suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Jan 30

Lesson #20

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Overprepare, then go with the flow.”

I definitely over prepare, I try to think of every contingency just to be on the safe side.  Sometimes, life still throws a monkey wrench into the works and best laid plans bust apart.  That said, I am, always have been, and probably always will be a planner and a preparer!

How nice it would be to “go with the flow”, certainly much less stressful.  I suppose what this lesson is telling us is that if we are overly prepared, then we’ll be able to sit back, assess and “go with the flow?”

I’m reminded of a conversation years ago with a woman lauding her son for wanting to be his own person and go against the flow.  Sometimes though, she warned him:  “It’s OK if you’re marching to the beat of a different drummer, unless you turn around and EVERYONE is going the other direction.”

Sometimes it works to be a salmon fighting your way upstream.  But wouldn’t it be nice if all our lives’ preparedness allowed us to be a leaf resting on the top of a gently flowing river flowing downstream?

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Jan 29

Lesson #19

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Burn the candles; use the nice sheets; wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion.  Today is special.”

Why does this make me think of Erma Bombeck?  (I’m dating myself!)

Why do we save all these things for a special occasion?  I think my excuse is it’s the way I grew up.   My Mom always saved the “good towels” and the “good china” for when we had guests.  It made sense back then.  Now that I’m on my own though?  Not so much.  Gosh dog it, I’m worth it!

Heaven help me, I not only use my “sterling silver” flatware, I occasionally even (gasp) put it in the dishwasher.  Yes, I admit it.  After years of married life and never putting the Revere Ware copper clad pots in the dishwasher because my Mom told me it would cause the black lid knobs to “dull” – I DID IT!!  EGAD!!

This may be one of the easiest of the 45 Life Lessons to accomplish.  We deserve it, so just like the Home Depot ads:  “Let’s do this”!!!

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Jan 28

Lesson #18

by suddenlysinglewomen

“When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.”

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume this means love of an “activity” or a “passion” that you’re pursuing, and not taking “no” for an answer.  Hopefully it’s not human, LOL!

Funny that this comes close on the heels of the life lesson of your second childhood.  Have you ever seen more persistence than that from a child who wants something badly?  They do NOT take no for an answer.  They will present you with every argument they can come up with to wear you down.

When I think of things in my life that I have pursued with that amount of love or level of passion, the primary one I come up with is my passion for all things equestrian.  It started at a very young age, and trust me when I say it was never nurtured by my parents, nor later by my husband.  I kept wishing and hoping and dreaming.

I bought my first horse when I was 47 years old.  Realizing that life long dream can still put a goofy smile on my face today some 16 years later.  I can remember driving out to that barn to “try him out” as if it was yesterday.  I can remember the phone call afterwards to the husband assuring him that even though this was the first one I tried, that this WAS “the one” – seriously.

There have been other “the ones” since, as anyone in the horse world knows, but man – was that day special.  So yes, when it comes to today’s life lesson, I would whole heartedly encourage you to not take no for an answer.  This is your life, you don’t get a “do over”.

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Jan 27

Lesson #17

by suddenlysinglewomen

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.  But the second one is up to you and no one else.”

I had a great childhood.  I was the first born and favorite daughter!!  Ok, maybe I was the ONLY daughter but I was still the favorite one!

I don’t look at the “oops’s” in my life and blame it on my upbringing, my Mother, my Father or anyone else.  I had probably fewer adventures than most.  I never pushed the boundaries, I was a rule follower.  We stuck close to home, maybe the occasional visit to relatives who all lived in state.   We played outside a lot, and not with fancy toys.  There was minimal TV, and then what ever program we watched was determined by my Father.  Walt Disney and Bonanza come to mind.

We had one phone, kids didn’t really use it to communicate till maybe high school.  Even then, since it was in the kitchen where everyone listened, there weren’t many conversations over the wires.   Our conversations were face to face.  The first time I was dishonest with my parents, I was a Senior in High School and it was re: a date.  I got caught.  Like I said, not many “adventures”!

If the second childhood is up to me, I can only hope that I do as good a job on this next one as I did on the last one!  I will, however, be looking for more adventures this time around!

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Jan 26

Lesson #16

by suddenlysinglewomen

“A writer writes, if you want to be a writer, write.”

Not sure about this as a “life lesson”, but it seems rather apropos for what I’m doing!

My journey here started with my post divorce search for a support group.  When I did not immediately find one, I started writing my thoughts down on divorce “survival” with the thought of starting my own group.  These thoughts would be discussion topics.  Surely there were more of “me” out there?

In a passing conversation that summer, (at a wedding reception of all places – get it?  Love and happily ever after?) a person suggested if I was writing these thoughts down, I should write them in a book.  The thought intimidated me.  Write a book?  Nah, not me . . . that takes good English, good grammar, good punctuation and a lot of words.

The seed had been planted.  I took a “writing” course where my teacher was very encouraging.  She loved the personal aspect of my thoughts and writing.   I hung out in Barnes & Noble and didn’t see any book available like what I was looking for.  I started fleshing out those thoughts I’d written down, I organized into chapters.  I did this all in long hand on tablets, thoughts just flowed.

Then I took a publishing class; that instructor started us out by “publishing” a photo book.  Our next step was learning to blog.  Thus three years ago I began this blog, while still writing thoughts (now on my lap top) for a “book”.  Still never thought it would get out there.

Last December, I met with a potential publisher who walked me through the process, and I handed over my prologue and first three chapters.  She offered me a contract.  My attorney son is still hashing out a few details (nothing like free attorney advice!) but the point is:  I wanted to write about this topic and I did.  If I can do it, you can do it.

Some people do it by journaling, some people do it by blogging.  Point being, if you want to try your hand at writing, then . . . write!   Maybe the life lesson is this:  If you want to try something outside your comfort zone – then do it!   What are you waiting for?

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Jan 20

Lesson #10

by suddenlysinglewomen

“Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.”

I have to say, this has been written about many times in this blog, although said in different ways and mostly referring to not messing up the future.  However, every day you get up – it’s the present and you have to get through your present day before you take on your future.

Some of these are just brilliant enough to not need a lot of commentary, this is one of them.  It’s simple yet so totally true.

It’s like the earlier life lesson about not holding onto your anger.  The past is the past, it’s in the rearview mirror – be done with it.

Learn from it, embrace the mistakes made and the lessons learned.  Release the hold over your heart that the past has, and enjoy a new peace in 2016!  Can I hear an “Amen”?

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