suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Keeping Ourselves Healthy AND Happy – – –

Many times I get forwarded things from friends that just strike a chord and resonate with me.  Whether or not the below is an actual fact and was presented in a University class is irrelevant to me.  What matters most is the message, and nothing could be more true than the importance of GF’s!!  So enjoy and take time to think of all the wonderful women who have made a difference in your life.  Wishing you all great happiness and health today!
Female Relationships

They Teach It at Stanford


In an evening class at Stanford the last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences.

Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely.

Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.


There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged, not true.

In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!
We are indeed very, very lucky. Sooooo, let’s toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it’s very good for our health.

Forward this to all your girlfriends and stay in touch!

Thanks to all the girls/ ladies in my life who have helped me stay healthy, happy, and feeling very loved.
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Let’s Try This Again – – –

It said I could cross post if I copied so I did but have heard that it did not come thru.  This time I copied the “URL” (I think that’s what it’s called??) so hopefully the “Ten Quotes” will come up from the link below!!  So sorry – I’m a WIP – (work in progress)!!

 

 

http://houston.culturemap.com/newsdetail/10-28-12-06-26-on-the-road-to-success-positive-change-10-best-quotes-from-the-texas-conference-for-women/

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Women Helping Women – – –

Sharing here a wonderful article I read this morning, sharing quotes from a conference for women.  Some of the quotes are strong, some are humorous, but all ring true at various times in our lives.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did, even if only a couple ring true for you!!  Have  a great week all!!

P.S.  Up to 40 blog followers – thanks to all of you who have “passed me along” to others!!

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The Optimist Creed – – –

I belong to a wonderful “DRG” – that’s “Divorce Recovery Group”!  I’ve recommended before to find people who have been through what you’ve been through, women that “get it”, to help you in your healing journey.  You never know what to expect from this group, some weeks we laugh, some we cry, but we all leave feeling better for having shared.   It was at one of our weekly get togethers that I received this handout.  It’s the Creed of Optimist International.  It’s a Promise that I have made myself, and I hope that you will too.  Here goes:

Promise Yourself

  • To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
  • To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
  • To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
  • To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
  • To think only of the best.
  • To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
  • To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
  • To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
  • To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others
  • To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

It’s a lot to tackle all at once, so maybe try a new one every week?  Maybe you just focus on one?  Maybe you make your own promise to yourself?  Regardless, we can all try to be more optimistic in our lives.  We might even surprise ourselves!

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Dealing With the UnExpected – – –

There are a lot of things I expect in my life.  I expect to wake up every morning.  I expect to walk the dogs since they’ve let me sleep through the night.  I expect that there are bills to be paid, errands to be run, calls and emails to return – you get the picture.  I’m one of those people who does what’s “expected” of me.  I was brought up that way.  I can handle what is expected.

However, how you deal with the “un”expected really shows the world what you are made of.  What do you do when something “un”expected is thrown your direction?  Do you panic?  Do you scream?  Do you deal with it?  Do you have your very own little motivational angel that sits on your shoulder whispering in your ear that you “can do it”?

Life is full of those unexpected challenges sent your way just to test your mettle.  Like it or not, dealing with the unexpected should be an expected part of your life.  Sometimes the unexpected ends up being a good thing, like looking down and finding a quarter laying on the ground in the parking lot, or finding a crumpled five dollar bill in your coat pocket from last winter, or receiving a voice mail from a friend you haven’t seen in years – I could go on.

The unexpected isn’t always a bad thing.  It can be good, and how we rise to the occasion can define us as a person.  Yes, it can also create chaos and knock us off our feet when we don’t see it coming.  I recently read an article in a paper, The Vail Daily, written by a life coach and motivational speaker, Michael Norton.  This is what he said:

   “So go ahead and expect the unexpected, be prepared or unprepared, life is going to come at us whether we want it to or not.  And what will matter and define us is how we choose at that moment to respond to the unexpected happenings in our life, good of bad.”

Being a divorced woman was unexpected.  The possibility of spending the rest of my life as a single woman is beginning to be expected.  Expected or unexpected, I’ve decided to “go with the flow”, “roll with the punches” and “what will be will be”.  As my father used to say, “C’est la vie” – that’s life.

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“You Can Be Right, Or You Can Be Married” – – –

Saw this on a Yahoo blog and thought it a good thing to share with the followers!  Follow this link!

