suddenlysinglewomen

I love sharing things that friends have sent – I take no credit other than learning how to “cut and paste”!!  Thanks KJ!!

FINDING A WAY TO BE A MEANINGFUL WOMAN

You may notice that in my title I did not say “beautiful” woman.  It is not that beauty is not desired, but meaning and understanding, loving and caring, are more important in my mind.  Our relationships to our friends, our husbands, our families, and our children are far more difficult to accomplish than beauty.

Ultimately, our relationships to men become the most difficult to maintain in meaningful ways.

One way of looking at this is to compare gender roles in this country.  As Gloria Steinem said in 2008,

      “Gender is probably the most restricting force in American life, whether the question is who must be in the kitchen or who could be in the White House.  This country is way down the list of countries electing women and, according to one study, it polarizes gender roles more than the average democracy.” (New York Times, Jan. 8, 2008).  Gloria suggests that the best gender role is one that equalizes men and women.

But I think one problem comes in definitions of roles.  For instance, being called a “housewife” is demeaning in this country; but, if you really think about it, staying home to care for house and children is one of the most challenging roles a woman can have, and potentially one of the most rewarding in the long run.  We have been goaded into thinking that the only meaningful life is that of the professional woman; yet, creativity is not limited to the professions. Many very creative and productive women are at home creatively rearing children, writing, thinking, and making waves politically and otherwise.

Thus, while I believe that the professions can lead to busy, productive, and giving lives, there is no secondary role in being at home “professionally” caring for and creatively giving children happy and meaningful lives.  Our society will be the better for it; our relationships with our children later on will benefit from it; and we will have plenty of time to get the PhD, the CPA, and the MD after the children have matured.  Unlike the 1950′s, however, women are not restricted to staying at home and have many choices for lifestyles and gender roles.  Madeleine Albright is an example of a woman who has been able to live a political life, to write, to rear a family, and to share her insights with all of us after her political life has receded (see Prague Winter, Harper Publishing, First Edition, 2012).

Let us hope that all women can make choices about the courses of their lives in many ways; not be restricted to professional or home lives alone; and be considered meaningful when we choose to show our creativity and energy through child-rearing and husband-supporting.  We will strengthen our country and our children when we have such choices.

Yes, I admit it, I love to watch the chick flicks.  The ones where they fall IN love and live happily ever after.  I used to believe that actually existed for me and the majority of our friends.  Now I wonder if our parent’s generation is the last to stay together?

You remember that rush you felt when you had that supreme crush on the new guy?  It could be middle school, high school, college – even now.  Your adrenaline pumps, your heart goes piddy pat, your palms get sweaty, you fumble your words . . . . you remember??  You wonder if he’ll feel the same way?  You wonder if he even notices you?

Once your relationship/marriage starts to fall apart, the feelings you get are more closely related to a kick in the gut.  You’re breathless, but only because your life if falling into this tailspin and you have no idea how to stop it.  You’re falling OUT of love.  Do you remember when you first realized it was happening to you?

I do.  It’s oh so clear in my memory bank.  My son was home from college on spring break, my ex had just returned from another one of his over seas trips (for business) and I was working in his office filing papers.  I had the fun job of organizing receipts and matching them to credit cards, separating business from personal – etc.  When he had been getting ready to leave on this particular trip, I did what I did a lot – I hid a card in his briefcase.  I was trying oh so hard to get the “rush” back into our love.

As I was sorting things, I saw the card.  I flushed with excitement.  He generally tossed out anything that wasn’t “important”, but he had kept it this time.  I thought this was a great sign!  Right?  Well . . . .

It would have been great if it had been MY card.  Instead it was a card from a young woman who we knew from a restaurant that we frequented.  She had it mailed to his hotel over seas.  He had kept it, not mine.  Mine had been sweet, gushy and loving.  Her’s was, shall we say, provocative?  The awful gut wrenching feelings that had hit me two years earlier when I found out about the first affair came back with twice as much power because this time I knew what I would have to face down the road.

It was starting over, and I began to fall into a very large black abyss.  Falling out of love – it’s a downer and there are no parachutes.

Just a little bit of levity today!!  Some days are just like that, ya know?

It’s summer and it’s hot, crazy traffic makes you crazier, and we all need something to make us smile!

Hope this helps!  Stay cool!!

Today is Memorial Day.  All across this country flags are flying and people are honoring those who gave their lives for the “red, white & blue”.

My father was a military man, served in WWII and Korea.  It was something he never talked about, not many of them do.  They did their “duty”, then those who returned went on with their lives and somehow managed to get past, or at least get through the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  They didn’t ask for help, they didn’t ask for drugs or counseling or hospitalization or sympathy.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2007 that I even found out my father had been a part of D-Day and had landed at Utah Beach.  I had known about the Aleutian Islands and Northern Africa, but never Normandy.  This was a man who never questioned his duty, he just did it.  Looking at the shadow box of medals that hang in my Mother’s house, he must have done it well.  I lost my Dad in 1998 and I miss him every day.

I miss his integrity, I miss his quirky sense of humor, I miss his quiet intelligence and his sense of right and wrong.  He led by example, he didn’t need to brag about his accomplishments.  He was a part of Brokaw’s “The Greatest Generation”.  There is a huge difference between the vets of the 40’s and the vets of today.  In the 40’s they came home as heroes and they came home as winners.

So as we honor our fallen heroes today, let us not forget that we still have military men and women giving their lives today for our country, and for our freedom.   Let’s also remember to say thank you and honor those who do make it home and we’ll all be better for doing it.