suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Oct 20

Part Five – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

The last of the attitude posts is one that will be harder to put into words, so bear with me.

Replace a rebellious attitude, with an attitude of submission.

In the book, they refer to six sources of rebellion.  However you choose to think of “rebellion” it could be something as juvenile as a two year old’s temper tantrum, or as significant as the overthrow of a government.  However you see rebellion – it’s certainly nothing close to laying down and always going with the “status quo”.

6 Sources of Rebellion as defined in the book are;

Jealousy

Delusion

Ungratefulness

Stubbornness

Disappointment

Distrust

Yes, I’ve had all those feelings at one time or another although I don’t see myself as being particularly rebellious.

I was the good kid, I did not go out of my way ever, to upset the apple cart.  As a parent, I was the kid you wanted.   I lied to my parents once in High School, about who I was going out with one night, and got caught.  Go figure.  Just wasn’t worth “the look” I got of utter disappointment.

But then life catches up with you as you get older, and things don’t always go your way.   OK, things rarely go completely your way!  That is when I can identify with the six sources of rebellion listed above.

Life’s challenges are going to get you when you least expect them.  Will we give the attitude of submission a try?  Hmmmmm?

The author says:  “Submission, when properly understood and applied, replaces the pain and strife of rebellion and greatly increases human happiness.”

I think the best way for me to understand this submission thing, is to look at it as a way of not upsetting the apple cart.  I’m not saying not to have free will, or submit to overbearing or (heaven forbid) illegal things.  I look at it more like James MacDonald explains:

“Be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit.  In a word, submissive – finding your place of humility and cooperation under the influence of others.”

Wasn’t it Sesame Street who asked us, “Can’t we all just get along?”

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Oct 11

Part Four – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

Replace a doubting attitude, with an attitude of faith!

Faith – sometimes you feel like it leaves you.  You begin to doubt everything that you learned growing up, because most likely few of us have the lives today we thought we were going to.

Am I right?

My Father and I had a special relationship.  He was my hero, I miss him every day.  If he said he was going to do something, and the creek didn’t rise, he did it.  You could count on him and I did.  I never had any doubt in him.

Doubt was something that entered my life in college.  Was I good enough?  Was I smart enough?  Would I get a job?  Could I support myself?  He had always been my rock and my foundation making sure to bolster my self confidence and make me believe in myself.

As an adult, doubt enters your life many times – and suddenly your hero isn’t there for you any more.  Others that you depend on let you down, you fell abandoned.  You lose faith in all you were taught to believe in.

I’ve had the chance over the past ten years to face my doubts, and to re-establish my faith, both in people and in my own spirituality.  Don’t get me wrong, people will still let me down.  The difference is now I have the faith to move past those disappointments.  I have the faith that I am going to be alright!

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Oct 2

Part Three – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

The third “attitude” change from the book:

“Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late”  

by:  James MacDonald

Replace a critical attitude, with an attitude of love.

This is a tough one; we all can be critical of people, places and things when we’re having a really bad day.  It just comes out whether we mean it to or not.

Case in point, never have a witnessed such a “divide” in our country since the last Presidential election.   NO – I’m not going to talk politics here, but I use as an example a severe case of criticism from all sides.  Mudslinging – It’s everywhere, there’s no escaping it.

People are unfriending people because of it.  When does it stop?  Where does it end?

It stops and ends when we begin as a nation, to change our attitudes to ones of more love, kindness and tolerance.

I’ve witnessed this first hand the last month + after Hurricane Harvey devastated my hometown of Houston and many surrounding areas.  Though Harvey made landfall over Rockport, TX, what you saw on the national news was all related to Houston.

A miraculous thing happened.  Neighbor began helping neighbor.  Strangers began helping strangers.  Everyone put aside their “critical attitudes” and showed tremendous amounts of love and compassion.  Critical attitudes were forgotten, and an outpouring of love such as I’ve never/ever seen replaced it.

Will this replace all the hate?  Sadly no, but it’s a start.  Proud of my city and state for coming together and showing a nation how it can be done.  Let’s keep it up!

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Sep 23

Part Two – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

Continuing on from the Book:

“Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late”

OK – tell the truth, have you been thinking of the things you’re grateful/thankful for?  Hope so!

Here’s the second installment!

Replace a Covetous Attitude with an Attitude of Contentment!

Covet, kind of an old fashioned word.  Synonymous with envy?  I googled it and found this:

“Covetous, greedy, acquisitive, grasping, avaricious mean having or showing a strong desire for especially material possessions.  Covetous implies inordinate desire often for another’s possessions.”

Strong words – makes me picture a snarling and drooling wild hound.  You get the drift though.  It’s never being happy with what you have.  It’s a “have not’s” kind of jealousy of the “have’s”.  I admit that I sometimes used to covet the loving relationships that some of my friends have with their husbands or significant others.  Does that make me a bad person?  No, probably just makes me a “real” person.  It also doesn’t get me anywhere toward the goal of being a happy person.

Contentment with what you have is something I think you acquire the older and wiser you get.  You learn that “things” don’t make you happy.  You learn that “people” don’t have the responsibility to make you happy.  YOU make you happy.

