“Come Sit with Me. There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from
all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who
make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who
treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything
but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
I don’t know whose quote this is but I just love it! If I did I would give them credit as it’s deserved.Why the drama? Do you ever find yourself asking this question regarding certain friends or events?Seriously, it’s exhausting. Maybe it’s attention seeking people who need the drama to bring focus to themselves? The older I get the less I want to be around the Drama Queens and Drama Kings.No doubt in the past there have been things I have done or said that have caused people to say the same thing about me but I sincerely hope it was minimal and few and far between. I find I no longer have the patience for it like I did in the past.Back in the day I used to joke that “Caller ID” was invented to save us from people filled with the need for attention. I’ve now amended that realizing that it was probably invented to alert you to sales calls but you get my drift.Lately I’ve been striving to surround myself with those people who care about me, are not looking for anything in particular from me but just honest friendship and good times together. I’m saving the Drama for television series and movies with popcorn. Life is too short.
Who Needs The Drama?
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Levity and Popcorn . . .
So I recently wanted to cheer up a friend who has suffered a very painful loss in her family. Looking for some levity, and the never ending happiness that a bag of popcorn (and mindless entertainment for 2 hours) can bring you, we opted to go to a movie!
Being the person picking a movie to view can be daunting, and if you flub can also be worthy of being put in the corner and never again being allowed to pick. I wanted to offer options, but was definitely looking for light hearted. We both go to the same support group for Divorce Recovery so imagine my surprise when she picked “The Other Woman” as her choice?
Usually women who have been victims of infidelity don’t need to pay to see it on the big screen. However, off we went and entertained we were. There are some classic lines in the film, and while it is definitely NOT for the serious film critic, it provided the right amount of humor and self reflection intended. I was tickled by the article below where Cameron Diaz, certainly a beautiful enough woman who you would think could have any man she wants, talks about chemistry and soul mates.
This movie celebrates sisterhood and the way we can truly all help/support each other during trying times dealing with the opposite sex – you know – the creatures from Mars??
I hope you will enjoy this, it’s a quick read but oh so true and reminded me of those I know who would have thoroughly enjoyed joining me in this escapade of . . . OK I’ll say it . . . revenge. Have fun with it!
The Times, They Are A’Changin’ . . .
Good morning and Happy June! Summer is settling in and it’s hot outside. And speaking of “hot”, there were times during my divorce (and perhaps yours?) when my ex’s actions made me hotter than summer time in Texas. However, I was always expected to temper those “heated” thoughts and roll with the punches. I was told to “rise above it” and always display good manners. So where was the outlet I needed to blow off that steam?
Sweet friend “LLB” has just recently gone through the divorce process and is learning how to come out the other side with a bit of humor. She has shared this post with me for all my blog followers. While I heartily subscribe to you doing “what’s best for you”, this article does show that women everywhere are coming up with creative outlets for venting that heat that rises when your marital state becomes “done”.
Enjoy the read and ROCK ON!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/28/why-divorce-parties-are-o_n_5405775.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
Happy Memorial Day Weekend – But Look Out . . .
Those of us who had/have parents, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters or any relations in the armed services understand better than anyone what today is all about. We offer thanks and gratitude to those who kept/keep our country safe and prayers for those who gave their lives doing it.
The retailers understand holidays, time off, the beginning of summer and shoppers looking for sales. To them Memorial Day is also about getting you into their stores either in person or through cyber space. It’s tempting. My email’s inbox has been inundated all day and over the past week with hundreds of “Memorial Day Sales”. I peruse to see if anything strikes my fancy and then stop myself to wonder – Am I buying this simply because it is a good deal? Do I truly need it, would I be buying it anyway?
Chances are very good that after a divorce, your shopping power has diminished. Even if you have a great paying job, you now have to make plans for the future to know that YOU will be able to take care of YOU! No one else is standing in line to do it for you.
Before you shell out your hard-earned cash, there are a few things you should do. Namely? Ask yourself the below 10 questions before buying anything expensive. Getting something new may give you a temporary high, but when it gets right down to it, did you really need it or are you just getting caught up in the hype? Use the below link to ask yourselves these questions. I leave it to you to decide about that next tempting “sale item”, but being thoughtful about your finances just shows everyone around you that you are truly a smart lady capable of taking care of her financial well-being.
I’m tossing the catalogs and deleting the emails, think I’ll be happy with what I have for the time being! : -)
A Losing Battle – – –
. . . Good words to live by,
But is it reality?
