suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Oct 8

It Ain’t Rocket Science – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

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You’ve heard the ol’ saying that goes something along the lines of:  “Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk”.

I thought of that when I saw this photo and it’s accompanying sentiment.

How many times have you been frustrated by friends, family or even new acquaintances who just “don’t get it”?

Women going through, or coming out the other side of divorce have a hard time when it comes to having people understand what it’s like.  If you haven’t been there, you really can’t understand.  You may think you can imagine the horror of it all, but please don’t try to act like you get it.  You don’t.

I know you can perceive the pain and the injustice, and we really do appreciate you caring and wanting to help in any way you can.  I know when I’ve learned of a tragedy that someone close to me has experienced, I want to be there for them and ease that pain any way that I can.  I will never, however, claim to know what they’re going through or how they feel unless I’ve shared that same tragedy.

This harkens back to one of my earliest blogs when I went off about well intentioned people who tell you that you’ve just got to “Move On”!  Really?  Move on how?  Even the GPS in my car knows there’s more than one way to get between point A and point B and the time needed and miles driven are different in every scenario.   There are never ending roadblocks on your trip toward recovery that even the GPS can’t get you around.

During your journey when you encounter these people who are trying to help but haven’t seen your path, or walked a mile in your shoes try to be kind back and just thank them.  They’ll feel better, surprisingly you’ll feel better for understanding they’re really trying to help.  But know deep down that there’s really only one person who understands your path – and that’s you.

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Oct 1

Pay Attention to “The Girls!”

by suddenlysinglewomen

Such important things to remember in taking care of ourselves!!

Resa's avatarMonaresa smiles

In 1995, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I remember this clearly. It was shortly after the birth of my first son.

It was a fluke the way she was diagnosed, really. Some unexpected bleeding in the middle of the night led to a trip to the emergency room, where the cancer was discovered. One of her tumors had ruptured, which led to the bleeding.

When you hear the word “cancer” in relation to a family member or yourself, it prompts a whole array of emotions that you may have never experienced before. But the one emotion I remember my whole family clearly feeling during that time was fear. No matter what doctors say the prognosis may be, with cancer, you never know.

After months of chemo and months of uncertainty; and another scare a few years later with a secondary uterine cancer, my mother was declared to be…

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Sep 29

Trust?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Trust never used to be an issue for me.  I grew up in an honest family, I had honest friends, I was an honest person myself.  I was insulated – that’s for sure.  The older I get the more I learn that there are many untrustworthy people out there.

They think nothing of a little white lie, and that’s only the beginning.  What about “lying by omission”?  Can you trust a person who chooses not to tell you something?  That’s a gray area for most.  When my ex was living “outside the bonds of marriage”, I had friends that knew what was going on.  They chose not to tell me.  That’s a lie by omission.  Acting like everything was great, life was good, all were happy.  All were NOT happy.

So when it comes time to think about putting yourself out there again, once you’re past the initial stages of healing from your divorce, how easy do you think it’ll be for you to trust once again?  I trusted too quickly and had my heart stepped all over by a man I cared about.  Each time that happens I will be more inclined to not trust, to protect myself – but that’s just me.

Below is one of many articles about dating and trusting once again.  Maybe it will provoke some thoughts that you need to consider because none of us ever again want to go through what we’ve already been through.  As always I welcome your thoughts!

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/learning-how-to-trust-again/#.U3EnLtZlyEU.email%5B/

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 22

To “Lift” Or Not To “Lift”?

by suddenlysinglewomen

As we age, our skin shows it.    This is NOT a gender issue, but a human issue.  The skin just “ain’t what it used to be”!  The elasticity is gone, collagen isn’t produced like before and things sag.  UGH!!

If you add on top of that the society we live in is constantly telling us we should be thin, and wrinkle free – no matter our age, you want to hide indoors.

Then if heap on top of that the dating game where (sorry dudes) the men are looking at and for those younger women to squire around, it’s no wonder we look tired and old.   We ARE tired and old, LOL!!  OK – so maybe age is a matter of mind but your mirror is not your friend.

Entering my 50’s I remember how clearly my “then” husband felt about plastic surgery.  He always said he would do it if it made him feel and look better.   For my 50th birthday I seriously considered that’s what I should do; I knew he looked at me as “aging” and needing some artificial help in looking better.

Instead he divorced me and just married a “younger” person – problem solved.

Now as I sit here at 61, and see all the plastic around me, it’s easy to wonder the “what if” I had done it at 50?  Or wonder about the “what if” I do it in my 60’s?  Whatever happens, it’s nice to  know you’re not alone in wondering if trying to seek a younger version of yourself – to match the younger self your mind tells you that you still are – is worth it or not.

No judgement from my corner either way, but I did enjoy reading this brief article about another’s feelings.  We’re not alone in at least “wondering”!

 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/my-aging-face-97643202288.html

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 16

Is “One” The Loneliest Number?

by suddenlysinglewomen

http://houston.culturemap.com/news/restaurants-bars/09-15-14-dining-solo-at-houstons-top-restaurants-a-party-of-one-is-no-shame-in-this-foodie-city/?utm_source=dailydigest&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=cmpgn-2014-9-16

Sometimes the words to that old song ring true for all of us.  I’ve never been one very comfortable in going to a restaurant by myself to eat a meal.  I always felt that sitting at the bar alone was like hanging a sign around my neck that says “Can’t Get A Date”!!

You’ve heard of “dog shaming”?  Well this feels like “single woman shaming”.

However, after reading this article today, maybe I”ll try it again.  Maybe the times have become more relaxed?  Maybe since the divorce rate is SO high that there are SO many more of us that it’s become the new norm?

