suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Aug 17

Chicken Soup – Third Share

by suddenlysinglewomen

This will be the last share, there are so many, but I also have so many others things to offer here that I’m going to move on after this one.

Chapter 100, pages 338-340 by Tena Beth Thompson:

“When I was newly divorced, I found life scary and intimidating.  At first, I felt I was being punished, but in reality I was given the opportunity to find myself and create a new life.  I had no idea where it would take me, but I was ready to take the leap.  Although I was frightened to travel in a new direction, it was also exciting to ponder my options.  I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want:  the old me.  I was not the same person I had misplaced all those years ago.  Prior to this time, my epitaph could have read, “She died without ever having lived.”  Thankfully, that would no longer be the case. I was now strong and embraced the courage I never knew I had.”

This can be your view no matter what has occurred to alter your “life as you knew it”.

I went from being a daughter, to a wife, to a mother.  I was never just me.  There were times I was made to feel like being “me” wasn’t good enough, or a part of “the plan” – even though I had very little input into that same plan.

Now I make the plan.  Now I can be “me”.  I have been given the gift of a new beginning and as it said on the cover of this book – I will “thrive”.  It’s not without it’s challenges, and scary times, but I’m going to be happier and stronger than ever before!

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Aug 8

More Chicken Soup . . .

by suddenlysinglewomen

Here’s another share of a portion of the book I mentioned in the previous blog post:

“Chicken Soup for the Soul – Divorce and Recovery”, although as I pointed out, these excerpts that I share here can relate to many different circumstances that we all face.  It’s all about being the very best version of ourselves that we can be.  They use the word “thrive” – and I like that concept alot.  So here goes another, . . .

Chapter 79, pages 263-266 as shared by:  Deborah Batt.

“Years of caring for others had caused me to ignore my own needs.  Oddly enough, I came to the realization that I did in fact have needs.  I needed to feel warmth and love.  I needed to feel accepted and that I somehow belonged.  I needed to feel respected and honored.  I needed to feel happy and content.  But, most of all I needed to feel that the one person in the whole world who should love me the most would love me the most, regardless of the mistakes that I’ve made.  Someone who could accept my faults and praise my strengths and make me feel everyday that I was the best that I could be.”

Now doesn’t that apply to almost any situation?  Not just divorce, but the need to feel valued by those around us?

I hope for you that you have those people in your life that make you feel valuable, and loved for who your are.  The others just aren’t worth your time . . .

Being The Best Version Of Yourself Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Girlfriends Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Jul 31

Chicken Soup – Good For What Ails You?

by suddenlysinglewomen

The next few posts will be from a book I just recently found during my “purge” phase of cleaning out.

Yes, I’m one of those old school types that still likes to read an actual book printed on paper.  I do have a Kindle, and I have good intentions of using it!  Still, I thought it would be wise to read all the hardback/paperbacks that I’ve accumulated and then be able to donate those or add to the neighborhood “free library”!

So the latest book I unearthed is “Chicken Soup for the Soul – Divorce and Recovery”.  Even though my divorce was almost ten years ago, the word “recovery” in the title encouraged me to take a quick look at it.  I feel that I am recovered, worked hard to get there/here.  It says on the cover that it has “101 Stories About Surviving and Thriving after Divorce”.

Well . . . who doesn’t want to thrive, right?

I have friends who will not read my book, or follow my blog because they think it’s only about divorce, and that it’s only negative.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  Funny, if I had a friend who had written a book, or toiled away with a blog to try to help others, I’d buy it, or follow it, just to be supportive.  After all, if you don’t agree with the blog, or don’t want to always read it, just delete it from the inbox, . . . simple.  The support is the important thing.  But I digress, . . .

So I would like to share some of the things in the book that I really liked, and they can apply to many situations – not just divorce.

The authors/compilers are Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Patty Hansen.

From Chapter 50, pages 165-166 T’Mara Goodsell says:

“At a time in my life when I feel stranded and alone, some friends make a point of “checking in” to see how I’m doing, and some make sure the children and I always have plans for the holidays.  

