suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

The Year Of Cleaning House – – –

And I don’t mean actually cleaning the physical house. UGH! What I’m thinking 2024 is for me is the year I’m finally gonna get “real” about relationships, both long term and short term.

Some people lift you up, some drag you down. Some people meet expectations and exceed them. Some people you keep lowering your expectations and they still disappoint. Why do we do that to ourselves?

So by cleaning house, I really am saying that some people I thought were friends, you know, the forever type? I’m moving on. It’s too exhausting to be the only one vested in the relationship. It’s too disappointing to forever be offering graciousness and latitude, gifts of kindness and opportunities, and get nothing back in return.

I know you should not “give” so that you will “receive”, but at some point the “give” doesn’t even get a thank you or an acknowledgement? And the repeated yearly “gives” become expected vs appreciated.

I just had some friends from my old hometown visit here in the mountains and we talked about life, the past, the future, shared many topics and opinions. One of the funnier conversations covered Christmas cards. One of the people that I always send to, and who never sends back, mentioned that she doesn’t spend the time or money to send them but she really does enjoy getting them and hopes to continue to receive them. I think I must’ve done a head tilt and a “huh”? Don’t you think I enjoy receiving them too? Am I not worth the cost of a stamp and the time to address a card?

I know what you’re thinking, I’m being silly, I’m being too harsh, I need to get over it. Maybe, but it just struck me that the only way to quit being disappointed, is to quit setting my self up for it to happen. So I’m cleaning house, and surrounding myself with those who appreciate my friendship, who value me as a person and understand that I am worth your time.

And I suppose I’ll be addressing fewer Christmas cards this year. (sorry for the rant, but sometimes you just need to)

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YAY – February!

Lordy, get me outta January!! Though it’s still cold, there are more sunny days and I am so grateful. 

Speaking of being grateful, I stumbled across this article the other day and thought, since many of us have run into this personality trait, it would be a great share. For me, reading it made me grateful to no longer being in the sphere of a man suffering from this. (Women display it too, not male bashing)

Give it a look see, and let me know if you’ve tried any of these hints. Heaven help me that I ever run into this again, but now at least I have a menu of things to choose from. Read and enjoy your February. 

Link: https://kimsaeed.com/2020/08/12/how-to-make-a-narcissist-miserable-12-things-they-hate/

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January – Almost Over

January for me, in my new home state, is cold, snowy – even frigid. It’s the month I wonder . . . now why did I move here?? Oh yeah, the summers!

January is when we feel the pressure to have “resolutions”, to break bad habits, start good habits, get back to exercise, cut back on food. Heck – even some people do “Dry January”! Yup, tried that once and decided I get it – the reason, but don’t enjoy it, ha ha.

January is really really (did I say really?) cold here in Colorado, in the mountains. Many mornings can get below zero. I think Alexa smirks when I ask her the temp before I get up and decide what I have to put on to walk the dogs. 

January is a travel challenge, though these days, that could be said of all months. I recently went to San Diego to help with the littles while my daughter n’law recovered from a surgery. Was supposed to return here Monday . . . then tried again Tuesday . . . then finally made it back late Wednesday night in snowy and slippery conditions. And do the airlines really care?

January is when we start to get notices about taxes and 1099s and K-1s and all those things that you have to start gathering to make the CPAs job easier. It’s a paper nightmare. And don’t get me started how much fun it is NOT to get it all downloaded/uploaded/unloaded. As organized as I am, it still takes up so much time.

January used to be when TV shows had a brief hiatus before the “2nd” half of the season started. With all the strikes in the entertainent world, and more than just major network channels now due to streaming, etc. – do we even have a “season” anymore?  When do things start? When do they wrap up? Will Yellowstone ever come back?

January is a long month – 31 days. We start out the year trying to recover from the holidays, trying to keep track of normal trash days and bam, more government holidays to create trash and recycle backup. Where my son’s live, if you pull out your trash/recycle cans on the wrong day, you just leave them out till the trucks actually show up. Where I am in the mountains, you cannot put out the night before, you cannot leave out the next night incase you forgot the holiday. Too many critters around. Of course if you do “Dry January”, your recycle bin can probably skip a cycle anyway, right?

