suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Have a Plan?

Jeff, the writer of this blog post, is an old friend.  We met years ago working on a large fundraising event for one of my fav non-profits.  He produced the event.  It covered an entire weekend so was one mammoth undertaking.

He’s branched out from those days, and a mutual friend (thanks C.S. – funny, it just occurred to me that I have three friend’s with the initials “CS” following me – you’ll know who you are!) suggested I follow his blog and possibly share some of his thoughts on one of my posts, when appropriate.

I’ve spoken before about the importance, if you’re a newly single woman, of having a financial plan and a realistic budget – especially with the life altering changes a divorce, or loss of a spouse, can bring on.

Perhaps you’ll want to sign up for his blog, regardless, this quick read just reinforces our need to be smart with our assets and our future.   All the best!!

 

http://us12.forward-to-friend.com/forward/show?u=2faa118cd9fe72d8634827528&id=9768539029

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When Someone Says It Better – – –

Then I plan to just “share”.   After all, why reinvent the wheel, as they say??  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and gather wisdom from her very wise words!  Thoughts for a Monday morning!

 

Better Not Younger: In The Moment

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Finances – You Gotta Have A Plan!

The other day, I was perusing articles of similar content to my blog, and subsequent book.  I love being able to share and pass along information to you all when I find something of value!

These two sites seem to hold valuable information when searching for financial planners, etc.  Whether your divorce is impending, current or past and “over” – this will always be good information for you to have.  Even for those of you still married, someday you may be alone and/or widowed – you still have to know how to make smart decisions.  Therefore, I share:

“Dear Liz: Every so often your column mentions an organization that lists financial planners that are fee-only. I cannot find this information on your site. Please keep mentioning this in your column.

Answer: You can get referrals to fee-only planners who charge by the hour at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com. If you’re looking for fee-only planners who charge a retainer or a percentage of assets, you’ll find those at http://www.napfa.org.”

Always looking out for you!!

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Building From The Top Down?

Won’t work.  You don’t build anything from the top “down”.  Picture if you will, a house being built.  If you tried to start with the roof, what would hold it up?  Where’s the strong foundation to support it?

One brick at a time, brick by brick – sounds like the lyrics to a country western song, although that certainly dates me as now they just refer to it as “country”!

When people tell you that after your divorce you just try to take it one day at a tie, putting one foot in front of the other.  You’re rebuilding your life, whether you are divorced or widowed, it’s the same.  What you had – is gone.  Poof!

The life you had, even if you felt you had worked your way up to the “top”, is non existent.  You cannot rebuild it from the top down.  You’re going to have to start over whether you want to or not.  Finances may not be the same, certainly family and friends are not going to be the same.  Your purpose in life has suddenly altered and you are starting over.  You’re foundation has shifted as it does in an earthquake – a good synonym for life after divorce, an earthquake hit you and everything has crumbled and fallen down.

So you get yourself up, dust yourself off and as Frank Sinatra once said, “Get back in the race”.

One brick at a time . . . brick by brick . . . one foot in front of the other . . . one day at a time.

 

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Lesson #43

“If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”

Well, strictly speaking, I suppose that’s true.  Although I note it’s not saying that if you do ask you WILL get, right?

This is kind of like the lottery officials telling you that if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win.

A simple truth but on a broader scale, I don’t really know how this works.

I’ve been out of the workplace a long time; I hear it said all the time that you should ask for promotions and salary boosts.  That would be hard for me, I’m one of those that always hopes to be recognized and rewarded because of merit – I’ve earned it.  I shouldn’t have to ask for it.

The world is a busy place though, and sometimes you are not going to get noticed, or helped if you don’t call attention to your needs, your wants, your desires.

Next time I feel really strongly about something I want, maybe I’ll take this approach?  It will need to be reasonable however, because I’m thinking that asking for something like a winning football season next Fall might be too much to hope for.

Baby steps . . .

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Lesson #40

“The best is yet to come.”

It is what keeps me going!  I’m just curious enough to believe it, and want to see it!  : -)

 

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Lesson #39

“Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.”

I’ve been there, and sometimes I’m still there.  I believe it’s human nature that sometimes we look around and are envious of other’s possessions and/or achievements.

To have what they have, would I be willing to trade my life for their’s though?  No.

I’m blessed beyond compare, I have more than I ever thought I would.  It may not be the path I thought I would take, but I have satisfaction and gratitude for my life.

I like who I am, I’m a darned nice person.  Sometimes I fall prey to the “If only I had  the same _____  that so-and-so has . . . ”   Occasionally I feel sad for some of the things I’m most passionate about that I’ve had to walk away from for budgetary reasons.  Watching others still get to do it because they are married and can afford it.  Honestly, it stings.

But to make a list of my “haves” and my “have nots” – clearly I “have” and need to learn today’s lesson is part of the process of making myself whole again.  I promise to try to be more grateful and less envious, and know it’s part of a bigger plan.

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Lesson #38

“Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.”

This can be figurative or literal.  I offer this as both.

Cleaning out our closets, cupboards, drawers, shelves, garages, cars – what a great feeling.  Taking it to those resale shops is repurposing; keeping it out of the trash and landfills – recycling something that you no longer want, need or use but someone else might want, need or use.

That’s my literal take on today’s life lesson.

My figurative take is that if there are thoughts or emotions swirling around in your brain that are not beautiful or joyful – GET RID OF THEM!!

They are bad, they are evil, they threaten your happiness and your inner peace.   They pull you down when what you should be doing is climbing up.

It’s like the junk mail in your computer’s inbox – hit the delete button because if it’s not useful, beautiful or joyful – you don’t need it, promise!

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Lesson #31

Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.”

Of course I don’t mean “literally” – but more about your resolve to survive.

During the YOTD (Year of the Divorce), I thought there were plenty of things that were going to kill me, at least my spirit.

It’s been 9 years since my divorce.  Many of those days I wanted to crawl into a tight ball and just die.  It was never so dark that I wanted to end my life, but I did understand how people sometimes just want to go to sleep and never wake up.  Reality sucks at times.

The further I get away from it, the stronger I realize I have become.  I would not be the person I am today if it were not for the experiences I was put through with divorce and having to make my own way through this world.

It didn’t kill me and it did make me stronger.  Not the route I would have chosen to get here – but we don’t always get to choose, do we?  What we do get to choose is how we deal with it – and that my friends is what makes us stronger for it.

 

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Lesson #30

Two thirds of the way along our Life’s Lessons journey and I just love this one!  It needs no explanation, only trust in the possibilities!

“Believe in miracles.”

They do happen!

Amen!

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