suddenlysinglewomen

Surviving the unwanted divorce

Life by remote control –

on April 2, 2012

One of the things I’ve come to enjoy “post” divorce is my control over the remote control.  Don’t know about you, but what was playing, where it was playing and why it was playing on the TV was never in my control.  Why is that??  I have an opinion, it just was never asked for.  I had no control over the control.

Now it’s all mine.   Only problem with that now is that I have to remember to have a pair of glasses close by so that I can see the buttons.  He could do it by memory, I have to hunt and peck and make sure I hit the button I’m really wanting to hit.  Heaven help me being able to figure out how to undo what I’ve done if I hit the wrong button.  There is no ooops button on there.  But as I sat contemplating these buttons I realized how much my life has become like my remote control, yet not in a way I feel like I am able to control.  Clear as mud?

There’s the “on” button and the “off” button.  Hopefully you want your life to be “on” because the alternative just doesn’t work so let’s agree that we all want to be “on”.  How about the “mute”?  There are times that I want to put all those people around me who think they know how I should live my life on “mute” – enough already.  Did I ask for your advice?  If I did, then fine, bring it on but please quit acting like you know what’s best for me all the time.  Some times you just don’t know all that’s going on, I have all the info, you don’t so please save your advice until I really ask for it!

“Fast forward” – yep, I’d really like to hit that button some days.  I’m one of those people who likes to know what’s ahead of me, that way I can plan for it.  If I’m going to have a bad day, I want to prepare for it, soften the blow, gird the loins.  I know I can’t change it, but I want to be ready.  How about the “back up, reverse” button?  Absolutely.  There are so many “do overs” out there that I’d like a chance to fix.  Things I would do differently.  I would have enjoyed more of those little league games and carpool lines because that would mean my boys would still be here at home with me to enjoy.

I wouldn’t have believed my “ex” that he would “never cheat again” and I would not have held all that pain inside, not sharing it with anyone, especially my family.  I wouldn’t have stayed through the second affair and into the third, I would have had more respect for myself and started my new life earlier.  Yep – the reverse button could have saved some of the pain.  Then there’s the “menu” button, I’d like to be able to have a menu of selections so that I had some choices during the marriage, then later during the divorce process and the life after.  Choices are good, choices make you think, choices are realizing you have/had options.

How about the “guide” button?  For sure, wouldn’t we all like to have a guide?  A guide to happiness, a guide to good health, a guide to being a good spouse, a good parent, a good friend?  It would be nice to have a guide to living a fulfilled life, to making a difference and doing the right thing when decisions need to be made.  Along with the guide button would also be the “info” button because we can make really good decisions about our life when we have all the info.  If I had the info then that I had now, would I even have married that person?

Divorce is all about the “exit” button, you have exited a marriage.  You have exited a way of life, you have exited what you thought was stable and enduring and happily ever after.  My spouse took the exit because he just had no interest in trying to make 30 years stand for anything.  Door closed.  Last but not least is the “select” button.  Today this is the most important button for me because I get to select everything.  I get to select how to live my life, where to live my life and with whom – if anyone ever – to live my life.  I select how to act, how to dress, what to eat, where to go, who to spend time with and the best????  I get to select my favorite channel on my remote control, but only if I want the TV on.  Select to be the best you can be every day and don’t forget to keep spare batteries on hand!!

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