Guess I better charge up the Kindle and download some interesting stories and start being more brave.  After all, a girl’s gotta eat, right?  Or maybe I just need to let you all know where I’m eating and we can all fill that community table?  : -)

Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Sep 12

What Starts Here, Changes The World . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

McRaven to Grads: To Change the World, Start by Making Your Bed [Watch]

Maybe by now most of you have seen, or at least heard about, the Graduation Commencement address given back in May to the Class of 2014 at the University of Texas by Admiral McRaven.  I’ve listened to it multiple times.  I love it.

There are times when just plain ol’ common sense can get you through your life’s challenges.  The things spoken about in the speech are simple thoughts that put into the right context can seem to be so brilliant.   If you’ve already seen it, heard it – and don’t won’t to do so again – then just delete this.

But each time I listen I feel as if I pick up on something new that I missed the previous time.  So if you’re like me, and can’t get enough of a good thing, then here it is.  Enjoy and as always . . . “Hook ‘Em Horns”!

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Aug 24

Contentment – Such A Hard Place To Get To From Here . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

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Be content with what you have;
Rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
The whole world belongs to you.
– Lao Tzu

When I first saw this I was drawn into the photo.  Thoughts of “the road less travelled” and what the mountains look like after a summer rain and curiosity about what’s behind the bend, filtered through my brain.  I’m a very visual person – reading the text was secondary.

Then I read it.

HELLO!

Isn’t it amazing how some people can just sum it up in a brief, few short lines?  I’ve never been able to do that.  I’m wordy.  My sons don’t even listen to my voicemail messages anymore.  They just see that I’ve called and phone back.

(Of course if they would LISTEN to the message, they could call me back with the answer in hand and save me a lot of explaining but oh well . . . youth!)  Back to my point . . .

I have a very difficult time in rejoicing in the way things are.    I’m content with the things I have, no problems there.  But the way things are?  Not so much.  I believe that is a harder one for me to achieve.  Most especially the way things are that I have NO control over.  I’m NOT a control freak, but when things happen to me that I have no control over?  My world shifts and I lose my balance.

I don’t like losing my balance.

. . . When you realize there is nothing lacking,
The whole world belongs to you.

This one is going to be difficult because I’m one of those people that can look at a situation and definitely see what’s “lacking”.   I vow that this year I will try to head around the corner in that photo above and find that world that belongs to me.

 

 

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Aug 15

A Humorous List For Dating Rules!

by suddenlysinglewomen

18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With | Thought Catalog

18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

I’ve given the “dating thing” a wide berth lately.  By the time you read this I will have let the last dating site membership expire.  (Note:  Just for the fun of it I changed the zip code on it for a month while I was in another state just to test the waters.  Yup – no hits here either!)

Of course these sites are only going to promote their successes!  But I would just LOVE to get the ACTUAL stats on how many people actually have success on them.  Meanwhile they just keep raking in the $$ because of desperate and lonely people.  OK, “desperate” might be a bit too harsh but you know what I mean.

It’s brutal out there, especially for “older” women.

So I saw this and thought I’d share.  Like I’ve said before – Netflix still my best companion!

Dating after Divorce Divorce Recovery Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Aug 6

Who Needs The Drama?

by suddenlysinglewomen
“Come Sit with Me. There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from
all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who
make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who
treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything
but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
I don’t know whose quote this is but I just love it!  If I did I would give them credit as it’s deserved.
Why the drama?  Do you ever find yourself asking this question regarding certain friends or events?
Seriously, it’s exhausting.  Maybe it’s attention seeking people who need the drama to bring focus to themselves?  The older I get the less I want to be around the Drama Queens and Drama Kings.
No doubt in the past there have been things I have done or said that have caused people to say the same thing about me but I sincerely hope it was minimal and few and far between.  I find I no longer have the patience for it like I did in the past.
Back in the day I used to joke that “Caller ID” was invented to save us from people filled with the need for attention.  I’ve now amended that realizing that it was probably invented to alert you to sales calls but you get my drift.
Lately I’ve been striving to surround myself with those people who care about me, are not looking for anything in particular from me but just honest friendship and good times together.  I’m saving the Drama for television series and movies with popcorn.  Life is too short.

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Jul 29

Are You My Mother?

by suddenlysinglewomen

I know I have good friends who follow my blog, whether they agree or not, they follow it to make me feel less “alone” out there in the world. They follow it to give me emotional support and to let me know I’m not crazy. It’s also really really cool when someone else reads and enjoys (or “gets it”) it that is not one of my normal followers. It’s great to share thoughts and feelings and see what others are going through. This one touched me, even though I’m not from a broken home (I was the first in my family to get a divorce), my kids now are – and yes it’s a frightening statistic to see divorce becoming so cyclical in our lives. I thought you might enjoy this insight from a fellow blogger. No matter the ages of your children when you divorce, it makes an impression and “colors their world” for their future.

Michelle's avatarMissives by Michelle

I had a moment tonight. The tears flowed freely. I am angry and I am despairing that my family is broken. My ex is taking our youngest son to visit my ex-inlaws at their cabin, to do all the fun things we used to do as a family. I hate him for destroying our family. I miss our family. I abhor his selfish ways. I MISS MY FAMILY!! No matter what anyone says, things will never be the same. No matter what, we will always be divorced. Eventually, my ex has informed me that he will remarry, thus leaving the boys with a blended family. Divorce sucks and the consequences are evil. If you haven’t realized I am all over the place in the grieving process. That lead me to think about what family means. This is the first of a three part series on family.

parents boysThe nuclear family has…

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