suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Apr 23

Vulnerability = Trust – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

I attended a fundraising luncheon last week where the guest speaker was Dr. Brene Brown.  She has spent years researching vulnerability and other aspects of human emotional well being.  It was fascinating listening to her views and her studies but it was her take on our vulnerability that really resonated with me.

http://www.brenebrown.com

I always considered being vulnerable a “weakness” but that’s not really her take on it at all.  It’s what prods us to be brave, to try things that scare us, to make a decision to be strong and that ultimately helps us survive.

Being in a relationship makes us vulnerable.  Being in love makes us vulnerable.  Going through a break-up or a divorce REALLY makes us feel vulnerable because that “mate” was supposed to be there for us in the good times and the bad.  Now we’re all alone and it’s scary.

What makes you feel vulnerable?  For me it’s being alone and totally responsible for myself.  However can I take that and use it as motivation to prove that I really can be strong?  Absolutely.  It has forced me to learn to trust in myself and my decisions.  That trust did not come quickly, but it did come.

Use those feelings of being inadequate to motivate yourself to trust in your strengths.  Prove to your family and friends that you are a strong and capable person who doesn’t need a man to tell you what to do, how to do it and when to do it.  Look at those feelings of vulnerability as a way to learn to trust in yourself again.

Having doubts is normal, but letting them rule your world is not OK.  Be strong, be brave – rock on!!

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Apr 1

When Better Isn’t Bitter – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

A funny thing happened to me the other day when I was answering an email message by using my iPhone.  Trying to be quick and “21st” century I abbreviated some of the words.  Never assume your abbreviation is read the way you meant it!

In answering a comment about “moving on” from the hurt of divorce and into my new life as a single I remarked that I thought I was still “bttr”, even tho’ there had been some things that had recently irritated me!!  I intended that “bttr” to be read as “better”!   Imagine my surprise when my gal pal fired back a “msg” to me (ok couldn’t resist – that’s “message”) that she didn’t understand why I was still “bitter”?  A bit of a lecture ensued.

I read her reply and went, “. . . huh? . . .”   I had to go back to see if my fat fingers had hit the wrong key?  (I do miss the raised keys of a Blackberry, I never made typing mistakes on the Blackberry!)  I know that when I get going really fast on the iPhone that many times I can hit the wrong letter key because the pads of my thumbs are seemingly too wide for the letters.

How many times have I sent a message where I meant to type “list” and instead sent out the word “lust” since the “u” and “i” are side by side.  I’m sure that’s made for some interesting interpretations of my message!!  But, back to the story . . .

When I scanned my reply, I realized that she had misread the abbreviation.  I clarified, all’s well!  But it does make you think.  Is being bitter ever better?  Do you have to go through a bit of bitter before you can get better?  Yes – plain and simple, it’s natural.  I believe bitter can be better when it drives you to heal and get past the pain, the anguish, the grief of a married life that’s lost and motivates you to realize that you are an OK person without that man in your life.

I also believe that it’s never better to hold onto the bitter, because the only person you’re hurting is yourself and those closest to you who only want to help you get to a better place.  That’s why my sweet friend fired back at me a little lecture, because she wants only the best for me, and to see me through to a better place.  My bitter is getting better every day!  So shall yours if you’ll let it – so start today and be better!

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Mar 13

Do You Now Have To Get Everything In Writing?

by suddenlysinglewomen

I’m glad that “back in the day”, when I got married, I didn’t even know what a “pre-nup” was.  It would have been just one more thing to worry about.  These days, especially in the case of second marriages between people of a certain “advanced” age – it’s the norm.  So what would you do if your “intended” suddenly popped up with the demand to sign a pre-nup just mere days before the wedding?  I’m still trying to figure out how a “pre-nup” doesn’t imply that your marriage is not going to work out!

I thought this article was interesting because evidently this woman went to court and got the pre-nup thrown out.  My guess is there will be appeals and she’ll be tied up in court for a very long time.  We talk about the family law courts and divorce attorneys in my DRG (Divorce Recovery Group) quite a lot and from what I hear, no one seems to feel there is justice or impartiality any more.  Attorneys fees are way out of kilter and judges seem to be able to overlook certain aspects of the law without much challenge.  You can be right, but lack the funds to hire someone to make it happen.

Most marriages are not lasting, and pre-nups are not ironclad.   What to do, you wonder?  After reading this article I glanced at the posting comments and am sad to report that most seemed to question why anyone would even get married anymore.  Is that what we’ve come to?  Give it a read and let me know what you think.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/wife-of-millionaire-wins-unprecedented-case-to-overturn-prenup-agreement-182017682.html

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Mar 6

“The Great Debaters” –

by suddenlysinglewomen

This is a wonderful movie if you haven’t seen it.  I won’t go into details, but suffice to say that David beats Goliath once again.  It’s a feel good movie and one that both sexes seem to enjoy.  In one scene, the actor Forest Whitaker has a line – “We do what we have to do, in order to do what we want to do”.

