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Becoming the best version of yourself

Being Kinder, It Starts With Yourself – – –

Smarter Living: 4 ways to be kinder to yourself in 2020

 

By Tim Herrera

Happy 2020 and a half! Are you exhausted yet?

With everything happening all the time, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. How can we focus on ourselves when there is so much going on around us, not even to mention worrying about careers, families, money, stress and everything else that comes with modern life?

But it doesn’t have to be as difficult as it seems. This year, Smarter Living published loads of stories centered around self-acceptance and self-care, whether that means acknowledging a small achievement, being O.K. with your guilty pleasures or just trying to be a little more scarce.

Here are four simple ways to be a little kinder to yourself in 2020.

Take more time for yourself

Choosing to spend time alone can benefit your social relationships, improve your creativity and confidence, and help you regulate your emotions so that you can better deal with adverse situations, according to experts.

“It’s not that solitude is always good, but it can be good” if you’re open to rejecting the idea — common in the west — that time by yourself is always a negative experience you’re being forced into, according to Thuy-vy Nguyen, an assistant professor in the department of psychology at Durham University, who studies solitude. She added that because solitude helps us regulate our emotions, it can have a calming effect that prepares us to better engage with others.

Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout, said Emily Roberts, a psychotherapist. Read more >>

Enjoy things when they’re good

Worrying about when “the other shoe will drop” will only steal your current joy.

In a paper examining the costs and benefits of negative expectations in the journal Emotion, researchers found that students who predicted getting a poor grade on an exam felt bad for days before receiving their results. Worse, their stressing didn’t diminish the disappointment they felt once they got their scores.

One underlying reason people worry is that on some level they assume it helps. Yet we need to accept that we can’t perfectly prepare for potential challenges.

“There are an infinite number of bad things that could possibly happen (although most are unlikely), and there is just no way a person can anticipate them all,” according to Dr. Michel Dugas, a psychology professor at the University of Quebec.

Keep in mind that research has shown we are notoriously bad at predicting how we will feel in a given situation, and things often go better than we imagine they will in moments of fear. Dr. Dugas shared a takeaway a client observed: “I try to worry about everything bad that could possibly happen so that I won’t be taken off guard. What really bothers me is that although I do sometimes experience bad things, they are never the ones I thought about!” Read more >>

Learn to accept a compliment — even if it’s from yourself

Pumping yourself up after a big win can feel a little awkward. You want to acknowledge good work, but you don’t want to feel arrogant. It’s that tricky balance of quietly reveling in a job well done without coming off as … well, a jerk.

Despite that awkwardness, getting credit for your work gives your brain good feelings and helps you accomplish more. Companies use praise to try to boost productivity and even revenue, and experts say that the psychological impact of keeping a positive view of your accomplishments can decrease stress and encourage better habits.

And even if you’re bad at taking a compliment, or you’re not getting external recognition, you can still enjoy major psychological benefits from celebrating your achievements on your own, according to experts. Read more >>

Turn your regrets into self-improvement

Many of us try to push pain away. Others ruminate about perceived mistakes. But whether you ignore or fixate on what’s troubling you, research has shown that it’s impossible to run from emotions without consequences. And in a vicious twist, dodging upsetting feelings actually makes them even more present: Suppressing our emotions can diminish our capacity for joy and potentially manifest as physical pain.

So instead of trying to ignore your regrets, it’s a better idea to practice acknowledging the experience. Try this: Start by slowing down and noticing your thoughts and sensations. Relax your face and hands, and think about accepting how you feel now without worrying you’ll feel this way forever. Reaching this middle ground between avoiding and dwelling will prove less depressing.

Researchers also found that when people find a silver lining in their regret, they are able to think more clearly.

“Regret can be a problem, but one benefit of regret is that it signals improvement is possible,” said Neal Roese, a professor of marketing at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University who focuses on the psychology of judgment and decision-making. “The trick is to avoid obsessing and pull out a lesson that can be applied in future situations.”

Smarter Living: 4 ways to be kinder to yourself in 2020

 

 

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Remember Those Who Served And Gave Everything – – –

My Father was an “Army Man”.    He served in WWII and Korea.  My parent’s wedding actually had to be moved up due to his being “called up” for Korea.  My Mom, born in East Texas having jobs eventually in Corpus Christi and then Houston – where she met my Father, suddenly had to change all her wedding plans then pack up and head to Lacrosse, Wisconsin where his regiment was called up to prepare.  When your country called, you went – no questions asked.

