Thoughts For A New Decade #4 – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

“I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others”

See #3. ; -)

Seriously, isn’t that what we do when we’re young? When we’re dating? When we’re married and then becoming parents? When we’re planning things with people?

I was/am great at this. It is the way I was brought up to be. My Mother was a master at this, and I learned from her very well indeed. Call it Southern, call it Texan, call it anything you want – I thought of everyone else before I thought of me.

There are times I really miss, as a single person, not having that opportunity to anticipate those needs, especially of family. So now instead, I employ that particular skill set in my volunteer work, or when planning things with friends.

Sometimes I’ll take a step back and think that others will fill that void, you know, if I’m not doing it then surely they will? Uh . . . no!

Solution? Be happy fulfilling your dreams and your needs and let others take care of themselves.

Over the past couple of years I’ve really scaled back. I’ve released myself from the self imposed obligation to take care of, and anticipate, the needs of others. Does that make me selfish? I don’t really think so. Have they noticed? Maybe. Maybe not. But boy do I have alot more time these days to do the things I dream about.

Being a Happy Woman Being The Best Version Of Yourself Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Divorce Settlements Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Girlfriends Having a Happy Life Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

by suddenlysinglewomen

Enjoy your day! I can’t believe it’s been 8 years for the blog but you all keep me inspired Every. Single. Day!

Embrace those you love, and those who love you and just leave all the rest in the dust!

Sending you all much love and appreciation today, my happiness is a direct reflection of your support!

Being a Happy Woman Being The Best Version Of Yourself Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Girlfriends Having a Happy Life Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Thoughts For A New Decade #2

by suddenlysinglewomen

“It’s OK to say no”

It really really is. When I was younger and starting out in that “time of life” where I had retired from teaching and was a “stay at home” Mom, I became a volunteer. My husband was with an accounting firm and the wives (yes, sexist but at that time there weren’t THAT many women in accounting) were encouraged, strongly, to become a force in the volunteer, charitable, non-profit world.

It’s all about client development and networking. What better way for a member of a firm, to meet potential clients, than through the relationships the spouse has on a social level? Throw in the “do good” work and it was a win-win.

I had a mentor (thanks CS) help me, and began to get involved. REALLY involved. I found that I had a certain proclivity for being able to organize events and raise money. With a successful event, came the opportunities (and “asks”) to become involved with even more events. Over my really active years, I was chairing a major fundraiser event, one per year. My first volunteer “job” started in earnest in 1984/85. I was ripe for the pickin’.

That soon evolved into sitting on Board of Directors, Executive Committees and Capital Campaigns of some of those same non-profits. I enjoyed it. I felt appreciated and needed. During that period, my sons were growing up and seeing that it was good to give back. They became involved in some of my activities as well, and saw the value of “giving back”. They also learned that time management is a skill.

I had a good run, but have now really cut back to only a few groups that I am most passionate about. I’ve passed the torch, and I’ve learned “It’s OK to say no”! It really really is.

This even drifts down into your personal life. If a family member asks you if you’re available and you are not, then just say no. There’ll be other opportunities. If a friend asks you to do something that you really don’t have to time to commit to, and you’ll really regret saying yes to, then be brave, it’s OK to say no.

It’s your life, it’s your time, and you’ve earned the right to think of your time as valuable. 35 years later, I’ve made the most amazing friendships through my volunteerism, and I’d like to think I’ve done some good. But now I also know it’s OK to say no.

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One More Time – With Feeling (and apologies that my “cut and paste” is clearly out of whack!)

by suddenlysinglewomen

I’ve
learned….
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve
learned ….
That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve
learned….

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve
learned….
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve
learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve
learned….

That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.

I’ve
learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve
learned….
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve
learned….

That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve
learned….

That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve
learned….

That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve
learned…

That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve
learned….

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve
learned….

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve
learned….
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve
learned….

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve
learned….

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve
learned….

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve
learned….
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve
learned….

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve
learned….
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve
learned….
That I wish I could have told my Mom/Dad that I love her/him one more time before she/he passed away.

I’ve
learned….
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve
learned….
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve
learned….
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.

I’ve
learned….
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve
learned….
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

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Borrowed From A Friend – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

I’ve
learned….
That
when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve
learned ….
That
just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve
learned….

That
having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings
in the world.