“What we have to do . . .”

I grew up in a fairly strict household in the 50’s and 60’s.  My Dad was ex Army, to say he was regimented w0uld be an understatement.  We knew always what we HAD to do.  If we forgot, we were reminded.  We did not color outside the lines.  We did not think outside the box.  There were rules and there were boundaries and if you messed up, there were consequences.  There was very little doing “What we want to do”.

These days the rules are so much different.  There’s more freedom, there’s less structure, and there sure as heck is alot less consequence.  So what are we showing our children when there are no consequences for bad behavior?  Bad precedent to set I would imagine.

Many times I have had to sit back and bite my tongue when I see my ex exhibiting his usual inconsiderate behavior.  Even when it affects our children, I hold most of my thoughts to myself because what good will it do to share them out loud?  The kids don’t want to hear them.  Do you think they notice?  Hard to tell.

So it appears I’m still stuck in the “Do what you have to do” rut.  Apparently I have to hold my tongue to keep the peace and not denigrate their father.  Because to do what I WANT to do wouldn’t change his behavior anyway . . .

Divorce Recovery Life after Divorce Passive Agressive Behavior Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Feb 25

What A Difference A Few Years Can Make – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

I was sent this post and had a fun time looking it over.  While many of the things on there I agree with, some of them I will admit to still doing.  Guess that means I’m not quite as “hip” as my children and their friends are but that’s OK.  In some things they’re not near as “cool” as I am either!!

Look these over and see if you agree.  If nothing else, it’s a fun exercise in reminding ourselves just how far and how fast life has progressed and times have changed.  Have we progressed with the times and the technology or are we stuck in the past?  Is this a tiny bit like getting a divorce yet not moving on?  Enjoy these and take some of them with a grain of salt . . .

But you better NEVER stop writing those “hand-written” thank you notes or my Mother will haunt you for the rest of your natural born life!  Just sayin’ . . .

http://mozy.com/blog/infographics/50-things-we-dont-do-anymore-due-to-technology/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Newsletter-Home201302&utm_campaign=Newsletters-Home&ref=36b792db

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Feb 15

Happy Anniversary and a HUGE Heartfelt Thanks – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

That’s right, it’s been one year since I started this blog and I’m so very grateful for all the support I’ve received during that year.  I know I’m not alone in what I’ve been going through.  I know that I have love and support from others who “get it”.

It was funny, I went back and read the first blog that went out for Valentine’s Day 2012 and things really haven’t changed too terribly much.  It’s another Valentine’s day spent with a TV tray, my DVR and my dogs.  A BFF did send me a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates which I have every intention of emptying very soon.  I got to spend time with my new five-week old grand baby – a girl – this morning, a real treat since I’m the mother of sons!  If that doesn’t show you “the real thing”, nothing will.

I’ll stay at home tonight because to go out would just throw me into the middle of “couple-dom” every where you look and I just don’t want to see that on this day about “love”.

So thanks for “following” me and who knows what the next year might bring?

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Feb 12

When It’s Time For A Pep Talk – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

So, after I finished writing the last entry I remembered seeing an article about being “positive” when putting yourself out there in the dating world.  I myself stated several posts ago that maybe all the “good ones” are taken.  Some times you just feel that way and it’s OK.  Do others really sense when you’re down or feeling like it’s hopeless?  Do you exude the negativity that you feel?

That said, when I’m on my “highs” and feeling good about my life, I probably do sound more like this post I borrow from match.com.  After all, they seem to know a thing or two about dating, even if I personally have never had any success there.  (or any other dating website for that matter)  Perhaps all I need to do is polish up my flirting skills.  Can I find an “app” for that?

Is it true you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming?  Good question, no clear answer.  But if today is one of those days that you need to think positive, here’s a little help.  I will if you will.  : -)

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=13146&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1381813

Women's Lives after Divorce

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Feb 5

It’s Not Good Being Lonely – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

Nope, it really isn’t.  But how do we prevent it when/if we’re alone?  It’s exhausting coming up with ways to entertain yourself other than a TV tray and your DVR!  The need for companionship is paramount in anyone’s life.  Even more so is the need for touch.  So how do we go about making sure we don’t end up alone and lonely every night?

I don’t know about you but I can find things to occupy myself during the day.  If you are a working woman, then your day is beyond full.  If you are not, there are activities out there that you can occupy yourself with whether it’s volunteering, part time work, book clubs, needlework groups, bible studies or church related activities, physical activities such as walking, running or fitness classes.  You can take classes or if you have a particular skill set you can share – teach a class?  It’s almost spring time here, hard to believe since it’s just the first part of February but my trees are budding so how about a gardening project?

Oh, . . . but the nights . . .

Those are the toughest for me.  GF’s suggest meeting for lunch, but then those same GF’s go home to their husbands at night and suddenly they forget that there’s another meal of the day that you might enjoy sharing with people (rather than your dogs!)  We’ve talked about this before, it’s a couple’s world and most especially at night – couples go out with couples.  Why is that?  What are they afraid of?  Or do they just not even think about it?

