suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Thoughts For A New Decade #2

“It’s OK to say no”

It really really is.   When I was younger and starting out in that “time of life” where I had retired from teaching and was a “stay at home” Mom, I became a volunteer.  My husband was with an accounting firm and the wives (yes, sexist but at that time there weren’t THAT many women in accounting) were encouraged, strongly, to become a force in the volunteer, charitable, non-profit world.

It’s all about client development and networking.  What better way for a member of a firm, to meet potential clients, than through the relationships the spouse has on a social level?  Throw in the “do good” work and it was a win-win.

I had a mentor (thanks CS) help me, and began to get involved.   REALLY involved.  I found that I had a certain proclivity for being able to organize events and raise money.  With a successful event, came the opportunities (and “asks”) to  become involved with even more events.  Over my really active years, I was chairing a major fundraiser event, one  per year.  My first volunteer “job” started in earnest in 1984/85.  I was ripe for the pickin’.

That soon evolved into sitting on Board of Directors, Executive Committees and Capital Campaigns of some of those same non-profits.  I enjoyed it.  I felt appreciated and needed.  During that period, my sons were growing up and seeing that it was good to give back.   They became involved in some of my activities as well, and saw the value of “giving back”.   They also learned that time management is a skill.

I had a good run, but have now really cut back to only a few groups that I am most passionate about.   I’ve passed the torch, and I’ve learned “It’s OK to say no”!  It really really is.

This even drifts down into your personal life.   If a family member asks you if you’re available and you are not, then just say no.  There’ll be other opportunities.   If a friend asks you to do something that you really don’t have to time to commit to, and you’ll really regret saying yes to, then be brave, it’s OK to say no.

It’s your life, it’s your time, and you’ve earned the right to think of your time as valuable.  35 years later, I’ve made the most amazing friendships through my volunteerism, and I’d like to think I’ve done some good.  But now I also know it’s OK to say no.

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TRUTH!

Even The Strongest Person Gets Tired Of Being Strong And Needs A Break

(if you cannot open this, cut and paste into your web browser and that should do the trick!  Some new “Google” changes are really messing with my ability to share things!)

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Happy December All!

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To my loyal followers, I’d like to wish everyone a very happy December holiday season!  I saw this and it made me giggle.  I hope for everyone out there, that you and yours have a loving and joyful holiday month.

I just lost my Mom at one month shy of 101 years young.   Listening to the tributes paid to her, I knew that she left mightily big shoes to fill.   I can only hope that I can be half the woman she was, and that I will make her proud.

Love those around you, and love yourself.  Happy Holidaze to all.  See you in 2020!!

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As The Year Begins To Draw To A Close – – –

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It’s been one of those Summers.   Clearly the universe is not done with me and now it’s becoming one of those Falls.

I reflect back to the beginning of the year when I announced here, that 2019 was going to be my year.  The universe has other ideas.  The universe read what I wrote and decided to show me who’s boss.  Not me.

Burning bridges?  Sometimes it feels like scorched earth.  There are days when you first enter the world of wakefulness, and you think – NO!!! – just a few minutes more so that I don’t have to face what’s going to go wrong today!  BECAUSE SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG!

Something always breaks.  Something has to be replaced.  Something is so old that they don’t make replacement parts anymore.  (Really Dyson?)  And a 20% discount on the new model is supposed to make me feel better?  The pool man says pumps are only made to last 2 years ma’am!  The City water department tells me the leak is on MY side of the meter (of course it is, has it ever been on their side?).  The new car battery is dead because hey, it wasn’t the battery that was bad, it was the alternator.  The garbage disposal?  You’re only supposed to put soft things in there?  Didn’t your Mom tell you to put ice in it to sharpen the blades?  Guess what, they’re AREN’T any blades.  What?

I’m not going to burn any bridges, I’m going to fire bomb them.  Hey universe, this is me telling you what bridge you can drive OFF OF!

OK – I’ve vented, but I am searching for a new bridge to cross, because what’s left of the old one is toast!

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One More Time – With Feeling (and apologies that my “cut and paste” is clearly out of whack!)

I’ve    
learned….
 
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve    
learned ….
 
That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve    
learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve    
learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
 I’ve    
learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
 I’ve    
learned….
That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve    
learned….
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
 I’ve    
learned…
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve    
learned….
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
 I’ve    
learned….
 That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve    
learned….
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve    
learned….
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
 I’ve    
learned….
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
 I’ve    
learned….
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That I wish I could have told my Mom/Dad that I love her/him one more time before she/he passed away.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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Borrowed From A Friend – – –

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve    
learned ….
 
That
just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve    
learned….
That    
having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings
in the world.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve    
learned….
That    
I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in
any other way.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That
no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend
to act goofy with.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That
sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
 I’ve    
learned….
That    
simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a
child did wonders for me as an adult.
 I’ve    
learned….
That    
money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve    
learned….
That    
it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
 I’ve    
learned…
That    
under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and
loved.

I’ve    
learned….
That    
to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
 I’ve    
learned….
 That    
when you plan to get even with someone,
      you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve    
learned….
That    
the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people
smarter than I am.
I’ve    
learned….
That    
everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
 I’ve    
learned….
That    
no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That
life is tough, but I’m tougher.
 I’ve    
learned….
 That    
opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That
when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she
passed away.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That
one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have
to eat them.

I’ve    
learned….
 
That
a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That
when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist,
you’re hooked for life.
 I’ve    
learned….
 
That
everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and
growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve    
learned….
 
That
the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Leave a comment »

When People Get You Down?

Be the opposite.   Be that person in someone’s life that puts a smile on their face and in their heart.

