suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

New Year’s Resolve?

So how are those New Year’s Resolutions coming along???  I tried a new approach this year.  I was away from home for New Year’s and I had a blast.

Normally I sit home and wonder why none of my gal pals, or married couple’s friends wanna go out and do anything to celebrate new beginnings.  They’re in bed by 9:00 . . .

Maybe I didn’t get enough of the Party Life done when I was young?

So this year an opportunity presented itself.  My college team was playing in the New Year’s Day Sugar Bowl in New Orleans.  I reached out to some fellow crazy football friends to see if they wanted to take a trip to NOLA for the game and, oh by the way, New Year’s Eve?

Bam!  They said yes.  We had a blast.  We brought in the New Year together, well . . . OK, a couple of them did retire early but some of us saw the “ball drop” in NYC and toasted the entry of 2019.  Win or lose for the football game, we were gonna bring in 2019 and look “forward” to new beginnings and a happy New Year.

As luck would have it, a miracle occurred and we did win the football game, but that was just the icing on the cake.  The best part was being together, and agreeing that the past is in the rear view, and the future is bright.

So my new approach that I alluded to above?  No New Year’s Resolutions, just a promise to myself that life is only as good as I make it myself.  Look forward, always.  The past is not your life sentence, the future is what you make it no matter the hand you were dealt!

This is going to be my year.

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Always Surprised – – –

Yup, it’s true.  Even today I’m always surprised when someone refers to me as “strong” – and it’s usually not a compliment.  Growing up I would’ve never considered myself strong.  I would’ve considered myself obedient and pliable.  What my Dad said was the gospel.  What my Dad told us to do, we did.

As I get older, I can now reflect back on how he also made me a confident individual.  I don’t want to use “self assured” because many times that’s seen as a bad thing, but I learned to trust myself and trust my instincts.

Then I hit college . . .  then I fell in love.  All that trust just flew out the window.  “Smitten does not equal Smart”!

I embodied the term “Pleaser”.  For thirty years I tried to trust, I tried to please.  I kept re-inventing myself to make those around me happy and proud of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, because if I hadn’t had that experience, I would not have been able to come back to my roots and be the person I was meant to be.

Strong.

Several months ago, I accepted a dinner out with a couple who I adore, they are so cute and fun and “into” each other.  They had a single man friend that they wanted to introduce me to.  I was skeptical, I pretty much threw in the towel on “dating” in 2015, but hey – it was a Friday and it was Tex Mex.  Like . . . I’m gonna say no??

So I went.  Had fun with the friends, he showed up late.  Never a good beginning.  From the get-go, I could tell he was doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really interested.  That’s fine, I was there for the Tex Mex and my friends.  We talked sports, he and I went to the same University.  He knew I had season football tickets.  When a month later my friend asks me if it’s OK if she gives him my contact info, because he’s asked, I think . . . he didn’t appear to be really into the evening???

Then I remember . . . football tickets.  I tell her sure, go ahead and share the contact info, it’s probably about football tickets.  So he texts me soon after, wondering if I would be interested in . . . . . helping him get football tickets for a particular game.  No problem I say.  And I do.  I’m a pleaser.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, that friend had a birthday party and she seated the “single man” between me and another of our single GF’s.   That was fine, I think he’s a nice guy, just not interested in me.  You know what?  That’s OK with me too.  When you throw in the towel as I have done, on finding someone special, it really does take all the pressure off.  So my single gal pal and I passed the evening together, having a pleasant dinner with him in between us.  At one point in the conversation, he mentions the dinner of Tex Mex where we had met, and how he knew at that point that I was a “strong” female.  Believe me, if he thought that was going to upset me, he would be wrong.

He said it as if it was a bad thing, not to be insulting, but to be enlightening just in case I might be wondering why he’d never asked me out.  NAW!!  Just reconfirmed that some men think being strong and female is threatening, and reconfirmed that I’m really VERY OK with that.

So when I saw this today, I had to share,  Pretty sure my Dad would be proud!

 

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A Great TV Quote – – –

As we begin the New Year, I share with you this statement that was part of a regular TV show series that I watch.  The character was trying hard to find her “identity” and her “purpose”.  Of course, she found it, it is imaginary and TV after all, but still . . . I loved it.  I had to replay several times to get it all, I changed the verb tense a bit but – I wanted to share with you all!!

