Becoming the best version of yourself

Moving on Down the Road

on March 6, 2012

I recently started attending a “Divorce Recovery Series” offered through a local church.  While I don’t believe recovery per se needs to necessarily be “faith based”, a good friend had attended this once, and was going again and invited me along.  I figure anything you can do as a positive step forward is better than taking steps backward, right??  So why not?

There were about a dozen of us there and altho’ it’s offered to “all”, the enrollees were all female.  The one man there attends these as a lay ministry he and his wife offer – nice to have a male point of view, and since he has gone through divorce himself he does gain/offer his own insight and perspective.  During a chance to introduce ourselves and give our reasons for attending, sharing what we hope to achieve, I was struck by the many different stages of recovery we are all in.  One had been divorced for decades, most within the last ten years, and several having recently started the process.  Afterward our leader – a licensed therapist – summed it up in a way that so resonated with me that I had to share it with you all.  She allowed as that your recovery is not linear.  Hmmmmm, think about it.  That is so true!

Our society is all about linear.  We’re goal oriented, we try to not only get to the end of the race, but win it.  We start at point A and try to get to point B as fast as we can.  We race to win.  We talk the talk to walk the walk.  We are driven to get there.  It’s so black and white but is it possible?  Are we setting ourselves up for failure by always needing to get to the end as quickly as humanly possible??  Is it even achievable?

That’s why it’s called recovery – and it’s not linear.  It’s so clear to those of us in the process that we have to move at our own pace.  You heal in your own way, and you would be wise to take your time and do it right.  We might not be convenient (to our family and our friends) in our process of “getting over it”.  For anyone else looking from the outside in, there’s something wrong with you wallowing in negativity, holding onto your anger and regret.  I’m sure you’ve received as much advice about “moving on” as I have.  Sounds easy.  You want to do it, but how do you “move on” from something that was a part of your life for 20, 30 or 40 years in a matter of months or just a few years?

Divorce is like a scab trying to form on an open wound.  You can put a bandage on it, but the wound is still there.  You can hide it from the world, but you know it’s still there.   It needs to heal, it takes time and it’s not linear.  Give yourself permission to feel, and permission to heal.  Good luck on your journey.


2 responses to “Moving on Down the Road

  1. Kathy Jensen says:

    As a wise soul once said, give yourself permission to be where you are right now! It’s okay.

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