Sure, who doesn’t want to get that new pair of shoes you saw in the magazine, but when you have plenty of shoes already – shouldn’t you be content?  Looking around the world today, I’m often reminded of just how content I should be with the freedoms of this country, the friends and family who care for me, the pantry and fridge that are full of nutrition for my body, the resources that allow me to pay my bills and have a roof over my head, the nature that is food for my soul.

It’s not quite as fun as High School graduation was, but I can say that I have graduated.  I can feel the contentment settle over me every day now.  I may not have chosen the status of divorced single woman of a “certain” age approaching the age medicare – but it gave me the opportunity to learn how to be a content woman – and that’s worth all the tea in China!

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Sep 15

A “Five” Parter! Part One – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

I’ve done alot of reading this summer.  At my age, I not only still need to keep my mind active, but it’s also a new tool I’m using to help me “power down” and relax before turning out the lights.  You see, I have a hard time falling asleep.  Have for a long time.  I figure that reading is better for me than Ambien.

Plus, I’m old-fashioned.  Even tho’ I own a Kindle and have about a dozen books downloaded to read, I’m clearing out my paperback stash!  (refer to the earlier “declutter” post!)

The book I’m almost finished with is:

“Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late”

by:  James MacDonald

Safe to say, we all know how our attitude can affect our daily lives and decisions.  It also affects how others perceive us AND treat us.  The author divides it into five parts.  I could see myself, and others, in all of those parts.  So for fun, and for the purpose of sharing, I thought I’d tell you about those five attitude changes you can make to be a happier and healthier person.  It’s never too late – right?

Part One:

Replace a Complaining Attitude with a Thankful Attitude!

I’ve written about this one before, from many different angles.  It is still something so important to think about – and so easy.

What does complaining really get you?  Does it get those things changed that drive you crazy?  Do you really think you’re going to change another person’s thoughts, actions, feelings by complaining?  Uhhhhh, really?  Yeah . . . no!

One of my biggest?

Drivers.   I’m a native Houstonian, I learned to drive in Houston (survival of the craziest!) and I can tell you that there are alot of really really (have I emphasized really?) bad drivers there.  I fuss at them out loud from the inside of my car.

I used to honk at them.  Now people carry guns so instead I just frown (I need BOTOX!) or glare.

They change lanes without looking.  They don’t use their blinkers.  They wait till the LAST minute to get over to the exit, even tho’ they knew five miles back that they needed to exit there.  They crawl along while talking on their cells.  They text.  They don’t follow directions.  They don’t use their mirrors.  They don’t follow signs saying “No Left Turn”.  They pull into the entrance of a store going 5 miles an hour . . . after not using their signal.

What is that getting me?  Nothing, just more anger.  It’s something I am really working on.  It sounds petty and silly but it’s my reality.  So now what to do?

When I feel a complaint coming on, what would happen if I started thinking of the things I’m thankful for?  In this book, it has a page you are to copy and list five things every day you are thankful for.  There have been FB challenges before to friends to list everyday, for a certain number of days, things you are grateful for.  This is the same concept.

So now every morning when I walk the dog, I think in my head – here are the five things I am grateful/thankful for today.  It could be as small as the sweet 11 year old German Shepherd rescue that I am so lucky “rescued” me, or as profound as receiving news that a son is having a baby and I am going to be a grandmother!

You and I – if we put our minds to it – have alot to be grateful/thankful for.  We just need to focus on those things more than the complaints.  So logical, but so glad that I was reminded of this.  Much easier to be a complainer, but much healthier to be full of thankfulness.

Are you up to the challenge???

 

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Sep 5

A Resolution – – – 8 Months Late?

by suddenlysinglewomen

I came across a “saying” the other day that I recognized from my (much) younger years.  It’s something my Father used to always say.  I knew it was french, I knew it must be some kind of a toast because of the times he used it – but I never asked the definition.

It ties with a mid year resolution I started working on in June.

The saying?

“A Votre Sante”

The definition?

“To your health”

The resolution?

To get back in good shape and be healthy in my choices.

(OK – so maybe I’m eating a chocolate chip cookie as I sit here and compose this but hey, I wouldn’t wanna not reward myself for the 12,619 steps I’ve already gotten today and it’s only 3:00!)

My Father was a bit of a health nut, before it was “in”.  He jogged and did calisthenics before people knew what that was.  He was always moving, and very conscious of what he ate.  As a veteran of WW II and Korea, he’d had enough of fake food and anything processed or out of a can.  We had green salads, and fresh veggies with every meal.

An occasional Friday dinner of fish sticks and tater tots was artfully heated on the same cookie sheet – heaven for my brother and I.  And when I babysat my brother?  Pot Pies – (with crust on top AND bottom) delish!

But when I saw this saying the other day, it made me flash back to those healthier days, and my Father and how important his health (and just being alive) meant to him.  Every day is a gift, and we should all want to be healthy in our choices.

So 8 months after most people made their resolutions, I’m working on mine.  I am resolute to become a healthier woman in both my mind, my spirit, my choices and my body.

