Becoming the best version of yourself

Friends Who Are Married? OR Married Friends?

on November 4, 2013

In Chapter Four of “With Or Without A Man” there’s a brief mention of “Married Friends” quoting:

   “I have a number of married friends.  Sometimes I get together with them, just as a couple, and sometimes I bring my married and single friends together.  It all depends on the activity, what we’re going to be doing.

The old adage “Two’s company, three’s a crowd,” or the phrase “the fifth wheel,” are relics of the past.  Many single women have found friendships with couples to be rewarding.”

Well – she’s a lucky girl!

I don’t know about you, all situations are different but I have found just the opposite.  I have many friends who are married, but when it comes to doing things with them as a “couple”?  Doesn’t happen.  Of course there are a precious few married couples from my “past” married life who I still see, but they are totally made up of couples where the wives’ were my friends first for many many years.

As to going out with them?  Not so much.  During the YOTD (Year of the Divorce), most of the couples that I considered really close friends fled from the chaos.  At a time when just an invite to meet them at the club or a restaurant for a quick bite would have meant SO much to me – they disappeared.  Perhaps they didn’t want to be seen as “taking sides?”    Was I wrong to be so hurt and so let down?  I’ve learned through the years that it’s a big mistake to assume that people will treat you the way that you would treat them in a similar situation.

Before my YOTD, I’d only had a couple of friends go through divorce.  However, I made a real effort to involve them in the things that we as couples had always done.  I made sure they didn’t sit home alone for dinner on their birthdays.  I checked in with them to see how they were doing and if there was anything I could do to help them through a painful time.

Have you had continued relationships with your “married friends” as couples or do you find it awkward to be the fifth person at a table for four?   Married couples hang out with married couples, you become the inconvenient friend.   Six years after the divorce I still miss the camaraderie I had with some of those couples but I’m learning to move on and let them go.

And to those couples who DO NOT mind hanging out with me??  Thank you from the bottom of my lonely heart.  You’ve earned a special place in that heart and you inspire me to keep moving forward.  I shall continue to “press on”!


2 responses to “Friends Who Are Married? OR Married Friends?

  1. Lori says:

    I guess I’m a lucky one. Four of my best girlfriends are married. I have breakfast with two of the couples every Saturday.. Sometimes all 4 are there, sometimes less. I recently went on an out of town trip with them as well.

    Another other couple lives way across town so I don’t see them as often but we have dinner now and then. . I talk with the wife often and the husband was recently helping me pick out computer components.

    The last I don’t know the husband very well so it’s usually just me and her doing things. She is quite independent and does a lot on her own.

    Maybe because my ex left town it isn’t awkward for them? Not sure. But even before he left they were very supportive.

    • You are indeed very lucky. Good for your friends that they keep up the relationship with you and see your value as a person worth keeping in their lives!!

      My husband also “left” and even though the other “husbands” did not approve of his cheating ways, men are able to compartmentalize their lives and the business or golfing relationships continued. Because my ex already had his “plus one”, when it came time to do things on a social level, they invited the two of them along – not me.

      As I said though in the posting, I do have a precious few that did continue to see me and for them I am very blessed and thankful. As I get older, I’m grateful for fewer but truer friends who are real.

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