suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Grazing – It Isn’t Just For Equines!

I saw this comment the other day, and it made me laugh out loud!  YUP!!  So true!

Guys are like grazers, they like to “move on”!!!

Or more to the point?  They think the “Grass is always greener . . .”  Why is that?

I’ve had horses, after I would lesson and work them, then cool them down, I would take them out for hand grazing.  I figured after living a life in a 12′ x 12′ stall for most of the day, they deserved it.  You learn quickly that they like to try lots of different “spots” of grass.

You can lead them over to the greenest looking patch of clover and grass and NOPE!!  They tug that lead rope and keep on searching for a better spot.  Trust me, when a 1200 pound equine wants to move, you do too.

Most of the men I’ve “dated” have been the same.  Heck, my husband was the same.  They act like they’re happy, they tell you they’re happy and then BAM!!  They spot a better patch of grass.  I’m really curious what that feels like, to be able to graze for a while then just wander off with no regard of the devastation left behind.

Once I realized how often this is true, it actually helped me understand that it’s not me.  This is on them.  You can be beautiful inside and out, affectionate, smart, polished, loving, giving – doesn’t matter.  Men are grazers.  They change cars, they change jobs, they change women like yesterday’s underwear.  (Well ok, let’s hope they change yesterday’s underwear)

I don’t beat myself up over it anymore.  I know who I am and I respect the person I have grown into being “post” divorce.  If they don’t agree, then they can certainly graze in someone else’s pasture.  I’ll even show them the gate.  : -)

 

 

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Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How Does YOUR Garden Grow?

A friend gave me a card the other day with a “suggestion” on the cover.  It simply stated:  “Happiness must be grown in one’s own garden“.

Sometimes the view I have of myself IS someone with a green thumb.   Other times . . . not so much.  Actually, I did just get awarded the “Yard Of The Month” from my neighborhood!!  Pretty cool to walk outside and see it everyday.   But do I get credit for growing my garden if all I did was pay for the yardman and offer suggestions as to what to plant?

At best, a good collaboration, . . . and a checkbook.

I’m pretty sure the card my friend gave me was more about my emotional garden.  Post divorce, it was a vast emotional wasteland.  There was nothing growing there; the soil was devoid of all nutrients.  There were many cloudy days with no sun shining.  The only thing fertile was my imagination on what destruction I would like to rain down upon the ex and his “pocket of posies!”

Slowly, bit by bit, the heart healed, the mind settled and the promise of new growth emerged.  I take my happiness very seriously, and I also look at it as a full time quest.

Happiness can be as simple as a chocolate frozen yogurt with peanut butter cup, or the June birth of my second grand baby.  It can be a ride on a good horse on a beautiful cool fall day, or receiving a “how are you” text in the morning from a long time friend you haven’t seen in years.  It can be the way you feel when you walk out after a great movie, or re-watching the DVR’d game where your football team beat someone they weren’t supposed to.  (Yes I re-watched, to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating the first time!)

Happiness doesn’t just happen, you nurture it in your heart and your soul.  Take responsibility for it.  Plant the seed, let it germinate, fertilize it with positive thoughts and nurture it by surrounding yourself with happy people.  If you wait around for someone else to take up the task to make you happy?   You will be sorely disappointed.

So like the TV commercial for Home Depot says:  “Let’s Do This!”

 

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Dating – The Old Fashioned Way?

I saw this a while back, but decided to hang onto it since I was SOOOOOO “over” dating.  I revisited it today along with other “ideas” that I had stored for future use.

Nothing has changed recently regarding my “alone-ness”.  If anything, the last POI (Person Of Interest) who became the POS (Person of  . . . well . . . you know), who then became a POI again since he surprised me with a visit while I was in my alma mater’s city for football, became a POS again for reasons that aren’t even worth wasting your time.

When I saw this article below I had to laugh.  When was the last time any of us had treatment remotely close to the suggestions below?   Who raised these men, and sadly forgot to teach them manners?  Or, what happened along the way to cause them to lose those manners if they were taught to them.

*** No Diva J, this is not for you, we all know you have the perfect “other” in your life! ***

But for those ladies “post divorce” and contemplating dating and putting yourself out there, read these habits and let me know if you’ve met anyone that shows signs of them . . .

. . . cause I surely haven’t.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kate-bailey/2013/12/10-old-fashioned-dating-habits-we-should-make-cool-again/

If we don’t show some respect for ourselves, no man is going to.

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Over Think Things? Who Me??

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So the last time I tried posting a photo it didn’t work.  Well tarnation!  So I’m going to try again.  I’m thinking maybe I know the reason why it didn’t come through, so we’ll test it with this one!!

Hopefully you can see it – the photo is a beautiful sunset, or maybe even a sunrise, hard to know without perspective of which direction the photographer was facing.  I choose to call it a sunset – those are my favorites!!

The caption below the sunset reads, “When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.  Relax, breathe, let go, and just live.”

Easier said than done.

I’ve been traveling a lot lately.  Earlier in September my eldest son got married in San Diego.  Beautiful place, San Diego.  Except that they broke heat records that had last been set in the 1800’s, and this was an outside wedding.  We gals from Texas know a thing or two about sweating . . . uh, sorry, . . . I mean “glowing”.  We were glowing for sure.  Lucky for me I had my hair professionally done, as well as my makeup.  Nothing short of a chisel and hammer was going to let my hair fall or my make-up run.  I had to “relax, breathe, and let go.”  Can’t control the weather.

Last weekend I traveled back to my home state and attended my college alma mater’s football game.  We are NOT having a stellar season.  I took along three friends who had never attended a college game in a stadium of this magnitude.   It seats 100,000+, it’s impressive.  We did not win but we came durn close.  For me to relax, breathe and let go while I’m so busy jumping up and down and yelling – is tough.  Control the outcome of the game?  Kinda like controlling the weather.  After all, you’re at the mercy of 18-20 year olds, and some REALLY bad refereeing.

And even though I swore off dating, I relented and a while back had a really nice time with a man that a friend introduced me to.  Tall, employed, nice looking, polite, well educated – could it be??  Travels a lot for his job so the second date came a mere three months after the first one, LOL!   I invite him to my house for dinner with other friends in town.  Goes great – he clearly does not want to go home.  Then he decides he might be interested in another person, so he goes away, but that person doesn’t work out.  So he tries to get back in the picture – but at first just by texting, then calling, then asking how the wedding was, then showing up at the football game weekend last weekend to “surprise” me – knowing that I had girlfriends with me.

Not exactly a way to have a good conversation with a person, to decipher his intentions.  But what I’m starting to remind myself of from day to day is I absolutely have no control over another person, how they act, what they say, who they see.  I cannot control the weather, I cannot control the outcome of a sporting event, and I sure as heck (not the word that first entered my mind) cannot control whether someone thinks I’m special enough to want to be with.

So maybe this weekend I can finally relax, breathe, let go and just live – that is until kick-off at 11:00 a.m. tomorrow!

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