January is when you think you might actually start cooking again, no more Holiday parties to supply your dinner. This morning I actually did all the slicing, dicing, browning and assembly for a Crock Pot beef stew. Wait, is Crock Pot cooking actually . . . cooking?

January is when you finally have to take down all those Holiday decorations and fit all those plastic clear storage boxes back into the spaces that they took up for 11 months of the year in “storage” although somehow they don’t seem to stack back up quite as orderly as they did when first stored. Did my shelves shrink? Or did the boxes expand? And now since they didn’t quite stack up the same, I have Christmas wreaths in canvas bags stacked on top of Halloween decor. Oops. 

I hope January gets on outta here soon, temps above freezing would be welcome and I might even have the tax prep “prepped” . . . could happen.

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Happy New Year Y’all

2024 – How? I can still remember the IT panic of crossing into the next century and now it’s 24 years later? Wow, where did the time go? Much has changed in my life since that New Year’s Eve heading into 2000. I was in Steamboat Springs, CO with my family – ringing in the New Year, pretty confident that my computer was not going to crash or implode but hey, strange things do happen.

Neither of my son’s were married yet, one in college one in high school. I was still married, things had starting going south but I didn’t know it yet. There were still two new houses ahead of me that I didn’t know about yet, there was the promise of my “first” horse when we got back to TX, honestly? The world was looking pretty durn good though my eyes.

A new year always gives us a chance to “look back” as well as “look ahead”. It’s time to re-right a ship that might be listing. It’s time for attitude adjustments to make this year better than last. Learn from our mistakes by not making them again. Get healthier, get happier and learn to enjoy each day. So from my humble laptop to you:

H – Help someone less fortunate than you

A – Always say please and thank you

P – Pick your battles, they say it’s better to win the war

P – Put your own house in order before you criticize others

Y – Yes, bad things happen but you are made of stronger stuff – keep on

N – Never give up your dreams

E – Eat more healthy and be less wasteful with what you buy, prepare and do put on your plate

W – Wellness, focus on taking care of your body and your mind

Y – Yearly assessments of your life, make adjustments – right that listing ship

E – Every day, love yourself

A – Always check in with friends and family, time goes by too fast to put it off

R – Remember, it can start with you

Wishing my followers the best in 2024, thanks for always being my safety net.

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Is Your Life Today What You Pictured A Year Ago?

While messing around on my laptop today, I came across a feature here on WordPress that I had never seen before. A daily writing “prompt”.  Not that I EVER need prompting for sharing my thoughts but this one jumped out at me. So I’m using it for this post.

I believe that we all have thoughts about whether we are where we thought we’d be in our life all the time. If you don’t? Good for you, you must be very happy, very satisfied and living your best life.

I hazard to say that most people do not feel that way. A year ago in my life . . .

  1. I had just bought a new horse and was so looking forward to giving my riding passion five more years. I was “legging back up” to three feet (the height of the jumps) and I’d found the horse to get me there. 
  2. I had finally finished the last of the details of my remodel and could finally sit back and enjoy no more projects.
  3. I had sold my home in Texas and could put that maintenance behind me.
  4. I had readied myself to buy a new car and knew exactly what I wanted. The age of the current car was creeping up so it was time.
  5. I was working out and felt in really good shape.
  6. Winter here in the mountains was settling in and I was looking forward to all those sunny and blue sky days that the Vail Valley is known for.
  7. Good friends were coming to visit at some point during some part of the winter, after the new year, and we’d snowshoe, fix chili and enjoy evenings around the fireplace. Or they were joining me in June for my big birthday celebration that we’d been planning for three years. I believe in giving plenty of notice, ha ha.
  8. I was going to get back to needlepointing, and put some projects together in my needlepoint bag and placed them next to that comfy easy chair by the above mentioned fireplace.

So, best laid plans??