Arguing and fighting with your past is a losing battle, you cannot go back and alter what’s happened. The ol’ saying, “What’s done is done” is accurate. No one ever said however, that it would be easy to accept.
I’m now entering my seventh year of divorce and I truly do find myself getting stronger every day and feeling happier about where my life is heading. It’s not been an easy road to walk down, and many times I’ve felt that I have been walking done that recovery road alone.
I know and appreciate the support I’ve received from family and friends along the way but for the most part your journey is accomplished alone. How you travel that road is entirely up to you. Along the way I’ve made some good decisions and some bad ones. Mostly they have been good.
The further down that road I walk, the greater the distance I put between myself and some of the people I used to think were so important in my life. Today, when I stumble and fall backwards there are fewer people there to watch my back. Is that normal? Would that have happened anyway even if I had not been left by my husband?
I’ll never know the answer to that question since “What’s done is done”, but I will say that where I thought my life was headed ten years ago has certainly changed to where I feel it’s headed in the present day. Some days your head isn’t held high, it just sinks down in a hole of despair that you will ever know what it feels like to be held and loved again. Other days it peaks out from the hole and strains to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes counting your blessings and moving on with your held held high isn’t enough . . . but it’s a start.
What Happens When You DON’T “Auto Renew” – – –
Recently I told you I’d “had it” with the online dating world. They’ll throw statistics at you about their success rates but really?? How do we actually know they’re THAT successful? Have you ever met anyone that’s had success with “Happily Ever After” from an online dating service?
Me neither!
It seems I’ve gotten their attention by turning “Auto Renew” OFF, and I’m receiving dating advice now from eHarmony! What I don’t need is dating advice from eHarmony, OurTime.com, OKCupid or Match. What I needed was a better pool of “candidates”!
That said, I’ve looked over their blog posts and some of their ideas are good and certainly relevant on an even playing field – I just never found that playing field. After all, you really can’t cross things off your shopping list if you just drive by the store and don’t even get out of the car to look around.
So for whatever it’s worth, I’ll share with you some of the things that they are sharing with me but I make no promises it’ll make your life any different, or dating any better. Myself?? I have a hot date tonight with my DVR and “Jack Bauer”! “24” is back – life is good!!
Match Continued – –
When last we left the dating scene I was awaiting one potential dinner date, and another lunch date. So to catch you up on the chills and thrills of online dating, here we go:
That Sunday night dinner did occur, the “Food Critic” finally agreed on a place that I also wanted to try. It had recently opened on my side of town after having many years of success on the other side of town. I was game, he was game so we set it up. Game on.
I got there early, remember I don’t like being the one that’s entering and scanning. He was already there. I didn’t notice at first because he was elbow deep in reading something, sitting at the bar having a drink. Once he looked around toward the entrance and I got the side view I recognized his face from his online profile. I wandered over to see if this was “Jim” and indeed, it was. He offered me a drink, I deferred to being seated first.
He paid for his drink and stood – yup, another man who thinks he’s actually taller than he really is. My five foot, seven inch frame in heels lets me know right away that this is NO six footer. I’d be surprised if he’s even five foot ten. Strike one. We get to our table and he orders another drink, I have a margarita and he immediately tells the waiter what appetizer we’re having without any input from me. Guess he fancies himself as a foodie. When it comes time to order the main meal, he questions my choice. Really? Strike Two.
He orders Pabil, a Mexican dish made of pork and intended to be served with tortillas. The tortillas come wrapped in paper – having been steamed – and they stick to the paper, he complains. There’s only two, he complains. Waiter brings more. Talk is mundane at best but we do have similar interests in the arts so I’m thinking the dinner might be salvaged. He gets a doggy bag and we head toward the exit. I’ve valet parked, he has not. He says that if I ever need someone to take me to any of the performances I have tickets for that he’s available then he wanders off leaving me standing and waiting for my car alone . . . strike three.
Next comes the lunch with the friend of a friend. Actually, turn outs that MY friend’s “friend” is this gentleman’s daughter n’law. My friend’s never actually met him. I call him “The Gentleman”. He’s polite to a fault, he’s old school. We have many mutual friends – problem is, these mutual friends are like my second sets of parents. As in, they’re in their mid to late 70’s – I just turned 60 and act 40!! It’s like having lunch with your Dad. His career was taking off right about the time I entered High School. The Gentleman clearly realized the same thing I believe because I have not heard back from him. He did walk me to my door after that lunch, was terribly polite and said that he’d really enjoyed himself.