Or:  http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/8216-married-8217-lessons-marriage-learned-divorce-201700898.html

(Assuming I did the link correctly)  I thought this article had a lot of very valid points, and things to ponder.

One of the things that was “wrong” in my marriage was me remaining true to myself, being myself, and acting like myself.  When we first started dating, I was drawn to my spouse because he was the life of the party.  He was outgoing and gregarious and always up for a good time.  My prior BF had not been.  When my friends saw me with the new “guy”, they teased me about coming out of my shell, of no longer being a wallflower!

What they didn’t know was that in reality I had never been that wallflower, I had only acted like one to make the BF more comfortable.  I am, as those of you who know me well, an extrovert.  This new guy also seemed to be an extrovert and I thought we would have the times of our young lives together.  Enter reality.

After we married and settled into our careers and started to make life choices, imagine my surprise to find that his “outgoing-ness” had just been an act to survive college and the fraternity life.  He was happier working alone in an office all day, then coming home and retreating to his desk and work binders.  He didn’t want to go out, he didn’t want to have people over.  We didn’t take vacations and our social life revolved around his work requirements.

It’s so easy now to look back and realize that we were never that well suited, but at age 22 and 23 what did we know?  I was expecting him to be something that he was not comfortable, or able to be.  Then again, not to be too hard on myself, he was not the person that he presented to me either.

I will always believe that you should remain true to yourself, it’s just too big a burden to try to be something you are not to fulfill someone else’s expectations.  If it means separating, or divorcing, or staying single then so be it.  There is nothing wrong with the person that I am, and the same goes for you!  Love yourself, be true to yourself, and then just maybe the RIGHT guy might happen along who will love you “just the way you are”!

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You’re Not Alone – –

One of the things that has been most comforting to me in this “post” marriage journey has been talking with so many women who have been through similar devastating break-ups.  You’re not alone . . .  It doesn’t even have to be a “marriage” per se, it could be the end of a very serious long term relationship – just as painful without the “piece of paper”.

When we share our stories one thing always jumps out at me.  That is, how many of us think there was something wrong with us to make this happen.  We ask ourselves what did we do wrong?  Why are we so broken that we couldn’t make it work?   One such recent conversation brought my attention to another blog site called Baggagereclaim.com (love you BR!!).  One of the first postings that jumped out at me I have copied the link to below.

We’re NOT broken, just because the relationship/marriage breaks down.  I hope you will check out this particular posting and start to feel better about yourself as a woman who can survive the break up without being broken.

10 Thoughts For The Weekend On… Breakups. Remember – It’s Broken, You’re Not

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When Your “Friend” Foundation Shifts – – –

During the divorce process, heck – even way before when things were so tense in my marriage due to the adulteries and the lies and deceptions, there were friends I knew would always be there for me.  They were the “real deal”.  They were my “Friend Foundation” – my rocks.  So when the divorce was done, and I was trying to put the pieces of my life back together, it was to those friends that I turned.  Natural, right?

Not so fast.  Several weeks ago I received an email from one of those “real deal” friends who DID stick around.  She had seen this on a blog site and thought it sounded like my personal circumstance.   I’ve copied it below.  Read it and see if it strikes a chord in you like it did in me:

     It was only weeks into my divorce when an IM popped up from a friend on my computer screen. I’d finally written        as openly as I could on my blog about what was happening—why I’d moved into my parents’house with my child, removed my husband’s name from Facebook, why I was no longer wearing a wedding ring. My friend’s words popped up on my screen.

“I’m not sure what happened,” she wrote. “But I want you to know I am on your ninja squad.”

Ninja squad? I hadn’t even realized I needed that. But I needed that. What I found was my circle of support was shifting quickly. People I believed were my rocks were questioning me, slipping away. Others surprised me by stepping in closer. Seeing the circle around me as ninjas—stealthy, smart, skilled, in sync—helped me to decide who I wanted to be at the ready when I was sparring or when I was silent.

I love the way she puts it, her Ninja Squad!  I thought I had a large Ninja Squad.  Turns out I didn’t.  For whatever reason, there are going to be many people who disappoint you when you go through a divorce.  Friends and family members who you thought would always be your “go to” people, will drift away and will no longer be a part of your inner circle.  You become inconvenient and their easiest way to handle it is just walk away.