There are the friends who know how to be there, and the friends who know how to listen.  There are those who offer perspective and ones who know how to be silly.  There are the ones who – bless their hearts! – are willing to rearrange their schedules in order to make precious time for me, all because they know just how valuable a real friend is.  

Most amazing of all are the friends who teach me (usually by example, like the gentlest and wisest of teachers) how to forgive.  

Every single one of them teaches me that even in the darkest of days, I can always make out the shapes of happiness if I strain enough to see.  They teach me that not every relationship lasts a lifetime – but that we will always have a lifetime of relationships.  

If anyone were to ask me what helps most in a divorce, I would tell them: friends.  Good friends.  They teach me that when I ask for a miracle to help me through the rough spots, I get friends who help me through the rough spots instead.  And that makes them the miracle I needed all along.”

Am I being that kind of friend?  I hope so, I surely do.

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Jul 24

Repurposing – Feels Good!

by suddenlysinglewomen

Recently I went on a bit of a “clean out” purge!  Not sure why, if I were pregnant I think they’d call it nesting.  I’m not talking about your normal clean out, but seriously thought out “repurposing”.  It feels very good, because in doing so, I was doing “good”.

I share with you just a few of my examples, just incase you decide to do a bit of a purge yourself!

  1.  Your son’s old sports trophies.  They live in the top of a closet, or under a bed because they can’t get rid of them, but they also don’t want them in THEIR homes, and it’s just fine thank you very much for them to live with me, LOL!  After keeping them for years (really, my sons are now 37 and 34) I did a bit of research and found a place northwest of town that takes the old trophies apart, reassembles them with new nameplates, and gives them to teams who cannot afford the cost of trophies for their kids.   Eldest son did go through the box one last time, a walk down memory lane I’m sure – but now those boxes are gone and the only thing in that closet currently?  Empty hangers for the next house guest.
  2. Your old wedding dress.  Yup, that dress you thought you would die if you didn’t have it when you spied it on the page of that bridal magazine in (EGAD!) 1976.  You felt like a fairy princess when you walked down the aisle to marry the man of your dreams and live happily ever after.  (That dress is so outta date it has sleeves!  Have you seen sleeves on any dress on any bride in the past . . . say, . . . 10 years?)  Even if your happily ever after or man of your dreams didn’t work out as mine didn’t, you still have that dress?  Well, there’s a group in my city called “Angel Gowns” and a friend mentioned it to me when I was sharing how I didn’t know what to do with that huge gold foil wrapped “heirloom keepsake” box at the top of my closet.   I contacted them and they were thrilled to take it off my hands.  They take it apart, clean it and make it into small and beautiful burial gowns for the parents who have lost an infant.  Goosebumps!
  3. Sampler size cosmetics, creams, hair products, etc. clogging up your bathroom drawers?  We’ve all received them whether walking through the cosmetic department, or in the mail, or at a style show.  Ever bought a beauty product and they give you a small tote full of tester samples?  Can’t quite throw those away even if no one you know could possibly have a skin tone that color?  Nail polish?  I always bought the color I had put on at my manicure so that in case I chipped it, I’d have the right color to repair it . . . only I now have shellac’d nails now so no chips and no repairs.  I must’ve had 20+ bottles of nail polish.  A curling iron you never use?  Why I ever bought it is beyond me since I spend most of my life fighting the curl, wave and frizz I have with a flat iron!  Empty all those out of your drawers and take them to a Woman’s Home or shelter near you.  When those abused women leave their homes, it’s generally quickly with little or no time to take anything with them.   How easy to do something so simple and know you’re helping a woman on the road to recovery, and feeling beautiful again.
  4. Old towels, blankets, sheets, pads laying around?  You think you can still get some use out of them but since they no longer match anything, or you’ve changed color schemes, or they have a slight stain that just won’t come out – yet you just can’t NOT use them, that would be wasteful, right?  There are animal rescues and shelters galore that would gladly take them off your hands.  If you’ve been to your local shelter and seen the scores of dogs and cats in kennels and standing/sleeping on cold concrete floors – it breaks your heart.  They’re abandoned, they’re thrown away like household garbage, they’re lost, alone and scared and do not understand where they are and now they have to sleep on cold concrete?  Call ahead but I’m betting they would be thrilled to take those old linens off your hands.

