suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Feb 8

Lesson #29

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch.”

In other words, keep your priorities straight!

Don’t keep in touch?  Really?  These days with the reach of social media and the internet, how can you come up with any legit reason to not keep in touch with friends and family.

Cell phones, no long distance charges, texting, Facebook and email – these are many of the ways you can keep a relationship from fading away into nothingness.   “He/She was a great employee” should not be how your tombstone reads.

I would much prefer to be remembered for the type of friend I was.  I would much prefer to be remembered as a good mother who raised/reared two great sons.  I would much rather be remembered as a fun grandmother, a passionate volunteer, a caring human being – one who stayed in touch.

 

 

 

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Feb 5

Lesson #26

by suddenlysinglewomen

“What other people think of you is none of your business.”

Today would’ve been my Father’s 105th birthday.  Of course, I lost him long ago, in March of 1998 but his wisdom has stayed with me forever.  I sometimes wonder what he’s thinking of my life’s journey as he looks down at me from up above.  Does he have a good opinion of how I’m doing?

He’s visiting his elders in their heavenly nursing homes, singing in the church choir, mowing and “edging” the grass every Saturday, playing devil’s advocate in every conversation, rooting for his beloved Texas Aggies and looking for a foot massage (except we called them “rubs” back in the day!).

He would’ve given me the above advice.  He was his own man.  He was a man’s man.  My Dad served in the Army through WWII and Korea.  He was a leader of men, and gave no quarter.  Mostly he minded his own business, and rarely minded anyone else’s.  He lived his life and allowed others to live theirs.

Opinions of his actions were seldom, if ever, sought.  To say he was self-assured is an understatement, but then again, he grew up in a much different time.  There was not much of a male role model in his life, so my Granny sent him to “military academy” – back when it wasn’t a place of just troubled young men.  She wanted him to have strong structure and guidance, and he got it.  Served him well in his Army career, and later in his engineering career.

When we live our lives worried about what others think of us, we’re not being very good or fair  to ourselves.  If all we do is seek their approval and their opinion of our actions and our lives, we’re not really living for ourselves – we’re living for them.

It really isn’t my business to know the opinions others hold of me; I’m pretty sure I might be surprised.  They don’t know my reality, they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes.  As long as I continue to live my daily life in a physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy way, then really only my opinion should be my business.

Live your life so you have an excellent opinion of yourself!  I think you’ll turn out A-OK!

 

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Feb 2

Lesson #23

by suddenlysinglewomen

We’ve crossed the half way mark on our Life’s Lessons adventure.  I don’t know about how you’re feeling, but I’ve loved having “food for thought” everyday.  If you’re reading this, thanks for going on this journey with me!

“No one is in charge of your happiness except you.”

Let’s say that again:

“NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU.”

‘Nuff said!

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Jan 31

Lesson # 21

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.”

Oops!  I already wear purple . . . and orange . . . and bright yellow . . .  and my power color: red!!

I’ve always been about color, it just makes me happy.  Luckily my career choices have always been those that encourage self expression – within guidelines.

My ex, on the other hand, chose a career path that of being a CPA.  Straight out of college he went to work for one of the Big 8.  Over the years that has whittled down through mergers and government interference to just 4 now. The point being, if you were in an accounting firm (and probably the same for most large law firms) there was a dress code.  You wore navy blue and dark grey suits.  Your dress shirts were white, occasionally on a special occasion you could wear white instead.  (small joke)

You could have some color with a tie (or a small neck bow if you were female) but even that was pretty limited to blues and dark reds.  There was no personal creative expression allowed – you blended in.

I remember once we were headed out to a social gathering, being picked up at our house by another couple from the “firm”.  The ex was already ready and pacing in the living room.  I came out of the bedroom ready (with plenty of time still) dressed in what I thought was a cute ensemble appropriate for the occasion – a sporting event.  He took one look at me and said, “You’re not wearing that are you?”

Don’t you just love those questions?  I mean really, if you weren’t “really” wearing that, then why in the world would you have put it on??  Seriously??  But I knew the reason behind the shot across the bough, it was TOO much, TOO colorful, TOO attention getting, TOO me.  After all, my roll in life was to blend in, and let all attention be focused on him.