I’ve
learned….
That
being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve
learned….
That
you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve
learned….

That
I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in
any other way.

I’ve
learned….
That
no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend
to act goofy with.

I’ve
learned….
That
sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve
learned….

That
simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a
child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve
learned….

That
money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve
learned….

That
it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve
learned…

That
under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and
loved.

I’ve
learned….

That
to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve
learned….

That
when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve
learned….
That
love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve
learned….

That
the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people
smarter than I am.

I’ve
learned….

That
everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve
learned….

That
no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve
learned….
That
life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve
learned….

That
opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve
learned….
That
when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve
learned….
That
I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she
passed away.

I’ve
learned….
That
one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have
to eat them.

I’ve
learned….
That
a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve
learned….
That
when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist,
you’re hooked for life.

I’ve
learned….
That
everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and
growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve
learned….
That
the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

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When People Get You Down?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Be the opposite. Be that person in someone’s life that puts a smile on their face and in their heart.

The older I get, the more I notice there are some really grumpy people out there. Yes, maybe life has dealt them alot of sh*t, but they are never going to feel better about their life by making someone else’s miserable. Neither will you.

I read once that Jacquelyn Kennedy was a person who would look you in the eye while listening to you, and never scan the room for the “better deal”. She was known to make you feel like the ONLY person in that room.

Every body is a somebody! Don’t ever be that person that makes them feel “less than”.

There’s a wonderful company out of Colorado that produces a great line of tees and hoodies (as well as other products). Great fabrics but greater message. If you get a chance, head on over to: “Be Good To People” and check out their products. I met them one summer in Colorado and have been following their story (as well as purchasing their product line).

What a simple message. I love this message and the family owned business that promotes it.

So this week? Be good to people and make everybody feel like somebody!!

Being a Happy Woman Being The Best Version Of Yourself Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Girlfriends Having a Happy Life Life after Divorce Passive Agressive Behavior Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Being Positive!

by suddenlysinglewomen

Do you enjoy daily reminders of how to live a more positive life? I know I do, but sometimes I don’t “listen”. When crazy things continue to happen, and you think you’re living life the best that you can, and you’re trying your darnedest to not let the negative thoughts in – sometimes a gentle nudge is all it takes. Sometimes “listening” is hard. It’s easy to wallow in the “why me” self pity party. So here’s a daily reminder below! Read and implement!!

You can follow these on Facebook, or order his books from Banlican House Publishers or Amazon. But the most important thing? Don’t get so down on yourself – look for the positive. BELIEVE!

Jim’s Daily Awakenings

Many people suffer from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is dangerous because, like a magnet, it attracts bad things to us. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.

How can low self-esteem be repaired? Here are eight suggestions:

1. Refuse to indulge in negative thoughts or self-criticism; low self-esteem feeds on negative thoughts

2. Become aware of negative self-talk; continually substitute positive affirmations.

3. Choose to be yourself; you cannot be successful at reading some else’s script.

4. Be true to yourself; live consistently by the highest and best you know.

5. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your strengths and believe in you.

6. Trust your gut; what instinct is to an animal, the Holy Spirit is to you.

7. Begin each day and conclude each day by feeding your brain positive truths.

8. Visualize your dreams as realized.

Being a Happy Woman Being The Best Version Of Yourself Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Having a Happy Life Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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A Great Share – – – Because Who Of Any Of Us Is Perfect?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Written by Vicki Archer and shared with me from the always amazing Carol S.

Who is perfect? What is perfect? Where is perfect?

Nothing is ever perfect and yet we strain ourselves constantly in this fruitless quest. I was guilty of this. Always striving to create the perfect everything and it is exhausting. Perfectionism is a bit of a fool’s game and those who play set themselves up for disaster. A lack of confidence, a feeling of discontent and perennial dissatisfaction are only some of the downsides.

Our best selves do not need to be perfect.

That doesn’t mean to say, near enough is good enough; doing our very best is everything. It doesn’t need to break us or depress us; trying to be the best version of us should be uplifting and create happiness. Once the unattainable idea of “perfect” interferes, trouble starts.

Some are perfectionists and some aren’t.

I have always believed it is a bit of a curse. Yes, it can lead to massive creativity and great levels of achievement but that standard of self-expectation is tough. Nothing ever eventuates as you imagined and a job is never done.

