suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Always Surprised – – –

Yup, it’s true.  Even today I’m always surprised when someone refers to me as “strong” – and it’s usually not a compliment.  Growing up I would’ve never considered myself strong.  I would’ve considered myself obedient and pliable.  What my Dad said was the gospel.  What my Dad told us to do, we did.

As I get older, I can now reflect back on how he also made me a confident individual.  I don’t want to use “self assured” because many times that’s seen as a bad thing, but I learned to trust myself and trust my instincts.

Then I hit college . . .  then I fell in love.  All that trust just flew out the window.  “Smitten does not equal Smart”!

I embodied the term “Pleaser”.  For thirty years I tried to trust, I tried to please.  I kept re-inventing myself to make those around me happy and proud of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, because if I hadn’t had that experience, I would not have been able to come back to my roots and be the person I was meant to be.

Strong.

Several months ago, I accepted a dinner out with a couple who I adore, they are so cute and fun and “into” each other.  They had a single man friend that they wanted to introduce me to.  I was skeptical, I pretty much threw in the towel on “dating” in 2015, but hey – it was a Friday and it was Tex Mex.  Like . . . I’m gonna say no??

So I went.  Had fun with the friends, he showed up late.  Never a good beginning.  From the get-go, I could tell he was doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really interested.  That’s fine, I was there for the Tex Mex and my friends.  We talked sports, he and I went to the same University.  He knew I had season football tickets.  When a month later my friend asks me if it’s OK if she gives him my contact info, because he’s asked, I think . . . he didn’t appear to be really into the evening???

Then I remember . . . football tickets.  I tell her sure, go ahead and share the contact info, it’s probably about football tickets.  So he texts me soon after, wondering if I would be interested in . . . . . helping him get football tickets for a particular game.  No problem I say.  And I do.  I’m a pleaser.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, that friend had a birthday party and she seated the “single man” between me and another of our single GF’s.   That was fine, I think he’s a nice guy, just not interested in me.  You know what?  That’s OK with me too.  When you throw in the towel as I have done, on finding someone special, it really does take all the pressure off.  So my single gal pal and I passed the evening together, having a pleasant dinner with him in between us.  At one point in the conversation, he mentions the dinner of Tex Mex where we had met, and how he knew at that point that I was a “strong” female.  Believe me, if he thought that was going to upset me, he would be wrong.

He said it as if it was a bad thing, not to be insulting, but to be enlightening just in case I might be wondering why he’d never asked me out.  NAW!!  Just reconfirmed that some men think being strong and female is threatening, and reconfirmed that I’m really VERY OK with that.

So when I saw this today, I had to share,  Pretty sure my Dad would be proud!

 

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A Great TV Quote – – –

As we begin the New Year, I share with you this statement that was part of a regular TV show series that I watch.  The character was trying hard to find her “identity” and her “purpose”.  Of course, she found it, it is imaginary and TV after all, but still . . . I loved it.  I had to replay several times to get it all, I changed the verb tense a bit but – I wanted to share with you all!!

“We are born with innocence, and as we grow, we are cursed with a question.  Why, why are we here?  Is it all just chaos, or do we have a purpose?  If you are one of the lucky ones to find an answer to that question, the curse can be lifted and replaced with the grace of certainty.”

At this age, I’m pretty sure there is no innocence left in my life.  No naivety, and sometimes a very little trust is left within me.   I do feel like I have found, and acknowledge my purpose on this earth.  So in this new year, I live with certainty of purpose.  I promise to smile more, than I don’t.  I promise to be happy more, than I’m not.  I promise to give more, than I receive.  And I promise to be thankful for every single day of 2019!

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A Holiday Message To All – – –

As we enter this “pre” weekend to all the holidaze and chaos, just wanted to share again this simple tree with a few kind suggestions to make your season brighter.

When we are kind to others, it actually fills our hearts and spirits ten-fold.

Be happy with yourself this coming week, and carry that feeling into the New Year of 2019.

Wishing all my followers and their family and friends a joyous and festive holiday.

