suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Memories – Holding On To The Positives Of The Past

I don’t know about you, but I’m really loving the Downton Abbey series on PBS, also known as Masterpiece Classic (as I found out when attempting to set a DVR to record!).  We here in the States just started Season Four.

Whether or not you have a fascination with the past, it is fun for me to see how it was to live in “another time.”   And admitting to it, yes, I like many others have a curiosity about that “upper crust” lifestyle and how semi-royalty wiled away their days and evenings.  For those of you watching, you’ll know Carson, who “runs” the household behind the scenes for the family of the manor.  A rather stoic fellow, who shows very little feeling or heart on most days.

We found out recently that as a younger man, he had a “love interest” who had broken his heart when she picked his best friend over himself.   One assumes he’s never loved again.  Last night one of his staff members surprises him with a gift, a framed photo of his lost love.  She suggests he display it on his desk so the whole staff will see a softer side to Carson.  His next comment had me running for a pen and paper – to share here.

Carson says, “The business of life is the acquisition of memories, in the end that’s all there is.”  It got my attention because as someone who sometimes wastes too much time “reliving the past” in my mind I am full of memories both good and bad.  While I may try very hard to forget the bad memories, and only think about the happy memories, in “the end” – that IS all we have.

Our lives are always going to be a full combination of the sum of those memories, both happy and sad and the key I suppose is knowing how to go forward with those same memories?  Trying not to be bogged down with the unhappy ones – a challenge to be sure.  However we can all try to be happy with the positive ones and living with the hope that on balance, there will be more of those in our future.

Here’s to many more happy ones for all of us in 2014.

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Negative Thoughts, We All Have Them – – –

6 Tips to Help You Free Yourself from Your Fearful Thoughts

Negative thoughts, how they seep into your consciousness and never let go.  Happens to me all the time and I hate it.  It’s like my mind is trying to run away from them and they keep following.

Kinda like when my very large dog (therefore a large collar and tags ring) leans over the pulled out bottom tray of the dishwasher, stacked full of heavy dishes, sniffs those dishes then backs up quickly when I fuss at him.  Of course his collar’s tag ring has now hooked on that lower tray, and as he backs up it follows him.  His response to the frightening thing following him????  Of course the response is to back away even faster – not realizing of course that he’s hooked to it and it’s GOING to follow him.  Chaos and flying dishes everywhere.

I’ve wondered for years how you get those negative thoughts to quit following you like they are hooked to your brain.  Everywhere you go, they go.  The faster I try to escape them, the faster they follow me – in my head, swirling around in that fog that is my brain.  Like the dog pulling away and the dishes flying and breaking he doesn’t understand that if he would just STOP, and chill – I could unhook him and stop the carnage.  But how do we stop – and chill?

Some chill with medications, as the author said in the above link – he tried it then decided to go a different direction.  I’ve also tried the anti-anxiety med route, but it’s a mask and your situation hasn’t changed – it’s just been dulled.  Many chill with alcohol – again, just a bandaid that eventually is going to pull off and you’re still faced with the same issues, they don’t disappear with a good (or bad) bottle of wine.  People will compensate for the pain by over working, working their bodies to exhaustion, anything but coming to terms with the negative.

I hope and pray that in the New Year, we can find a way to let GO of those negative and fearful thoughts.  Not by masking them but by finding a way to let them go.  Like a winter snow melts away in the warmth and sunshine of a new spring, may we all find a way to let the negativity in our minds and in our hearts release it’s hold on us . . . and just melt away.

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2013 In Review – – – Here’s To More Readers In 2014!! Share!!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for my blog.  I’m sharing because it was so interesting seeing that it’s being followed not only around the U.S. but also in other countries!  I can’t thank you all enough for following, commenting, and sharing with me our journey to better days!!  Wishing you all the best in 2014 and many smiles in our futures . . .

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 610 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 10 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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A Bit Of Humor For A Monday – – –

0        OK – OK – I know this is irreverent but a dear sweet friend who follows my blog sent this to me and I just couldn’t resist a little bit of humor for a Monday.  Thanks KO!!

I promise you this is shared with you totally tongue in cheek, because even though infidelity was ultimately the “beginning of the end” for my 30 year marriage, there are always multiple things that go “wrong” and at least two sides to every coin, right?

The further the distance grows between the marriage and my new single life, the clearer some things become when I really look long and hard.  Sometimes it’s too uncomfortable to look back and try to dissect all the things that went wrong, or to acknowledge all the warning signs that were there.  Closing your eyes is easy.

We all deal with difficult things in different ways.  My way was to try to “fix”, first myself, then the relationship.  It not only could not be fixed, but at that point it really wasn’t worth all the effort I put into saving a marriage that he had already “checked out” of.

I’d have done anything to spare my sons the pain and suffering of learning the truth about a man who preached ethics and morality and integrity, but chose not to live by those same things.   You reach a time however when the most important person you need to protect and take care of is just yourself.  It’s scary and frightening especially as we age to think about being alone, with no one around to help take care of us or guide us or hold us.

Take heart though, as I have learned, I am strong, I am resilient and so can you be.  Your divorce is not “The End”.  You will not know real freedom or feel true release until you try – and whether your love was interrupted by a slut like the above cartoon or not, be the better person and rise above it all.  The view up here can be pretty wonderful!

 

 

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When Everyone Says “Move On”?

Such simple advice, great if you are in a position to listen to it. For some people it just takes time, no one can push you thru it as it states. Move at your own speed, take care of yourself – for if you were married as long as I was, and now you’re not – take time to just be “you”, and take care of “you” – you deserve it!!

notherapistneeded's avatarSpeaking Girl 2.0

Today might not be the day you are ready to start fresh. No one can force or push a person to start fresh if they are not ready. If you are ready today, then GREAT!! If you need more time then take that time! Here are FIVE types to help starting fresh a little easier…

 

F   orgive yourself for being angry. Forgive those around you that have hurt you. – Think of this forgiveness as a key to healing and finding peace within. Holding grudges or being angry with someone will only cause you more hurt. TRY to find that forgiveness. I know you can.

R emember that good things in life. Repeat to yourself what you are thankful for. Remember that life is too precious to waste on being sad and angry. REMEMBER you are worthy of a happy life.

E nergize your life. Keep active. Get…

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