  1. The horse came up lame, we noticed that he was not moving comfortably in one direction. We began to assess what could be wrong, and after multiple vet visits and consultations ($$$) he was diagnosed with a suspensory ligament issue in his front left leg. Thus began months of stall rest and zero “turn out”. No riding, no running, no playing, no being “a horse”. He’s currently been moved back to the original trainer who helped me find him and slowly “coming back”. Lucky me, I get to pay board at two places while he’s rehabbing. Stay tuned – – –
  2. Are you ever truly finished with your home? With the remodel finished, some of the workmanship was not really holding up. Thus begins the effort to get sub contractors back out to give you “what you paid for”. There is so much work in this valley that if the quality is not what you paid for, they do not care – because there is always another job waiting for them. It’s slow but I am finding people to come in and help, but paying twice for something is not really the way it’s supposed to be . . . right?
  3. Yes, the home sale did go through, even tho’ I had reduced the price after putting more money into fixing most of their demands. Note to self: do not go back by to look at it because they are not keeping it up like you did. They did not repair the things they demanded you pay for, and the most beautiful home on the block now looks like the least maintained.
  4. The Toyota engineers, in all their wisdom, totally redesigned the third row fold down seats and did away with their retractable rear window in the model I was going to buy – the same one I currently owned. Don’t we all buy cars according to our pet’s needs??? Thus began the search for a new car manufacturer with an SUV model that met my needs. It turned into “find a model that fits MOST of your needs” because there was not one model out there that met all my requirements. (Maybe I should switch from German Shepherds who love to hang their heads out the back, to chihuahuas??  NAH!!)
  5. I found out where the meniscus was in my knee, I had back surgery in May for a bulging disc between L5 and S1 and in the Fall fractured my 5th metacarpal on my right hand. I am a frequent flyer at the orthopedic docs office up here. Needless to say my workout class and Pilates class were put on hiatus.  
  6. It was the longest, coldest and grayest winter that the locals could remember in 30 years. Do I have good timing or what???
  7. One friend came to visit last winter. So many excuses. Most people bailed on the June trip. So many excuses.  ’Nuff said.
  8. Yes, that needlepoint bag that was full of the canvases and threads sitting next to the comfy chair by the fireplace?? It’s still there, and if you were to pick it up, my guess is that the floor beneath it is clean and dust free, ha ha. Nope, didn’t get to it. 

I wasn’t unrealistic, but perhaps I was too optimistic? 

So this year, I did get all my Christmas cards and shopping/wrapping done early – maybe that is what I was doing instead of needlepointing.

I am going down to the Denver area tomorrow to check on my horse and if all goes well, get to ride him a bit. No jumping yet, but I’m hopeful I’ll move him back up here in a couple of months.

As I sit here and type this, the sky is amazingly blue and the sun is shining and it’s going to be 42 for the high today – a year ago is was 1 (I know this because of my FaceBook memory that popped up).

I’m now the proud owner of a new Defender, and though it is smaller in the back for the dogs, they are learning and negotiating their space when they lay down. No, the window doesn’t go down, none of the SUVs have windows that go down anymore, but we’re making due.

I am finally (no jinx here) all put back together with no upcoming visits to an orthopedic office, no physical therapy, no braces or casts (have I mentioned how great Tylenol Arthritis is? Thanks Diva J) or contraptions.

The friends who really matter? I know who you are now. Many thanks for not abandoning me. I hope to never disappoint you. And if you don’t really wanna snowshoe when you visit? I’m OK with quality fireplace time. ; -)

I’ve had 7 friends lose their husbands this year, some expected, some not. They got it right when they married, true love matches, and I hope I can be there for them when they need. My loss of a marriage certainly not the same caliber of pain that they are going through. My aloneness is trivial compared to theirs.  

I’ll probably not write again till after Christmas, since I’m sure I’ll be busy getting all those needlepoint projects done for NEXT Christmas (or not) but please enjoy your family and friends during this holiday season and remember that it’s OK if you’re not really where you thought you’d be a year ago. Sometimes we are actually exactly where we are meant to be. One year older and one year wiser.