It was never convenient, and rarely went as “planned”.  There’s a reason that they’re called “The Greatest Generation”.   They didn’t pout, protest or go on Twitter rants.  They served their country; there was a belief in a higher cause.  We lost alot of good men and women.

So today, we honor those who honored us so selflessly by giving their lives for our freedoms, for our “way of life” in America.   No matter your politics, today – put away your hate and let us remember those we lost and give them the honor they deserve.

I’m lucky that my Father came back, I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t.  Today I pray for those families not as lucky as mine.  Memorial Day pays them the respect they deserve.  Let’s honor their memory.   My flag is flying.

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Do We Need Closer Friendships?

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Beauty, Not Just In The Eye Of The Beholder – – –

https://vickiarcher.com/2019/10/best-kept-beauty-secrets-q-a-2/

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Shouldn’t This Be At Any Age?

https://shar.es/a3dPKB

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Channeling Tim Allen’s “Tool Time”?

What do tools have to do with being a suddenly single woman?  HA!!  If you have to ask you must live in a totally maintenance free high rise.  For the rest of us, all of a sudden we’re having to “maintain” and repair things someone else used to do (or if you were with a non-handy person, you hired it done).  If you want to become more self sufficient, you need help!

Think of the savings from hiring it done, if you just have You Tube and the right tools!  I share this link with you to do a bit of “filling out” from the tool/junk drawer that we all have/had!  Good luck and let’s “get fixin'”!!

 

https://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/home-improvement/tool-box-essentials?utm_source=emailshare&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=email-share-video&utm_content=20190123

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Final Thoughts For A New Decade #9 – – –

I AM ENOUGH!

So, . . . it’s bolded and capitalized.

Yes I am.

If you’ve never lived or worked or associated yourself with a person or persons who do not think you are enough?  Lucky you.

If you have, I’m sorry.

I have.

It’s taken me a long time to appreciate my worth as a person, as a friend, as a member of a family unit.

How are you feeling today?  Are you feeling like you are enough?  My hopes for all of us is that we continue to put ourselves in the best environments and situations where we are able to realize our full potential, and grow to know we are enough.

As the “social distancing” continues, we’ve been given the gift of time to do more self reflection.  Be safe everyone.

Glow from within my fiends.  You are enough!

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Thoughts For A New Decade #8 – – –

I have the right to express my needs honestly

“Honestly” – that’s an interesting way of putting this thought.  Does not doing it honestly mean you alter those needs because no one around you is going to help fulfill those needs unless you make it easy for them?  Or does it mean you alter your needs to fit their needs, their timing, their opinions of your needs?

Doesn’t it really just mean to be yourself, take care of yourself, and if you need something more from a family member, a friend, a partner you are honest in opening up to them?

My Father used to say that honesty is the best policy.  Bet you heard that one too when you were growing up and learning to be your own person.

If those that you surround yourself are too busy filling their own needs to concern themselves with any of yours, maybe it is time to alter the way you seek to fulfill your personal needs with those same people.  Maybe they are just totally unaware that you need a bit more attention.

And perhaps if you make decisions about those close to you without giving them the opportunity to learn of your needs, and your frustrations, it’s being unfair to them.   Or maybe you need to seek out a more caring and thoughtful group of people to be around.

This one is a tough one.  Lately I have begun to be more vocal in the things I need, seek, in friends and family.  If something bothers me, I’m trying to be more “honest” and open about it, JUST IN CASE those friends and family do not realize.

And then . . . if they chose not to care, I have my answer.

 

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Thoughts For A New Decade #7 – – –

“I have a right to my own feelings”

See #5!   Ha!  JK!

There are alot of similarities, but I think feelings tend to go a bit deeper than opinions.

Feelings can give your emotions a real roller coaster ride.

Any feelings can change at any given moment.  I can be “feeling” really down, and then something really cool happens and the dreary just vanishes.

And vice versa . . .

One of the mantras of my book was having the right to your own feelings.  I also shared how much I detested it (is that too strong?) when people would tell me to just “move on”.  Like . . . really?

We’re all going to have personal feelings that others do not agree with, or understand.   Lest you judge, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been guilty of wondering why/how someone can be so caught up with their emotions and feelings and cannot get over it.

Time, patience, empathy – that’s what you really need, or need to offer.  You have a right to your own feelings, you feel me?

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Day 3 Of “Complying” —

Just saw this on FB and had to share.

Please stay safe out there everyone.  Use your best judgement and we can flatten that curve!

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