suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

6.  Don’t be afraid to give yourself enough mental and emotional space.

6.  Don’t be afraid to give yourself enough mental and emotional space.

“If you think and you think and you think, you will think yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it.  Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential.  Stop over-thinking everything.  Life is just too short.

Your biggest limitations are the ones you make up in your mind.  The biggest causes of your unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of.  You are capable of far more than you are often thinking, imagining, doing or being.  But in time you will gradually become what you habitually contemplate, so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your fears, shape your future.  How?  Meditate.  Run.  Breathe.  Write in your journal.  Find the space…. to set your mind free.”

 

You’re welcome.  I jus saved you thousands of dollars in therapists charges.  : -)   Mic Drop!

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5.  Don’t be afraid to say “no” to unnecessary obligations.

5.  Don’t be afraid to say “no” to unnecessary obligations.

“In a world with so much noise and clutter, you must make room for what matters.  That means pruning nonessential commitments and eliminating as many distractions as you possibly can.  No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.

The mark of a successful and peaceful person is the ability to set aside the “somewhat important” things in order to accomplish the vital ones first.  When you’re crystal clear about your priorities, you can painlessly arrange them in the right order and discard the activities and commitments that do not support the ones at the top of your list.”

 

Hallelujah!  Priorities, right?  I think this one might also come along with age, and I mean that in a positive way.

When we’re younger, say . . . post college, and into that career rise and family growth mode, we take on the world.  We figure out a way to handle it, hopefully, with some balance if we’re lucky.  What we wear, who we associate with, how our children perform in school, how our passion to save the world (or at least make it a better place) ignites us with a call to action.

As we get older, and more accepting of our limitations, we can come to peace (grips) with our inability (or desire) to be all things to all people.  We understand that it’s OK to focus on our own needs.

Ditch the noise and the clutter, make room for what matters – taking care of #1 as my Dad used to say.

Because no one else will.

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4.  Don’t be afraid to craft a daily routine that’s right for YOU.

4.  Don’t be afraid to craft a daily routine that’s right for YOU.

“If your life is going to mean anything, you have to live it yourself.  You have to choose the path that feels right to YOU, not the one that simply looks right to everyone else.  It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than the top of the one you don’t.  So don’t wait until you’re halfway up the wrong ladder to listen to your intuition.  Every morning, ask yourself what is truly important, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build your day around your answer.

In the end, it’s not what you say, but how you spend your time that counts.  If you want to do something, you’ll find a way… if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Rituals chapter of our New York Times bestseller, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)

 

Routine is really good for me.  My Father was a United States Army Colonel, he was a structured man.  Our home was structured, but it was comforting.  Later in life when I decided to become a Special Education teacher, I was reminded how valuable structure is to those who are physically and intellectually challenged.  You had to keep chaos away from their daily routine.

Choosing a daily path that is right for you is so important in attaining and keeping happiness in your life.

Pay attention to that last sentence above.  “If you want to do something, you’ll find a way . . . if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

No excuses!!  Go find your path, live your life, and watch how all around you fall into place.

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3.  Don’t be afraid to live your truth.

3.  Don’t be afraid to live your truth.

“Tell yourself, “I am ENOUGH” anytime you begin to feel otherwise.  Accept your flaws.  Admit your mistakes.  Don’t hide and don’t lie.

Deal with the truth—your truth—every step of the way.  Learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move forward.  Your truth won’t penalize you.  Your mistakes won’t hurt you.  Only your denial and cover-up will.  Flawed and vulnerable people are powerful and strong.  Liars and phonies are not.  Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with trials and errors.

So keep reminding yourself that you are YOU for a reason, and that the journey is worth it.  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest desires close to your heart, and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone sometimes, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  And don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama or negativity derail you.”

 

This is really good for me.  For years I let other’s negativity and their need for drama trauma get in the way of being true to myself.  There was nothing wrong with me; I was a valuable person with a big heart and a willingness to always help others.

These days I appreciate and value those qualities in myself.  Sure I have many flaws and have made many silly mistakes.  I’m OK with that, I’m human!