These are just a few of the examples of the repurposing I’ve been doing lately.  It feels really good.  So how about it?  What can you repurpose today?  And besides?  You’re keeping these things out of a landfill and doing a small part to be eco friendly.  A win-win!

Let me know if you think of another useful “repurpose”!  I’m looking to keep this up for a while!!

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Jul 7

Each Day A Gift – Up To You How To Spend It?

by suddenlysinglewomen

Rumored to have been found in the wallet of Coach Paul Bear Bryant on his death in 1982, whether it was or not, it’s still a good thing to share and “ponder”.  How will you spend it today?

The Magic Bank Account

Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest: 
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use.
However, this prize has Rules:
The set of Rules:
 
1. Everything that you didn’t spend during each day would be taken away from you.
 
2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
 
3. You may only spend it.
 
4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.
 
5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time, it can say, Game Over!” It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
 
What would you personally do?
 
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right?  Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for.  Even for people you don’t know, because you couldn’t possibly spend it all on yourself, right?
 
You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?
 
ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL…   Shocked ???    YES!
 
Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*. We just can’t seem to see it
 
The PRIZE is *TIME*
 
1. Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of Life.
 
2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is not credited to us.
 
3. What we haven’t used up that day is forever lost.
 
4. Yesterday is forever gone.
 
5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING…
 
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
 
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.  
Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.
 
So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!
 
Here’s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending….
 
“DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD !”
 
SOME PEOPLE DON’T GET THE PRIVILEGE!

Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Jun 30

Safe Fourth of July Everyone!

by suddenlysinglewomen

As I write this, I’m sitting here looking out my window at my summery flower garden!  Things are really starting to bloom and the colors are profuse.  My favorite view.  Many red geraniums look great with the small American flags I put out in the flower pots, and along the flower beds every year at his time!

While it’s a pretty view, it’s filled with sadness this week because on Monday I had to put down one of my Shepherds.  He was a rescue, and had been my very first foster.  He was adopted three times and returned three times.  I finally got the memo that in HIS mind, he’d already found his perfect home.   Every time I delivered him to his new adoptive family, and came back home without him, my female shepherd (also a rescue) would look at me like . . . . “where is he?”  “What have you done with my friend?”  To say they were a bonded pair is an understatement.

She did the same thing Monday afternoon when I came back from the vet’s office, and is still searching the house for him.  I think the last time I cried this much was during my divorce process.  Since that was ten years ago, I’ve been storing up alot of waterworks.

One of the flower beds has white iris blooming – they were from my grandmother’s garden originally, then transferred to my mother’s garden, then to mine.  When I receive his ashes, they will go there, and also down by the river below the house where my pair loved to walk.  It’s a huge loss, and a hole in my heart.

Having a husband walk out on you forces you to make many changes; there is such turmoil and unhappiness and loss that you have to figure out how to live with.  It’s like a shot gun blast to the gut and it takes a long while sometimes to put all those pieces of yourself back together.  You think you will never feel normal again, but you will.  I now have a freedom that I never experienced before – a freedom to be “me”.

What I’m realizing now is that while I was grieving in 2006-2007 after the loss of 30 years of marriage, what I was losing was a person who put conditions on his affections.  Losing my big ol’ goofy boy Blanco is losing an UNconditional love.   Even when I fussed at him, he would look at me with such gratitude for saving him from the streets as a stray.

I have appreciated this week that he was the one that did the saving.   He saved me, he put his paw print on my heart and brought such healing to my soul.  Both of my Shepherds have done that – given me their unconditional devotion and affection.  If you have pets, you probably understand exactly what I’m talking about.

I only got to have B in my life for 8 years, but those have been some of the best years of my life.  We grew in confidence together, we gave each other purpose and unconditional love.  So these next days while we as a nation celebrate the birth of our great country, I will also be celebrating the birth of my new “post divorce” life and how much I’ve grown in the past ten years.  I will be thankful for my freedom, and thankful for the love I was offered by a 100 pound white giant of a dog – who will forever remain in my heart.

Happy Fourth of July!

Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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Jun 7

Just Couldn’t Resist – – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

 

When I saw this, I chuckled!  I used to always think of myself as a “glass half full” person.  I know many people who definitely are “glass half empty”.

