suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #6 – – –

“I am responsible for my own happiness”

Seriously, how many times have I shared this?  It’s so incredibly simple to grasp, yet hard to put into practice.

Things go wrong, you rant and rave, you question your sanity, your faith, your family and friends . . .

Who’s to blame?  Why do we need someone or some thing to blame?  I’m guilty – I admit it.  Don’t like it, but there it is.  I play the “blame game”.

Sometimes life puts you in a situation that you didn’t ask for, you do not deserve, and is not fair.

How do you get through those times?  Inner strength and being responsible for yourself.   I didn’t ask to be a single woman at this stage of my life.  Yet I have learned to embrace this speed bump in life, and find my inner peace.  I strive every day to be responsible for my spirit’s happiness.

I rise above!

When I was at my lowest post divorce, I knew I had to take charge of my own life, my own recovery and my own happiness.   I found a group of friends.   I wrote.   I learned to blog.   I wrote and published a book.  I blogged some more.  I found new friends, activities, goals.

None of this would’ve happened if that speed bump in my life had not happened.

Embrace your speed bumps as an opportunity to be responsible for your own happiness.  It’s there.

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Thoughts For A New Decade #4 – – –

“I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others”

See #3.   ; -)

Seriously, isn’t that what we do when we’re young?  When we’re dating?  When we’re married and then becoming parents?  When we’re planning things with people?

I was/am great at this.  It is the way I was brought up to be.  My Mother was a master at this, and I learned from her very well indeed.  Call it Southern, call it Texan, call it anything you want – I thought of everyone else before I thought of me.

There are times I really miss, as a single person, not having that opportunity to anticipate those needs, especially of family.   So now instead, I employ that particular skill set in my volunteer work, or when planning things with friends.

Sometimes I’ll take a step back and think that others will fill that void, you know, if I’m not doing it then surely they will?  Uh . . . no!

Solution?  Be happy fulfilling your dreams and your needs and let others take care of themselves.

Over the past couple of years I’ve really scaled back.  I’ve released myself from the self imposed obligation to take care of, and anticipate, the needs of others.   Does that make me selfish?  I don’t really think so.  Have they noticed?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But boy do I have alot more time these days to do the things I dream about.

 

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #3 – – –

“it’s not my job to take responsibility for others”

What “others” are we talking about here?   Guess it depends on your age, and the time of your life.

As a younger Mom, sure, I took responsibility for the actions of my two sons.  That’s a natural.  Luckily they didn’t get into too much trouble . . . that I found out about?  But now, they’re grown men, with families of their own – and certainly I feel no need to be responsible for their lives (unless of course you want to tell me how brilliant they are, or what great fathers they are – then, well maybe?)

As a young wife, I did many times feel responsible for the things we did “as a couple”, commitments made, events attended, lives impacted.    His actions were a reflection on me, and vice versa – that’s alot of pressure to take on.  As time went by, I realized, I was NOT responsible for his actions and toward the end of the marriage it was a relief to have validation from friends, family and peers that the actions he chose were not a reflection on me.

The older I get, the older we all get, we understand that we are responsible for one person here on earth – ourselves.  Want to see who you should think about when you’re making decisions?  Grab a mirror and start there.  Of course there are ancillary “re-actions” to the actions you take that will trickle down.  And when that happens?  Step up and be accountable.

Wha’dya think?

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Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

Enjoy your day!  I can’t believe it’s been 8 years for the blog but you all keep me inspired Every. Single. Day!

Embrace those you love, and those who love you and just leave all the rest in the dust!

Sending you all much love and appreciation today, my happiness is a direct reflection of your support!

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TRUTH!

Even The Strongest Person Gets Tired Of Being Strong And Needs A Break

(if you cannot open this, cut and paste into your web browser and that should do the trick!  Some new “Google” changes are really messing with my ability to share things!)

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As The Year Begins To Draw To A Close – – –

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It’s been one of those Summers.   Clearly the universe is not done with me and now it’s becoming one of those Falls.

I reflect back to the beginning of the year when I announced here, that 2019 was going to be my year.  The universe has other ideas.  The universe read what I wrote and decided to show me who’s boss.  Not me.

Burning bridges?  Sometimes it feels like scorched earth.  There are days when you first enter the world of wakefulness, and you think – NO!!! – just a few minutes more so that I don’t have to face what’s going to go wrong today!  BECAUSE SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG!

Something always breaks.  Something has to be replaced.  Something is so old that they don’t make replacement parts anymore.  (Really Dyson?)  And a 20% discount on the new model is supposed to make me feel better?  The pool man says pumps are only made to last 2 years ma’am!  The City water department tells me the leak is on MY side of the meter (of course it is, has it ever been on their side?).  The new car battery is dead because hey, it wasn’t the battery that was bad, it was the alternator.  The garbage disposal?  You’re only supposed to put soft things in there?  Didn’t your Mom tell you to put ice in it to sharpen the blades?  Guess what, they’re AREN’T any blades.  What?

I’m not going to burn any bridges, I’m going to fire bomb them.  Hey universe, this is me telling you what bridge you can drive OFF OF!

OK – I’ve vented, but I am searching for a new bridge to cross, because what’s left of the old one is toast!

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When People Get You Down?

Be the opposite.   Be that person in someone’s life that puts a smile on their face and in their heart.