But the important thing I’ve learned?

I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!  Say that to yourself, mean it, embrace it, live it and be thankful everyday for being you!

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2.  Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.

2.  Don’t be afraid to trust yourself.

“You may not be where you want to be yet, but you’ve also come a long way from where you once were.  Appreciate how far you’ve come.  You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too.  Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience.  You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown from the bad ones.

Good things take time, and you’re getting there.  So don’t allow yourself to be crippled by stress and self-loathing.  Everything is only as it is.  There’s no reason to let it cripple you.  Remind yourself to breathe—to let every moment be what it’s going to be.  What’s meant to be will come your way, and what’s not will fall away.  And remember that life’s best gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect.”

 

Boy is this a good one for me.  For years I didn’t trust myself, not that you could tell that from the outside looking in.  My friends would have told you that I showed confidence, inside I was the total opposite.  When you live with a narcissist, and that person makes sure you know how much you “disappoint”, you start to believe.

When that person is no longer in your life, you begin to learn to trust yourself.  You begin to realize that all along, you were just fine.  People may not always agree with my decisions, but I trust myself to make the best ones FOR ME!

I am a work in progress, aren’t we all?  I spend more time now with the “go with the flow” instead of the “swimming upstream”.  You do learn to breathe, you do learn to be more relaxed.  And yes, I appreciate how far I’ve come because I remember well where I started.  I trust myself and have grown so much in the past post-divorce 11+ years.

I like “me”.

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1.  Don’t be afraid to accept and appreciate life’s changes.

1.  Don’t be afraid to accept and appreciate life’s changes.

“You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  You’re always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life.

Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay.  Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow.  Let this sink in.  Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.

The bottom line is that you can’t reach for anything new if you’re holding on to yesterday.  You may think holding on makes you strong, but oftentimes it’s letting go and starting anew that truly builds your inner strength.”

 

Seems appropriate for today, Valentine’s Day!  I relegated this “special day” to the rear view years ago, here’s why.  When in college, I got engaged on Valentine’s Day.  I also had a puppy that I named Valentine because of it.  After 9 months, he changed his mind and picked going to Law School over marrying me.  Heartbreaking at the time, but you move on.  Life’s changes.

Then along came serious love interest #2.  Our first date was on Valentine’s Day.  Not sure he realized it, but it certainly made the “remembering” our first date details much easier through the years.  Yes – we married but after 30 years, he called it quits.  Life’s changes.

It’d be very easy to feel sorry for myself, and I’m sure I did a bit after each failed relationship – BUT – looking back, those things are what made me the person I am today.  Strong, Independent and Happy – that’s a hard fought battle but you can get there.

So when it says to not be afraid of life’s changes, and to accept them and appreciate them – it’s a goal we can attain.   Accept change, embrace it, and know that you’re always growing.  2019 – the year of moving forward!

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Happy 7th Birthday?

Or is it 7th Anniversary?  Either way, I remembered today that 7 years ago on February 12, I wrote and posted my first “blog”.

Alot has happened in the past 7 years, some good, some bad – but all has made me the person who writes this to you all today.  I have grown.

Without you, my followers, I might not have made the progress that I’ve made, nor realized how happy I could become.  You are the wind beneath my wings, and I’m grateful for you all.

Thank you!

 

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10 Days – 10 Thoughts On Living Your Best Life

Don’t Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

 

Over the next 10 “posts”, I’ll be sharing with you a 10 part post that was shared with me, (thanks Char!), except I’ll break it up into 10 parts. Easier for me to think clearly about what each point is talking about, or suggesting as a guide.  This way, you too can stop and think on them one at a time.

Since I’ve determined 2019 is my year to really be the very best version of myself, and continuing to move ever forward, these seemed some good points to share with you as well.  As always, I love to hear from you so share your thoughts with me and with others!  If you have a friend that you think would benefit from our sharing, please share my “suddenlysinglewomen.me” with them and encourage them to “follow” me.

See you very soon!!