Had another “offer” from the website; this to go to a baseball game. The “Sports Enthusiast” and I had been emailing within the dating website all during the NCAA Basketball playoffs. It was fun. We went to the same University so we also talked about our team losing in the second round, how messed up everyone’s brackets were, etc. After the end of the “March Madness”, I jokingly say I guess we’d now have to move on to conversations about baseball. I’m beginning to think Sports Enthusiast is just looking for a pen pal. Low and behold he says: “I have season tickets, let’s go”!
OK – now I ask you, doesn’t that sound like a “meeting” offer??? I reply back – “You’re on. When’s the next home stand?” He replies that he’ll look at the schedule and let me know. And then . . . wait for it . . . you guessed it . . . POOF!! It’s been a couple of weeks and nothing from him. Just like the Tennis Dude and the Sailor – they vanish into thin air.
Then I hear from “Horse Racer”. He’s liked my profile before, I thanked him for “stopping by” and reading it. I never hear back. Then last week he started writing again and said he’d been off the site for a while. He says he really doesn’t do the “email thing” and would like to meet in person for lunch or dinner. Wow, could this mean an ACTUAL meeting for an ACTUAL meal? I agree and we set up a lunch time meeting last Thursday.
He gets there early and as I’m pulling in and parking I see a big, shiny new truck, engine idling, and bet that that is him. Sure enough, when I enter the restaurant and go up to the counter to get an iced tea, I get a text that I should let him know when I arrive as he’s going to be early. I say I’m “there” and ask if he was in the truck. Kinda crazy to wait in the truck but hey, dating at this age is crazy. He says that is him and he’ll come on in.
Let’s discuss what my interpretation on his profile of “athletic and toned” is and what HIS is. (To be fair his profile photo is only from mid chest up so I didn’t get to see much) After we order at the counter and sit to wait for our lunch, he starts in on how he needs to lose 50 pounds, and that he’s already lost 20. He USED to own horses, and raced most of them in Louisiana, but no longer. If he referred to himself as a country bumpkin once, he did it at least a dozen times. Is he looking for agreement or denial? I got his life story synopsis in an hour. He rarely looked me in the eyes, he would turn his head while talking like there was someone sitting next to him. We were at a table for four, and he sat across from me so it was really weird that he kept turning his head like there was a third person there.
The other unusual thing he did was talk about his “relationships” he’d had since his divorce and he’s only been divorced for five years. He told me he was a romantic and an excellent kisser, one that you wouldn’t forget, then seemed embarrassed and said he “Probably shouldn’t be telling you this”. Ya’ think?
After handicapping for me the Kentucky Derby entries for Saturday’s race (he was correct by the way), we parted. The next day he sent me a note thanking me for joining him for lunch and wishing me “Good luck”. I think I just got blown off, LOL!! But hey, that’s OK by me. I’ve gone into the two dating websites that I belong to and turned OFF the “auto renew”. I think I’m done. It’s been a wacky few months of trying to spread my wings and meet new men but it’s just not any fun any more. What do I mean “anymore?” It was never any fun.
I think I can say that my dating career tournament is over – that’s Game, Set and Match!
Web Dating – You’re Not In Kansas Anymore Dorothy!
I know I have some married friends out there following my blog – I have two words for you . . . “stay married”, LOL!
Ok, Ok, I know – if you’re seriously unhappy or were married to an adulterer like I was then yes, it’s not worth it BUT – egad, this dating world is not for the faint of heart.
So to catch you up on my journey back into the dating via the web world:
1) First “M&G” (meet and greet – because you and I don’t seem to rate a meal anymore?) was with “Berkley” – because that’s where he attended college and loves the “radical” persona. We sat at a bar and ordered ice tea (note to self, follow their lead OR get there first an order tea just to be safe). We chatted for two hours, he had to leave for a pre-arranged meeting with a manager of his business but said he really would’ve loved to have continued this over dinner. He said we would meet again soon, he drives off. I never hear from him again, but he just sent a “like” via the dating website that I seemed like a person he’d like to meet. Uh . . . . we already have met dingbat!
2) Second M&G – an older gentleman “Retired” who meets me for lunch after church. He shows me photos of all the guest bedrooms in his country home. You’ve heard of young people with an “old soul”? This was an “old soul” in an “old person”. Every move he made screamed “tired”. Very polite but I think he knew that I was a bit too active for him, we never even exchanged contact info.
