suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #8 – – –

I have the right to express my needs honestly

“Honestly” – that’s an interesting way of putting this thought.  Does not doing it honestly mean you alter those needs because no one around you is going to help fulfill those needs unless you make it easy for them?  Or does it mean you alter your needs to fit their needs, their timing, their opinions of your needs?

Doesn’t it really just mean to be yourself, take care of yourself, and if you need something more from a family member, a friend, a partner you are honest in opening up to them?

My Father used to say that honesty is the best policy.  Bet you heard that one too when you were growing up and learning to be your own person.

If those that you surround yourself are too busy filling their own needs to concern themselves with any of yours, maybe it is time to alter the way you seek to fulfill your personal needs with those same people.  Maybe they are just totally unaware that you need a bit more attention.

And perhaps if you make decisions about those close to you without giving them the opportunity to learn of your needs, and your frustrations, it’s being unfair to them.   Or maybe you need to seek out a more caring and thoughtful group of people to be around.

This one is a tough one.  Lately I have begun to be more vocal in the things I need, seek, in friends and family.  If something bothers me, I’m trying to be more “honest” and open about it, JUST IN CASE those friends and family do not realize.

And then . . . if they chose not to care, I have my answer.

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #7 – – –

“I have a right to my own feelings”

See #5!   Ha!  JK!

There are alot of similarities, but I think feelings tend to go a bit deeper than opinions.

Feelings can give your emotions a real roller coaster ride.

Any feelings can change at any given moment.  I can be “feeling” really down, and then something really cool happens and the dreary just vanishes.

And vice versa . . .

One of the mantras of my book was having the right to your own feelings.  I also shared how much I detested it (is that too strong?) when people would tell me to just “move on”.  Like . . . really?

We’re all going to have personal feelings that others do not agree with, or understand.   Lest you judge, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been guilty of wondering why/how someone can be so caught up with their emotions and feelings and cannot get over it.

Time, patience, empathy – that’s what you really need, or need to offer.  You have a right to your own feelings, you feel me?

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Day 3 Of “Complying” —

Just saw this on FB and had to share.

Please stay safe out there everyone.  Use your best judgement and we can flatten that curve!

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Thoughts For A New Decade #6 – – –

“I am responsible for my own happiness”

Seriously, how many times have I shared this?  It’s so incredibly simple to grasp, yet hard to put into practice.

Things go wrong, you rant and rave, you question your sanity, your faith, your family and friends . . .

Who’s to blame?  Why do we need someone or some thing to blame?  I’m guilty – I admit it.  Don’t like it, but there it is.  I play the “blame game”.

Sometimes life puts you in a situation that you didn’t ask for, you do not deserve, and is not fair.

How do you get through those times?  Inner strength and being responsible for yourself.   I didn’t ask to be a single woman at this stage of my life.  Yet I have learned to embrace this speed bump in life, and find my inner peace.  I strive every day to be responsible for my spirit’s happiness.

I rise above!

When I was at my lowest post divorce, I knew I had to take charge of my own life, my own recovery and my own happiness.   I found a group of friends.   I wrote.   I learned to blog.   I wrote and published a book.  I blogged some more.  I found new friends, activities, goals.

None of this would’ve happened if that speed bump in my life had not happened.

Embrace your speed bumps as an opportunity to be responsible for your own happiness.  It’s there.

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Thoughts For A New Decade #5 – – –

“Nobody has to agree with me”

In this year of an “election”, boy is this something that resonates on a daily, even hourly basis.  Remember the old rule, don’t talk politics or religion at the table?

How can we help it?  It’s in our face  ALL. DAY. LONG!

It’s to the point of having to “pause” the posts on some of my FB friends (are you wondering if it’s you?); it’s gotten really really ugly.  How can it not?  Look at the example that is being set by leadership.  If they can sling mud 24/7 on the national media, why can’t we?

Because it’s exhausting and just plain rude behavior.  What ever happened to kinder, gentler?

Well, JMHO but it’s really OK to accept that nobody has to agree with you.   It’s your opinion, you have a right to it; I have an opinion too, but please don’t try to change mine.   We don’t have to agree, but the ugliness really needs to stop.

