Je Ne Sais Quoi –
“Je ne sais quoi”
Je ne sais quoi is French for “I know not what.” In English, we use it to refer to an intangible, distinctive quality, especially of a person, that can’t be put in words—e.g., “I don’t know what makes him so charming. He just has a certain je ne sais quoi.” The phrase is often italicized and occasionally put in quotation marks.
The phrase has been in use in English for at least three centuries. In some old books, it is treated as a broader term representing various philosophical and aesthetic concepts not easily put in words, but by the 19th century je ne sais quoi was widely used the way it is today.
My Father used to use that phrase all the time. I never quite knew what he meant, but it sounded so cool. If it were today, and my Father was still alive and using the phrase I could simply go to Google and figure out what the heck he was trying to tell me. After all these years, I finally did! (look it up that is) Therefore, I copied it above and have to admit, it still kinda throws me off.
If I’m going to go with “I know not what”, then I could agree that when it comes to looking into the future and trying to see where I’m headed (or is it heading?), nothing could be more perfect as a description of my feelings. “I know not what”!
Years ago I would have thought that by my age, life as I had planned it, imagined it, would be so simple. Loving husband, retirement adventures, mortgages paid off, kids safely launched, grandkids to baby sit, sunsets to enjoy – you get the drift. This would be the year of my 40th wedding anniversary.
Didn’t quite work out that way. Now when I look into the future, I somehow keep hearing my Father say, “Je ne sais quoi” and I’m starting to get the picture.
Suddenly Solo?
This statistic is an eye opener! I just read where there are over 19 million singles over the age of 55!
Wow, that’s a whole lot of people sitting on a sofa eating alone while watching TV on any given night.
No wonder those administrators of Social Security are so worried, they should be! We are a staggering number.
I can also see why all those dating websites continue to thrive, and give us (false) hope that there really IS someone out there that we can grow old with together.
The breakdown that I would find even more telling would be this – of those 19 million singles over the age of 55, what are the percentages:
- How many are single and have never been married?
- How many are single because of divorce?
- How many are single because they lost a spouse due to death?
You wonder how many are single because they want to be, and of that number, how many because they never trusted marriage and are happy in their “solo-ness”? How many are single because they’re divorced and their heart was broken and will never trust again. Of that number, how many are female, how many are male?
I would love to see a better breakdown, but until then, I remain curious, and curiously alone . . . uh, I mean single.
From Marlo Thomas:
“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!
I saw an old interview the other day with Marlo Thomas. I just love her voice, deep and raspy and sexy sounding. I flash back to her old series, “That Girl”. I thought, and still do, that she’s so beautiful. Perfect skin, perfect hair – of course when I was younger and watching it, I had no idea that she had makeup artists and hair stylists keeping it that way. But I digress . . .
They were talking to her about her life, her father, her marriage, her acting, her philanthropy, etc. She’s a very active woman. They wondered where her energy and drive come from? That’s where the quote from her above comes in.
“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!
Is that similar to when the Fat Lady sings?
Is today really the first day of the rest of my life?
I’ve lost, and given up, a lot over the past couple of years, enough to make me sit up and take notice. And gosh darn it, I’m tired of it. It’s time for me to kick it into gear and stop giving up on the things that mean so much to me. It’s time to adopt a new mantra:
“It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over”!
Rumble Strips – – –
Ahhhh yes – the rumble strips of life.
What’s a rumble strip you ask?
Think of them as those annoying speed bumps that the city puts down to keep you from speeding. Some of them are bone jarring. Yes they slow you down but they’re annoying as . . . .
Well, you get the picture!
So I was sitting here contemplating the rumble strips of my life lately. I wonder (and long for) when I might have a day where absolutely nothing goes wrong?
Without sounding too whiny, don’t you wish you could experience a day where everything just . . . works??
There’s always a blasted light bulb out, but of course, it’s one in the vaulted ceiling. Your cable box only sends you error messages and the cable companies answer? Unplug it. Seriously? You have a huge rain storm and your roof leaks . . . again . . . and the water stain shows up where you JUST HAD IT PAINTED !@#$%^&*?
You decide to try a blind date again, even though you’ve sworn off dating EVER AGAIN – and the dude wants you to pay for your own lemonade and he just orders water. Your plants die from lack of water, your plants die from too much water. Your plants die.
Your senior dog can no longer “hold it” and you come home to yet another “accident” on the rug you’ve had cleaned so many times that the next one will cause it to fall apart. You can’t afford a new one.
You receive a bill in the mail, and five days later a nasty email that says you’re 30 days past due? HUH?? And while we’re on the subject of the United State Postal Service, can you believe that after you stock up on “Forever Stamps” before they raise the price, that they now have lowered it?? Double Seriously??
I could go on, but that would just be fruitless (like those Meyer lemon trees in my backyard) because complaining isn’t going to help. I just have to accept and tolerate that my life is full of rumble strips and maybe a handful of . . .
Oh yeah, my M&M bowl is empty. SIGH!!
