suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #5 – – –

“Nobody has to agree with me”

In this year of an “election”, boy is this something that resonates on a daily, even hourly basis.  Remember the old rule, don’t talk politics or religion at the table?

How can we help it?  It’s in our face  ALL. DAY. LONG!

It’s to the point of having to “pause” the posts on some of my FB friends (are you wondering if it’s you?); it’s gotten really really ugly.  How can it not?  Look at the example that is being set by leadership.  If they can sling mud 24/7 on the national media, why can’t we?

Because it’s exhausting and just plain rude behavior.  What ever happened to kinder, gentler?

Well, JMHO but it’s really OK to accept that nobody has to agree with you.   It’s your opinion, you have a right to it; I have an opinion too, but please don’t try to change mine.   We don’t have to agree, but the ugliness really needs to stop.

I’m OK you don’t agree with me, you don’t have to.   But I will pause you . . .

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #4 – – –

“I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others”

See #3.   ; -)

Seriously, isn’t that what we do when we’re young?  When we’re dating?  When we’re married and then becoming parents?  When we’re planning things with people?

I was/am great at this.  It is the way I was brought up to be.  My Mother was a master at this, and I learned from her very well indeed.  Call it Southern, call it Texan, call it anything you want – I thought of everyone else before I thought of me.

There are times I really miss, as a single person, not having that opportunity to anticipate those needs, especially of family.   So now instead, I employ that particular skill set in my volunteer work, or when planning things with friends.

Sometimes I’ll take a step back and think that others will fill that void, you know, if I’m not doing it then surely they will?  Uh . . . no!

Solution?  Be happy fulfilling your dreams and your needs and let others take care of themselves.

Over the past couple of years I’ve really scaled back.  I’ve released myself from the self imposed obligation to take care of, and anticipate, the needs of others.   Does that make me selfish?  I don’t really think so.  Have they noticed?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But boy do I have alot more time these days to do the things I dream about.

 

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #3 – – –

“it’s not my job to take responsibility for others”

What “others” are we talking about here?   Guess it depends on your age, and the time of your life.

As a younger Mom, sure, I took responsibility for the actions of my two sons.  That’s a natural.  Luckily they didn’t get into too much trouble . . . that I found out about?  But now, they’re grown men, with families of their own – and certainly I feel no need to be responsible for their lives (unless of course you want to tell me how brilliant they are, or what great fathers they are – then, well maybe?)

As a young wife, I did many times feel responsible for the things we did “as a couple”, commitments made, events attended, lives impacted.    His actions were a reflection on me, and vice versa – that’s alot of pressure to take on.  As time went by, I realized, I was NOT responsible for his actions and toward the end of the marriage it was a relief to have validation from friends, family and peers that the actions he chose were not a reflection on me.

The older I get, the older we all get, we understand that we are responsible for one person here on earth – ourselves.  Want to see who you should think about when you’re making decisions?  Grab a mirror and start there.  Of course there are ancillary “re-actions” to the actions you take that will trickle down.  And when that happens?  Step up and be accountable.

Wha’dya think?

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Happy 8th Anniversary For “Suddenly Single Women”!!

Enjoy your day!  I can’t believe it’s been 8 years for the blog but you all keep me inspired Every. Single. Day!

Embrace those you love, and those who love you and just leave all the rest in the dust!

Sending you all much love and appreciation today, my happiness is a direct reflection of your support!

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Thoughts For A New Decade #2

“It’s OK to say no”

It really really is.   When I was younger and starting out in that “time of life” where I had retired from teaching and was a “stay at home” Mom, I became a volunteer.  My husband was with an accounting firm and the wives (yes, sexist but at that time there weren’t THAT many women in accounting) were encouraged, strongly, to become a force in the volunteer, charitable, non-profit world.

It’s all about client development and networking.  What better way for a member of a firm, to meet potential clients, than through the relationships the spouse has on a social level?  Throw in the “do good” work and it was a win-win.

I had a mentor (thanks CS) help me, and began to get involved.   REALLY involved.  I found that I had a certain proclivity for being able to organize events and raise money.  With a successful event, came the opportunities (and “asks”) to  become involved with even more events.  Over my really active years, I was chairing a major fundraiser event, one  per year.  My first volunteer “job” started in earnest in 1984/85.  I was ripe for the pickin’.

