suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Bring On The Legos – – –

on September 27, 2013

Continuing with excerpts from the book “With or Without a Man” by Karen Gail Lewis, I’ve moved on to Chapter 3, page 38 focusing on the section:  “Building A Single World”.

In the same way a couple has to build a married life, a single woman has to build a single life.  As formerly married women return to being single, they all need to develop a world that reflects the values and lifestyles of their adulthood, and that meets their needs for a rich and satisfying life – with or without a man.

What does it mean to build a single world?  It means you don’t put your life on hold until there is a man.  It means you don’t have control over making an emotionally available man appear, but you can take control of the tools available to you and design the best life you can for yourself.  It means accepting that life may not be exactly as you would have wished, but that’s true for most people – even married women!  It means no waiting, no dangling.  It means no self-blame because you have not met a man YOU want to marry.”

The author suggests you ask yourself the questions:  “What is is I want?  What is it I need to make my life as fulfilling as possible now?

In my opinion, those are tough questions all people need to ask themselves but for we single women – we’re the only ones making those decisions that determine our path into our future.

For me it was a new feeling, being able to determine what it was that I wanted to do with my life.  I’d gone from being a daughter, to a wife, to a mother with no time to really explore my dreams or what I wanted to be when I “grow up”.  It’s almost like a gift to now be able to make those decisions and set goals to reach my dreams.  I went from doing what my father told me was “right”, to doing what my spouse told me was “expected”, to having a whole new world open up in front of me.

Scary?  Yes.   Easy?  No!  I wasn’t sure when I was first divorced that I had the building tools available to create a new and satisfying life.  Once you can let go of the thought that you HAVE to have a man to make your life “whole”, an array of possibilities can open up before you.  I tried to never rush into any major decisions when I was first on my own, but something so little as being able to choose your own flavor of toothpaste can have a surprisingly uplifting effect on your life!

Building a single world doesn’t mean making a commitment to being single.  It means making a commitment to enjoying your life in the present.”

So for me, I’m going to take each day one lego piece at a time, and build a firm foundation on which to launch my new life from – the new me.  Get ready world, because like it or not, here I come!

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