No matter what you celebrate, do it with love in your heart, and hope for your future.

And always remember, that I appreciate you all, every day of my life.  Blessings.

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Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

 

I know this is a bit late, but I was otherwise occupied with family and football!!

How was your Thanksgiving?  Mine consisted of five adults and eight kids, we were outnumbered but had fun!

My football team won, so off to the playoffs next weekend.

My house lights are up and officially the timers are “plugged in”!  Getting my tree up this coming week, and the house will be festive and ready for friends and family.  (Note to self:  remember no breakable ornaments within three feet up from the floor – wagging dog tails, etc . . . . .)

May the beginning (the real beginning, not what Home Depot, Walmart and Target say with displays going up pre Halloween) of your holiday season be filled with much joy, happiness, friends and family, furry friends and festive gatherings never forgetting the “reason for the season”.

You’ll hear from me less in the next month (you’re not smiling are you??) as I plan to devote my energy to my family and friends, but never fear – I will be back!   All my best –

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Lessons To Live By – – –

Yes, lessons to live by are sometimes things I still struggle to add/change in my life.  I’m a pleaser, and I’ve been told I’m a really nice person.  However, sometimes my feelings get really hurt and I just suck it up and try to keep moving forward.

Lately I’ve started re-evaluating how I handle the hurts when they’re thrown my way.  I’m starting to move away from negative and hurtful people, even if we have been friends for MANY years.  I’m not being swallowed into the vortex of all the black holes of hurtful things.

Most importantly, I’m trying to be really positive about myself, my actions and my feelings.  Walking away is really hard, but it really necessary for my well being.  It’s time to please myself for a change.  It’s time to be really nice to myself, ‘cuz I’m worth it and I’ve earned it after all these years.

Embrace your life, and yourself!  Hugs!!

 

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The Logic We Sometimes Forget – – –

Twelve things that seem to be so easy to list, yet sometimes so hard to accomplish or understand.  Some harder than others, but all doable!!  Thanks CS for reminding me of all of them!  My favorites are numbers 7 thru 10, which are yours?

 

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Strength – Find It In Yourself!

As always, I’m grateful to those strong women in MY life who see articles and send to me for the possibility of sharing with you all!!

Eleven years ago when I “emerged” from my divorce, I felt weak and battered emotionally.  I never thought I’d be strong then or now.  I was wrong.  My “inner” strong rose to the surface.

I hope you’ve found yours no matter whether you’re single or in a relationship.  Never EVER lose yourself.

Thanks Char!!

https://www.buggzodiac.com/strong-women-would-n/

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Unfulfilled Promises?

I’ve been holding onto a program, passed out at church a while back, because of a part of the sermon that touched a chord.  I had to grab a pen and write down what was said because I knew I’d want to circle back around to it someday – and maybe even share it?

Whether you are particularly religious, or spiritual, or not – and I never mean to “preach” here – I thought this was worth a few thoughts.

The sermon was entitled “Commitment and Compassion” and I won’t get into the message per se or the scripture, but the following statement stuck with me.

“A divine delay is not the same as a cancelled promise.”

We’ve all had promises made to us, and subsequently broken.  Disappointing to say the least.  One of the biggest being broken promises made when two people exchange vows at their wedding.

Perhaps promises should not be made so easily, unless you’re sure you can deliver?

Anyway, in relation to this sermon, the message to drive home was that maybe the promises are not broken, or cancelled – maybe they’re just delayed a bit.  If the promise of “happily ever after” isn’t delivered by your spouse, does that necessarily mean you can’t be happy?

If I’m waiting for another person to gift me my “happily ever after”, boy am I gonna be in for a huge let down.  I think I’ll be working on my “happily ever after” myself, and if getting there is delayed a bit – so be it.

I promise not to let myself down.  : -)

 

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Random Thoughts On A Day Of Travel – – –

It was my first birthday “divorced”, and I decided to take a trip so being “alone” wouldn’t feel so “alone” at home.  It was 2008, June, and hot in Texas so clearly I was headed north.

