suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Suddenly Solo?

This statistic is an eye opener!  I just read where there are over 19 million singles over the age of 55!

Wow, that’s a whole lot of people sitting on a sofa eating alone while watching TV on any given night.

No wonder those administrators of Social Security are so worried, they should be!  We are a staggering number.

I can also see why all those dating websites continue to thrive, and give us (false) hope that there really IS someone out there that we can grow old with together.

The breakdown that I would find even more telling would be this – of those 19 million singles over the age of 55, what are the percentages:

  1.  How many are single and have never been married?
  2. How many are single because of divorce?
  3. How many are single because they lost a spouse due to death?

You wonder how many are single because they want to be, and of that number, how many because they never trusted marriage and are happy in their “solo-ness”?  How many are single because they’re divorced and their heart was broken and will never trust again.  Of that number, how many are female, how many are male?

I would love to see a better breakdown, but until then, I remain curious, and curiously alone . . . uh, I mean single.

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From Marlo Thomas:

“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!

I saw an old interview the other day with Marlo Thomas.   I just love her voice, deep and raspy and sexy sounding.  I flash back to her old series, “That Girl”.  I thought, and still do, that she’s so beautiful.  Perfect skin, perfect hair – of course when I was younger and watching it, I had no idea that she had makeup artists and hair stylists keeping it that way.  But I digress . . .

They were talking to her about her life, her father, her marriage, her acting, her philanthropy, etc.  She’s a very active woman.  They wondered where her energy and drive come from?  That’s where the quote from her above comes in.

“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!

Is that similar to when the Fat Lady sings?

Is today really the first day of the rest of my life?

I’ve lost, and given up, a lot over the past couple of years, enough to make me sit up and take notice.  And gosh darn it, I’m tired of it.  It’s time for me to kick it into gear and stop giving up on the things that mean so much to me.  It’s time to adopt a new mantra:

“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!

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Rumble Strips – – –

Ahhhh yes – the rumble strips of life.

What’s a rumble strip you ask?

Think of them as those annoying speed bumps that the city puts down to keep you from speeding.  Some of them are bone jarring.  Yes they slow you down but they’re annoying as . . . .

Well, you get the picture!

So I was sitting here contemplating the rumble strips of my life lately.   I wonder (and long for) when I might have a day where absolutely nothing goes wrong?

Without sounding too whiny, don’t you wish you could experience a day where everything just  . . . works??

There’s always a blasted light bulb out, but of course, it’s one in the vaulted ceiling.  Your cable box only sends you error messages and the cable companies answer?  Unplug it.  Seriously?  You have a huge rain storm and your roof leaks . . . again . . . and the water stain shows up where you JUST HAD IT PAINTED !@#$%^&*?

You decide to try a blind date again, even though you’ve sworn off dating EVER AGAIN – and the dude wants you to pay for your own lemonade and he just orders water.  Your plants die from lack of water, your plants die from too much water.  Your plants die.

Your senior dog can no longer “hold it” and you come home to yet another “accident” on the rug you’ve had cleaned so many times that the next one will cause it to fall apart.  You can’t afford a new one.

You receive a bill in the mail, and five days later a nasty email that says you’re 30 days past due?  HUH??  And while we’re on the subject of the United State Postal Service, can you believe that after you stock up on “Forever Stamps” before they raise the price, that they now have lowered it??  Double Seriously??

I could go on, but that would just be fruitless (like those Meyer lemon trees in my backyard) because complaining isn’t going to help.  I just have to accept and tolerate that my life is full of rumble strips and maybe a handful of . . .

Oh yeah, my M&M bowl is empty.  SIGH!!

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Here’s To Finding “Contentment” . . .

“Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us”.

I believe in some corners this is referred to as the Serenity Prayer.  Serenity, contentment, are these things that we can strive for and ever find in our busy lives?

I recently took a Meditation and Happiness class.  It was two classes, offered on consecutive Friday evenings at a nearby University.  Sure, why not?  What else am I doing on a Friday night?  Wink Wink . . .

The teacher had been trained by Tibetan Monks, had spent time with the Dali Lama.  (Did I spell that right?)   He had the lose flowing garments, and looked like a yogi.  He had his floor mat and pillow, spoke soothingly, taught us about breathing and releasing the mind.  I came closer to “getting it” than I ever have before, but still . . .

His mantra was much shorter than the one above, and focused on seeking “happiness”.  I have a friend who refers to it as seeking “quiet”.  Semantics.

I do believe that as I get older, it is important for me to move farther away from the frenetic life I used to thrive on, and those people who keep it that way.  Therefore, as it says above, I desire to be content with myself, and allow my soul the freedom, and dare I add – joy, to sing, dance, praise and love!