Holiday Hugs to you all.

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They Say You Can Never Go Home Again – – –

I suppose it depends on your definition of going home.

The past three years, I’ve spent the month of November back in Texas. (Also the reason there are not many posts here on this site from me during that time) After moving to the mountains of Colorado full time in the summer of ’21, I was told by many that it wouldn’t last. After all, I no longer skied and it’s dang cold here for quite a few months. I didn’t have the friend base or connections that I had enjoyed for 40+ years; I didn’t have all the volunteer connections and opportunities that I had worked on for 30+ years. But I was willing to try and just wear plenty of layers from November through May. And yes, I have been here when it’s snowed on the 4th of July. (eye roll)

I lived in and loved H-Town for most of my life. Born there, raised/reared there, went away to University of Texas for four years but then married there, raised my own family there, worked there, volunteered there, made many friendships there – you name it. I would call Houston “home”.

So is home a physical house? Is home a city you live in or a state of mind?

For many of my Texas friends, home must be where you live because why else do they keep sending me MLS listings for cute small cottages in my old neighborhood, or nearby neighborhoods, to tempt me to come back?

For many, they’ll say you can take the girl outta Texas, but cannot take the Texas outta the girl. That I’ll agree with. I am Texan through and through, and I’m not totally sure – except for maybe New York or California – that there is another state that so totally encompasses a way of living or a way of life.

If home is a state of mind, then that should be you wherever you live. So then why do I continue to go back as often as I do? There is a perfect blend of things that I love that happen in November that justifies my returning. I attend and volunteered at the Houston Ballet Nutcracker Market for so many years that it is a part of my persona. I love Thanksgiving, and the kickoff of the holiday season and doing that with family and extended family is so fun. Of course, there’s Longhorn football – win or lose, I have season tickets and go to the home games and proudly wear the burnt orange. I catch up with friends, lunches and dinners. I attend a few annual fundraisers of causes near and dear to my heart.

And then there are the annual doctor checkups that I’ll schedule, because breaking into the healthcare system in a mountain resort area is challenging at best. Walgreen’s cannot even hire a full time pharmacist because it costs too much for them to live here and the doctors in practice here are no longer taking new patients (and certainly not ones on medicare – UGH!) Lucky for me I’m pretty healthy here and if something happens, well, that’s what Urgent Care and “Doc in a Box” is for – right?? HA! Seriously . . .

Maybe home is a blend of all three – house, location and emotional attachment. Think I’ll just have to canoodle on that a bit more. In the meantime, have a wonderful December, don’t get any paper cuts from all the gift wrapping, remember to smile and treat people with kindness, especially be nice to postal workers and delivery drivers because who would want THEIR jobs at this time of the year.

Enjoy your home, wherever you are – you’re all awesome and so important to me.

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Turn The Page, Flip The Script – – –

And just let it go!

Great message I listened to yesterday. Really sunk in, thoughts you know you should listen to, but this time it was all in the presentation! Maybe it was the low pressure environment? Maybe it was the lack of a person’s advice making me feel guilty? Maybe it was actually the person that delivered the message? Maybe I was just ready to hear it?

As we get older (and wiser?) we begin to realize that the comfort zone in which we grew up in, or the life as we knew it until a life altering event happened, is no longer our reality. The ol’ “go with the flow” is a really hard thing to do when the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Feelings are hurt, you’re angry and resentful, and you wonder WHY? What did I do to deserve this?

Family dynamics change, friends disappear, relationships that you thought were forever, fade away. I’m the type person that works really hard to maintain the status quo, fix what’s not working. There’s a phrase I love: Preventative Maintenance! I’d much rather prevent the repair, than have the repair. Make sense?

But – I’m starting to understand that you can do all that you can do to “prevent” and still things break, and yes, I’m talking about people now, more than things. You can alter your thoughts and actions to please others, lower your expectations and still they’re not going to be happy, or give one flip about your happiness, your level of comfort.