I think my Father would cheer me on with a toast . . . “a votre sante”!

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Aug 28

Chick Flick

by suddenlysinglewomen

Chick Flicks!  We all have our favorites, most of them end “happily ever after”, or at least “happy”?

They’re the ones that you could never get your husband/date/significant other to go see with you at the theater, so you waited to go with a group of gal pals, or just waited to see it on HBO, or Showtime, or Netflix.

I watched one of these the other night, and it so reminded me of my life, and how a group of women “function” many times.  It has best friends, and three generations of women characters.  It had it’s fun parts, it’s sad parts, it’s silly parts, and it’s poignant moments.  So just thought I would throw it out there in case you’ve never seen it.

“The Women”

It has a great ensemble cast of women such as Meg Ryan, Candice Bergen and Annette Bening. After I watched it, I realized thinking back that there were never any men in the scenes.  Or if there were, I don’t remember them.  They’re always “implied”.  The movie is all about the relationships and interactions of the women.

So next time you don’t have plans and have an evening “in” to fill, add this one to your watch list.  I think you’ll enjoy it!  And hopefully you’ll appreciate all those wonderful women you have in your life, like I do.

 

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Aug 25

Sending Prayers – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

Sending prayers today to my friends and family in Houston/Galveston, and up and down the Texas coastline, as we/they brace for the impact of Hurricane Harvey.

Please be safe out there, stay in if you can and if it turns out that this was blown out of proportion, then hey – we’ll take that!

We may beg for a break in the heat, but pretty sure we didn’t want it this way.  : -)

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Aug 8

More Chicken Soup . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

Here’s another share of a portion of the book I mentioned in the previous blog post:

“Chicken Soup for the Soul – Divorce and Recovery”, although as I pointed out, these excerpts that I share here can relate to many different circumstances that we all face.  It’s all about being the very best version of ourselves that we can be.  They use the word “thrive” – and I like that concept alot.  So here goes another, . . .

Chapter 79, pages 263-266 as shared by:  Deborah Batt.

“Years of caring for others had caused me to ignore my own needs.  Oddly enough, I came to the realization that I did in fact have needs.  I needed to feel warmth and love.  I needed to feel accepted and that I somehow belonged.  I needed to feel respected and honored.  I needed to feel happy and content.  But, most of all I needed to feel that the one person in the whole world who should love me the most would love me the most, regardless of the mistakes that I’ve made.  Someone who could accept my faults and praise my strengths and make me feel everyday that I was the best that I could be.”

Now doesn’t that apply to almost any situation?  Not just divorce, but the need to feel valued by those around us?

I hope for you that you have those people in your life that make you feel valuable, and loved for who your are.  The others just aren’t worth your time . . .

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Jul 31

Chicken Soup – Good For What Ails You?

by suddenlysinglewomen

The next few posts will be from a book I just recently found during my “purge” phase of cleaning out.

Yes, I’m one of those old school types that still likes to read an actual book printed on paper.  I do have a Kindle, and I have good intentions of using it!  Still, I thought it would be wise to read all the hardback/paperbacks that I’ve accumulated and then be able to donate those or add to the neighborhood “free library”!

So the latest book I unearthed is “Chicken Soup for the Soul – Divorce and Recovery”.  Even though my divorce was almost ten years ago, the word “recovery” in the title encouraged me to take a quick look at it.  I feel that I am recovered, worked hard to get there/here.  It says on the cover that it has “101 Stories About Surviving and Thriving after Divorce”.

Well . . . who doesn’t want to thrive, right?

I have friends who will not read my book, or follow my blog because they think it’s only about divorce, and that it’s only negative.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  Funny, if I had a friend who had written a book, or toiled away with a blog to try to help others, I’d buy it, or follow it, just to be supportive.  After all, if you don’t agree with the blog, or don’t want to always read it, just delete it from the inbox, . . . simple.  The support is the important thing.  But I digress, . . .

So I would like to share some of the things in the book that I really liked, and they can apply to many situations – not just divorce.

The authors/compilers are Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Patty Hansen.

From Chapter 50, pages 165-166 T’Mara Goodsell says:

“At a time in my life when I feel stranded and alone, some friends make a point of “checking in” to see how I’m doing, and some make sure the children and I always have plans for the holidays.  

There are the friends who know how to be there, and the friends who know how to listen.  There are those who offer perspective and ones who know how to be silly.  There are the ones who – bless their hearts! – are willing to rearrange their schedules in order to make precious time for me, all because they know just how valuable a real friend is.  

Most amazing of all are the friends who teach me (usually by example, like the gentlest and wisest of teachers) how to forgive.  

Every single one of them teaches me that even in the darkest of days, I can always make out the shapes of happiness if I strain enough to see.  They teach me that not every relationship lasts a lifetime – but that we will always have a lifetime of relationships.  

If anyone were to ask me what helps most in a divorce, I would tell them: friends.  Good friends.  They teach me that when I ask for a miracle to help me through the rough spots, I get friends who help me through the rough spots instead.  And that makes them the miracle I needed all along.”

Am I being that kind of friend?  I hope so, I surely do.

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