I wish these things for all of  you.

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Drama Queens??? Who Needs Them??

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

If getting back up is living, then I am alive and well!

When I was very young, being a child of older parents – I was always around much older adults.  There was more than the fair share of cranky old women and men.  I never understood why they were always in a bad mood.  I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with me, but I wondered what made them that way?

I promised myself then and there that I would not grow up to be a cranky old woman.

Uh Oh!

Now that I myself am an adult, surrounded by other adults – I think I’m beginning to understand.  I still don’t want to be “one of them, the cranky ones” – but I’m starting to understand the how and why they got that way.  The difference today?  I can make a choice to not let it turn me into the same thing.  I can remove myself.

When I read the above statement, it was like a very bright light bulb went off in my brain.  By nature I am the fixer, the pleaser, the consensus builder – but some people just do not want to be happy.  They thrive in their “poor me” land.  It’s the way they seek attention.  Not this woman.  Much like the past post I wrote several years ago about the “bobbin” on top of the water?  That’s me, I’m going to pop back up onto the surface.

Scroll back up and read the quote again.  Decide to walk away from the Drama Queens (or Kings) in your life.  Reside in a place where people make you laugh, and show you respect.  It’s hard to walk away, some of these people have been in my life for 30+ years, but they’re weighing me down.  I will be the Phoenix rising from the ashes, see me soar!

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“Carryover”!! It Shouldn’t Happen But It Does . . .

I love this article.  It sounds exactly like something my GF’s and I would sit down to discuss after a bottle of wine on another “alone” Friday or Saturday night.  In it, it does elude to the possibility of you having another man in your life, but even if you don’t, the points are still OH SO VALID!

Nothing drives you crazier than going out with a new person and feeling like you’re having to “live up to” or “compensate for” the last woman to sit across the table from him.  I have never held anyone else accountable for the things my ex did, other than my ex.  So hear you go!  Read and enjoy these thoughts

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-gaitan/five-things-divorced-wome_b_6314616.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

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Changing Your Expectations?

A friend recently shared this little snippet, pretty sure there’s more where this came from so I’ll include the credit and link below should you choose to scope out more!  This one tho’, speaks loudly to me.  Read it first, then I’ll share my thoughts!

By:  Danielle LaPorte at #Truthbombs.   http://bit.ly/truthbombs

Truthbomb: “People are going to be who they are most of the time. In character, not out of character. We are — for better or for worse — generally predictable. So there’s a lot of sanity in just flowing with someone’s nature. Accept it. Forgive it. Just tolerate it. Or peace out if you don’t want it in your life. But don’t waste too much time trying to change it.”

Not long ago I was sharing something I’d read with a group of my GF’s.  I was commenting on how very sad it is that advice these days tells us if we don’t want to be disappointed in people, we should “lower” our expectations.  That just goes against everything I was taught and shown as a child of the 50’s.

Later, as a teacher, I was constantly reminded that my students would live up to my expectations.  If I didn’t expect much from them, they would give me just that – not much.  If I expected really good things from them, and held them to a high standard, they rarely let me down.

As I grow older in this 21st century, I am sad to report tho’ that a lot of people just don’t give a “sh*t” about what you think about them or their actions.  According to the quote above, I’m just supposed to tolerate it.

My biggest mistake I have found, is expecting people to handle situations the same as I would.  Politeness and good manners – what happened to them?  Everyone is so focused on their own needs, that thinking of others first, has disappeared.  That is a very sad state of affairs.

So maybe it’s time for me to take the last line above to heart, and not waste too much time trying to change it, or the people around me?  I’ll just be content to know that I will continue to put other’s needs first, knowing that I am no saint – but I am polite, have good manners and will continue to be so.

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Pause – – –

Sharing from my bud CS, my cowgirl back-up who always has my back.  You know, the kind of GF that supports you even when it’s not convenient?  Everyone needs one!  And it seems particularly good to share this at the beginning of a week, a short but sweet lesson!

 

“Practice the pause.

When in doubt, pause.

When angry, pause.

When tired, pause.

When stressed, pause.”

Hope this helps you get through your week a little more relaxed – remember to breathe!

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How To Not Settle For “Ordinary”?

