suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Nov 27

Sad Statistics – What Are We Doing Wrong???

by suddenlysinglewomen

I recently read a study in an old copy of my AARP magazine. (Yup, I’m that old – although you start getting this when you hit 50, and that is no longer “old”)

It talks about the statistics of divorce rates and it was just plain ol’ depressing. I have marriageable aged sons and this depresses me for them and for their generation. They have already had friends get divorced – EGAD! What’s our world coming too?

So on days when you feel so alone and betrayed by being a divorcee, think of these numbers and realize that you are by far no longer the minority. Divorce is everywhere and a sad state of affairs (pun intended!).

“In the 1950’s, 60 percent of U.S. families consisted of two married parents: a breadwinner and a homemaker. Today only 20 percent of American children live in such a family. Instead, couples divorce – or never marry in the first place – and form new households, raising their kids in a tumble of step- and half-siblings. And although the divorce rate has been declining among younger couples, among boomers it has increased 50 percent in the past 20 years – with no slowdown in sight. The baby boomers are likely to have the highest lifetime levels of divorce of any generation born in the 20th century.“

I don’t have an answer to this, but I can still recognize that it’s very sad to realize how easy it is to be cast off for that “greener grass” on the other side of the fence.

It’s no wonder so many of my single women friends have NO desire to ever put themselves in that position again. I guess instead of a fence, we should have built walls . . .

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Nov 27

A Simple Thought For All Of You Today . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

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Women's Lives after Divorce

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Nov 18

Let Gratitude Change Your Attitude – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

So I was driving along the other day and there was a break in the music on the radio for a church ad.  Usually I listen to XM/Sirius radio so there’s little interruption but for some reason I was on regular radio programming.  A minister came on and was asking for attendance for the upcoming Sunday.

Generally I tune ads out, but there was just something about his voice.  Maybe that’s one of the things that lead him to his calling – a great voice that makes people sit up and notice.  His topic of discussion was going to be “Let Gratitude Change Your Attitude” . . . and it really stuck a chord in me.

I’ve said before how we can control our feelings and decide how we are going to let things that happen to us shape us.  I know you’ve heard it all before whether it be from your well meaning friends and family, or a therapist or divorce recovery group.  The message is always the same – you can get through this, you will feel better, you will recover.

But dang if it isn’t really  hard to do, right??

So when I heard this, it was like . . . WOW!  How five words can have such a profound impact?  Amazing.  I started thinking of all the things I have to be grateful for, and there are a lot.   You know what starts to happen when you let gratitude change your attitude?  You start smiling, your heart warms and your perspective does change.  You look at things a bit differently.  It’s slow at first, it’s SO easy to think of all the negatives and wallow in the gloom and doom.

I know, I’ve done it!

And I know that I will continue to do it at times BUT –

Maybe if everyday we look around us at the things we have to be grateful for, it could be the beginning of something really wonderful.  It just might, over time – change that attitude into a smile!

Divorce Recovery Divorce Settlements Fresh Starts Girlfriends Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Nov 9

Men Are Like . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

I copied this from the internet the other day.  It made me want to laugh uncontrollably.  There IS some humor out there when speaking about on of our most talked about subjects.  While I’m not sure the photos are going to come through (I’m still technologically challenged!) the gist of the message certainly does!!  Read and laugh, we all need a bit of humor at times!!

 

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an “entire pig” just to get a  “little sausage”.

1. Men are like Laxatives.
They irritate the crap out of you.
2Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3.Men are like Weather.
Nothing can be done to change them.
4.Men are like Blenders.
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
5.Men are like Chocolate Bars…
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6.Men are like Commercials. You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores…Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8.Men are like. Government Bonds….
They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like … Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10.Men are like Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11.Men are like Snowstorms.
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get
or how long it will last.
12! .Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13.Men are like Parking Spots.
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Oct 24

Loving Being Single??

by suddenlysinglewomen

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.  The truth is – I AM SINGLE!!!  OK, got that out there.  Sometimes I just have to come to grips with the fact that I am “single” through little fault of my own.  I have to adjust – EVERYTHING!

I don’t adjust well.  I like routine, I like pattern, I like boundaries.  I am a better person when I have a plan and no what tomorrow is “supposed” to bring.  When life throws me a loop, I get knocked over.  I don’t like it, I don’t appreciate it and I’m certainly not enjoying it.

Having no one to fight over the remote with can be a positive.  It’s nice to know if I get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom that the lid to the toilet will be down – just the way I left it the last time I used it.  I enjoy squeezing my toothpaste from the bottom and not having to push out the dents in the “middle of the tube” from the former spouse’s thumb!

When I come downstairs in the morning, the house is just the same as the way I left it when I went to bed – NICE!  So OK, I know there are some positives.  But if truth be told – I hate being single.  I hate going to events alone.  When I walk in I feel as if I have a big sign around my neck that says:  CAN’T GET A DATE!!!!!  And that would be true.

I really don’t enjoy being the only one responsible for helping myself through a crisis.  Car breaks down??  Yup – I have to figure out what to do and how to do it without any help.  How do I know if the mechanic is being honest or not?  I don’t.  I sometimes think I could have a heart attack and fall down the stairs and not have anyone miss me, or wonder why they hadn’t heard from me for at least several days.  I’m pretty sure by then I’d be d-e-a-d dead.

The link below will give you some thoughts to ponder in your own personal situation.  For myself?  I’m giving myself permission to hate being single, to not like being alone most nights.  I wish I shared my life with someone special, and maybe someday I will.  Till then the truth is – I AM SINGLE and I’m going to need to learn to trust the auto mechanic . . .

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2014/06/03/absolutely-okay-say-hate-single/?lcid=95156&laid=Links#.U5chOBYQ5Qo

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Oct 8

It Ain’t Rocket Science – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

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You’ve heard the ol’ saying that goes something along the lines of:  “Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk”.