It’s a hard habit to break.

My Better Not Younger philosophy has helped me think this through.

Aging in the most fortunate case is not something we escape and it does have challenges; it is foolish to pretend otherwise. I want to turn the challenges into positives, into advantages. Focusing on what I can do in a real sense is very important while at the same time maintaining an active and healthy appetite for those challenges.

Trying to be perfect is not going to cut it anymore. It is a thankless pursuit. I do not want to encourage laziness or lack of adventure and spirit – far from it – but I do want to take the stress out. Perfectionism can foster a fear of failure and that’s the last thing we want.

How do we dial down the perfect and continue to be productive?

Relax.

Take the stress out and enjoy the process. If we are relaxed so will everything else.

Understand value.

Sometimes the value is disproportionate to the amount of time we spend on it. It is important to think clearly and be aware of what “value” is. Will a dinner party be a disaster if you seek help or fuss less? Most likely not. The joy is in the inviting and spending time with friends.

Remove unrealistic expectations.

Don’t we all have these? We push ourselves too hard.

Don’t overthink.

Overthinking, wanting to get it “just right” is a direct path to inaction. Making decisions, even when they don’t feel “perfect” can be liberating and set about a course of action that’s truly life-changing. Waiting in the wings, being an understudy is not where we want to stay. We have one chance, let’s take it.

Who wants to be perfect? Not me anymore. xv

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Where Has The Summer Gone?

by suddenlysinglewomen

OK – admittedly in the southwest where I’m from, summer is still in full fiery rage. Heat advisories popping up in my inbox and on my phone. It’s an inferno out there. It’s why I run away and hide in cooler climes for a little “Rocky Mountain High”. Tho’ whether John Denver meant a different kind of high, I’m all about the higher altitude for cooler weather.

Hummingbirds, summer flowers, afternoon showers, a flowing river still high from snow melt, windows open at night – yup, my summer is all about my “alternative universe”. My family just left from a week long visit – lots of activities, especially to keep the “youngers” busy, because we all know a bored “younger” can get into all kinds of trouble. (Of course, so can an adventurous elder with my newly favorited summer drink – F’rose, pronounced “fro-zay”) But I digress . . .

This summer has been an interesting one, few things have gone my way, but I still find myself to be one incredibly lucky individual. When my dogs escaped through a broken invisible fence, two good samaritans stopped to help retrieve. When my car died in the garage, more good samaritans changed my battery and got me “drivable”. When I needed help of the “IT” variety, a friend jumped in and got me hooked up again.

Every where I look, I’ve had help from friends and strangers. I proclaimed in January that this was going to be “my year”! Not really knowing what exactly that would bring along, I just knew it was my turn. Even though I’ve had great acts of kindness shown to me, at the end of the day – it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to let Murphy’s Law tank me? Or shall I make the most/best of what life dishes out and keep looking forward?

It’s now been almost 12 years since my divorce and it’s incredible the way I have flourished and grown, much more so than I ever thought I would. I’ve survived two bad accidents and a frivolous lawsuit. I’ve published a book and become a #1 Best Seller on Amazon. I’ve had two sons get married, become a grandmother four times and broadened my friend base since my life took that 180 degree turn around back in 2006/2007.

So I guess instead of asking “where has the summer gone?” I should really be wondering where has the last 12 years gone? Just keep being happy friends!

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A Daily Reminder!

by suddenlysinglewomen

So many different versions of this, but the message is always the same.

With all we are bombarded with in the media these days, it’s hard to believe there is truly anyone out there that has “it”. That’s Integrity with a capital “I”.

What do YOU do when no one is watching? I’d like to think that it comes second nature to us all I’d also like to think that I will always do the right thing, no matter whether I have an audience or not.

I think I do, I certainly try hard to. But maybe I’ll use this reminder today just to make sure.

Integrity is the key for good societal behavior, especially when no one is watching you. Will you display it today?

2 Comments »

suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #4 – – –

Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

Thoughts For A New Decade #2

One More Time – With Feeling (and apologies that my “cut and paste” is clearly out of whack!)

Borrowed From A Friend – – –

When People Get You Down?

Being Positive!

Jim’s Daily Awakenings

A Great Share – – – Because Who Of Any Of Us Is Perfect?

It’s a hard habit to break.

How do we dial down the perfect and continue to be productive?

Where Has The Summer Gone?

A Daily Reminder!

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