I’d seen advertisements for The Grand Hotel, on Mackinac Island, Michigan.  June was their Lilac Festival – It had been in a movie, it looked beautiful and perfect.  I made a reservation for a week.  After all, traveling eats up a whole day on the front end and the back end.

What brings me down this walk on memory lane you say?

When cleaning out the other day I came across a small (really small) journal of sorts that I’d only written in two pages.  One page had a list of yarn colors for a needlepoint pillow I had done, guessing that my reasoning was if I ever wanted to do a companion piece, I’d know which colors of wool yarn I’d used.  Pretty sure they don’t even make that yarn anymore, LOL!

The other page was full of short, random thoughts and questions that I’d obviously written on the first couple of days of that trip to Mackinac Island back in 2008.  Clearly journaling didn’t last long for me.  But reading through these thoughts, and wondering what on earth I must’ve been thinking was entertaining at this point of my life’s journey.

I’m a people person, I had hated being alone.  I tried to find someone to go on this adventure with me.  There was no one interested in going on the trip with me whether due to the time of the year, the cost, the distance . . . or maybe just me?

Some thoughts are clear, some I’m struggling to remember what I must’ve meant, but thought it would be interesting to share them with you.  My closest friends know I can be really random at times, this certainly helps their case.

Here goes:

“4:30 alarm

Detroit delay, canceled, lost luggage by Delta, everyone on the plane calling someone about their cancelation, no one for me to call (unhappy face drawn here)

Chamber of Commerce?  where do I stay, call Grand operator for help, Steven at the Grand, it’s an island, no more ferries even if I can get to Mackinac City

Darth Vader, slut, wind chill, bugs, driving rain and wind

Ladies from Alabama on a girls trip – I’m alone

Clothing memo – I’m in bright orange

Island?  What island, only clouds and fog

Have I mentioned it’s cold?

The dress code, everyone is a “couple”

Barbara from yesterday, from Alabama, just said hello, that’s nice – are things looking up?

Smile, the bridge, can see it now

Really rough waters, is this a lake?

Note to self, travel with a granola bar . . . and change, and diet coke – this is a Pepsi state (another unhappy face!)

Lone sailboat – just like me, on rough waters of life

I see the island.  I see the Grand – rises above all

Bathing suits – HA!

Ferry, cases of drinks, plants for landscape – an island after all

Carriages – not like my pampered pony!”

And then the writing ends.  I did make it to the island, and I did eventually fill up my days with activities and had no time to write any more random thoughts.  As I look back, I’m proud of being brave, of going it alone, and discovering that even though I prefer to have a pal – I don’t have to have one.

I sense from those notes the pain I was feeling at the time, but I don’t regret it because you have to go through the darkness to find the dawn, to find the light once again.

Here it is 10 years later, and I’m still taking trips alone because I’m no longer going to “wait”!  Because what it tomorrow does’t come?

 

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Opportunities!

Advice columnist Ann Landers said:  “Opportunities are often disguised as hard work.  Most people fail to recognize them.”

Suffice to say not all people are on board with “hard work”.  There are those that expect things to be handed over to them without so much as lifting a finger to deserve it.  Irritating? Yup!  Universal?  Double Yup!

Author James MacDonald said:  “Those who study human experience agree almost universally that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you choose to respond.”

It gives me pause, and it should, because how I choose to respond to something could change my life and those around me for a very long time.  We’re not always dealt the hand that we want to play with – but unlike golf, there aren’t many “mulligans” in that life.

Your decisions and your attitudes play a huge part in taking advantage of opportunities.  And yes, it does indeed require hard work.  I leave you with a quote from another author, Charles Swindoll, on the power of being positive with your possibilities!

“Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude . . . I believe the single most important decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my attitude choice.  It’s more important than my past.  It’s more important than my education or my bankroll or my success or my failures.  My attitude choice is more important than my fame or my pain or what others think or say about me or my position or my circumstances.  Attitudes keep me going or cripple my progress.  Attitude alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope.  When my attitude is right, there is no barrier too high nor valley too deep nor dream too extreme nor challenge too great for me.”

What are your opportunities today?

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