 

                                        “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”  Mae West

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New Year’s Resolve?

So how are those New Year’s Resolutions coming along???  I tried a new approach this year.  I was away from home for New Year’s and I had a blast.

Normally I sit home and wonder why none of my gal pals, or married couple’s friends wanna go out and do anything to celebrate new beginnings.  They’re in bed by 9:00 . . .

Maybe I didn’t get enough of the Party Life done when I was young?

So this year an opportunity presented itself.  My college team was playing in the New Year’s Day Sugar Bowl in New Orleans.  I reached out to some fellow crazy football friends to see if they wanted to take a trip to NOLA for the game and, oh by the way, New Year’s Eve?

Bam!  They said yes.  We had a blast.  We brought in the New Year together, well . . . OK, a couple of them did retire early but some of us saw the “ball drop” in NYC and toasted the entry of 2019.  Win or lose for the football game, we were gonna bring in 2019 and look “forward” to new beginnings and a happy New Year.

As luck would have it, a miracle occurred and we did win the football game, but that was just the icing on the cake.  The best part was being together, and agreeing that the past is in the rear view, and the future is bright.

So my new approach that I alluded to above?  No New Year’s Resolutions, just a promise to myself that life is only as good as I make it myself.  Look forward, always.  The past is not your life sentence, the future is what you make it no matter the hand you were dealt!

This is going to be my year.

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Always Surprised – – –

Yup, it’s true.  Even today I’m always surprised when someone refers to me as “strong” – and it’s usually not a compliment.  Growing up I would’ve never considered myself strong.  I would’ve considered myself obedient and pliable.  What my Dad said was the gospel.  What my Dad told us to do, we did.

As I get older, I can now reflect back on how he also made me a confident individual.  I don’t want to use “self assured” because many times that’s seen as a bad thing, but I learned to trust myself and trust my instincts.

Then I hit college . . .  then I fell in love.  All that trust just flew out the window.  “Smitten does not equal Smart”!

I embodied the term “Pleaser”.  For thirty years I tried to trust, I tried to please.  I kept re-inventing myself to make those around me happy and proud of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, because if I hadn’t had that experience, I would not have been able to come back to my roots and be the person I was meant to be.

Strong.

Several months ago, I accepted a dinner out with a couple who I adore, they are so cute and fun and “into” each other.  They had a single man friend that they wanted to introduce me to.  I was skeptical, I pretty much threw in the towel on “dating” in 2015, but hey – it was a Friday and it was Tex Mex.  Like . . . I’m gonna say no??

So I went.  Had fun with the friends, he showed up late.  Never a good beginning.  From the get-go, I could tell he was doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really interested.  That’s fine, I was there for the Tex Mex and my friends.  We talked sports, he and I went to the same University.  He knew I had season football tickets.  When a month later my friend asks me if it’s OK if she gives him my contact info, because he’s asked, I think . . . he didn’t appear to be really into the evening???

Then I remember . . . football tickets.  I tell her sure, go ahead and share the contact info, it’s probably about football tickets.  So he texts me soon after, wondering if I would be interested in . . . . . helping him get football tickets for a particular game.  No problem I say.  And I do.  I’m a pleaser.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, that friend had a birthday party and she seated the “single man” between me and another of our single GF’s.   That was fine, I think he’s a nice guy, just not interested in me.  You know what?  That’s OK with me too.  When you throw in the towel as I have done, on finding someone special, it really does take all the pressure off.  So my single gal pal and I passed the evening together, having a pleasant dinner with him in between us.  At one point in the conversation, he mentions the dinner of Tex Mex where we had met, and how he knew at that point that I was a “strong” female.  Believe me, if he thought that was going to upset me, he would be wrong.

He said it as if it was a bad thing, not to be insulting, but to be enlightening just in case I might be wondering why he’d never asked me out.  NAW!!  Just reconfirmed that some men think being strong and female is threatening, and reconfirmed that I’m really VERY OK with that.

So when I saw this today, I had to share,  Pretty sure my Dad would be proud!

 

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