The older I get, the more I notice there are some really grumpy people out there.  Yes, maybe life has dealt them alot of sh*t, but they are never going to feel better about their life by making someone else’s miserable.  Neither will you.

I read once that Jacquelyn Kennedy was a person who would look you in the eye while listening to you, and never scan the room for the “better deal”.  She was known to make you feel like the ONLY person in that room.

Every body is a somebody!  Don’t ever be that person that makes them feel “less than”.

There’s a wonderful company out of Colorado that produces a great line of tees and hoodies (as well as other products).  Great fabrics but greater message.   If you get a chance, head on over to:  “Be Good To People” and check out their products.  I met them one summer in Colorado and have been following their story (as well as purchasing their product line).

What a simple message.  I love this message and the family owned business that promotes it.

So this week?  Be good to people and make everybody feel like somebody!!

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Truth! Believe It!

We all have them in our lives, but are we ignoring them?  Are we walking away from them?  If we ignore them long enough will they just move on?  Maybe.

But do yourself a favor and remove them from your sphere of the universe.  No one needs another downer in their life.  Too many things go wrong on a daily basis, do you really need to add to your stress level?  Not me!

I can spot them so much more easily now.  I was brought up to believe in the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you – but guess what?  They’re so wrapped up in themselves, that they really don’t care about you and your needs or feelings.

Just finished the book, “The Narcissist Next Door”.  A neighbor had recommend I read it, so because I’m in the car alot, I downloaded the Audible version and listened to it.  Wow!  Can I recognize some of those behavior traits that before I would just ignore, or think there was something wrong with me?  You betcha’!  That’s their specialty, making YOU think there is something wrong with YOU.

Remove them from your universe.  It’s not easy, some of these people I’ve known a very long time, but it’s just not a healthy relationship.

There are so many wonderful people out there, kind hearted and caring.  Embrace them, cherish them, and let them know how much you appreciate them.  Seriously, today, after you read this, reach out to one special person and tell them how much you appreciate their positiveness.  You’ll make their day, and you’ll feel so much better too.  : -)

 

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Being Positive!

Do you enjoy daily reminders of how to live a more positive life?  I know I do, but sometimes I don’t “listen”.   When crazy things continue to happen, and you think you’re living life the best that you can, and you’re trying your darnedest to not let the negative thoughts in – sometimes a gentle nudge is all it takes.  Sometimes “listening” is hard.  It’s easy to wallow in the “why me” self pity party.  So here’s a daily reminder below!  Read and implement!!

You can follow these on Facebook, or order his books from Banlican House Publishers or Amazon.  But the most important thing?  Don’t get so down on yourself – look for the positive.  BELIEVE!

Jim’s Daily Awakenings

Many people suffer from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is dangerous because, like a magnet, it attracts bad things to us. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.

How can low self-esteem be repaired? Here are eight suggestions:

1. Refuse to indulge in negative thoughts or self-criticism; low self-esteem feeds on negative thoughts

2. Become aware of negative self-talk; continually substitute positive affirmations.

3. Choose to be yourself; you cannot be successful at reading some else’s script.

4. Be true to yourself; live consistently by the highest and best you know.

5. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your strengths and believe in you.

6. Trust your gut; what instinct is to an animal, the Holy Spirit is to you.

7. Begin each day and conclude each day by feeding your brain positive truths.

8. Visualize your dreams as realized.

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Where Has The Summer Gone?

OK – admittedly in the southwest where I’m from, summer is still in full fiery rage.  Heat advisories popping up in my inbox and on my phone.  It’s an inferno out there.  It’s why I run away and hide in cooler climes for a little “Rocky Mountain High”.  Tho’ whether John Denver meant a different kind of high, I’m all about the higher altitude for cooler weather.

Hummingbirds, summer flowers, afternoon showers, a flowing river still high from snow melt, windows open at night – yup, my summer is all about my “alternative universe”.  My family just left from a week long visit – lots of activities, especially to keep the “youngers” busy, because we all know a bored “younger” can get into all kinds of trouble.  (Of course, so can an adventurous elder with my newly favorited summer drink – F’rose, pronounced “fro-zay”)  But I digress . . .

This summer has been an interesting one, few things have gone my way, but I still find myself to be one incredibly lucky individual.   When my dogs escaped through a broken invisible fence, two good samaritans stopped to help retrieve.  When my car died in the garage, more good samaritans changed my battery and got me “drivable”.  When I needed help of the “IT” variety, a friend jumped in and got me hooked up again.

Every where I look, I’ve had help from friends and strangers.  I proclaimed in January that this was going to be “my year”!  Not really knowing what exactly that would bring along, I just knew it was my turn.  Even though I’ve had great acts of kindness shown to me, at the end of the day – it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to let Murphy’s Law tank me?  Or shall I make the most/best of what life dishes out and keep looking forward?

It’s now been almost 12 years since my divorce and it’s incredible the way I have flourished and grown, much more so than I ever thought I would.  I’ve survived two bad accidents and a frivolous lawsuit.  I’ve published a book and become a #1 Best Seller on Amazon.  I’ve had two sons get married, become a grandmother four times and broadened my friend base since my life took that 180 degree turn around back in 2006/2007.

So I guess instead of asking “where has the summer gone?” I should really be wondering where has the last 12 years gone?  Just keep being happy friends!

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