suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

You Only Live Once . . .

I was recently reading an article in a monthly newsletter and it’s subject matter was certainly something that I have spent hours reflecting upon.  As I enter the “senior” time of my life, I look back at all the things I postponed, because of _______________.   (Fill in the blank)  There always seems to be a good reason, at the time, to put off the adventure I long for.

This article was entitled:  “Risk While You Can” and written by Dwight Edwards.  Below is an excerpt that I share with you all.

“Not long ago a survey was done among a large group of elderly men and women.  The question was asked, “What three things would you do differently if you could live your life over?”  They were then given a dozen or so possible answers to choose from.  Guess what response ranked number one?  “I would have risked more” was the runaway, first place answer.

How interesting!  In the twilight of their lives, their greatest regret was not that they hadn’t made enough money, hadn’t  visited enough countries, hadn’t made a bigger name for themselves, etc.  It was simply that they had played safe too often, had settled for vanilla too frequently, and too easily had chosen the safety of the bench rather than the dangers and glories of being actually out on the field.  But they couldn’t escape the lingering regret of shunned risks and forfeited possibilities.  Risking always costs; but not risking often costs even more in the long run.  Someone put it well:

“There was a very cautious man,

Who never laughed or played;

He never risked, he never tried,

He never sang or prayed.

And when he one day passed away

His insurance was denied;

For since he never really lived,

They claimed he never died!”

Wayne Gretzky, the greatest to ever skate the ice, is exactly right – “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

The author’s advice????     “Let’s take the shots!”

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Finances – You Gotta Have A Plan!

The other day, I was perusing articles of similar content to my blog, and subsequent book.  I love being able to share and pass along information to you all when I find something of value!

These two sites seem to hold valuable information when searching for financial planners, etc.  Whether your divorce is impending, current or past and “over” – this will always be good information for you to have.  Even for those of you still married, someday you may be alone and/or widowed – you still have to know how to make smart decisions.  Therefore, I share:

“Dear Liz: Every so often your column mentions an organization that lists financial planners that are fee-only. I cannot find this information on your site. Please keep mentioning this in your column.

Answer: You can get referrals to fee-only planners who charge by the hour at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com. If you’re looking for fee-only planners who charge a retainer or a percentage of assets, you’ll find those at http://www.napfa.org.”

Always looking out for you!!

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Building From The Top Down?

Won’t work.  You don’t build anything from the top “down”.  Picture if you will, a house being built.  If you tried to start with the roof, what would hold it up?  Where’s the strong foundation to support it?

One brick at a time, brick by brick – sounds like the lyrics to a country western song, although that certainly dates me as now they just refer to it as “country”!

When people tell you that after your divorce you just try to take it one day at a tie, putting one foot in front of the other.  You’re rebuilding your life, whether you are divorced or widowed, it’s the same.  What you had – is gone.  Poof!

The life you had, even if you felt you had worked your way up to the “top”, is non existent.  You cannot rebuild it from the top down.  You’re going to have to start over whether you want to or not.  Finances may not be the same, certainly family and friends are not going to be the same.  Your purpose in life has suddenly altered and you are starting over.  You’re foundation has shifted as it does in an earthquake – a good synonym for life after divorce, an earthquake hit you and everything has crumbled and fallen down.

So you get yourself up, dust yourself off and as Frank Sinatra once said, “Get back in the race”.

One brick at a time . . . brick by brick . . . one foot in front of the other . . . one day at a time.

 

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What Not To Wear After 50 . . . Tongue In Cheek . . . Sorta!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-combs/what-not-to-wear-after-ag_b_6656902.html

Here’s another shared idea from a faithful blog follower and personal friend from my DRG.

(in case you’ve forgotten some of my abbreviations, DRG = Divorce Recovery Group)

Thanks KO!!  (and no I don’t mean knock-out, although if provoked she might could . . . especially the ex-husband’s mistress)

Though this article was definitely written to be a bit sarcastic and ironic, I think it shares valuable insights on how we can get too bogged down thinking how we SHOULD act at a certain stage in life.  Haven’t we finally arrived to the age of deserving to let loose a bit?

Enjoy the humor, and let loose a little!!

(And Happy St. Patrick’s Day)

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May The Force Be With You – – –

Quote: “Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

Sorry – couldn’t resist the Star Wars lead in!  I love the series and can’t wait for the next one to come out.  After seeing installment 7, I’m so ready for the next one.  Guess I’ll have to be a little patient?  Peace and patience – something I strive for every day.

What resonates with me in the quote above is the freedom in your soul!  I LOVE to “sing, dance, praise and love” – I try to do this every day.  Like the words in the Country song, “Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching” – it’s amazing the life this gives to your soul.

So today, I challenge my followers to sing loudly, dance wildly, praise often and love always!  See if your soul doesn’t welcome this and make YOU a force to be reckoned with!