So what do you do to fill your time?  How do you escape your loneliness?  Would love to hear from you.  In the meantime, I share a link below that talks about emotional wellness because keeping our spirit happy and healthy is just as important as our physical well being.  May all our spirits rise this week!

//www.definebody.com/living/live-to-be-inspired-and-be-inspired-to-live/feed/

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Jan 10

Great Resource in Our Area – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

A great friend (thanks M.E.) forwarded me this information on an upcoming seminar in the Houston area.  I looked it over and although it’s not something I personally can use right now, it does look like it’s full of good working information if you’re just now entering into the process of getting a divorce.   Realizing that I have not attended it, nor know the persons presenting the information, I still like to share information for you to assess it’s value for your personal situation.  After all, we’re all in this together.

If you ever find information that you think my readers would benefit by, send it through the “comments” section and we’ll get it passed along.  Wishing us all speedy and happy recoveries!

http://www.guidetogooddivorce.com/?page_id=7

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Jan 4

In Keeping With the Theme of Being “Positive”, Another “share” – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

It’s the New Year, many blogs and posts are sharing positive thoughts and plans for 2013.   Since we survived the Mayan Calender, the end of the world, and the Fiscal Cliff, we must look forward to 2013, right?

To follow those I shared the other day, here is another set from renown designer Bill Stubbs.  Enjoy and take note!

Ten Classic Achievements for 2013

Posted on January 2, 2013 by 1glimpsesoftruth1

 

This Christmas with my Daughter Courtney and her husband Robert Hunter and my son Chad Stubbs. Remember, the blessings begin at home.

  1. Be a blessing – There are so many ways we can bless one another without having to change our daily MO!  It’s so important that we acknowledge those around us– those people in our lives that we see every day–with a warm smile and hello.  I know how I feel when someone looks through me like I don’t exist!  Of course, there are many ways to bless others, but establishing a connection is a great place to start.  And it segues so well into the next achievement on my list.
  2. Give more – We were created to give.  It’s in our very DNA.  So why do we hold on so tightly to our resources?  Once we get in the habit of giving—time, talent and treasures—it heightens the desire to give.  I have always found when I feel in need, or fearful about money, giving is the antidote and a return to abundance.
  3. Embrace technology – The world doesn’t have much patience with me when I say I’m not “techno-savvy”.  If a two-year-old can pick up an IPad and navigate, so can we.  There are a number of resources when you purchase your gadgets—check those out first.  Apple’s success rate has a lot to do with the Apple store model of helping buyers set up and operate their purchases and return any time they have a question or problem.
  4. Mentor young people – None of us make it on our own.  Although you may like to say you’re a self-made person, at the end of the day, there were many people lending a helping hand along the way.  So, don’t ignore the young people in your life.  They are eager to learn, they are bright, and you can help them avoid cynicism from the get-go when they remember that once upon a time, someone saw something wonderful in them.
  5. Pace yourself – I have been known to say, “You can sleep when you die” when people ask about my rapid pace.  And I still believe you need to wring out every ounce of life in a day, but, to be my best, I realize that prioritizing allows me to operate in a more purposeful mode, which makes for more creativity and more interesting times.  I would still rather wear out, than rust.
  6. Ramp up your products/services – The design business has to be one of the most fascinating in the world, but it moves at a dizzying pace.  So I am always cognizant of the importance of adding value to my work—whether it is focusing on the tiniest detail, or creating the unexpected, but highly appreciated décor for my clients.
  7. Set goals with timetables – Just like you, I have a ton of goals!  But what good are they if we don’t review along the way, and stick to our drop-dead deadlines.  This year my goals will not be launched without a deadline attached to them.
  8. Celebrate the beginning and ending of each day – My days always go better when I wake up with an attitude of gratitude.  And even after a bad day, I can always find an accomplishment that made its way into my day!  So my focus is on all the good things I am going to do and then at the end of the day, I focus on the ones that were actually achieved.  Try it, it will surprise you how many wonderful things you do achieve in a period of 24 hours!
  9. Diversify – This has become a byword for the 21st Century.  And it’s such a cool thing—because it allows us to erase those self-made boundaries we’ve drawn, and expand them to let in all kinds of new people, places, foods, ideologies, games, and philosophies.
  10. Establish/retool my personal style—at home, at work, my wardrobe – I like to think that I am an evolving, growing individual.  As the years go by, our likes and dislikes begin to fit us like a comfortable shoe.  But in 2013, I want to do things differently.  I want new textures, and new sounds and new colors in my life.  I want to spread my wings a little bit and dare to be unpredictable, in a tasteful way of course.  Better to be a flowing stream than a stagnant pond.

I hope these ideas will resonate with you in 2013.  Isn’t it wonderful to live in a great big beautiful world, where our only limitations come from within?  Happy New Year to you and yours!

 

Women's Lives after Divorce

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