3) Third M&G – this one offers to meet for dinner then allows me to pick the place. We have a phone conversation before hand so a bit more “personal” then the internet. I pick my favorite TexMex place, not expensive and very casual. He arrives on time, we sit at the bar first (I arrive first and order a margarita AND pay for it – learning to make no assumptions here!!) He doesn’t drink but has no problem with people who do. He gave it up after a partying college career, likes to keep in top form for tennis. Waitress offers to seat us for dinner, he agrees (whew!) and 3 1/2 hours later we’ve closed down the restaurant. He asks if I like to dance, I eagerly say yes but that it’s been a while and I’m rusty. He walks me to my car, smiles and says he’s great at knocking the rust off. Sounding promising right?? Other than a couple of emails through the dating website talking about how busy he is, there’s been nothing more – no offers for dancing. I must’ve double faulted somehow?
4) Fourth M&G – We talk on the phone, we set up a meeting. He suggests a restaurant near to both of us for a Tuesday evening at 7:00. Kinda implies dinner to me . . . but I would be wrong. I arrive, he’s already there. He’s sitting in a booth with nothing. This is a casual place where you go up to the counter to order. He stands up, we introduce ourselves. He’s still standing, I slide into the other side of the booth finally and say, “should we get something?” He continues to stand and says he’s getting some ice water . . . warning bells go off in my head. I smile and say that they have great lemonade here (as I gaze longingly at the bar full of wine bottles). He continues to stand, I continue to sit, seriously is he waiting for me to get up and pay for my own lemonade?? He finally wanders off to the counter and asks for his FREE water and gets a glass for my lemonade. He fills it up and comes back. No offers of refills and zilch of a spark but hey, I was raised to be polite so I was. After an hour I say I need to get home so he walks me to my car. I mumble something about getting something to eat and letting out the dogs. Next day I decide to be proactive and send a message thanking him for my lemonade, said I thought we were sharing a meal and was sorry I’d misunderstood. Told him I didn’t feel any connection but wished him well in his search and to have fun on his upcoming family vacay!! I immediately get a reply back that says, “Wow, reading your email and wondering what happened to the woman I met last night? No connection? That’s not what your body language was saying!”
SIGH!!!! So much for being polite for a glass of lemonade . . .
5) Fifth M&G – The “Sailor”. We talk on the phone first, he seems really nice. He picks a restaurant, we meet. He arrives right on time. I’m perched in the bar waiting – I’ve decided I want to be the one “on the look out” instead of vice versa. Nothing screams “blind date” more than walking into a bar or restaurant alone and having to scan for someone who looks like a photo on a dating website that is 10-20 years old (the photo, not the date)!! He arrives in a new Suburban – Love it!! He had told me the night before what he would be dressed in – this is a man with a plan – Love it!! We gab and gab. He orders wine (whew!). A woman passes out while walking by, he jumps up to help. Later find out he’s a trained EMT and he stays with her till paramedics arrive – gallant – Love it!! We leave and we’re the last two cars in Valet Parking. He’s leaving the next day for Miami and sail boat racing but texts me while he’s gone. This is looking good, right? Enter radio silence. Nothing from him since Saturday night and it’s now Wednesday. No text, no call, no email through the website. Has he sailed off into the sunset?
6) Sixth potential M&G. This one likes my profile, I like his profile. He emails and gives me his name and cell number. Says he’ll call on Sunday. I wait, no call. There is a late night text but by the time I get it, it’s too late to return. Monday morning I find an email. Says he’s re-read my profile and has found a serious bone of contention and feels he will not be able to meet me after all. Horses! Horses? I’ve been dropped already and you haven’t even met me?? This is the all time new low. That was until . . .
7) This one was so tacky I had to cut and paste it here just so you could enjoy it. The subject line cuts off in the website but I think after you read it you’ll get the drift. Just for clarification, I did NOT reach out to this person, this was sent to me unsolicited. I had not even read his profile as he’s a bit younger than me so it had not even popped up in the search category.
“Subject: Re: Wow all you hav
wow all you have is pictures of your family dogs ,horses, babies, and group pictures of your friends.Just so you know; Men want to see just you—they could care less about seeing dogs and horses and all that junk— it totally turned me away. (I know being honest will piss you off–but someone should tell you)”
Yep – Netfilx is still looking REALLY good . . .
Match.com vs. Netflix.com
This past Sunday I was with a group of 8 fun ladies, most of us having met through our “Divorce Recovery” support group. Not having a man thankfully no longer slows us down, or keeps us at home. We attended an amazing art exhibit at the Museum and then settled in for dinner afterward. Of course, the subject comes up – dating and men!