“We are born with innocence, and as we grow, we are cursed with a question.  Why, why are we here?  Is it all just chaos, or do we have a purpose?  If you are one of the lucky ones to find an answer to that question, the curse can be lifted and replaced with the grace of certainty.”

At this age, I’m pretty sure there is no innocence left in my life.  No naivety, and sometimes a very little trust is left within me.   I do feel like I have found, and acknowledge my purpose on this earth.  So in this new year, I live with certainty of purpose.  I promise to smile more, than I don’t.  I promise to be happy more, than I’m not.  I promise to give more, than I receive.  And I promise to be thankful for every single day of 2019!

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A Holiday Message To All – – –

As we enter this “pre” weekend to all the holidaze and chaos, just wanted to share again this simple tree with a few kind suggestions to make your season brighter.

When we are kind to others, it actually fills our hearts and spirits ten-fold.

Be happy with yourself this coming week, and carry that feeling into the New Year of 2019.

Wishing all my followers and their family and friends a joyous and festive holiday.

No matter what you celebrate, do it with love in your heart, and hope for your future.

And always remember, that I appreciate you all, every day of my life.  Blessings.

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Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

 

I know this is a bit late, but I was otherwise occupied with family and football!!

How was your Thanksgiving?  Mine consisted of five adults and eight kids, we were outnumbered but had fun!

My football team won, so off to the playoffs next weekend.

My house lights are up and officially the timers are “plugged in”!  Getting my tree up this coming week, and the house will be festive and ready for friends and family.  (Note to self:  remember no breakable ornaments within three feet up from the floor – wagging dog tails, etc . . . . .)

May the beginning (the real beginning, not what Home Depot, Walmart and Target say with displays going up pre Halloween) of your holiday season be filled with much joy, happiness, friends and family, furry friends and festive gatherings never forgetting the “reason for the season”.

You’ll hear from me less in the next month (you’re not smiling are you??) as I plan to devote my energy to my family and friends, but never fear – I will be back!   All my best –

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How Timely . . .

Rec’d this the other day from CS and it couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.  Having now survived the “Mid Term” elections otherwise known as “Get Your Crazies On”, I think we can all agree that sometimes we just need to step away from the “instant” of social media.

Enough already!  What happened to civility, being nice to people even if you don’t agree with their opinions or politics?  And yes, before you say it, it DOES start from the top down.  BIG SIGH!!

Politics aside, this article just make sense.  Hope you agree.

https://www.thezoereport.com/p/how-to-be-happier-in-life-not-just-on-instagram-13078064

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The Logic We Sometimes Forget – – –

Twelve things that seem to be so easy to list, yet sometimes so hard to accomplish or understand.  Some harder than others, but all doable!!  Thanks CS for reminding me of all of them!  My favorites are numbers 7 thru 10, which are yours?

 

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A Simple Message Today!

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Being One of Those “Happy” People!

Thanks as always to my readers (and friends) for sharing with me great “thoughts” and reads for my blog.   This is one from sweet Carol!!  (You know who you are!!)  One of the “smiling’est” people I know, clearly she practices what she shares.  : -)

7 Habits You’ll Notice the Happiest People Practicing

(but Most of Us Rarely Do)

How many of us can say we live this way?

by

So much has been written about the burgeoning happiness movement. While combing through my own research and notes on what happy and successful people do, it struck me how intentional they are about choosing the right mindset to become happier and more optimistic.

While countless books have been written on happiness, I’m narrowing this article down to a workingtemplate for living life to the fullest.

Here are seven sure signs of the happiest people.

1. They choose to have healthy relationships.

I’ve learned to be picky over the years about whom I let into my inner circle of friends. Why? Because I believe close relationships are the key to sustaining happiness.

One profound longitudinal study proves this. For 80 years, researchers followed 268 men who entered Harvard in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the current director of the study, told the Harvard Gazette: “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

For participants, half of whom are still alive as of this writing, the only thing that really mattered was their relationships to other people.