Even now, I’m far from being what I would consider eccentric.  I do however, dress for myself.  If I want to be daring and wear a bright color, I do.  I dress age appropriately, I don’t leave the house in anything that would embarrass my children or my parents – but I do allow myself to be “me”.  And I do enjoy wearing purple!

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Jan 30

Lesson #20

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Overprepare, then go with the flow.”

I definitely over prepare, I try to think of every contingency just to be on the safe side.  Sometimes, life still throws a monkey wrench into the works and best laid plans bust apart.  That said, I am, always have been, and probably always will be a planner and a preparer!

How nice it would be to “go with the flow”, certainly much less stressful.  I suppose what this lesson is telling us is that if we are overly prepared, then we’ll be able to sit back, assess and “go with the flow?”

I’m reminded of a conversation years ago with a woman lauding her son for wanting to be his own person and go against the flow.  Sometimes though, she warned him:  “It’s OK if you’re marching to the beat of a different drummer, unless you turn around and EVERYONE is going the other direction.”

Sometimes it works to be a salmon fighting your way upstream.  But wouldn’t it be nice if all our lives’ preparedness allowed us to be a leaf resting on the top of a gently flowing river flowing downstream?

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Jan 28

Lesson #18

by suddenlysinglewomen

“When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.”

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume this means love of an “activity” or a “passion” that you’re pursuing, and not taking “no” for an answer.  Hopefully it’s not human, LOL!

Funny that this comes close on the heels of the life lesson of your second childhood.  Have you ever seen more persistence than that from a child who wants something badly?  They do NOT take no for an answer.  They will present you with every argument they can come up with to wear you down.

When I think of things in my life that I have pursued with that amount of love or level of passion, the primary one I come up with is my passion for all things equestrian.  It started at a very young age, and trust me when I say it was never nurtured by my parents, nor later by my husband.  I kept wishing and hoping and dreaming.

I bought my first horse when I was 47 years old.  Realizing that life long dream can still put a goofy smile on my face today some 16 years later.  I can remember driving out to that barn to “try him out” as if it was yesterday.  I can remember the phone call afterwards to the husband assuring him that even though this was the first one I tried, that this WAS “the one” – seriously.

There have been other “the ones” since, as anyone in the horse world knows, but man – was that day special.  So yes, when it comes to today’s life lesson, I would whole heartedly encourage you to not take no for an answer.  This is your life, you don’t get a “do over”.

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Jan 22

Lesson #12

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Don’t compare your life to other’s.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.”

This one is tough for me, because the interpretation can be so many different things.

You don’t compare your life to other’s meaning if you think your’s is so much worse, you have no idea what they’re really going through?

You don’t compare your life to other’s meaning if you think your’s is so much better, you might have misjudged just how happy they really are?

You don’t compare your life to other’s meaning that no two life’s experiences and journeys are alike?

I feel like it’s mostly the first one, but could be any of them.

I once had a friend say in a group that “If you sit around a circle and everyone throws their problems in the middle, after looking at what everyone else is going through, you will more than likely pick yours right back up.”

I will be truthful and admit that at certain times I have been “envious” of others and wished my life to be more like theirs.  However, when we delve behind the scenes, their perfect lives are rarely what we think they are.

My 2016 quest has begun by acknowledging that I am content with who I am, proud of my accomplishments and challenged to learn even more about who I am and what I can be “when I grow up”!   My journey is mine alone, I’m learning what it is all about, and I’m so glad you’re along with me.

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Jan 15

Lesson #5

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Pay off your credit cards every month.”

Well . . . . isn’t this timely just after the holidays?

This one is a hard one, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.  Large expenditures can occur and if you haven’t set extra (if you even have extra) $$ aside, it’s a lifeline to have an extended payment option.

For the most part though, I try not to put something on a credit card that I’m not going to be able to pay off.  Many times I pay cash or use my debit card so that I have no surprises at the end of the month.  Although really, saying the “end of the month” isn’t really accurate anymore since a lot of credit cards bill out on closing dates of their choosing.

You get the drift though, letting debt pile up is not good.  Hopefully you have a good financial person for advice, and are able to formulate a budget to keep you “within your means”.  My ex never lived within our “means” – he cared far too much about what the outside world thought of him and he desired a wealthy lifestyle.