I’m OK you don’t agree with me, you don’t have to.   But I will pause you . . .

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #4 – – –

“I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others”

See #3.   ; -)

Seriously, isn’t that what we do when we’re young?  When we’re dating?  When we’re married and then becoming parents?  When we’re planning things with people?

I was/am great at this.  It is the way I was brought up to be.  My Mother was a master at this, and I learned from her very well indeed.  Call it Southern, call it Texan, call it anything you want – I thought of everyone else before I thought of me.

There are times I really miss, as a single person, not having that opportunity to anticipate those needs, especially of family.   So now instead, I employ that particular skill set in my volunteer work, or when planning things with friends.

Sometimes I’ll take a step back and think that others will fill that void, you know, if I’m not doing it then surely they will?  Uh . . . no!

Solution?  Be happy fulfilling your dreams and your needs and let others take care of themselves.

Over the past couple of years I’ve really scaled back.  I’ve released myself from the self imposed obligation to take care of, and anticipate, the needs of others.   Does that make me selfish?  I don’t really think so.  Have they noticed?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But boy do I have alot more time these days to do the things I dream about.

 

 

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Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

Enjoy your day!  I can’t believe it’s been 8 years for the blog but you all keep me inspired Every. Single. Day!

Embrace those you love, and those who love you and just leave all the rest in the dust!

Sending you all much love and appreciation today, my happiness is a direct reflection of your support!

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Thoughts For A New Decade #2

“It’s OK to say no”

It really really is.   When I was younger and starting out in that “time of life” where I had retired from teaching and was a “stay at home” Mom, I became a volunteer.  My husband was with an accounting firm and the wives (yes, sexist but at that time there weren’t THAT many women in accounting) were encouraged, strongly, to become a force in the volunteer, charitable, non-profit world.

It’s all about client development and networking.  What better way for a member of a firm, to meet potential clients, than through the relationships the spouse has on a social level?  Throw in the “do good” work and it was a win-win.

I had a mentor (thanks CS) help me, and began to get involved.   REALLY involved.  I found that I had a certain proclivity for being able to organize events and raise money.  With a successful event, came the opportunities (and “asks”) to  become involved with even more events.  Over my really active years, I was chairing a major fundraiser event, one  per year.  My first volunteer “job” started in earnest in 1984/85.  I was ripe for the pickin’.

That soon evolved into sitting on Board of Directors, Executive Committees and Capital Campaigns of some of those same non-profits.  I enjoyed it.  I felt appreciated and needed.  During that period, my sons were growing up and seeing that it was good to give back.   They became involved in some of my activities as well, and saw the value of “giving back”.   They also learned that time management is a skill.

I had a good run, but have now really cut back to only a few groups that I am most passionate about.   I’ve passed the torch, and I’ve learned “It’s OK to say no”!  It really really is.

This even drifts down into your personal life.   If a family member asks you if you’re available and you are not, then just say no.  There’ll be other opportunities.   If a friend asks you to do something that you really don’t have to time to commit to, and you’ll really regret saying yes to, then be brave, it’s OK to say no.

It’s your life, it’s your time, and you’ve earned the right to think of your time as valuable.  35 years later, I’ve made the most amazing friendships through my volunteerism, and I’d like to think I’ve done some good.  But now I also know it’s OK to say no.

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TRUTH!

Even The Strongest Person Gets Tired Of Being Strong And Needs A Break

(if you cannot open this, cut and paste into your web browser and that should do the trick!  Some new “Google” changes are really messing with my ability to share things!)

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Happy December All!

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To my loyal followers, I’d like to wish everyone a very happy December holiday season!  I saw this and it made me giggle.  I hope for everyone out there, that you and yours have a loving and joyful holiday month.

I just lost my Mom at one month shy of 101 years young.   Listening to the tributes paid to her, I knew that she left mightily big shoes to fill.   I can only hope that I can be half the woman she was, and that I will make her proud.

Love those around you, and love yourself.  Happy Holidaze to all.  See you in 2020!!

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