2. Have a mindset of giving.

The late Jim Rohn said, “Only by giving are you able to receive more than you already have.”​

In the book The Go-Giver, the main character, Joe, learns that changing his focus from getting to giving–putting others’ interests first and consistently adding value to their lives–ultimately leads to unexpected returns.

Now science confirms that giving makes us feel happy, is good for our health, and evokes gratitude. One Harvard Business School report even concluded that the emotional rewards are the greatestwhen our generosity is connected to others, like contributing to a cancer-stricken friend’s GoFundMe Campaign.

And before you restrict your giving to financial generosity to something or someone, consider the positive impact of giving of your time, mentoring others, supporting a cause, fighting injustice, and having a pay-it-forward mentality.

3. Make all your decisions in integrity.

Living, working, and leading in integrity means that we don’t question ourselves. When we listen to our hearts and do the right thing, life becomes simple, and we live in peace. Our actions are now open for everyone to see, and we don’t have to worry about hiding anything.

Billionaire Warren Buffett, chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, does not mince words when it comes to the importance of integrity. In choosing the people you hire, he said:

Somebody once said that in looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if you don’t have the first, the other two will kill you. You think about it; it’s true. If you hire somebody without [integrity], you really want them to be dumb and lazy.

4. Practice mindfulness.

Positive and happy people make the daily choice of surrendering their thoughts and feelings to the moment.

By being mindful and focusing your awareness in the here and now, by calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings and thoughts, you attain great peace and free yourself from worry.

The great thing about mindfulness is that it blocks distractions that try to derail you from your dreams and goals.

5. Have good emotional boundaries.

Negativity is rampant. We can’t scroll Facebook updates before being hammered by someone’s political rant or hatred.

Happy people remain in the positive because they control what they let in — whether on social media or in people interactions.

So take the stand of a happy person: Protect yourself by limiting exposure to negative things and negative people; seek out friendships with people who will lift you up; and read stories about the good things happening around the world.

6. Exercise patience.

Patience is a virtue I wish more people practiced. It helps you relax and rethink your decisions.

In one 2012 study, researchers found that patient people made more progress toward their goals and were more satisfied when they achieved them (particularly if those goals were difficult) compared with less patient people.

Other research also found that patient people tend to experience less depression and negative emotions and can cope better with stressful situations. Additionally, they feel more gratitude, more connection to others, and experience a greater sense of abundance.

Finally, patience helps you see the innocence in other people during those really frustrating moments when you’d like fist to meet wall.

7. Upgrade your happiness to joy.

While we’re highlighting the habits of happy people here, you may be surprised to find that there’s a big difference between happiness and joy. Joy is more serene, stable, and deeper, whereas happiness can be fleeting, emotional, and temporary (like watching a movie you’ve been dying to see).

Being in a state of joy comes down to choice, and making that choice has long-term psychological benefits. Brain research by Wataru Sato of Kyoto University says that when you choose joyful behaviors (like gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, or kindness), you hold the key to rewiring a region of the brain called the precuneus.

By rewiring your brain with new habits that lead to joy, you’ll be able to control your sense of well-being and purpose. So if you’re caught in a vicious circle of nasty emotions like doubt, fear, and uncertainty, your best course of action is to replace those emotions by consciously and intentionally choosing joyful behaviors.

Use the tools of meditation, prayer, journaling, and mindfulness to aid you in the process. Check in with close friends and family after a few weeks and ask if they have noticed a difference in you. You’ll be surprised by what they’ll tell you.

Originally published at www.inc.com.

— Published on August 13, 2018

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Here’s To Being $$ Smart!

When I was married, I got 0% input on our financial decisions.  When I got divorced I was terrified I’d be able (read “smart enough”) to take care of decisions involving money and investments.

I found some amazing financial advisors, and this is one of their articles that they share with their clients.  Read and think about your situation – are you savvy with your financial future?

“When it comes to personal finance, women tend to downplay their abilities—and often delegate control. Yet even if they’re not ready, they’re likely to be primary financial decision makers at some point in their lives. Here’s a guide to getting more engaged.”

https://www.alliancebernstein.com/sites/library/women-building-wealth-five-things-you-need-to-know.htm?mid=bmi&seg=66

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