The message I listened to yesterday was part of a series called “Peter Pan and Tinkerbell” – never growing up, never taking responsibility and only living in a world of pleasing themselves. It’s a societal problem and I have no idea how to fix it, how to repair it. The preventative maintenance should have been done years ago when we started letting people get by with things, not holding them accountable for their actions.

I’m kinda tired of trying. I’ve been disappointed for the last time. Think I’m gonna give it a rest and turn the page, flip the script and just (can you hear the Idina Menzel song from Frozen here?) LET IT GO!!

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Happy New Year!! Welcome 2023!!

OK – last year was supposed to be THE YEAR!! Ha!! Was coming outta the Covid nightmare and my “move” would go smoothly, and the remodel would be done and the “new” life adventure would get off to a grand start. Weellllllll . . . .

Two vaccines and two boosters later, IT’S still around. My house sale fell apart, I had to change realtors, my remodel wasn’t done yet I moved in on top of it – 2022 was a challenge. But hey – I got this. Don’t I??

So, I’ve had every shot there is to have, my left arm twitches when I go into a clinic or doctor’s office. My new realtor got the house sold in March. I took over the remodel since my contractor disappeared, and got it done in June. (Is it ever truly done??)

2022 saw my football team improve their “win-loss” record from 2021, but expectations were higher. We crushed our nemesis, but then seemed to forget there were still quite a few games left?

2022 saw me fulfill my dream of “one last ride” and I bought my “last” horse. His name is Tango and we’re learning each other. He has quickly become a barn favorite, and his personality is the cutest. (It’s good to be a barn favorite – just sayin’) I have a wonderful new trainer who is patient and gets my goals.

2022 saw me take multiple trips back to Texas and Christmas was spent in California. Grandkids continue to be a highlight and total love fest. They are now 9, 7, 6, 4 and 2. They think I’m fun (who knew??) and they keep me young.

Lastly, as I look back, I took the “Advent of Kindness” (that I previously shared with you all) down off the fridge to see how I did. I failed on #11, tape money on a vending machine – somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to believe someone would actually put it IN the machine?? Is that bad?

I failed at #23, firstly – I don’t have a postal carrier, I have to use a PO BOX up here and the post office was such a nightmare this year, I just wasn’t feeling it?? I sent three identical sized boxes, same contents, to the same address in Houston for my daughter n’laws extended family’s gathering. I used “Click & Ship”. I tracked them. They went from here (Vail) to Grand Junction, Colorado (totally the wrong direction), to Little Rock, Arkansas, to El Paso, Texas, to Amarillo, Texas and then got separated and ended up being delivered on three different days. Their journey took almost two weeks and the last one totally missed the family as they had returned home.

But, I did all the others and it was fun to keep track and give myself a purpose of being kind.

I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful 2023 and just remember to treat people as you wish to be treated. Cheers!!

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Gonna Be A Bear – – –

Closing in on my last boxes from the move. Hey, four months, that isn’t too bad is it??? Have had loads of help from family and friends and my handyman. I am seeing the light at the end of this tunnel!

One of the projects today, and unpacked from the last two boxes, are my scrapbooks. I’ve kept adding to them since the mid 80’s – full of my adventures through non-profit work, fundraising and the family highlights.

Going back through a few of them, I ran across one of my favorite pages – something I’d found quite a while ago, not sure where but . . . I love it and had added it to my keepsakes. No idea where it originated, and there’s no author listed on the page so apologies for not giving full credit. Here goes:

GONNA BE A BEAR

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear!

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The Wisdom Of Youth:

My youngest son and his family recently visited to check on the “move” and the progress on the “remodel”. As with most people I’ve shared my experiences with, everyone is being faced with cancelled or delayed orders, workmen that don’t show up or whom have totally disappeared. Supply chains broken down, products not available, and on and on.

While relating to him all the woes of this particular move and project, he offered sage advice to his “Mom”. So when this popped up in my media library, it made me think of him and our “walks” along the river plus his advice to me that I have many things that ARE working, and that I should be thankful for.

I’m working on it. : -)

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