That soon evolved into sitting on Board of Directors, Executive Committees and Capital Campaigns of some of those same non-profits.  I enjoyed it.  I felt appreciated and needed.  During that period, my sons were growing up and seeing that it was good to give back.   They became involved in some of my activities as well, and saw the value of “giving back”.   They also learned that time management is a skill.

I had a good run, but have now really cut back to only a few groups that I am most passionate about.   I’ve passed the torch, and I’ve learned “It’s OK to say no”!  It really really is.

This even drifts down into your personal life.   If a family member asks you if you’re available and you are not, then just say no.  There’ll be other opportunities.   If a friend asks you to do something that you really don’t have to time to commit to, and you’ll really regret saying yes to, then be brave, it’s OK to say no.

It’s your life, it’s your time, and you’ve earned the right to think of your time as valuable.  35 years later, I’ve made the most amazing friendships through my volunteerism, and I’d like to think I’ve done some good.  But now I also know it’s OK to say no.

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TRUTH!

Even The Strongest Person Gets Tired Of Being Strong And Needs A Break

(if you cannot open this, cut and paste into your web browser and that should do the trick!  Some new “Google” changes are really messing with my ability to share things!)

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Happy December All!

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To my loyal followers, I’d like to wish everyone a very happy December holiday season!  I saw this and it made me giggle.  I hope for everyone out there, that you and yours have a loving and joyful holiday month.

I just lost my Mom at one month shy of 101 years young.   Listening to the tributes paid to her, I knew that she left mightily big shoes to fill.   I can only hope that I can be half the woman she was, and that I will make her proud.

Love those around you, and love yourself.  Happy Holidaze to all.  See you in 2020!!

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The Holidaze! They’re Here!

May you be with family, friends and those who love you!  Give thanks for all those wonderful things in life that you sometimes take for granted.  Be grateful for the little things.

I am grateful for you all!  Happiest of Thanksgivings from my house to yours.  If you’re traveling, be safe.

See you in (gasp!) December!

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As The Year Begins To Draw To A Close – – –

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It’s been one of those Summers.   Clearly the universe is not done with me and now it’s becoming one of those Falls.

I reflect back to the beginning of the year when I announced here, that 2019 was going to be my year.  The universe has other ideas.  The universe read what I wrote and decided to show me who’s boss.  Not me.

Burning bridges?  Sometimes it feels like scorched earth.  There are days when you first enter the world of wakefulness, and you think – NO!!! – just a few minutes more so that I don’t have to face what’s going to go wrong today!  BECAUSE SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG!

Something always breaks.  Something has to be replaced.  Something is so old that they don’t make replacement parts anymore.  (Really Dyson?)  And a 20% discount on the new model is supposed to make me feel better?  The pool man says pumps are only made to last 2 years ma’am!  The City water department tells me the leak is on MY side of the meter (of course it is, has it ever been on their side?).  The new car battery is dead because hey, it wasn’t the battery that was bad, it was the alternator.  The garbage disposal?  You’re only supposed to put soft things in there?  Didn’t your Mom tell you to put ice in it to sharpen the blades?  Guess what, they’re AREN’T any blades.  What?

I’m not going to burn any bridges, I’m going to fire bomb them.  Hey universe, this is me telling you what bridge you can drive OFF OF!

OK – I’ve vented, but I am searching for a new bridge to cross, because what’s left of the old one is toast!

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One More Time – With Feeling (and apologies that my “cut and paste” is clearly out of whack!)

I’ve    
learned….
 
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve    
learned ….
 
That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve    
learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve    
learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
 I’ve    
learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
 I’ve    
learned….
That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve    
learned….
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
 I’ve    
learned…
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve    
learned….
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
 I’ve    
learned….
 That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve    
learned….
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve    
learned….
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
 I’ve    
learned….
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
 I’ve    
learned….
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That I wish I could have told my Mom/Dad that I love her/him one more time before she/he passed away.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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