But now we can all be happier, because hey – – – we can refill it!

Happy summer.

Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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May 30

Family . . . ‘Nuff Said

by suddenlysinglewomen

I grew up in a fairly small family, all things considered.  Mother, Father, brother and me.  My parents were older when they married (thanks to WWII and Korea), so I really only ever had one grandparent that I remember well.  My brother never married and we’re not that close.

My father’s sister never married, so not alot of aunts, uncles, cousins to speak of on the paternal side.  My mother’s siblings did marry and have kids but we never really saw them.  My ex had siblings that married, had kids, and now those kids are having kids.  As with most ex situations, for the most part post divorce, they moved on.  There are a few exceptions, but not many.

Suffice to say when I refer to my “family”, it’s mostly my mother, my sons and their wives, and three grandchildren.   At 98, my mother doesn’t travel any more, sadly we’re not in the same town.  My sons lives are full of their wives, jobs and children now.  It’s a weird ‘in the middle” place that I find myself.

The life plan had been to be happily approaching retirement at this age, and exploring the world again as it started when first married – “on our own”.  That plan left me ten years ago.  So being “in the middle” alone is kinda weird . . . and at times lonely.

To toss around some grammar here, I no longer seem to have either affect or effect on their decisions or their daily lives.  That is their choice.  I am no longer necessarily “necessary”.  Ours is not a “Matriarchal” family set up.  I am on the outside looking in through their bubble.  They are happy in their bubble, so when I saw this post above, it put into words what I was feeling.

I have to love them “exactly as they are now”.  To wish otherwise gains nothing.  I pray nightly for my family generation ahead of me, and behind me.   We all bring value to this world.

 

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May 19

Approaching the Weekend – – –

by suddenlysinglewomen

I recently had lunch with a new friend, whom I met at my book signing party last year!  We connected through “social media”, and have subsequently found that we have much in common.  It doesn’t hurt that she feeds my ego by telling me how important my book is, and can be, to women.

SCORE!!

She gives it to her clients as a post divorce tool; she specializes in women being financially savvy when they find themselves “suddenly single” after divorce, or even in the case of the death of a spouse.

While she still explores the “hope” of “happily ever after” through dating, I expressed my willingness to “throw in the towel”.  I applaud her for sticking with it, and admit that the occasional hand-holding, hug, and dinner conversation are things that I still long for.  But how do your find that?

Not sure, but in the mean time, when this pic turned up on my FB feed, I took it as a sign . . . that for the mean time . . . it’s OK learning to be alone.  After all, what man is going to let me obsess over The Voice and it’s Finale?

Go Team Lauren!!   : -)

 

 

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May 13

Happy Mother’s Day Weekend!

by suddenlysinglewomen

Thought this was pretty adorable.  And since I don’t really have any plans solidified for Sunday, Mother’s Day, it seemed a fun pic to share with you all.

I am a Mother, twice over, but doesn’t look like there are any plans afoot so I’ll come up with something fun on my own, or with others.  I’m lucky in that my Mother is still alive, and at 98, still a pretty cool mom to be around.  She gets a bit forgetful, buy hey – she’s earned the right.

She taught me alot through the years, and though we won’t be in the same city this year like we were last year, she was thrilled with the card I sent her because if was full of photos of her great grand children – “3”!!!  Mic drop – – – my job here is done!!   I need do nothing else because she is one happy Mother with new photos to show off.

You may not be a Mother, or you may have lost your own Mother, and this day may not bring you joy – and for that I’m sorry, and am sending you a cyber hug!  I think of all the Mothers out there who have lost children through drugs, or reckless driving, or school shootings, or war, or disease – how hopeless they must feel on this day, and I send them my prayers.

It may be classified as a “Hallmark” holiday, but it still means something to me.  Being a Mother is one of the toughest, and most unappreciated jobs around.  So give a Mother a hug this weekend.  She may really need it more than she shows, or more than you know.

A hug is an OK thing to be premeditated!

Divorce Recovery Finding Happiness as a Single Woman Fresh Starts Life after Divorce Surviving Divorce Women's Lives after Divorce

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