My parents never over-extended and paid things off immediately.  The only loan was on their home, which they also paid off over 15 years.  Within my marriage, I was always uncomfortable about the amount of debt he carried.  After the divorce, I tried to budget and put $$ aside for the large expenses such as insurance, autos, healthcare, repairs, etc.  Sometimes I put aside enough, sometimes I had to fudge.

When you figure out how much you really pay “over time”, do you really want to make the credit card companies wealthier than they already are?  With the instability of the world markets and our own down stock market right now, this life lesson is even more timely.

Debt free is worry free!

 

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May 18

Where’s The “Pause” Button?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Sometimes in my life I wish, like on the TV remote, there was a “pause” button.  When things are moving too fast or not going the way you want, or have planned, wouldn’t it be nice to just hit PAUSE?

I guess that would be too easy?

I don’t like change; I get very settled in and comfortable.  There is a certain ease that comes along with being predictable, of knowing the future and all that it entails.  I’m a planner and when those plans go awry it’s disconcerting – to say the least.

It can be something as small as having movie plans for days with four friends for a Friday night, and that day two people cancel.  It can be something as large as reviewing your longterm financial plans with your money manager only to be told that something you love and are passionate about, you are going to have to give up.

You live a good life, you are a friend to others, you follow the rules, you help out any time there is a need.  You honor your faith, your family and your friends yet still disappointing things happen.  It becomes obvious that you do not get to ask “why?” because there is no clear cut answer.  Sometimes things just don’t go your way, sometimes people and their actions are going to disappoint you, sometimes LIFE is going to disappoint you.

You want to hit the “pause” button and catch your breath and figure things out.  No such luck.  There is no “pause” button in life, you just muddle through the best you can.

I’m reminded of the classic line in the Cher movie, “Moonstruck” when she slaps the guy and says, “Snap out of it!”   I need to learn how to snap out of it because there is no pause button and life is going to keep moving on regardless of my wishes, dreams and desires.

If you ever need to figure out how to deal with your life, just listen to a C&W song!

“Brick by brick, you let it go, as you walk away from everything you know.”

This is going to be a very hard week for me as I walk away from something I love because I can no longer “afford” it.  I wish there was a “pause” button so I wouldn’t have to give it up but alas – not to be.  If you’ve ever had to do the same thing, I feel your pain and I know you feel mine.  I’m just going to have to snap out of it I suppose . . .

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Mar 2

Walking – It’s For Free!

by suddenlysinglewomen

I’m involved with two animal rescue groups here in my hometown.   One happens to be a “breed specific” rescue group, where I have adopted and fostered since 2007 – TYOTD.  (The Year Of The Divorce)  The other is an amazing “No Kill” Shelter where all breeds of dogs, cats, ferrets, bunnies – you name it, are welcomed.  The work is heart warming.  But . . . back to the dogs . . .

Dogs are my pet of choice, they keep me company in the house and provide for me the “opportunity” to get out of that same house on a daily “times three” basis!  Meaning??  I enjoy walking my dogs.  They love it, I love it, and it helps me hit my 10,000 steps a day so my FitBit loves it!

Recently I read an article encouraging you to “Fake Joy”.  I’m thinking . . . say what??  But hear me out, because it resonated with my own daily walking experience.  Gretchen Rubin is the best-selling author of The Happiness Project.  She suggested you could “fake joy”.  Seriously?

Here’s what she says:

“We think that we act because of how we feel.  But we also feel because of how we act.  So use this knowledge to change your mood.  Jump up and down; getting both feet off the ground makes you feel childlike and energetic.  Or go for a walk.  Just this morning I got an unnerving e-mail from someone and felt lousy about it.  So I headed out for a walk in Central Park with a friend.  So many things that tend to make a person happy are wrapped up in one little thing – a walk.  It really works!  When I got home, I wasn’t irritated anymore.  I realized, yeah, I got my perspective back.”

I love to walk, and whether or not it’s alone, with the dogs, with friends, around the park or in the neighborhood – it’s exhilarating.  It’s healthy, it’s good for your heart, your brain, your attitude.  I didn’t realize until after reading this article that the author is right – I always feel better when I’ve come in from a walk.

It’s a small step (pun intended) but maybe the beginning to making you feel better about your life?  The best part?  It’s FREE!  So as I wrap this up, and the dogs are sitting at my feet looking at me and thinking – LADY, ditch the bathrobe and let’s get going – it’s time for me to take a walk because I know that it’s going to make me feel better.  Let’s go!

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