Becoming the best version of yourself

It takes a Village –

on April 20, 2012

You know, I have to admit that when I heard that years ago from Hillary Clinton in reference to raising her daughter I was skeptical.  I probably didn’t really understand it the way she meant it.  I felt like I had raised my children, no baby nurses, no nannies, pretty much just me until I figured out the glory of a “Mother’s Day Out” when the first son hit three!!  Even then that was for about four hours and I spent it running errands and getting household things done, certainly nothing personal or just for myself.  I didn’t realize I needed a village.

Fast forward to my life now and I think I’m finally coming around.  You cannot live in a cocoon, and coming out of a divorce puts you in a place of needing to reach out and find yourself a village!  I heard a great line in my Divorce Recovery Series that I’ve been attending and I wanted to share it with you.  It’s not my line, I didn’t originate it but I am going to share it.   Healing Happens in Community

We’ve all experienced the loneliness that comes after leaving a marriage, a partnership, a relationship where you are a couple.  You are now alone.  You are on your own.  There is only one person squeezing that tube of toothpaste now.  You are now making your way in the world without a mate to help you through it and it stinks.  Forget thoughts of dating for a while.  I gave myself a full year before I even considered whether I wanted to let another man into my life.  However life does not happen in a vacuum.  You need people.  You cannot and should not do this alone.

You need a community, you need a village.  It’s OK being a single, but do not live singly.  If you still have children at home then you have a family community but what I’m talking about here is other adult friendships.  We are social beings and we need connections to others.  You can find these in the work place.  You can find these in social clubs, volunteer opportunities, your local church or synagogue.  You have to look but your new community is out there.  Reach out and let people know that you are available to have lunch, dinner, happy hour, go to a movie, go to the dog park.  You need to connect to others.  Join a singles group (don’t expect too much, lol!) but open up your heart to let others into your world. Find a group to be a part of because you are a valuable person and still have so much to give, and life to live.

If you have a community to share, let us hear from you.  Thank you for being part of my community!


2 responses to “It takes a Village –

  1. I’m only about 6 months into this nightmare but I am so so so thankful for my friends. Something good that will come out of this is I will strive to be a better friend myself as I now truely understand their power.

    I also have been doing a few things from; A divorce support group, a few photography clubs. They are letting me connect with like-minded folks and takes a little of the pressure off of my good friends 🙂

  2. Jinx Chiles says:

    Community is one of the most important things in everyone’s life. We all need community, support and others to love, in times of happiness and in grief. I sometimes feel that “single women” are not considered lonely, or grieving ….(there is so much out there!!)–lo!.
    I realized this week, in dealing w/ others. Opinions are driving this world crazy!!!
    What is more important in your life……..opinions…. or RELATIONSHIPS?????????? Jinx
    ……to my daughter……..

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