The older I get, the more I notice there are some really grumpy people out there.  Yes, maybe life has dealt them alot of sh*t, but they are never going to feel better about their life by making someone else’s miserable.  Neither will you.

I read once that Jacquelyn Kennedy was a person who would look you in the eye while listening to you, and never scan the room for the “better deal”.  She was known to make you feel like the ONLY person in that room.

Every body is a somebody!  Don’t ever be that person that makes them feel “less than”.

There’s a wonderful company out of Colorado that produces a great line of tees and hoodies (as well as other products).  Great fabrics but greater message.   If you get a chance, head on over to:  “Be Good To People” and check out their products.  I met them one summer in Colorado and have been following their story (as well as purchasing their product line).

What a simple message.  I love this message and the family owned business that promotes it.

So this week?  Be good to people and make everybody feel like somebody!!

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Truth! Believe It!

We all have them in our lives, but are we ignoring them?  Are we walking away from them?  If we ignore them long enough will they just move on?  Maybe.

But do yourself a favor and remove them from your sphere of the universe.  No one needs another downer in their life.  Too many things go wrong on a daily basis, do you really need to add to your stress level?  Not me!

I can spot them so much more easily now.  I was brought up to believe in the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you – but guess what?  They’re so wrapped up in themselves, that they really don’t care about you and your needs or feelings.

Just finished the book, “The Narcissist Next Door”.  A neighbor had recommend I read it, so because I’m in the car alot, I downloaded the Audible version and listened to it.  Wow!  Can I recognize some of those behavior traits that before I would just ignore, or think there was something wrong with me?  You betcha’!  That’s their specialty, making YOU think there is something wrong with YOU.

Remove them from your universe.  It’s not easy, some of these people I’ve known a very long time, but it’s just not a healthy relationship.

There are so many wonderful people out there, kind hearted and caring.  Embrace them, cherish them, and let them know how much you appreciate them.  Seriously, today, after you read this, reach out to one special person and tell them how much you appreciate their positiveness.  You’ll make their day, and you’ll feel so much better too.  : -)

 

3 Comments »

Being Positive!

Do you enjoy daily reminders of how to live a more positive life?  I know I do, but sometimes I don’t “listen”.   When crazy things continue to happen, and you think you’re living life the best that you can, and you’re trying your darnedest to not let the negative thoughts in – sometimes a gentle nudge is all it takes.  Sometimes “listening” is hard.  It’s easy to wallow in the “why me” self pity party.  So here’s a daily reminder below!  Read and implement!!

You can follow these on Facebook, or order his books from Banlican House Publishers or Amazon.  But the most important thing?  Don’t get so down on yourself – look for the positive.  BELIEVE!

Jim’s Daily Awakenings

Many people suffer from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is dangerous because, like a magnet, it attracts bad things to us. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.

How can low self-esteem be repaired? Here are eight suggestions:

1. Refuse to indulge in negative thoughts or self-criticism; low self-esteem feeds on negative thoughts

2. Become aware of negative self-talk; continually substitute positive affirmations.

3. Choose to be yourself; you cannot be successful at reading some else’s script.

4. Be true to yourself; live consistently by the highest and best you know.

5. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your strengths and believe in you.

6. Trust your gut; what instinct is to an animal, the Holy Spirit is to you.

7. Begin each day and conclude each day by feeding your brain positive truths.

8. Visualize your dreams as realized.

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A Great Share – – – Because Who Of Any Of Us Is Perfect?

Written by Vicki Archer and shared with me from the always amazing Carol S.

 

Who is perfect? What is perfect? Where is perfect?

Nothing is ever perfect and yet we strain ourselves constantly in this fruitless quest. I was guilty of this. Always striving to create the perfect everything and it is exhausting. Perfectionism is a bit of a fool’s game and those who play set themselves up for disaster. A lack of confidence, a feeling of discontent and perennial dissatisfaction are only some of the downsides.

Our best selves do not need to be perfect.

That doesn’t mean to say, near enough is good enough; doing our very best is everything. It doesn’t need to break us or depress us; trying to be the best version of us should be uplifting and create happiness. Once the unattainable idea of “perfect” interferes, trouble starts.

Some are perfectionists and some aren’t.

I have always believed it is a bit of a curse. Yes, it can lead to massive creativity and great levels of achievement but that standard of self-expectation is tough. Nothing ever eventuates as you imagined and a job is never done.

It’s a hard habit to break.

My Better Not Younger philosophy has helped me think this through.

Aging in the most fortunate case is not something we escape and it does have challenges; it is foolish to pretend otherwise. I want to turn the challenges into positives, into advantages. Focusing on what I can do in a real sense is very important while at the same time maintaining an active and healthy appetite for those challenges.

Trying to be perfect is not going to cut it anymore. It is a thankless pursuit. I do not want to encourage laziness or lack of adventure and spirit – far from it – but I do want to take the stress out. Perfectionism can foster a fear of failure and that’s the last thing we want.

 

How do we dial down the perfect and continue to be productive?

Relax.

Take the stress out and enjoy the process. If we are relaxed so will everything else.

 

Understand value.

Sometimes the value is disproportionate to the amount of time we spend on it. It is important to think clearly and be aware of what “value” is. Will a dinner party be a disaster if you seek help or fuss less? Most likely not. The joy is in the inviting and spending time with friends.

 

Remove unrealistic expectations.

Don’t we all have these? We push ourselves too hard.

 

Don’t overthink.

Overthinking, wanting to get it “just right” is a direct path to inaction. Making decisions, even when they don’t feel “perfect” can be liberating and set about a course of action that’s truly life-changing. Waiting in the wings, being an understudy is not where we want to stay. We have one chance, let’s take it.

 

Who wants to be perfect? Not me anymore. xv

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