I now have a small Ninja Squad, CS who sent this to me is one of them.  They’ve surrounded me in my times of need and enveloped me with unconditional love and hugs.  Be prepared for the loss of those you thought were real friends, but get ready to revel in the knowledge that there are some “real deal” friends out there and they will surprise you!   Embrace them, tell them thank you and when you get the chance someday, return the favor – because now you know what it means to have a foundation friend!

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Can you grow after divorce?

Seeing divorce as an opportunity for growth?  Surely that must come on the “post” side of divorce because living through divorce is always about the opposite.  It’s like a destruction derby.  The life as you knew it is destroyed.  There is no growth there – if anything the whole thing makes you want to shrivel up inside like a wilting plant that’s had no water, no rays of sun, no fertilizer, no care.

The divorce process for me was long and drawn out and extremely painful both emotionally and physically.  You come out the other side and growth is the last thing on your mind.  You’ve been run over by a freight train and you’re trying to pick up the pieces.  How can you grow?  There were so many steps backwards that involved great frustration and self-doubt.

There is no easy answer for you, wish there was.  Every day is an opportunity for growth so perhaps taking baby steps is the way to achieve it.  Set some achievable goals that can be measured.  I’m not talking about the kind of things you think about for New Year’s Resolutions, but actual tangible, measurable goals that can be achieved.  Be honest with yourself.  Let’s try a little exercise – and this can be for post divorce recovery or any kind of growth you want to achieve.

Pick five areas in your life that you’d like to grow in, or change, or focus on to become happier.  These need to be tangible goals that you can measure.  Write them down, then put them in a safe place (that you’ll remember) or give them to a friend or family member to give to you in 12 months, one year!  You might be surprised.

I did this once as an exercise for an organization that was promoting leadership skills.  They kept them for us and mailed them to us after that 12 month period.  I admit I had forgotten.  When I received the envelope, I knew immediately what it was (after all, I recognized my own handwriting on the self-addressed envelope!).  There is this moment of doubt of thinking, “Did I do it?”  What a pleasant surprise to open it up and go over the five goals I had laid out for myself.  I had achieved them.  I had made a plan, challenged myself and achieved my growth.

Yes, you and I can both grow after our divorce, but only if we start somewhere.  Are you ready to start growing?

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Taking A Break From Being Everything to Everybody – –

A dear friend, one of my first friends to “follow” my blog, sent me this the other day.  (Thanks CS!)  While it doesn’t speak to divorce “specifically”, I think it definitely covers ground that we all face after we divorce.  When you want to try to be everything to everybody, you wear out.  As a wife and a mother and a friend, I wanted to be there for everyone.  It was exhausting.  Now that I don’t necessarily have the time nor financial resources, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still want to give, give, give or feel guilty when I can’t.  This article below gives us permission to take a break.  Maybe it’s time to give yourself some of that compassion you used to give to everyone else.  Take care of you!
“You are a good person. It’s a long race. You are suffering from compassion fatigue.
Of course you care about people, but has there been a time in history when people have been put under more pressure to be charitable? You go to the store to pick up a quart of milk and pass a homeless man with a sign asking for your help, then you have to pass by someone selling brownies for some charity outside the grocery store, and when you pay for your milk you are asked if you want to make a donation to MS. It’s a veritable attack of the charities.

Not giving today does not mean you want the homeless man to starve, the Girl Scouts to miss their jamboree, or people to suffer from MS. It just means it is someone else’s turn to give today.

You have compassion fatigue because you have been compassionate. Compassion is not measured by how much you gave, or whether you were able to, or whether you fixed their problem, but that you wanted to. That compassion, even devoid of action, is precious and must be preserved. It makes us great.

So recover. Treat yourself to a margarita, a spa day, a drive by the ocean, a ride in the mountains, a day with family, or maybe some time in your church. Recharge because you are an important part of this world, and because you deserve it.

What we must not do, however, is defend ourselves with fiction that the problems are not real, that people are not suffering, or that they somehow deserve it. Suffering happens, it is not good, and we should not feel OK seeing it.

Being human means we have compassion; but being human also means we have limits. So when you feel the fatigue, let yourself off the hook. I am here to tell you it is OK, and there is no need to rationalize not giving. Tell yourself not today, I am taking the day (or week) off. It’s margarita Saturday, etc.

And when you are recharged, watch out world, your love for your fellow man can make a difference that would shame the rest of us. You are, after all, kind of amazing.” —

Eric Pederson

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