As previously noted, I have once again tried the “online” dating websites and was regaling the ladies of this past week’s “meets and greets”. More on that in another post – sigh – I could do a stand up comedy routine on the exploits of my dating life . . . when did meeting at a restaurant at 7:00 stop implying a meal???
One of my blog “followers” (love you M.E.!) suggests that choosing to date these days could boil down to a priority choice . . . match.com or netflix.com. She was opting for Netflix. After my last week’s experiences, I’m tending to think the same. I once had a man I was seeing tell me that dating hadn’t changed since we’d done it in our 20’s. REALLY???? I beg to differ.
Out of the four M&G’s I had last week, three had never been married, the other one had been divorced almost 20 years. I am here to tell you that dating HAS changed, and at this age, it’s both intimidating, exhausting and mostly demoralizing. There are 3 or 4 of us for every available 1 of them. They’re a valuable commodity and they know it. One friend told me she had to go through a lot of loser’s before she found a nice one – I don’t know that I have the strength?
They prepare to meet you by swinging by the house and changing shirts, maybe! We mostly prepare with a shower, change of ensembles, look in the mirror, change again, do our hair, apply new makeup, look in the mirror again, throw on the Spanx, feed the dog, check the DVR, leave a note where we’re going should we never come back and the police need a starting point in their search, call a GF on the way for morale support, tell HER where you’re going should you never come back, then arrive early so we can be seated when they show up vs. walking in and having to scan the room for a man who looks older than his posted pic all the while telegraphing to anyone else in the restaurant/bar that you’re on a “blind” date (if you can even call it a date?). Am I right?
My moods toward dating swing high and low, back and forth and I can feel Netflix starting to edge out the competition. Since my latest dating profiles are now about a month old, the winks and flirts and “yes’s” have started to dry up – I’m no longer the new girl on the block and the offers to meet have mostly stopped.
Yes, dating IS different, we no longer have our High School BFF to do her due diligence on the boy you have a crush on who then avoids you in the hallways if he’s not interested. You’re bruised but you move on. Nowadays we’re out there on our own, no one to run interference, dealing with men who troll the websites, message you then disappear, or worse, offer to meet you at a restaurant at 7:00 and offer to get you a glass of ice water . . .
Yup – Netflix is looking pretty durn good for this weekend.
Dating – Sometimes It Just . . . . . . . (Fill in the Blank!!)
So I recently shared with you “putting it out there in the Universe” and that worked SOOOOO well – NOT!
Then a dear friend tells me she has a new BF, one she found on eHarmony. So even though I’ve never had any luck on the dating websites per se, I think I’ll give it another shot. I sign up for eHarmony. The first week, I begin a conversation – via eHarmony site – with a (on paper) seemingly nice and interested gentleman. He seems to meet my criteria. He seems interested. Then after a week of online repartee, he disappears – totally. No more communication. Gee – was it something I said?
Not to be dissuaded, I begin another online conversation with a nice and interested man, we get to the point that he says let’s communicate “outside” of the eHarmony website and gives me his real name, real cell phone number, real job and website and suggests to me that I “google him”. I’m thinking, OK, he wouldn’t give me his stats unless he was interested . . . right?
One day later, after I’ve thanked him for his “trust”, he sends me a message that an old “relationship” wants to try again so he’s off the market and wishes me good luck. I mean . . . seriously? It’s really hard to keep the confidence level high when you can’t even get a “face to face”. Believe me, I’m much better “in person” than over cyber space.
The next week, I decide to try “OurTime.com” – a website for the 50+ only, thinking once again that if they go to the trouble of filling out a profile and answering questions then they might actually be interested in meeting people? Something about having to spend $$ to join makes you think they’re more serious. Again, photos are “liked”, “flirts” are sent, conversations are started and all is plodding along swell until it gets to the point of actually setting up a “meet” – then the communications stop. One begins to believe these are the “married” guys you here about that are only searching for some cyber space thrills but can’t really deliver themselves ‘in person”.
One offers to meet for coffee, or at least to get a rain check then when you accept the offer – poof. Haven’t heard from him in two days. And they say women “tease”? !@#$%^&*? But hey – I’ve paid for my month so I’ll keep it up but I’m not very hopeful. I have included below another gift from my friend Diva J, which when you listen to it will lead you to believe that the men really DO want to meet and have a relationship. Guess I haven’t found that website . . . yet!
http://seniorplanet.org/dating-relationships-sex-after-60-with-hal-spielman-and-marc-silbert/
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