Sweet friend CS passed this along to me the other day!!  As I’ve mentioned before, I love passing on wonderful tidbits and positive thoughts that are shared with me while taking zero credit for anything more than just knowing how to “cut and paste” on my laptop, LOL!!  Enjoy these positive thoughts for making your life a bit more “extra”ordinary shared from:

· Keri StanleyInternational Coach, Business Leader, Speaker, Heart-Centric Entrepreneur
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is a little bit of “extra”….Anthony Robbins

I remember when someone would mention the words “extraordinary life,” the entire thought seemed only for the rich and famous. The idea seemed unreachable and only pertained to the lucky few. My self-talk would be jabbering in my mind saying “as if that’s ever going to happen to someone like me.” What I didn’t understand was that the greatest obstacle I had to overcome wasn’t to suddenly win the lottery, but to actually start showing up to live my life with just a little bit of extra. I finally woke up to the truth and stopped playing the victim card. I began to see that living an extraordinary life could truly be achieved with focusing on the small things in life building one adventure after another. Living an extraordinary life is a matter of mindset that anyone can achieve rather than a status that one has been given. There are many things that you can start doing right now that can take what would be considered an ordinary life into one that is extraordinary.

Here are five simple steps you can immediately put into practice to start living your extraordinary life NOW:

1. Make a list of 100 things to do in 2016: It’s the beginning of the year, so this is the perfect time to create your list. Take out a piece of paper and write down anything and everything that comes to mind. From the littlest things to the most extreme, it all goes on your list. The first few items will be easy because it’s usually how far we’ve allowed ourselves to think, yet give yourself some time to challenge your mind to fill up your list. We so easily get caught up in the routine of our lives that we typically don’t give ourselves permission to dream. The simple act of writing this list stretches your imagination and opens up the possibilities to see your life from a different perspective.

2. Change up your routine: We are creatures of habit and this can lead to staying comfortable, like snuggling up with your favorite pillow. However, when was the last time you went to get your Starbucks coffee and tried a different flavored latte? Have you ever driven to work and suddenly realized you don’t remember making any of the turns, yet shocked yourself to realize you were already in the parking lot? Our life can tend to run on auto-pilot and we spend a large amount of time completely numb to what is happening around us. Therefore, by changing up our typical routine, we begin to become more awake to the experiences of our own life.

3. Learn something new every month or two: When was the last time you did something for the first time? Remember when you were a kid and you had to learn something new all the time? You were nervous, excited, and a little scared when you first tried to ride a bike. Perhaps, you were even quite clumsy and a little embarrassed. But once you did it a few times, you began to get the hang of it and suddenly had a boost in your confidence with a feeling like you could fly. In other words, you were challenged to grow. Your confidence gained a big boost, and suddenly you were ready to conquer the world with your cape. Yet, as adults we tend to not allow ourselves to play and try something new. It’s easy to put things off you’ve always wanted to do saying “I’ll do it when”, but the” when” never comes. Bring out the kid in you again and pick something you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe a painting class or aerial yoga. Once you begin to push yourself just that little bit extra, you quickly grow your comfort zone and feel braver to do even more.

4. Hang around with others that live extraordinary lives: There are always those people that you wonder how they do it. The best way to find out what they do different is to spend a little time with them. See how they think, speak, and act differently. Dreaming Big is contagious and extremely energizing. You will be surprised at how quickly you begin to try some new things and feel more confident in stepping out of your ordinary life. Don’t forget your social media is a great place to hang out with those living extraordinary lives. This is a great way to follow some really inspirational people you might not normally hang out with and begin opening your mind to new ways of thinking.

5. Seize the day: There are opportunities that happen around us daily. Take note on how many times you would really love to do something, but for some reason you find yourself saying no. Many times we say no because we feel we don’t have time or money. Yet sometimes it’s a deeper feeling of not feeling worthy enough to have the experience. And finally, sometimes it is a matter of guilt or feeling we need to sacrifice ourselves for our family. Filling YOUR cup first, allows you to pour more of you into others, rather than only what is leftover. Start saying YES to just one or two things you might have originally said no to and watch your experiences begin to blossom.

The next time you find yourself feeling stuck in an ordinary life; try out at least one of these simple steps to put into place. Just that tiny bit of “extra” goes a long way and before you know it, you’ll be expanding your world and inspiring not only yourself, but those around you to do the same. Extraordinary living is contagious….pass it on.

Follow Keri Stanley on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ke_stanley

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What Not To Wear After 50 . . . Tongue In Cheek . . . Sorta!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-combs/what-not-to-wear-after-ag_b_6656902.html

Here’s another shared idea from a faithful blog follower and personal friend from my DRG.

(in case you’ve forgotten some of my abbreviations, DRG = Divorce Recovery Group)

Thanks KO!!  (and no I don’t mean knock-out, although if provoked she might could . . . especially the ex-husband’s mistress)

Though this article was definitely written to be a bit sarcastic and ironic, I think it shares valuable insights on how we can get too bogged down thinking how we SHOULD act at a certain stage in life.  Haven’t we finally arrived to the age of deserving to let loose a bit?

Enjoy the humor, and let loose a little!!

(And Happy St. Patrick’s Day)

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