Here’s To Finding “Contentment” . . .
“Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us”.
I believe in some corners this is referred to as the Serenity Prayer. Serenity, contentment, are these things that we can strive for and ever find in our busy lives?
I recently took a Meditation and Happiness class. It was two classes, offered on consecutive Friday evenings at a nearby University. Sure, why not? What else am I doing on a Friday night? Wink Wink . . .
The teacher had been trained by Tibetan Monks, had spent time with the Dali Lama. (Did I spell that right?) He had the lose flowing garments, and looked like a yogi. He had his floor mat and pillow, spoke soothingly, taught us about breathing and releasing the mind. I came closer to “getting it” than I ever have before, but still . . .
His mantra was much shorter than the one above, and focused on seeking “happiness”. I have a friend who refers to it as seeking “quiet”. Semantics.
I do believe that as I get older, it is important for me to move farther away from the frenetic life I used to thrive on, and those people who keep it that way. Therefore, as it says above, I desire to be content with myself, and allow my soul the freedom, and dare I add – joy, to sing, dance, praise and love!
I wish these things for all of you.
Drama Queens??? Who Needs Them??
“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
If getting back up is living, then I am alive and well!
When I was very young, being a child of older parents – I was always around much older adults. There was more than the fair share of cranky old women and men. I never understood why they were always in a bad mood. I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with me, but I wondered what made them that way?
I promised myself then and there that I would not grow up to be a cranky old woman.
Uh Oh!
Now that I myself am an adult, surrounded by other adults – I think I’m beginning to understand. I still don’t want to be “one of them, the cranky ones” – but I’m starting to understand the how and why they got that way. The difference today? I can make a choice to not let it turn me into the same thing. I can remove myself.
When I read the above statement, it was like a very bright light bulb went off in my brain. By nature I am the fixer, the pleaser, the consensus builder – but some people just do not want to be happy. They thrive in their “poor me” land. It’s the way they seek attention. Not this woman. Much like the past post I wrote several years ago about the “bobbin” on top of the water? That’s me, I’m going to pop back up onto the surface.
Scroll back up and read the quote again. Decide to walk away from the Drama Queens (or Kings) in your life. Reside in a place where people make you laugh, and show you respect. It’s hard to walk away, some of these people have been in my life for 30+ years, but they’re weighing me down. I will be the Phoenix rising from the ashes, see me soar!
“Carryover”!! It Shouldn’t Happen But It Does . . .
I love this article. It sounds exactly like something my GF’s and I would sit down to discuss after a bottle of wine on another “alone” Friday or Saturday night. In it, it does elude to the possibility of you having another man in your life, but even if you don’t, the points are still OH SO VALID!
Nothing drives you crazier than going out with a new person and feeling like you’re having to “live up to” or “compensate for” the last woman to sit across the table from him. I have never held anyone else accountable for the things my ex did, other than my ex. So hear you go! Read and enjoy these thoughts
Changing Your Expectations?
A friend recently shared this little snippet, pretty sure there’s more where this came from so I’ll include the credit and link below should you choose to scope out more! This one tho’, speaks loudly to me. Read it first, then I’ll share my thoughts!
By: Danielle LaPorte at #Truthbombs. http://bit.ly/truthbombs
Truthbomb: “People are going to be who they are most of the time. In character, not out of character. We are — for better or for worse — generally predictable. So there’s a lot of sanity in just flowing with someone’s nature. Accept it. Forgive it. Just tolerate it. Or peace out if you don’t want it in your life. But don’t waste too much time trying to change it.”
Not long ago I was sharing something I’d read with a group of my GF’s. I was commenting on how very sad it is that advice these days tells us if we don’t want to be disappointed in people, we should “lower” our expectations. That just goes against everything I was taught and shown as a child of the 50’s.
Later, as a teacher, I was constantly reminded that my students would live up to my expectations. If I didn’t expect much from them, they would give me just that – not much. If I expected really good things from them, and held them to a high standard, they rarely let me down.
As I grow older in this 21st century, I am sad to report tho’ that a lot of people just don’t give a “sh*t” about what you think about them or their actions. According to the quote above, I’m just supposed to tolerate it.
My biggest mistake I have found, is expecting people to handle situations the same as I would. Politeness and good manners – what happened to them? Everyone is so focused on their own needs, that thinking of others first, has disappeared. That is a very sad state of affairs.
So maybe it’s time for me to take the last line above to heart, and not waste too much time trying to change it, or the people around me? I’ll just be content to know that I will continue to put other’s needs first, knowing that I am no saint – but I am polite, have good manners and will continue to be so.
Pause – – –
Sharing from my bud CS, my cowgirl back-up who always has my back. You know, the kind of GF that supports you even when it’s not convenient? Everyone needs one! And it seems particularly good to share this at the beginning of a week, a short but sweet lesson!
“Practice the pause.
When in doubt, pause.
When angry, pause.
When tired, pause.
When stressed, pause.”
Hope this helps you get through your week a little more relaxed – remember to breathe!
suddenlysinglewomen 