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My Table of 8 (Plus ++++++)

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

I read this a while back, and wanted to share it – but had to save it till after my daily “Life’s Lessons” ran their course.  I’m constantly gathering tidbits, always jotting down thoughts (crazy and otherwise) and receiving helpful notes from friends who know I write this blog!

Thank you!

The title refers to who you would like to keep “close.”  If your table is to be filled with those closest to you, who have helped you and supported you the most, who would they be?  Admittedly, my table of 8 has experienced some major shifts over the years.  They are today, not who I’d thought they would be.

Friends and family will surprise you, disappoint you, support you and drop you.   It’s a rollercoaster ride and some times you get slung off.  As I enter the “last third” of my life, I really want to be more careful who I trust and put my confidence in.  I’m tired of being let down, I’m tired of surprises – I want to wake to every day refreshed and smiling.

As I contemplate those who are special in my life, I hope my table of 8 can be crowded with a few more chairs – we’ll see.  Having just returned from a girls weekend retreat, I am reminded that we all look for that support in different ways.  Some give it freely, some have to be asked for it.  Should you have to ask for it?  Things that seem so obvious to me, are not that focused on by others.

Life is forever a journey of discovery!

Who is sitting at your table of 8 today?

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Lesson #27

“Time heals almost everything.  Give time time.”

“Impatience” is my middle name.  This one speaks LOUDLY to me.

It also doesn’t take a genius to figure this lesson out either.  You cannot rush yourself through divorce recovery.  You cannot rush yourself through any kind of recovery.

Do not rush yourself through life, because you will miss a lot along the way.  Stopping to “smell the roses” is something I intend to do a lot more of both literally and figuratively.

I’m going to give “time” a chance!

 

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Lesson #25

“Forgive everyone everything.”

I’m really glad they waited half way through their list before they hit me with this one.

I used to tell people that the personalities of my spouse and I were so different.  When it came to anger or being mad, he’d explode, get it all out of his system then move on.  I pouted, sulked, took names and kept score.

Forgiveness is something we all want, so why is it so very hard to give?

Flash back to the life lesson telling you not to hold onto your anger because it only hurts you.  Not forgiving someone is also only hurting yourself.  Keeping it all inside and letting it fester is an open wound.  The more important thing to me is not the “how” you get it done, but the “when”.

It’s also an action that happens at your own pace.  My mind told me after my husband’s first affair that the only way to work it out, and stay together, was for me to be able to forgive his infidelity.  My heart said, “Say what?” –  but I worked on it, it was tough, and eventually I got there.

And then he goes and does it again . . . so I worked on it again, harder.

Forgiving him isn’t saying what he did was alright, or that it didn’t matter.  Forgiveness is not giving the person who hurt you an excuse, or a get outta jail card free.  Forgiveness freed me to move on and become a better, happier, healthier person.  Forgiveness is a “work in progress” – but it won’t progress unless you actually try it, embrace it, and give it a chance.

 

 

 

 

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Lesson #19

“Burn the candles; use the nice sheets; wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion.  Today is special.”

Why does this make me think of Erma Bombeck?  (I’m dating myself!)

Why do we save all these things for a special occasion?  I think my excuse is it’s the way I grew up.   My Mom always saved the “good towels” and the “good china” for when we had guests.  It made sense back then.  Now that I’m on my own though?  Not so much.  Gosh dog it, I’m worth it!

Heaven help me, I not only use my “sterling silver” flatware, I occasionally even (gasp) put it in the dishwasher.  Yes, I admit it.  After years of married life and never putting the Revere Ware copper clad pots in the dishwasher because my Mom told me it would cause the black lid knobs to “dull” – I DID IT!!  EGAD!!

This may be one of the easiest of the 45 Life Lessons to accomplish.  We deserve it, so just like the Home Depot ads:  “Let’s do this”!!!

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Lesson #18

“When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.”

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume this means love of an “activity” or a “passion” that you’re pursuing, and not taking “no” for an answer.  Hopefully it’s not human, LOL!

Funny that this comes close on the heels of the life lesson of your second childhood.  Have you ever seen more persistence than that from a child who wants something badly?  They do NOT take no for an answer.  They will present you with every argument they can come up with to wear you down.

When I think of things in my life that I have pursued with that amount of love or level of passion, the primary one I come up with is my passion for all things equestrian.  It started at a very young age, and trust me when I say it was never nurtured by my parents, nor later by my husband.  I kept wishing and hoping and dreaming.

I bought my first horse when I was 47 years old.  Realizing that life long dream can still put a goofy smile on my face today some 16 years later.  I can remember driving out to that barn to “try him out” as if it was yesterday.  I can remember the phone call afterwards to the husband assuring him that even though this was the first one I tried, that this WAS “the one” – seriously.

There have been other “the ones” since, as anyone in the horse world knows, but man – was that day special.  So yes, when it comes to today’s life lesson, I would whole heartedly encourage you to not take no for an answer.  This is your life, you don’t get a “do over”.

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