts off in the website but I think after you read it you’ll get the drift.  Just for clarification, I did NOT reach out to this person, this was sent to me unsolicited.  I had not even read his profile as he’s a bit younger than me so it had not even popped up in the search category.
“Subject: Re: Wow all you hav

wow all you have is pictures of your family dogs ,horses, babies, and group pictures of your friends.Just so you know; Men want to see just you—they could care less about seeing dogs and horses and all that junk— it totally turned me away. (I know being honest will piss you off–but someone should tell you)”

 

Yep – Netfilx is still looking REALLY good . . .

 

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Match.com vs. Netflix.com

This past Sunday I was with a group of 8 fun ladies, most of us having met through our “Divorce Recovery” support group.  Not having a man thankfully no longer slows us down, or keeps us at home.  We attended an amazing art exhibit at the Museum and then settled in for dinner afterward.  Of course, the subject comes up – dating and men!

As previously noted, I have once again tried the “online” dating websites and was regaling the ladies of this past week’s “meets and greets”.  More on that in another post – sigh – I could do a stand up comedy routine on the exploits of my dating life . . . when did meeting at a restaurant at 7:00 stop implying a meal???

One of my blog “followers” (love you M.E.!) suggests that choosing to date these days could boil down to a priority choice . . . match.com or netflix.com.    She was opting for Netflix.  After my last week’s experiences, I’m tending to think the same.  I once had a man I was seeing tell me that dating hadn’t changed since we’d done it in our 20’s.  REALLY????  I beg to differ.

Out of the four M&G’s I had last week, three had never been married, the other one had been divorced almost 20 years.   I am here to tell you that dating HAS changed, and at this age, it’s both intimidating, exhausting and mostly demoralizing.  There are 3 or 4 of us for every available 1 of them.  They’re a valuable commodity and they know it.  One friend told me she had to go through a lot of loser’s before she found a nice one – I don’t know that I have the strength?

They prepare to meet you by swinging by the house and changing shirts, maybe!  We mostly prepare with a shower, change of ensembles, look in the mirror, change again, do our hair, apply new makeup, look in the mirror again, throw on the Spanx, feed the dog, check the DVR, leave a note where we’re going should we never come back and the police need a starting point in their search, call a GF on the way for morale support, tell HER where you’re going should you never come back, then arrive early so we can be seated when they show up vs. walking in and having to scan the room for a man who looks older than his posted pic all the while telegraphing to anyone else in the restaurant/bar that you’re on a “blind” date (if you can even call it a date?).  Am I right?

My moods toward dating swing high and low, back and forth and I can feel Netflix starting to edge out the competition.  Since my latest dating profiles are now about a month old, the winks and flirts and “yes’s” have started to dry up – I’m no longer the new girl on the block and the offers to meet have mostly stopped.

Yes, dating IS different, we no longer have our High School BFF to do her due diligence on the boy you have a crush on who then avoids you in the hallways if he’s not interested.  You’re bruised but you move on.  Nowadays we’re out there on our own, no one to run interference, dealing with men who troll the websites, message you then disappear, or worse, offer to meet you at a restaurant at 7:00 and offer to get you a glass of ice water . . .

Yup – Netflix is looking pretty durn good for this weekend.

 

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Dating – Sometimes It Just . . . . . . . (Fill in the Blank!!)

So I recently shared with you “putting it out there in the Universe” and that worked SOOOOO well – NOT!

Then a dear friend tells me she has a new BF, one she found on eHarmony.  So even though I’ve never had any luck on the dating websites per se, I think I’ll give it another shot.  I sign up for eHarmony.  The first week, I begin a conversation – via eHarmony site – with a (on paper) seemingly nice and interested gentleman.  He seems to meet my criteria.  He seems interested.  Then after a week of online repartee, he disappears – totally.  No more communication.  Gee – was it something I said?

Not to be dissuaded, I begin another online conversation with a nice and interested man, we get to the point that he says let’s communicate “outside” of the eHarmony website and gives me his real name, real cell phone number, real job and website and suggests to me that I “google him”.  I’m thinking, OK, he wouldn’t give me his stats unless he was interested . . . right?

One day later, after I’ve thanked him for his “trust”, he sends me a message that an old “relationship” wants to try again so he’s off the market and wishes me good luck.  I mean . . . seriously?  It’s really hard to keep the confidence level high when you can’t even get a “face to face”.  Believe me, I’m much better “in person” than over cyber space.

The next week, I decide to try “OurTime.com” – a website for the 50+ only, thinking once again that if they go to the trouble of filling out a profile and answering questions then they might actually be interested in meeting people?  Something about having to spend $$ to join makes you think they’re more serious.  Again, photos are “liked”, “flirts” are sent, conversations are started and all is plodding along swell until it gets to the point of actually setting up a “meet” – then the communications stop.  One begins to believe these are the “married” guys you here about that are only searching for some cyber space thrills but can’t really deliver themselves ‘in person”.

One offers to meet for coffee, or at least to get a rain check then when you accept the offer – poof.  Haven’t heard from him in two days.  And they say women “tease”?  !@#$%^&*?  But hey – I’ve paid for my month so I’ll keep it up but I’m not very hopeful.  I have included below another gift from my friend Diva J, which when you listen to it will lead you to believe that the men really DO want to meet and have a relationship.  Guess I haven’t found that website . . . yet!

http://seniorplanet.org/dating-relationships-sex-after-60-with-hal-spielman-and-marc-silbert/

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