I thought of that when I saw this photo and it’s accompanying sentiment.

How many times have you been frustrated by friends, family or even new acquaintances who just “don’t get it”?

Women going through, or coming out the other side of divorce have a hard time when it comes to having people understand what it’s like.  If you haven’t been there, you really can’t understand.  You may think you can imagine the horror of it all, but please don’t try to act like you get it.  You don’t.

I know you can perceive the pain and the injustice, and we really do appreciate you caring and wanting to help in any way you can.  I know when I’ve learned of a tragedy that someone close to me has experienced, I want to be there for them and ease that pain any way that I can.  I will never, however, claim to know what they’re going through or how they feel unless I’ve shared that same tragedy.

This harkens back to one of my earliest blogs when I went off about well intentioned people who tell you that you’ve just got to “Move On”!  Really?  Move on how?  Even the GPS in my car knows there’s more than one way to get between point A and point B and the time needed and miles driven are different in every scenario.   There are never ending roadblocks on your trip toward recovery that even the GPS can’t get you around.

During your journey when you encounter these people who are trying to help but haven’t seen your path, or walked a mile in your shoes try to be kind back and just thank them.  They’ll feel better, surprisingly you’ll feel better for understanding they’re really trying to help.  But know deep down that there’s really only one person who understands your path – and that’s you.

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 29

Trust?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Trust never used to be an issue for me.  I grew up in an honest family, I had honest friends, I was an honest person myself.  I was insulated – that’s for sure.  The older I get the more I learn that there are many untrustworthy people out there.

They think nothing of a little white lie, and that’s only the beginning.  What about “lying by omission”?  Can you trust a person who chooses not to tell you something?  That’s a gray area for most.  When my ex was living “outside the bonds of marriage”, I had friends that knew what was going on.  They chose not to tell me.  That’s a lie by omission.  Acting like everything was great, life was good, all were happy.  All were NOT happy.

So when it comes time to think about putting yourself out there again, once you’re past the initial stages of healing from your divorce, how easy do you think it’ll be for you to trust once again?  I trusted too quickly and had my heart stepped all over by a man I cared about.  Each time that happens I will be more inclined to not trust, to protect myself – but that’s just me.

Below is one of many articles about dating and trusting once again.  Maybe it will provoke some thoughts that you need to consider because none of us ever again want to go through what we’ve already been through.  As always I welcome your thoughts!

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/learning-how-to-trust-again/#.U3EnLtZlyEU.email%5B/

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 22

To “Lift” Or Not To “Lift”?

by suddenlysinglewomen

As we age, our skin shows it.    This is NOT a gender issue, but a human issue.  The skin just “ain’t what it used to be”!  The elasticity is gone, collagen isn’t produced like before and things sag.  UGH!!

If you add on top of that the society we live in is constantly telling us we should be thin, and wrinkle free – no matter our age, you want to hide indoors.

Then if heap on top of that the dating game where (sorry dudes) the men are looking at and for those younger women to squire around, it’s no wonder we look tired and old.   We ARE tired and old, LOL!!  OK – so maybe age is a matter of mind but your mirror is not your friend.

Entering my 50’s I remember how clearly my “then” husband felt about plastic surgery.  He always said he would do it if it made him feel and look better.   For my 50th birthday I seriously considered that’s what I should do; I knew he looked at me as “aging” and needing some artificial help in looking better.

Instead he divorced me and just married a “younger” person – problem solved.

Now as I sit here at 61, and see all the plastic around me, it’s easy to wonder the “what if” I had done it at 50?  Or wonder about the “what if” I do it in my 60’s?  Whatever happens, it’s nice to  know you’re not alone in wondering if trying to seek a younger version of yourself – to match the younger self your mind tells you that you still are – is worth it or not.

No judgement from my corner either way, but I did enjoy reading this brief article about another’s feelings.  We’re not alone in at least “wondering”!

 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/my-aging-face-97643202288.html

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 16

Is “One” The Loneliest Number?

by suddenlysinglewomen

http://houston.culturemap.com/news/restaurants-bars/09-15-14-dining-solo-at-houstons-top-restaurants-a-party-of-one-is-no-shame-in-this-foodie-city/?utm_source=dailydigest&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=cmpgn-2014-9-16

Sometimes the words to that old song ring true for all of us.  I’ve never been one very comfortable in going to a restaurant by myself to eat a meal.  I always felt that sitting at the bar alone was like hanging a sign around my neck that says “Can’t Get A Date”!!

You’ve heard of “dog shaming”?  Well this feels like “single woman shaming”.

However, after reading this article today, maybe I”ll try it again.  Maybe the times have become more relaxed?  Maybe since the divorce rate is SO high that there are SO many more of us that it’s become the new norm?

Guess I better charge up the Kindle and download some interesting stories and start being more brave.  After all, a girl’s gotta eat, right?  Or maybe I just need to let you all know where I’m eating and we can all fill that community table?  : -)

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 12

What Starts Here, Changes The World . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

McRaven to Grads: To Change the World, Start by Making Your Bed [Watch]

Maybe by now most of you have seen, or at least heard about, the Graduation Commencement address given back in May to the Class of 2014 at the University of Texas by Admiral McRaven.  I’ve listened to it multiple times.  I love it.

There are times when just plain ol’ common sense can get you through your life’s challenges.  The things spoken about in the speech are simple thoughts that put into the right context can seem to be so brilliant.   If you’ve already seen it, heard it – and don’t won’t to do so again – then just delete this.

But each time I listen I feel as if I pick up on something new that I missed the previous time.  So if you’re like me, and can’t get enough of a good thing, then here it is.  Enjoy and as always . . . “Hook ‘Em Horns”!

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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